by Karen Woods
A man was walking past at the other side of the cemetery. He was whistling and seemed happy. How could anyone be cheerful in a place like this? It was doom and gloom. How could anyone be happy visiting someone who had passed away? Perhaps he’d watched his loved one suffering. Maybe now he was at peace knowing they were in a better place, without pain. But who said heaven was a better place? Nobody knew that for sure. It was just some wise people who had told the world that when our lives end, we go to meet our maker in the sky. Harpur believed in God and all the wonderful things he’d done, but sometimes she wondered if he was so great and powerful, why were people sad in the world? Why didn’t he make everybody happy? Equal? We are all his children, so how could he pick who deserved to be happy and who deserved to be sad? There were so many questions in her head regarding this. If God could have seen her now, he would have sent her brother back to her. He must have seen the tears she'd shed, felt the aching in her heart. Been with her when all she prayed for was her brother to be there with her. He was too young to die, he had years left in him. All she had now was the hope that they would meet again one day in heaven, in a place with no rich, no poor, no sadness; only happiness. Would he be there waiting for her when she took her final breath? Would he take her hand and guide her to a place everybody spoke about?
Harpur tapped her fingers on the cold, damp soil below her. “Brady, I’m going to start thinking about me from now on. Dessie has asked me to meet him again and I’m going to take a chance on him. I want to regret the things I did, not the things I didn’t. And if it all turns sour, what do I have to lose? Nothing. I’m going to see my mam before I go and see him. She’s doing my head in you know. How you sat in that house with her all day long is beyond me. The woman never shuts up moaning.” Harpur chuckled and looked directly at Brady’s photograph. “You must have had the patience of a saint, I’m telling you. She is so bitter it’s untrue. And now you’re gone, it’s like the world is against her. I don’t know what’s going on but Diane and my mam were arguing the other night. I mean really going for it. It must be something bad if Diane is losing her rag. She’s usually so calm isn’t she?” Harpur started to sing the song again and her head touched the side of the headstone. “I’d better go our kid. I’ve got a lot of things to sort out. Don’t forget, send a bit of help my way if you can.” She stood and kissed the photograph. As she left the grave, she twisted her head back and blew a single kiss over her shoulder. “I love you our kid.”
Harpur entered her mother’s house through the back door to be met with her mum asking “What’s up with you, you’ve got a face like a smacked arse?”
Harpur sat down and pulled her coat off. “Don’t ask, it would make your toes curl.”
Sheila carried on cleaning and dusting near where her daughter was sat. “Nothing would shock me love. Trust me, I’ve seen and heard it all.”
Harpur went ahead and blurted it out. Maddie would have filled her grandmother in anyway so what was the point in hiding anything. “Neil has been carted and he won’t be coming back home either before you start. I’m done with him.”
Sheila stopped her household chores and looked over at her. “What, you’ve already kicked him out?”
“Yes, I caught him last night peeping through the crack in Joanne’s bedroom door. Watching her, touching himself, getting off on her.”
Well, this was a first, Sheila was speechless, not a sound. She carried on cleaning after a few seconds, she chuckled. “Men will be men love. They all do stuff like that. It’s in their blood. I don’t know what all the fuss is about, it's not like he’s cheated on you or slept with another woman is it?”
Was Harpur the only one who saw this as it really was? She snapped and was ready for walking out. “Mam, imagine if that was your husband. Come on, you would have cut his balls off by now and made a necklace out of them.”
Sheila grabbed a cigarette from the side and popped it into her mouth. Her voice was calm and endearing. “Harpur, sometimes you just need to see things for what they really are. There are a lot worse things happening in the world than your husband peeping through a doorway at a woman. Trust me, I know. I get that you’re hurt and disappointed but is it really worth ending your marriage over? Neil is a good man, he adores you. He loves you more than anything.”
“If that's true then why is he looking at another woman? Honest, I can’t even think about him without feeling sick. It’s all been lies; our marriage is one big fuck-up.”
Sheila sucked hard on her fag. “I’m just saying, it’s not as bad as you’re making out. I’ll say it again. Men will be men won’t they?” Sheila was in a good mood today, what was up with her? Harpur watched her carefully cleaning her brother's photograph and froze when she saw her kiss it and start singing to it.
A little later Maddie walked into the house and she was bright red. She stood in front of them both with her hands placed firmly on her hips. “My dad is in a right state. You need to sort this out you two. He can’t stay at his brother’s forever, he’s a right mess.”
