Yes to Everything

by Shayne McClendon

  “Brooke, oh fuck, baby, you feel so fucking good.” He felt her body spasming around him and he rode her through it until she made it to the other side. “I’m coming, baby, oh my God, so hard. Brooke, oh fuck!” He surged to the hilt and went still. She pulled off him and turned, dropping to her knees fluidly and stripping away the condom.

  She took him to the back of her throat and felt the first jet of his come as he roared her name. His hand moved to the back of her head. She swallowed him, letting him fuck her mouth as he gave her everything, absolutely everything inside himself. Laying her head on his thigh, she sighed.

  Kneeling, Decklan gathered her in his arms and picked her up. Laying her on the bed, he crawled in beside her and held her tight, his face in her neck. “Brooke, please. Please forgive me. Forgive me for hurting you. Me, just me as myself, the man I am.” She was holding him and nodding.

  “I love you so much. I’ve thought about you every day for four years. Even when you belonged to someone else and I had no right. I’m sorry. He was the better man and treated you the way you deserved to be treated. I’m ashamed for wanting you anyway. I tried not to, I swear to you I tried. I’m so sorry for everything I did to make you cry. I have to love you, Brooke. It’s the only thing that makes me the man I was meant to be. I am begging you…begging you, baby. Please, let me be near you, let me love you. I’ll get you through the hurt with everything I have inside me. I’ll earn your love and your trust. I will never hurt you again, I give you my word.”

  She was clutching him and crying on his chest. “Thank you for understanding I’m struggling. I hurt when I’m alone, Decklan. I hurt so badly. I want to hand you both my heart but it is still so broken. I wish it wasn’t. But I…I dream about that last ninety seconds when I sleep. It was so brutal, so violent and I can’t stop thinking about the sound of his last breath. I’m sorry. You’ve both loved me so well and I’ve ruined it.”

  Logan lay down behind her and they pressed her between them, whispering to her until they blended in her mind, “You didn’t ruin anything, Brooke. No, baby, you’ve given us so much more than we could have hoped. Part of loving you, is understanding the sharp edges of your pain. If Rex had been less of a man, less of a Marine, less of a friend, less in general than he was…maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. But he was so good and so good to you. You lost him violently, held him in your arms, and I cannot imagine, never want to know, what that’s like.”

  Their bodies tightened, holding her harder as one of them pulled the blankets up to cocoon them in the bed. “We’re going to love you through this, Brooke. As long as it takes, you can lean on us in any way you need to and we’ll be strong for you. If you need to cry, if you want to laugh, if you want us to make love to you…hard or soft or not at all, if you need to play music or ride horses or work out until you can’t walk…whatever you need, we’re going to be here for you, Brooke. You’re our forever if you’ll have us. There will be bad times but we’ll face them together. Yes, baby, yes, go to sleep and let us hold you. Thank you for letting us hold you, for letting us love you. There, baby, close your eyes and we’ll keep you safe.”

  And they did.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Over the next two weeks, Brooke asked for time to think and prepare for their friends arriving. Knowing they were coming and that she’d sated herself sexually with the Bradshaws put her on pins and needles.

  Guilt wasn’t quite what she felt, neither was shame. The afternoon she’d spent with the twins was beautiful; they had soothed the jagged, hurting places of her heart with their love. It was like getting a vitamin shot, pumping her full of positive energy instead of restlessness.

  When the gang arrived, Brooke avoided touching the twins in front of them in any way. Logan and Decklan understood and didn’t push. They’d been so sated after their time with Brooke, and it gave them even more strength to wait for her to be ready.

  She was helping Kate make breakfast three days into the visit when Mack came into the kitchen and hugged her. “Give me a few minutes, pretty girl. Come sit with me.” He took her hand and led her to the porch swing out back. The sun lit the fields gold and Brooke watched the horses run. She’d let them out this morning to graze since there were signs of an early spring this year.

  “How are you doing, honey?” Mack asked her, gently drawing her gaze to his. Brooke stared at Rex’s best friend for a long moment and started crying. “Sweet Brooke, why do you always think you’re in some kind of trouble with me? Just because I’m twenty years older than you doesn’t mean I’m going to treat you like a child. You’re a strong and beautiful woman. I respect every single thing you stand for. Come here.” He tugged her to his side and stroked her arm, holding her other hand.

