Can't Have You: A Stand-Alone Brother's Best Friend Romance

by Lilian Monroe

  “I’m moving to Seattle to get a regular job.” He pauses, watching every tiny movement on my face. “I wanted to show you that I’m not just an adrenaline-fueled idiot. Maybe, if I had a normal career, it would be stable enough for you to consider”—he inhales sharply—“for you to consider being with me again.”

  Closing the business to prove something to me? Now he’s the one who’s talking crazy. This business is his life. It’s everything he’s worked toward for years. It puts a smile on his face and a shine in his eye. Giving it up would kill him. I know it would.

  I frown, stepping closer to him. “You’re giving up your entire life and everything you love…for me?”

  He nods, gulping.

  I shake my head. “No, you’re not.”

  “Says who?” His eyes flash, and for the first time since I got here, he looks like the Finn I left behind.

  “Says me. I don’t want that kind of pressure put on me. You’re expecting me to fill the void left behind by your entire passion and business?”

  “Esme,” Finn chuckles, erasing the distance between us. “You’re more important than any of that.”

  His hand reaches up to stroke my face, and a shiver courses through me. It tumbles down my spine and warms my body all the way down to my toes. I close my eyes, relishing the tenderness of his touch.

  When he speaks, his voice is a growl. “The chasm you left when you were gone is worse than any business closing down. I can’t live without you, Esme, and I intend to prove it to you. Any way I can.”

  Reaching up to run the tips of my fingers over his stubble, I let out a soft chuckle. My eyes soften as I look at the man I love, and my heart melts. When I run my fingers over his lips, he kisses the tips of them. Heat roars to life inside me, settling between my thighs.

  For the first time since I left Woodvale, my heart beats loud and clear in my chest. I take Finn’s hand and press it against my breastbone so he can feel what he does to me.

  “I won’t let you close the business,” I say. “Not for me.”

  “I have to show you I’m worthy of you. I can’t hurt you like this again. It’s time for me to grow up.”

  “No, Finn,” I laugh, shaking my head. “I don’t want you to grow up. I don’t want you to change. I don’t want you to give up part of yourself for me. I want all of you, just as you are.”

  Finn’s eyes mist, and the air between us thickens.

  “I don’t want to be the one who hurts you. I don’t want to force you to do things you’re uncomfortable with. I don’t want to push you into dangerous situations. I never want you to break your arm or get a concussion or a single scratch because of one of my stupid ideas.”

  “And I don’t want to hold you back, Finn. I happen to like your stupid ideas.”

  He lets out a shaky breath, and I can see him gathering every scrap of courage he has. His eyes drill into mine as his throat tightens.

  “I love you, Esme,” he whispers. “More than I can say. More than you know. More than I thought was possible.”

  I cup his cheek, relishing the zing of energy that skips across my skin when I touch him. I’ve missed this.

  As my face softens and my heart settles, I let my lips curl into a smile. “So, rip that stupid sign up and open the business again, because I love you too, and I’m not moving back to Seattle.”

  To say that Finn’s face breaks into a smile would be an understatement. It’s like dawn breaking after a long night, its warmth piercing my skin and chasing the chill away. He’s the sunlight. The life. The everything. He pulls me close, letting out a long, shaky sigh.

  Then, Finn kisses me. He presses his lips to mine as his arms sweep around my body, and my heart sings. His lips part and a soft moan slips through, filling me with so much love and devotion that I know I’ve made the right decision.

  This is the sign I was waiting for. This is the universe letting out a low, satisfied groan, telling me I’m exactly where I should be.

  In Woodvale. With Finn. With my arms wrapped around him, and his arms wrapped around me.

  Home.

  As Finn drops his arms and scoops me up against his chest, I squeal and giggle, clinging onto his broad body. His feet stomp on the floorboards as he carries me to the bedroom, cradling me close as he lays me down on the mattress.

