Whisper My Last Goodbye

by Karen Woods

  Harpur sat at the table and watched as Joseph hung around his father’s neck, kissing and squeezing him. Neil was on his way towards them now carrying a red tray full of food and drinks. Sam watched his mother with a close eye and he could see by the way she looked at him that something wasn’t right. He knew her inside out and he could tell when she wasn’t happy. Neil reached his hand over and shook Sam’s hand. “How are you lad, you still smiling?”

  “You know me, it will take more than this jail to break me,” he held his head back laughing. The screw nearby paused and shot a look over at him. Sam was well-known to the officers and he’d given them a hard time from the moment he’d landed there. He hated authority figures and struggled following rules, he wouldn’t answer to anybody. Sam opened his chocolate bar and started to munch on it. He smiled over at Joanne and touched her fingertips. “So what have you been up to, have you been out?” There was a silence and Harpur dropped her eyes down, she wanted no part of this.

  Joanne swallowed hard and kept her voice low. “No, babes. I’ve been around to Gemma’s for a few drinks but I’ve not been out partying. I can’t be arsed with it anymore.”

  Neil watched the conversation closely and jumped in to change the subject. “You look hench, have you been training?”

  Sam flexed his biceps and twisted his arm about. “Of course, these muscles don’t just grow you know,” he reached over and touched Neil’s forearm. “You look like you’ve been doing a bit too. Have you been to the gym?”

  “I’ve been eating healthy I suppose and when I get a chance I have a go of them weights you left at our house, just a few curls and bench-presses I do, that’s all.” Harpur quickly looked at him. This was news to her, she’d never seen him once doing any kind of weight training, she was sure he was lying.

  Sam made sure the screw had left his side and leaned over the table slightly. “Mam, some guy in here said he knew our Brady. I was talking to him the other night and he said he had been in some serious shit.”

  She was listening now and urged him to continue. “Serious as in what?”

  “I don’t know but I’ll get back onto him when we have social later tonight. He said Brady was seeing a girl called Melanie Byfield who lived in Blackley. Mam, from what this guy was telling me, this girl is bad news. She had her three kids taken from her and put in care and she was up to all sorts, you know, prostitute, selling herself. Word on the street is that she was trying to sell her kids before they were taken away from her too. She’s a wrong-un for sure.”

  Harpur made a mental note of the name. This girl would be getting a visit from her the moment she had a free minute. “I’ve been trying to get hold of Tony Wallis, he knows something I’m sure of it, but when I arranged to meet him he went on the missing list.”

  Sam was onside and he knew there was more to his uncle’s death than they were letting on. Neil coughed and raised his eyebrows. “You two need to turn it in. Brady has gone now and no matter what you find out, he won’t be coming back.” Was this man for real? How could he be so callous with his words? Didn’t he realise what he’d just said? He was a heartless bastard for sure. If the truth was known, he wasn’t keen on Brady and hated Maddie going out with him. He was a deadbeat, a scumbag. He’d caused so much heartache to his wife too and he was sick to death of her running about after him when he was off his head or on the missing list. He just never understood the world his brother-in-law lived in, he never understood addiction. Sam and Harpur locked eyes and they knew he was treading on thin ice. But who was going to put him straight, would it be her or was it going to be her son?

  Harpur growled at Neil, she didn’t care where she was or who heard what she had to say. This was her flesh and blood he was talking about, how dare he speak about him like that! Sam sat back in his seat and stretched his arms above his head. He could tell by his mother’s body language that she was ready to let rip. “Listen you. We all know Brady won’t be coming back. But, like I’ve explained to you over a thousand times now, something is not right. Don’t you ever listen to a bleeding word I say anymore?”

  Neil brushed some invisible dust from the top of his shoulder and replied. “There is no need to have a pop at me. I’m just saying that’s all. Let him rest in peace and stop raking up the past.” She could have smashed her fist right into his face at this moment, she was fuming and knew if she sat there with him for a second longer she wouldn’t be held responsible for her actions. He was a clown, a heartless prick, in her eyes. Harpur stood up. “I’m just nipping to the toilet. I won’t be long.” Neil held his hands up in the air. He knew what he’d done but here he was protesting that he was innocent one in all this.

  Sam watched his mother disappear and confronted Neil. “That was a bit below the belt. You know what Brady meant to her, try showing her a bit of understanding ay?”

  Neil locked eyes with Sam and studied him. Was this a threat? Was he laying the law down to him? He wasn’t sure. This was his wife he was talking about and there was no way he was having this dickhead telling him what he should be doing. These two had a history of not agreeing and in the past Sam had been ready to floor Neil to prove a point. He wasn’t his dad, he was just the man his mother married. Sam was the top dog, not him. Neil blew a laboured breath. “Bleeding hell, I was only telling the truth. Why is everyone so touchy today?”

  Joanne smiled. “She’s been snappy with me too. Honest Sam, it’s been a nightmare living with her lately. Everything I do isn’t right. I can’t wait for us to get our own place.” What a cheeky bitch this girl was. There was no stating how much his mother had done for her, the clothes she’d bought her, the money she kept bunging her, no, she kept all that to herself.