  She couldn’t look at him, “You know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I…I was so lonely.”

  “Brooke, I’m so glad you’re connecting to the world and other people again. Do you think we don’t all know how lonely you’ve been? Sweetheart, I didn’t call you out here because I was upset with you. Rex would want me to look out for you, Brooke. To make sure you were healthy and happy. Not judge you. I’ve been friends with Boyd and Zane for two decades, sugar. I’ve never once judged my old friends and I won’t judge my new ones.”

  “I…you’re not mad at me?” Brooke dared to glance at Mack’s face, staring in wonder at the kindness she always saw there for her.

  He chuckled and hugged her, “Baby girl, did you have a mean teacher that looked like me as a kid or something? I swear to you, I’m the sweetest and most sensitive of our foursome. No shit. When I first started being so picky and choosing women I could treat carefully, I caught hell. It isn’t the Marine way or the Latino way, if you really think about it.” Mack shrugged, “But I have my perfect baby inside and she gave me our perfect baby so I don’t question it. Anyway, hey, how did we end up talking about me?” He stared down at her with a grin, “Great, old age is setting in already. Don’t tell Jeanette.” Brooke laughed and shook her head.

  They sat in silence for a long time watching the squirrels surround the feeder on the side of the barn. She took a deep breath and voiced her deepest fear, “Mack, when I think of Rex, I feel like I’m cheating, like I’m betraying his memory. I feel like I didn’t love him enough.”

  He sat forward and gripped her shoulders, “Don’t you ever say you didn’t love him enough, Brooke. You loved him with everything you had and he knew it. Let me tell you this, I’ve known people who’ve lost spouses…men and women they’ve loved for twenty years or more…had children together, who didn’t break as hard as you did when you lost Rex, baby. If he had lived, you would have had all those things together and you’d have loved him for the rest of your life. He died and I hate that he did. I miss him all the time. I still forget sometimes and go to swing by his place or call him on the phone.”

  Brooke was crying hard and he held her tight. “That’s why I’m glad you got out of Chicago, Brooke. It would have been that way for you but worse. You are too young to live for someone who can never hold you again, never give you the life you need. Rex has been gone more than two years and you grieved so hard, so painfully we thought we were going to lose you, too. It’s gotten better but we all know you’re faking it most of the time. You’ve looked more relaxed this trip than I’ve seen you since Rex was alive, and I’m so grateful to those men for making you smile.”

  Brooke squeezed his hand. “I still love him, Mack. I think of him, of the time we were together, and I love him. I miss him. He made me laugh and he loved me so well. I wouldn’t be the woman I am right now if I hadn’t had his love. But he loved me so hard, connected to every part of me emotionally, sexually, psychologically. He saturated every part of my life so deeply that without him, I feel like a balloon without a string. I’m so lost and the loneliness is all-consuming. He took my oxygen with him, all the warmth, and our laughter. I’ve tried to get it back myself, tried to just power through it and stand alone. But he made me dependent on love
and human touch. I’m stuck and I’m scared. To be without those things…I want to die. To reach out and take them…I feel like scum. He gave me so much and I loved him. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Brooke, you loved those men before you met Rex. But you chose Rex because he was the best man for you, he gave you what you needed as well as what you wanted. That doesn’t mean you stopped caring for them. You simply closed your mind and heart to any possibility with them because you’d made your choice.”

  He smoothed her hair back from her face, “Now things have changed. Rex is gone. Those two men have worked hard to make themselves men Rex would have been proud of, Brooke. It drove him nuts to admit they were growing up, growing strong. But he knew they were. And in his own hand, he told you that. He told you to give them another chance. And you have. It seems you need my blessing as Rex’s friend and I’m giving it to you, honey. You have my blessing to be happy again, to find peace and love. Please Brooke, stop being so hard on yourself. We all love you unconditionally because you’ve done so much from day one that convinced us you deserve it. Loving you means we all hope for you to heal and find happiness.”