  Kissing my cheeks, my neck, my chest, my fingers, Finn lets his love wash over me like a healing light.

  “I’m never going to push you too far again, Esme. I promise. Safe activities only.”

  “Not too safe, I hope,” I say, my eyes flashing. “I like you because you’re wild, not because you’re responsible.”

  He tugs the waistband of my jeans down, grinning. “Maybe a few wild activities here and there. If you’re up for it.”

  “I’m here, aren’t I?”

  Finn smiles and kisses me again. His lips carry all the promises that my heart has ached to hear. His arms are the safest place I’ve ever known, and his spirit is the only thing that can coax me out of my shell.

  I don’t need someone to wrap me in a blanket and keep me safe from the world. I need someone to yank me out of my shell and show me what life has to offer. I need someone who has a lust for life, adrenaline, and adventure. I need someone who won’t let fear hold me back.

  I need Finn.

  As he kisses me, letting out a soft, contented sigh, I let myself think that Finn needs me, too. I’m the safety to his heedlessness. The reason to his recklessness. The calm to his storm.

  Made for him, just as he’s made for me.

  Epilogue

  Esme

  When the roller doors open, fear pierces my gut. It’s the same as it was a year ago when I did this the first time.

  “Ready?” Finn says, his lips near my ear.

  Sucking in a breath, I nod. “Ready.”

  It’s been a full year since I did this. A year since Finn burrowed under my skin and made a home for himself in my heart. A year since my life started.

  Because all those years prior? That wasn’t living. There was no zest. No excitement. Nothing to make me want to get out of bed in the morning.

  Now, as my feet dangle out of a plane at fifteen thousand feet, I have everything to live for. I have a man I love, strapped to my back with a parachute strapped to his. I have a life worth living, and enough love to fill me up ten times over.

  Finn gives me an okay sign with his thumb and index finger. This time, I don’t hesitate. I mirror his symbol, knowing he’ll launch us through space in an instant.

  And he does.

  We drop down as the plane roars away, flying through space as the ground splays out below. The sky is clear, the ocean is calm, and I’m completely, truly happy. Air whips around us and my body fuses to Finn’s. Laughing, I let out a scream, just like I did the first day.

  “Esme,” he screams against the noise of the air.

  “Yeah?” I’m breathless. My heart is in my throat. We’re still in free fall, and it doesn’t feel that much different from the feeling of loving him.

  His lips are near my ear, and I feel his breath on my skin when he speaks. “Marry me.”

  Wind whistles around us as my eyes widen. “What?”

  Without answering, Finn rips the cord on his parachute and it deploys, tugging us upward to slow us down—but my heart still races.

  Finn laughs, putting his hand on my waist. “You heard me.”

  “You had to ask me that now?” I laugh, shaking my head. “Here?”

  “Where else would I ask you?” His hand squeezes my waist, and I feel his breath warming my cheek. “So?” he whispers. “Make me the happiest man in the world, Esme. Be my ball and chain. Let me be yours. Marry me, Esme. I’m begging you.”

  Warmth expands in my chest as my heart thrums happily. I smile, squeezing his hand on my waist and turning my head as far as it’ll go.

  “Of course I’ll marry you,” I smile, wishing I could throw my arms around him and kiss him breathless.

>   “Good. Otherwise I might have had to cut you loose.” He tugs the straps, dropping me in the harness—just like the first time.

  I scream, smacking his leg as he cackles.

  “Every time.” I can hear the grin in his voice without having to see his face.

  I laugh, knowing that this is exactly what I signed up for. I left my boring, safe life behind, because I wanted something more.

  Finn gives me everything I could ask for and more. He protects me and pushes me at the same time, challenging me to come out of my comfort zone.

  I hold him back, reining in his more madcap ideas.

  It works.

  When we land, my brother is standing near the hangar. Finn and I slide on the ground to land, his legs on either side of mine as our butts slide across the grass. When he unclips me this time, I don’t stand up right away. I lean against him, both of us falling onto our backs. His chest is warm, broad, and perfectly shaped to mold around me.