Harpur never had to say a word. It was Sheila who answered her. “Who do you think you’re talking to lady? Your mother doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to. Yes people make mistakes as you know, but it’s the people you love who are the ones who suffer. Come on Maddie, you know that more than anybody don’t you?”
Sheila stared at her a lot longer than she needed to. Maddie swallowed hard. There was no way she was back-chatting her nana. Sheila would have knocked her block off. Harpur folded her arms tightly across her chest as her mother continued. Go on Sheila, you tell her. It’s about time you stuck up for me. “If your father has been doing what he’s been doing, it's nobody’s fault but his own. If he’s in the doghouse, then it’s up to him to sort it out. It’s not your problem, so you keep your bleeding nose out of things that don’t concern you. This is between man and wife.” Maddie dropped her head. That was her told, there was nothing more she could say. Sheila went towards the kitchen and flicked her eyes towards Maddie to follow her. Harpur was busy on her phone, texting Bridget telling her all about her husband. There was whispering from inside the kitchen. Harpur held her ear to the door but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Sheila was probably bollocking Maddie. Dessie was texting all the time now. Every two minutes they were texting each other. Harpur needed to pull herself together, get her hair done and her make-up. There was no way she was meeting her fancy man the way she was. Harpur decided to leave now and shouted in to her mother. “Mam, I’ll ring you later. I’m going to have a lie down. It was only a flying visit anyway. I’ll ring you later.” There was no reply. Maddie was still in the kitchen with Sheila yapping about something or other.
Harpur decided to walk home. It wasn’t far and it was a bright day with a fresh, crisp wind. She made her way through the streets to save time. After a few seconds she squeezed her eyes together to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. She could see Joanne talking to Paul Burton in the distance. Dipping back behind a wall out of sight she carried on watching them. What the hell was going on here then? That bastard was the one who sold the drugs to her brother and here was a member of her own family talking to him, flirting with him. He was touching her hair, squeezing her arse. No, there was no way she was having this, what a liberty. Harpur stormed over to where they stood.
Paul was one cocky fucker, he never flinched. Joanne knew her game was up and backed away from the drug dealer. Caught in the act again she was. “Why are you here talking to this deadbeat?”
Joanne stuttered, how was she going to answer this? It wasn’t like it was the first time she’d been caught bang to rights. “I was just asking him something that’s all.”
“What, and he needed to touch you too did he? I’ve just seen his hands all over you.”
Paul Burton flicked his cigarette butt into the distance and blew smoke into Harpur’s face. “You need to back off. Everywhere I look you’re watching me and to tell you the truth, you’re doing
my head in now. Do you know I could have you and your family wiped from the face of the earth if I wanted to?”
Harpur spat near his feet, she didn’t fear him whatsoever. “You don’t scare me you daft ferret. You know that I know you’re involved in this one way or another and sooner or later, you will slip up and I’ll be there to watch you fall.”
Paul went head to head with her, ready to smash her head in, spark her. “Oh, is that right? Maybe I’m a lot closer to you than you think. It’s you who should be watching what’s going on around you, not me.”
Harpur was confused, what on earth was he going on about? Joanne wanted to get on her toes, she was anxious and in bad books again. Harpur looked him straight in the eye and clenched her teeth tightly together. “The truth will come out and when I find out, I’ll make sure you get slammed for years. Let’s see how you cope when you’re taken away from the people who love you, just like my brother was.”
Paul looked her up and down. Oh, he was one smarmy bastard. “Blah de fucking blah love. Do whatever you’re doing. It will be me who has the last laugh, trust me.”
Harpur scraped her hair back from her cheeks and tucked it down the back of her coat. If he wanted beef she’d give him beef. Joanne tugged at her arm. “Harpur, come on. Let’s get you home. You need to chill out. Come on, for fuck's sake, this isn’t the time or the place.”
Paul kicked at the floor and nodded his head at her. Before she left he made sure she heard what he had to say. “It will be me who has the last laugh love. Just like I always do. Ask anyone round here who knows me. Nobody gets one over on me without getting hurt.”
What was the point in wasting her breath on such a lowlife? His time would come, he would get what was coming to him, she would laugh and enjoy every moment of his downfall.
Harpur’s phone started to ring. She quickly grabbed the handset from her pocket and saw Neil’s name across the screen. He could take a running fucking jump if he thought she was speaking to him. She ended the call and rammed her phone back in her pocket. Joanne walked along with Harpur in silence. The women started approached the front door and Joanne’s eyes opened wide. “Harpur, Neil is sat on the doorstep waiting for you.” They froze and stared at him, he’d seen them now and stood up to his feet.