  She hugged him hard, sobbing into his shoulder as he stroked her hair. “Thank you, Mack. I want to feel normal again. To feel like there’s more of a reason to wake up in the morning than just because I promised Rex I would. Some days I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.”

  “Anything you need to do, whatever it takes, to make you not feel that way, Brooke, you do it. You’re young, beautiful, and so very talented. There are so many people who love you, kids who depend on you. You have so much to live for so if sadness is pulling you down that hard, you have to fight it with everything you have. Okay?” She nodded against his head and he kissed her temple, wiped her tears.

  “Mack, I don’t think of you as someone who will tell me I’m in trouble. I always wanted Rex to be proud of me. He worried about our age difference so much more than he admitted. I never wanted to seem like a stupid teenager, that’s all. I…I respect you all so much, I don’t want to do anything that reflects badly on Rex for choosing me.”

  He cupped her face, “Choosing you was the smartest thing he ever did. You have no idea how much we respect you, Brooke. Please don’t worry anymore. Your personality makes it impossible for you to behave without honor, without integrity, without concern for others. He’d be so proud of you. I know we all are.” One more kiss on her forehead and he took her inside hugging her shoulders. “Hey, have I thanked you lately for connecting me with a life I never thought I’d have?”

  “You’ve all made my friends so happy, like ‘does that even exist’ happy. I had that once. I hope I get it again someday because I miss it.” Brooke dropped her voice to a whisper, “Between us, she is so self-conscious about her tummy since the baby. Says you’re like a sex god and she’s like a frumpy minion. Can you imagine? Just wanted to give you an insider because she’d never say it and she needs to know she rates a man like you. We all felt like that. Don’t give me that look. Yes, all of us. Come on, let’s eat.”

  The rest of the day, Brooke tried to bridge the distance physically between herself and the brothers but she couldn’t seem to make it happen. After dinner that evening, the girls went to shower and Kate took Sofia for her bath. All of them were sitting in the music room when Sidney said, “Let’s hear the song you wrote for Rex, Brooke.” With a small smile she sat at the piano while Decklan and Logan picked up guitars. She sang it with the guys coming in on chorus and everyone was laughing.

  Logan said, “Now we’re going to do it again and change it up just a bit. Make it more Rex’s style.” They started again and Logan sang it while Decklan made it more rock than country.

  At the end, Brooke’s eyes were filled with tears and she whispered, “That’s exactly it. Thank you.” They nodded and each leaned down to kiss her lips lightly.

  Decklan said, “Sweetheart, give us a little Bonnie Raitt.” She raised her brows as they started playing Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About but played the piano and tore up the vocals. Then they started singing A Woman’s Love and she played piano in a daze. They would end one song and immediately start another, the brothers picking the playlist. Come a Little Closer and She Don’t Tell Me To had Brooke blushing. Real Good Man had her struggling not to smile as she played fiddle through it. After every song one or both of them would touch her or kiss her. She looked at them with her head tilted and they winked at her.

  “They’re really good at pulling you out of the closet, Brooke baby,” Jeanette said with a laugh. “I can’t believe you lasted so long, girl. Will of iron, I think.”

  “No…porn,” Brooke said simply and everyone was in hysterics.

  “Alright, let’s go make cookies and margaritas,” was Sidney’s unusual suggestion.

  They all headed into the kitchen laughing and the brothers tugged Brooke back, putting her against the wall and kissing her senseless. They traded her mouth back and forth between them as they leaned into her with their forearms over her head.

  Her hands gripped each of their sides and they took turns whispering, “You are such a good woman, Brooke. You’re so considerate of the men who were closest to Rex. You need to remember they were there. They know you loved him. They know how you’ve grieved for him. They want you safe and happy. They vetted us, you can relax, baby. We’ve been dying for you, trying to keep our distance. Not touching you because we saw how nervous you were after our day together. You need to let us stay tonight. We’ll crash on the couches in the morning so the girls don’t know. Let us stay and pour some love on you.”

