I pace up and down my living room, clenching and unclenching my fists.
Maybe I should tell Kit I changed my mind. I could say that we need to cut costs, because my father is putting pressure on me to pay back the loan.
But that wouldn’t work. Kit would know something’s up—I was the one who wanted to hire an administrator in the first place. We need Esme in the shop. I need help managing things so we can get more people through the door. The only way I’ll actually pay back my father’s loan is if we’re able to get more people jumping.
We need Esme. I need Esme.
Sighing, I stop pacing and turn toward the staircase. I might as well head downstairs and face her. It’ll be awkward, but we’ll both get over it. We’re both adults. The memory of last night will fade.
Right?
In the back of my mind, though, I’m not so sure. Most of all, I wonder if I made a mistake by turning away from her. By not kissing her. By not giving in to what I really wanted—what I still want.
I grab a cup of instant coffee on my way down to the ground floor, unlock the shop, and turn the lights on. My fingers drum on the desk as the seconds tick by, and I know Esme and Sweeney will be here any minute.
My coffee tastes terrible, but I drink it anyway. It’s so hot it burns my tongue, and I curse to myself in the empty shop.
Then, the door opens, and my heart falls out of my ass. Esme stares at me, dressed in all black with an angry, sexy scowl on her face. Today, her lips are painted black. Apparently my cock is into goth chicks now, because it’s already rock-hard and throbbing in my pants.
Yeah, I made a mistake. I should’ve kissed her last night, and done a lot more, too.
Judging by the look on her face, I’ve lost my chance.
She’s wearing loose, ripped jeans that hang off her slender hips. A little strip of skin is exposed on her stomach, and her black t-shirt is tied off at the waist. Her beanie is pulled down all the way over her ears, only leaving her angry eyes burning below it. That choker is wrapped around her neck again, and every cell in my body cries out.
It’s wrong, wrong, wrong.
How is it possible for one woman to have this effect on me? The more I try to resist her, the more irresistible she becomes.
Sweeney follows her in, grunting a hello at me. “Racer and Benji should be here this morning,” he says. “We have a quick staff meeting to talk about new safety protocols, and then the three of us will head to the airfield. You’re still okay to show Esme the ropes today?”
I nod. My voice is gone, and it takes all my self-control not to stare at Sweeney’s little sister. From the corner of my eye, I see her turn to look at some skydiving pictures on the wall. Even in my peripheral vision, the sight of her ass in those jeans makes me want to groan.
“You okay, bro?”
I glance at my best friend, nodding. “For sure.”
“This is going to be good, Finn,” Sweeney says as he raps his knuckles on the reception desk. “With a few extra bodies around, we’ll be able to more than double our capacity. It’ll work out.”
I force a smile. “Definitely.”
The bell above the door jingles, and Racer and Benji step through. Racer’s eyes go straight to Esme’s ass, and I get a bright-red shock of rage that makes me want to punch him in the fucking face. Swallowing it down, I nod to a couple of chairs.
“Guys, take a seat.”
Benji sits in the end seat, and Racer takes the one beside him. He gives Esme a smile, nodding to the chair next to his. Sweeney frowns, and I’m pretty sure the look on my face is nothing short of murderous. Racer doesn’t notice. Or care. He stares at Esme’s waist as she sits down, licking his lips.
I nearly fire him on the spot.
Sweeney clears his throat and starts the meeting. We have a lot of bookings this week, so we need both Racer and Benji to be fully on board. It’s the start of our busy season, and the sooner I get Esme up to speed, the better.
We run through a quick, fifteen-minute meeting, and I try my best not to throttle Racer or stare at Esme. When it’s over, I feel like I’ve run a marathon.
Everyone stands up, and Racer gives Esme a wink. She blushes. I rage.
Kit and Benji head out through the door marked ‘Staff Only’ that leads to the office, the storage room, and the back of the building.
Racer hangs back. He jerks his chin at me. “You done a BASE jump yet, boss?”
I shake my head.