  My brother steps toward us, tossing something our way. Finn catches it in one hand, opening it up to show me a little black velvet box.

  My heart thumps. We lie on the grass together as a lump forms in my throat. Finn’s arms surround me, and I let myself sink into his body as he spins the box around to hold it right side up.

  When he opens it up, a glittering stone stares back at me. It’s jet-black, gleaming, surrounded by a zillion tiny diamonds.

  My breath catches.

  “It’s a black diamond,” Finn explains. “Dark, multi-faceted, and rare. It reminded me of you.”

  My throat is tight. It’s hard to speak. Finn takes the ring out of the box as I raise my hand toward him. He slides it onto my finger, and everything in my heart clicks into place. Tears fill my eyes as I stare at the stone on my finger, knowing that it means Finn and I are together forever.

  “It’s beautiful,” I breathe, watching as the black stone glitters in the sunlight.

  “I thought it would match your whole punk aesthetic.” I glance back to see Finn grinning, his eyes soft as he stares into mine. “You can be a bald-headed goth chick for the rest of your life, if you want to. With a ring to match.”

  Laughing, I throw my arms around his neck and plant a kiss on his lips. We fall back on the grass, harnesses and jump suits tangled with each other.

  “You’re too cheeky for your own good, Finn Gallagher,” I say. “But I’ll allow it.”

  “I’m guessing it went well,” my brother says, walking toward us. He has a big smile on his face, his eyes shifting from me to Finn.

  I kiss Finn again, then pick myself up and wrap my arms around my brother. He smiles softly, then moves to shake Finn’s hand.

  It took many weeks for my brother and Finn to speak after Kit quit. Kit still hasn’t committed to flying planes for Finn again, but seeing him here, I think he might give in to it soon. Finn is irresistible that way. He’s magnetic, intoxicating, and he makes you do all kinds of things you didn’t know you wanted to do.

  I move back to hook my arm around Finn’s waist. Finn’s arm goes around my shoulder, and we fit together like two jigsaw pieces.

  “How long are you in town?” I ask Kit. He’s been a commercial pilot for the past nine months, and sometimes he’s away for weeks at a time.

  My brother takes a deep breath, glancing at Finn. He gulps, combing his fingers through his hair. “Well, forever, I guess.” He smiles hesitantly. “I quit the airline job.”

  “You did?” My eyes widen.

  Kit glances at Finn, arching an eyebrow. “I was kind of hoping I could get my old job back. I miss seeing people’s faces when they finish a skydive.”

  A laugh explodes from Finn, loud and happy and unforgettable. He wraps his arms around Kit and lifts my brother off the ground, setting him back down with a thump. Clapping Kit on the shoulder, Finn’s face is radiant.

  “I thought you’d never ask,” he says. “It hasn’t been the same without you.”

  “I figured we’re family, now.” Kit stares at me, nodding to the black diamond on my finger. “Might as well get over my own issues and act like it.”

  “We’ve always been family,” Finn says, wrapping my brother in a hug again.

  After Finn gathers the parachute in his arms, the three of us head for the hangar. When we get inside, my eyes widen. The whole place is covered in balloons and decorations, with a huge banner screaming Congratulations at us.

  All our friends are here—Willow, Sacha, Max, Isabelle, Jackson, Nadia, even Benji and Racer, who have become a part of our little family. Racer isn’t so bad. Finn told me about Racer bailing him out of jail, and once he stopped incessantly flirting with me, I realized he’s actually pretty caring and loyal, once you get used to him.

  There’s a table laden with food and drink. Someone hits the button on a speaker, and music starts thumping through the hangar.

  Finn glances at me, winking. “I was kind of banking on you saying yes,” he grins. “Otherwise this would have been embarrassing.”

  I can’t wipe the smile from my face. Willow hands us each a glass of champagne, and then takes my hand in hers and admires my ring.