  Brooke nodded and moved her hands to the backs of their necks. She held them firmly as her lips were claimed again and again. Sidney poked her head around the corner, “Psst. I knew I’d catch you making out if I waited thirty seconds. Nice form, boys. I love when my babies do that. It makes it so much easier to see you both at the same time.” Her eyes drifted for a moment and she shook herself, “Anyway, what was I…oh yeah, Brooke, the girls are back down and Becca can’t remember if she has a problem with strawberries. She said there’s a berry you never let her have. She’s so distracted with her sketch pad. Need a lil’ direction please.”

  “Blueberries. They upset her stomach. I’m on my way.” Sidney grinned and spun back to the kitchen. With a sigh, she kissed Logan and Decklan once more and stroked her hands over their abs. “I’ve missed you so bad and I’m sorry. I…I didn’t know how to bring it up. I was scared. I need their approval and love. We’ve been through so much together. I can’t lose them, too. I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me.” Staring at them, she whispered, “You’re so beautiful. Truly so beautiful and you smell incredible.”

  Logan put his hand on her neck and said, “Brooke, you worry so much. For someone so young, you kill yourself with worry. Let us worry for a while. Let us take that off your shoulders and you try focusing on just breathing.”

  “You won’t lose them, Brooke. We’d never cause you to lose your friends. If we were ever to hurt you, though, they’d make sure we disappeared without a trace, of that I have no doubt. Pretty sure Sidney would be the ringleader.” They laughed and kissed her soundly before taking her hands and leading her to the kitchen.

  Everyone looked up when they entered, giving them knowing smiles. Molly said, “Guess we shouldn’t call them our uncles anymore, huh? That would sound way weird. So just Logan and Decklan. Got it.” Brooke was frozen in shock.

  “Brooke, I’m almost fifteen. You aren’t the only one who had to grow up faster, sissy, and Becca, too. You guys still think about what she was like at four and six. She’s almost twelve and super smart, very together. I’m most like you. Becca, she took on a ton of Rex’s traits while we had him. They had so much in common. Jackson is like a combo of Rex and the Bradshaws. Let’s hope he isn’t as dumb as they used to be because that was embarrassing, lord.”

  The brothers laughed and Brooke dropped into a chair hard.
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br />   Becca said quietly as she sketched, “Brooke, I don’t know why you’re looking like a deer in the headlights. We love Aunt Sidney and Buzz. We’d never think badly of them. Their relationship is filled with love and happiness. Why would we treat you with less acceptance than we give them? Stop sneaking around. It’s stupid and unnecessary.”

  She paused sketching and glanced up, “You loved us when most teenagers would have hated the responsibility. You gave up cheer, rodeo, the rest of high school, and college to bust your ass and put food on the table. Rex wouldn’t want you to be alone and we don’t either. You loved him when you had him but you still have so much love to share and you literally cannot keep giving it to him because he can’t love you back anymore. You should share it and smile again. I’d like to see you smiling again, Brooke.” She went back to sketching.

  Brooke tilted her head at her sisters, “I…I didn’t realize I’d kept you the same age as when Mama and Daddy died in my mind until right now. I haven’t aged you a day and here you are, years older and so much smarter than me. I love you guys so much. I haven’t been very good to you lately. I know that. I’m sorry.”

  “Brooke.” Molly’s voice was firm as she stood up and went to her older sister. She put her hands on her face, “God, you’ve been grieving. You think we don’t know that? For three days after it…it happened, the news played the footage from the security cameras at the studio constantly. I’m so relieved you didn’t kill yourself. You don’t owe us an apology. We love you.”

  Becca was beside her, running her hands through her hair. “If anyone deserves love and happiness, it’s you, Brooke. You’re the best person I know.” She kissed her lips and smiled. “I am like Rex, Brooke. I break complex things down to their simple parts. We all loved him and we all miss him. But he’s gone and he can’t come back. He would want to know you still laughed, still danced, and still got hugs and kisses. It’s your guilt keeping you from moving forward. It isn’t Rex because he wouldn’t put up with this crap from you for five seconds.” Brooke laughed through her tears. “Yeah, he hated seeing you sad ever. He’d freak out if he knew you’d been in such pain for so long. You would be in so much trouble.”