He grins. “Pussy. You scared?”
Esme rolls her eyes as she heads to the receptionist’s chair. Racer’s gaze follows her. When she sits down, he saunters toward her, leaning his long body on the desk.
“You know what BASE jumping is, gorgeous?”
“I’ve heard of it.”
“It’s better than skydiving. One parachute. One chance. If you start skydiving solo, I can show you the ropes for BASE jumping. I’ve coached Finn through the basics, but he hasn’t gone through with it. Too chicken, I guess.”
“I’m good.” Her eyes flick to the computer screen. “Thanks, though.”
Racer’s eyes move down Esme’s body, and the urge to punch him grows stronger. I grunt, pulling him from his trance.
He stands up straight, nodding to me. “Well, let me know. I was thinking of doing a jump this weekend. Need a getaway driver.” He looks at Esme again, grinning. “It isn’t exactly legal.”
She arches an eyebrow, her face stone cold. “Is that supposed to impress me?”
Racer whistles, laughing. “I like ‘em feisty.” He ambles to the back door, throwing another glance at Esme. She doesn’t look at him, and a sick sense of satisfaction flares in my chest.
The back door slams, and Esme and I are alone. Esme has her back to me, and I take a moment to stare. Heat spreads in my core. My pants grow tighter. I would love to take her, just like that. Bent over the desk, pants pulled down to her knees. Panties shoved to the side.
I shake my head. Am I any better than Racer? I’m lusting after her, bad.
She turns to look at me, her eyes hard. Damn, I like her angry.
“So, what do you want me to do?”
So many things.
I have to avert my eyes. I turn to the computer which sits on the reception desk and jerk my chin at it. “I’ll show you how to use this. We have a pretty archaic booking system, but it works. You’ll take care of the phone, bookings, and try to sell jumps to anyone who walks into the shop. Once you get settled, I’ll get you sorting through the paperwork. We have boxes of archives of safety forms that need to be digitized.”
Esme nods, turning back to the screen. I walk over to her, heart thumping. The closer I get to her, the harder it becomes to breathe.
I turned her down last night? What the hell is wrong with me?
I stand behind her chair as she turns toward the computer. I point to the username and password, written on a Post-It note on the monitor, and watch as her fingers type faster than the speed of light to enter them in.
The computer loads, and before I even have to say anything, Esme has clicked on the right icon for the booking system and is waiting for it to load.
“You know your way around computers, huh?”
“Why do you think my brother hired me? He told me you were useless.”
The phone rings and Esme jumps, startled. Before I can reach for it, though, it’s at her ear.
“Woodvale Skydive, how may I help you? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.” She glances at the screen. “We have a slot today, if you like.” Her eyes flick up to me, hard and cold and fucking hot. She turns back to the screen. “Impulsive is good. I just did my first jump yesterday with zero warning. It was incredible…” She pauses, tilting her head. “Great. I’ll book you in.”
I watch Esme fill the last available slot for a jump today, my eyebrows raised. I’ve had to show her exactly zero things so far, and she just sold skydiving more easily than I ever have. When she hangs up the phone, she spins the chair toward me.
“What else are you going to teach me?”
I don’t even fight my smile, then. A chuckle spills from my lips, and I nod. “All right. So, you’re clever.”
“Don’t sound so surprised.”
My cock throbs. I love it when she talks back. My eyes drop to her black lipstick, and it’s hard to contain the desire that rages within me. What would they look like, wrapped around my—
Clearing my throat, I try to ignore the throbbing in my pants. Even though I might regret not kissing her last night, it was the right decision. She’s working here for the whole summer, and she’s my best friend’s little sister. It would get messy. It always gets messy.
I have to stay away from her.
Still, when she stands up and leans over the desk to grab her purse, my eyes drift down to the space between her thighs. Heat pumps through my veins and I have to look away. Esme turns toward me, tilting her head.
“What else do I need to know?”
She stands close to me. Too close. Not close enough. Her chest is an inch from mine, and her scent floods my nostrils. I feel dizzy.