  Sam was starting to stress. The tops of his ears were turning bright red and he was fidgeting about, unable to sit still. “Listen you two, she’s been through a lot. And you Joanne, start pulling your weight. I bet you’re just letting my mam fetch and carry you aren’t you?”

  Joanne was gobsmacked, how dare he accuse her of being lazy! She’d never take the piss out of anyone, would she? “I do my share Sam, ask Neil, go on Neil, tell him that I don’t just sit on my arse all day doing nothing.”

  Neil was onside, he nodded his head and gave her the support she desperately needed. He checked Harpur was nowhere in sight and spoke. “We all help out. Your mam’s just on one at the moment. She’ll be fine when this inquest is over. It must be playing on her mind all the time. I guess I should be a bit more understanding.”

  Sam spotted his mother walking back into the room. Joseph had followed her and she was holding his hand on the way back. She looked a bit calmer now, her temper had calmed down. Harpur sat down and started to speak. “Bleeding hell, I’ve had to go through another search again. It’s a joke in here. I’m sure if they didn’t find something on me the first time there isn’t a chance they’re going to find something the second time. It’s just all over the top. What do they think I’ve got in my knickers, a bloody microwave?”

  Sam started laughing. This was the woman he was used to; funny, witty - his mum took everything in her stride. Sam loved to stir up a bit of trouble and he knew Joanne wasn’t telling him the truth regarding her pulling her weight in the house. He just had to double check he was right. “So mother, Joanne and Neil have been telling me how much they help you out in the house. I bet you’re glad of the extra support aren’t you?”

  Joanne was bright red and Neil was shocked. The little bastard had dropped him right in it. It was totally out of order, what the hell was he doing? “Are you having a laugh son. None of them do a tap.”

  Joseph wanted to speak and he made sure he got his moment. “Daddy, mummy lies in bed all the time and tells me to go and wake my Nana for my breakfast. And she always tells me that nana is the cleaner in the house, not her.”

  Harpur twisted her head to look at Joanne, who was now chewing rapidly on her fingernails. She’d strangle Joseph when she got him home, the little bugger. All eyes we
re on her and Sam was waiting on an answer. She smiled and tried to make light of the matter. “Stop lying Joseph, honest, he keeps making up lies all the time now. Sam you need to have a word with him about it. It’s doing my head in, he makes me out to be a right liar.”

  Joseph shook his head and he was adamant that his mother was telling fibs. “No, daddy, I don’t tell lies. Nana told me it’s bad to not tell the truth. Look at my tongue it’s not black is it?” Harpur examined her grandson’s tongue and shook her head. This was something she’d made up with him to deter any lies, she told him that if he wasn’t telling the truth, his tongue would turn black. Joseph believed this and if he was ever hiding the truth, he always covered his mouth so nobody could see his black tongue. Harpur chuckled and spoke directly to her son. “Don’t worry though, things are changing in our house. Lots of things are changing.” She flicked her eyes over at Neil and he knew this comment was aimed at him. There was no way she was getting into this here. This would keep until she was in the comfort of his own home, then she would tell him a few home truths.

  After that, the visit went well and it was nearly time for Neil and Harpur to leave the two love birds to have some quality time together. Usually they would pledge their undying love for each other at this time, say how much they wanted sex, count the days until they would be together. Harpur wasn’t sure if Joanne was the girl for her son; his true love; his soul mate. They were a feisty couple and the fights they’d had in the past were sometimes violent. It was fair to say they were as bad as one another. The abuse they shouted at each other was horrendous, she’d call him names and he’d call her every slag and slut’s name under the sun. But, funny as it may seem, they always ended up back together. Harpur hated getting involved in her son’s relationship. She kept well out of it. That was their business and nothing she wanted a part of. In fairness, she couldn’t see it lasting anyway and hoped one day he would find someone who showed him a different way of life; somebody who worked, a girl who wanted a career, a nice home, holidays, dreams and goals.

  Harpur walked to the other side of the table and hugged her boy. The screws were alert and stood nearby making sure no illegal items were passed over. “Not long now son. Just another few weeks to go and you’ll be home for good. Just promise me that this is the end of it, no more prison please.”

  Sam dropped his mouth low to his mother’s ear. “No more mam. I promise you. I can’t keep coming back to jail, I’ve had enough.” Was he telling the truth or not? Harpur believed him and the look in his eyes told her that in fact he was missing home, longing for his family to be nearby. Neil nodded his head at Sam, there were no hugs or a handshake. This idiot had dropped him in it and he was still having trouble trying to forget this. What a wanker he was, he knew what he’d done, and he knew that he knew that too. Harpur and Neil left the table together.

  Joseph ran back to the table and kissed his father one last time. “I love you daddy,” he shouted behind him. A few of the female visitors held a look of sadness in their eyes as the small child passed them. They all knew how hard it was for anyone leaving a loved one behind in this place but this child was missing precious time with his father; games of football, watching films together, helping him when he was fixing something - valuable bonding time. Harpur left the room first, she couldn’t wait to get out of this place. Her heart was racing now and all she wanted to do was grab a cigarette. It had been an hour and a half visit today and in fairness, it was far longer than she needed with her son but leaving him behind killed her inside. The Christmas visit had been the worst. Her heart broke the moment she got out of the door. She couldn’t look back, she just knew her son would be filling up, unable to cope with not being with his family at this festive time. And Christmas was for families. They all got together and put their differences behind them, mended bridges, forgave each other for words spoken out of turn. Yes, her household was a nice place to be at that time of year.