  My eyes slide over to Finn, who’s staring right back at me. Even in a room full of people, with music and laughter all around, he’s the one that draws my gaze. My heart is full. The future is bright, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of it with the love of my life.

  Free fall never felt so good.

  Grab your own exclusive extended epilogue to find out what happens to Finn and Esme in a few years’ time:

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  Shouldn’t Want You

  A Brother’s Best Friend Romance

  1

  Willow

  The bride’s shrill, ear-splitting shriek pulls me from my conversation with the caterer. My head whips toward the noise as my heartbeat takes off at a gallop.

  I’ve heard that noise before.

  Not often, thankfully. I’m not that bad at my job—but I have heard it.

  A funny thing happens when a woman gets married: her brain seems to fall right out of her head. It usually happens right about the time the dress shop nestles a veil in her hair. That thin, gauzy material has the power to transform the most reasonable woman into a monster.

  Okay, okay. I know. I’m being unkind.

  Not all women turn into bridezillas. Some of them are gorgeous and gracious and have perfect, fairytale weddings. More than one wedding has brought a tear to my eye and squeezed blood from the black rock in my chest.

  Those aren’t the women who turn my hair gray at the ripe old age of twenty-seven.

  That high-pitched screech that just made all the glassware shudder?

  That’s not the sound of a fairytale wedding. That’s the sound of something going very, very wrong.

  “I have to go,” I shout at the caterer, already taking off at full speed across the lawn. He says something I don’t catch, because I’m already halfway back to the main hotel doors. I leave him to figure out how to stretch the two hundred meals into two hundred and fifty, because we learned this morning that the groom invited more guests at the last minute without telling us.

  You know, standard stuff. Typical wedding planner problems.

  My steps are silent on the grass as I run toward the back of the hotel. Employees are putting the finishing touches on the garlands of flowers and gauze that cover every available surface, and my vision zeroes in on the doorway.

  Another scream reaches my ears, and I know I only have a few precious minutes to avert whatever disaster is happening upstairs.

  I need to get to the bride.

  When I first started as a wedding planner, I’d dress up for the events. I’d wear dresses and heels, thinking I needed to look fancy. My clothes were black, as always—I could blend in with the staff that way—but I chose formal, dressy outfits.

  The
problem with dressing up? You can’t sprint in heels.

  Now, I wear sensible clothing. Sleek black trousers with a lot of stretch in them paired with a smart top. Hair in a low bun. No jewelry.

  Nothing too flashy. Nothing too remarkable.

  Oh—and comfortable shoes.

  Bursting through the hotel’s doors, I take the stairs two at a time toward the floor reserved for the wedding party. A loud crash followed by more shouting lets me know things haven’t calmed down.

  I might be too late.

  When I stop outside the bride’s door, my chest is heaving. I can make out a few words amidst the shouting on the other side of the door, but I still can’t figure out what’s going on.

  I don’t know why I knock, but I do.

  “Bethany?” I call out through the closed door.

  Another crash rattles the door. I inhale, squeezing my eyes shut to steel myself against what’s about to happen. I know what I’m in for.

  More screaming. Probably tears. Some finger pointing and runny mascara.

  My grip on the doorknob tightens as I suck a breath in through my teeth. My heart is still racing, and I pat my hair down to give myself some semblance of professionalism.

  They’ll probably blame me. They always do.

  It’s fine, I tell myself. That’s what I’m here for. I do all the hard work for no recognition, and I take all the blame when things go wrong.

  That’s why they pay me exorbitant amounts of money to plan their weddings. That’s why I was able to purchase my own house when I was twenty-two, and why I left college with no student debt. I’ve been able to build my own business from the ground up, without anyone else’s help.

  Not even the Black family, who owns half this town and used to own my family, too.

  Still, getting screamed at can be tough.

  With one last inhale, I push the door open, and all the breath is sucked out of my lungs.