I need this girl. I need to touch her. To kiss her. To tear that black clothing off her body and drink her in. Instead, I nod to the door marked ‘Staff Only.’
“I’ll give you a tour.”
She listens to what I say, never offering any pleasantries. Her expression is a permanent scowl that I’d love to wipe off her face in a million different ways. I show her the bathroom, the kitchenette, and the lockers where she can keep her stuff. I let her poke her head into a storage room at the back, then hand her a set of keys and we walk to the front of the shop.
She plops herself down in the reception chair, not sparing me another glance. I’m shut out. I retreat to the back office, feeling like a wounded animal that needs to lick his cuts.
I’ve made a mistake by turning her down. Now, I have to live with it.
13
Esme
I can tell Finn is attracted to me by the way he looks at me. His eyes darken as watches me move.
Good.
He deserves to be tortured a little. He could have had me last night, but he chose not to. Who cares if he suffers a bit as a consequence? It’s the only way that I can feel somewhat in control in this situation.
Plus, I like the way he looks at me. It makes me feel alive.
I listen to all his directions and let him show me around the shop. He has to do a skydive this afternoon, so once he finishes ‘training’ me—if that’s what you want to call his useless tour of the shop—he gives me some paperwork and heads to the back office.
I take a sick kind of pleasure out of being short with Finn. I cover last night’s embarrassment with anger and black lipstick.
After a few hours, Kit shows up at the shop again. He smiles, a hopeful look in his eye.
“How’s your first day going?”
“It’s fine.” My face softens. “Did all the paperwork and got a tour of the place. The booking system is pretty self-explanatory.”
“I knew you’d be great.” He smiles. “Half-day today. I’ll go tell Finn I’m taking you for a late lunch, and we can spend the rest of the day together. He can shut the shop up when he leaves for his jump. Sound good?”
I smile, nodding. “Sounds good.”
By the time Kit emerges from the back office, I’ve got my purse packed and I’m ready to go. I glance over my brother’s shoulder, but Finn is nowhere to be seen.
It’s probably for the best.
Kit takes me to a sandwich joint in town and asks for our food to go. He flashes a smile at me. “I want to show you something.”
With sandwiches packed in a bag, Kit drives me through a winding, forest road toward a small suburb of Woodvale. He stops outside a one-story house and puts the car in park.
“That’s where I grew up. Dad built that house from the ground up. He let me pick the color of the paint in my bedroom. I went with yellow, and he thought I was crazy.” Kit laughs, shaking his head. “But he did it. I had a bright yellow bedroom for the first part of my life.”
I stare at the house, eyes wide. “That’s where you lived with your mom after he divorced her?”
Kit nods, biting into his sandwich. “Uh-huh.” A wistful look crosses his face. “It was good, for the first few years. I remember Dad talking about having another kid. He used to tell me he wanted to give me a sister.” My brother glances at me, smiling. “I guess he did.”
The bread I’m chewing turns into a big lump in my mouth. I struggle to swallow it down. My eyes mist as I think about my childhood with Kit, and how close we became through our teenage years. He’s always been there for me. When my mother was too protective, he’d sneak me out of the house and take me to parties, sports games, and festivals with him. He was always letting me tag along, making sure that I was safe while I did.
Kit lets out a sigh. “I remember when Dad showed up to take me to Seattle. I was thirteen, and I cried like a fucking baby.” He scoffs, shaking his head. “My mom went nuts. She was throwing things at him, chasing him with a baseball bat. It was messy.” Kit lets out a sigh. “I was lucky to have Dad and Lydia…and you.” He gives me a tight smile, and I’m not quite sure how to respond.
My brother nudges my shoulder, smiling. “I brought you here because I wanted to show you the other side of my family. I also wanted to tell you that we’ve all been through shit, Esme, but we haven’t let it break us. Dad told you not to let the cancer kill your spirit, and I want to tell you the same. I hope this summer in Woodvale will give you the chance to grow into the person you were meant to be.”