  All the doors were being unlocked now, they were nearly free. Just once last security door and the open air would be there facing them; fresh air, birds singing, the free will to do as she pleased. Not a word was spoken between Harpur and her husband. They were both speaking to Joseph but neither of them said a single world to each other. Once they collected their personal belongings from the lockers in the visitors centre, they headed for the car. “Grandad, will you play football with me?” Neil grabbed the opportunity to kick a ball about, anything would be better than sitting with his miserable wife at the moment. She had a face on her like a smacked arse. He opened the car boot and grabbed the white ball there. Kicking it up in the air, he showed off his skills to his grandson. “Grandad, kick it over to me, let me show you my skills.” Joseph loved football and he lived and breathed Manchester United. He was always telling them that one day he would play at the Theatre of Dreams and score lots of goals. There was a good chance of that coming true, this child had talent, skills and ambition. Harpur always told him she would be so proud when she was watching him at Old Trafford and he blushed when she cheered his name, pretending he was a professional United first team player.

  Neil and Joseph went over to a small area next to the car park so she could see them in full view. Her first job was to light a fag then check her phone. Had he messaged her? What was he going to reply to her last message? The suspense was too much. One last glance over at her husband and she was safe to continue. Her eyes were wide open and her heart was beating ten to the dozen. He’d replied! Quickly, she scrolled through the other messages and got to his.

  “Thanks for your reply. You do make me smile, why is it that even after all these years you still make my heart flutter? I’m going to be straight with you here, so don’t be shocked but I think I owe you an apology. There you go I’ve said it. I messed up and probably lost the most important thing in my life. I did still think about you but you’d moved on, so how could I ever get you back after that? It was my fault anyway. I’ve always had a knack of messing up all the good things up in my life, you being one of them. Please let’s video chat. I can explain a few things when we are face to face. Don’t think I’ve gone all soft either. I’m still me. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing really? Things here at home are all over the place. I suppose I’ve just been existing, cracking on with a relationship that has had its day if you know what I mean. I don’t mean to load all my shit on you but already I feel a connection with you. Speak soon Love Dessie X”

  Harpur’s mouth was wide open. This is not what she was expecting. It was like these two people were destined to meet. It seemed like fate. And he finally admitted that the relationship breakdown was his fault. He'd never admitted that. He always denied that he’d slept with that slapper Wendy. Harpur hated her with a passion, loathed her and always said if she ever saw her in the street, even after all these years, she’d stick one on her, scratch her eyeballs out. Was Dessie going soft or had he really changed? There was no way she could reply yet, she had to think about this. Was this all getting too deep? Was she getting emotionally involved with a guy she hadn’t seen for years? Falling in love with someone online? They were speaking every day. Not a day had gone by without these two lovebirds chatting to each other. She didn’t know anymore, her head was all over the place.

  *

  The family had been home for over an hour now. Harpur checked the clock on the wall and looked frantic. “I need to get to the hairdressers. Bleeding hell, I should have been there to meet Bridget over five minutes ago.” She grabbed her handbag and her car keys from the coffee table and headed for the front door. Neil was watching the football on TV again and he was so engrossed in the game he would never have missed her anyway. She usually kissed her husband goodbye, as well as when she came home, she would always kiss him no matter what. She looked at him for a few seconds and left the room. There was no kiss today, no words exchanged, she just headed to her appointment. This wasn’t good.

  “And you have the cheek to call me for being lat
e. Belle has been waiting to get you started. You need to pick a new hair colour. Come on, get your coat off and sit in the chair. She’s not got all day.” Bridget was excited, she loved that Harpur was making changes in her life. So what, it was just changing her hair colour but it least it was a start. Belle come over to her and handed her a colour chart to look at. Bridget was involved in this too, it was a group discussion and she wanted Harpur to get something bright, not something boring and dreary. After a few minutes Belle looked happy with the colour that was chosen and it was nice that her client was willing to leave her new hair in her hands. She loved being creative and she didn’t really ever get the chance to do as she wished with someone’s hair. They all had their own image, style or they wanted to look like somebody else who was famous. Belle quickly left to mix the colour before her client changed her mind.

  Harpur beckoned Bridget over to her. Once she was sat in the chair next to her she passed her mobile phone over to her. “Click on Dessie’s messages and see what you make of his last one. It’s sent my head all over the place. Do you think he’s for real or what, or is he playing games?” Bridget snatched the phone from her hand and couldn’t wait to read the message. Harpur looked into the mirror as Bridget sat in complete silence, speechless. Belle was back now and she started to section her hair and apply the colour. Bridget lifted her head up and gasped her breath. This woman was actually stuck for words. Yes, for the first time in her life she was gobsmacked. Harpur raised her eyebrows in the mirror at her. “What do you think of that then?”