My eyes mist. I put my sandwich down on my lap and let out a sigh.
Kit laughs, lightly punching my arm. “Don’t cry, Esme. I’m just saying that I’m proud of you for being here. We both had to leave our home. It was good for me, in the end—even if it was uncomfortable. I think it can do the same for you.”
“Just as long as you don’t throw me out of any more planes.”
Kit laughs, nodding. “Fine. Deal.”
“It was fun, but I’m more of a solid ground type of person.”
“That’s fair.” He grins at me, and we finish our sandwiches in silence. I stare at the little house that our father built. The one that means nothing to me, but everything to Kit.
He grew into a well-adjusted—if slightly thrill-seeking—responsible man. He’s been through things that I can’t even imagine, and he turned out okay.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s time for me to let go of my fear and start living.
For the next three weeks, Finn and I reach a sort of tenuous understanding. We don’t talk about our almost-kiss. We pretend we aren’t attracted to each other.
I spend my days at the shop, hoping that Finn will be there too. I try to act angry and tough, when on the inside, I’m dying for him to touch me. It’s almost like a dance, now. Whenever we’re in the same room, we move closer to each other as if drawn together by magnets. Not so close as to come together, though, except for the occasional accidental touch. His arm brushes up against mine. I put a hand on his bicep to walk by him. His leg touches my leg when we sit side by side.
Enough to make me go home and dream of him, but not enough for me to feel satisfied. Never enough.
In the evenings, I usually just head home. I draw a lot. I go to the art supply store at least once a week and talk to the nice old lady called Dolores who works there.
Kit invites me out with his friends half a dozen times over the three weeks, but I almost always say no. Being at the shop all day is exhausting enough as it is. Once or twice, I see Willow or I go to the Blue Cat. I always leave when Finn gets there.
It’s tiring being around Finn, and never being able to get close to him. I keep my tone clipped and my face stone cold. He seems to like that even more than when I’m nice to him.
Even though I try to pretend he has no effect on me, Finn steals the breath out of my lungs whenever he’s around. My b
ody pulses with desire any time he glances at me. I can still feel the whisper of his hands on my body, and a part of me wishes we’d gone through with it.
But nothing ever happens. His eyes roam over me and then glance away. Every day that goes by is like another dagger in my heart—or maybe just my pride.
He never wanted me. Not really. I was just the new girl in town and after a couple of drinks, he thought he should kiss me. It didn’t mean anything, and we both know it.
Doesn’t make working for him any less of a struggle, though. My body doesn’t seem to understand that my mind isn’t interested.
I’ll be gone at the end of the summer, anyway. What’s two and a half more months of torture?
One day, at the beginning of my fourth week working at the skydiving center, the door opens.
Willow’s friends, Jackson and Nadia, step through. Jackson spreads his arms, laughing.
“Didn’t I tell you she was gorgeous?”
Nadia’s curly red head pokes over Jackson’s shoulder. Her gaze lands on me, and she smiles. “Hi! I’m Nadia.”
I glance at them, smiling tentatively. I’ve seen Jackson at the Blue Cat Bar a few times, and I’ve had coffee with Willow. Nadia has big, blue eyes and wild hair. I like her immediately.
Jackson smiles. “We wanted to ask you if you wanted to come to the Fringe Festival with us this weekend. Kit’s been keeping you locked up for weeks, and I won’t stand for it.” He cups his hands around his mouth, pointing it at the back door of the shop. “Let her live, Kit!”
I laugh.
Nadia tilts her head. “So? Will you come?”
I bite my lip. “I… Okay.” Heart thumping, I try to swallow. I don’t have many friends in Seattle, and I think I’ve given myself a thick shell. Offers of friendship don’t come around very often, and I guess I tend to isolate myself by default. I glance at the door to the back office. “I think I’m supposed to work at the booth for a couple of hours in the afternoon, but we could walk over together and hang out before that.”
Can't Have You: A Stand-Alone Brother's Best Friend Romance Page 8