“Is he right in the head coming back here or what?” Harpur marched forward and she was already planning her attack on her cheating spouse. Joanne hurried behind her. What a bleeding day this was turning out to be. It couldn’t get any worse. “What are you doing here? I’ll get your clothes to your brother’s house. How dare you darken my door. I can’t even look at you anymore. Just leave Neil before I ring the police.”
Neil was desperate, he pleaded with her. “Harpur, just listen to what I have to say, please.”
Harpur was trying to get her key in the door, hands trembling, steam coming out of her ears. “Just leave me alone. We are done. Just go, for crying out loud.” The front door opened and she hurried inside. Joanne followed her and closed the door in Neil’s face. Harpur didn’t look well, her face had drained of all colour. She was hysterical, her hands ragging through her hair as she crashed to the floor in the hallway. “Tell him to go, tell him to leave me alone! Please, I can’t take much more of this. I just need him away from me!”
Joanne opened the front door and found Neil folded over in two in the corner of the garden. He lifted his head and his eyes said it all. Joanne licked her dry cracked lips and delivered the message from his wife. “Neil, you need to leave. Honest, I know it’s hard but she just needs some time to get her head together.”
“I’ve ruined it all. She’ll never forgive me for this ever. Joanne, don’t look at me as if I’m a dirty old man. I just had a look, it is nothing like she’s making it out to be. I thought you was cheating on Sam and I was listening to what you were saying on the phone that’s all.”
What a lying fucker he was! Why was he not telling her the truth? Joanne was uncomfortable, what had he seen anyway? She knew that night she was having phone sex with Sam. Did he see what she was doing with her hands, had he seen her privates? Her cheeks blushed. The sooner this was all forgotten about the better. There was no way in this world she wanted him telling anybody about what he’d seen. “I’ll have a chat with her Neil. Maybe she might ring you later. It’s all up in the air at the moment. She just needs time to think.” Neil held one hand on the wall and tried to straighten up. The shame he was carrying was breaking him in two. What was going to happen to him now? Was his married life finally over?
*
It was time to meet Dessie. Harpur had tried her best to look good but there was no way she could hide the tears she’d shed today. Should she cancel the date for when she was feeling better? But he was leaving soon, flying back home to Spain. Harpur listened as she heard someone coming in the front door. It was Bridget’s voice. She was coming up the stairs. She inhaled deeply and her bottom lip started to tremble. The door flung open and there was her best friend, standing there with tears in her eyes. “Oh, babes, I don’t know what to say. Come here and let me hug you. I hate what’s he’s done to you. I hate him with a passion, he’s a twat.”
Bridget was actually crying more than Harpur, she was genuinely upset. “I’m fine now I’ve had a good cry Bridget. It was the shock of it all I think. You never know do you? I had Neil down as a lot of things, but a pervert? I never saw that one coming.”
“I just can’t get my head around it Harpur, why would he do something like that? Watch porn, read fanny magazines, but don’t ever cross the line like he’s done. He’s knocked me sick. Do you think he’s ever watched me getting changed over the years? I mean, the chance has been there hasn’t it.”
Harpur smiled gently. “Has he 'eck you daft bleeder. I honestly think it was just something he got wrapped up in and couldn’t stop. It was his kink. Anyway, it is what it is love. One door closes and another one opens. I’m going to meet Dessie now. I’ve got nothing to lose anymore have I?”
Bridget stood tall. “No, you go and have the time of your life. Run away with him for all I care. Do what you have to do make yourself happy. I’ve got the keys for a lovely house in Didsbury if you need to use it. I’ve got a viewing tomorrow so it will be empty, no one will be there. You can go there and spend some time together in private without anyone bothering you.”
Harpur nodded. “Thanks love. I will if you don’t mind. I can’t be arsed ducking and diving.”
Bridget searched in her handbag and pulled out a bunch of keys. There was a brown card on them with the address of the property. “Come on, I’ll drop you off. Once again, all I can say is I’m sorry. I could never imagine what you are feeling right now. But, as my old grandmother used to say, what makes you ill makes you better. So get your swag back on, put a smile on your face and get yourself back out there in the mix. Nobody would blame you now anyway, so crack on and do what you’re doing. Men are bastards, I can’t be arsed with them anymore. I’m going to buy a budgie, they’re less trouble.”
Harpur stood and looked at herself in the mirror. Bridget was right, she needed to dust herself down and get back on the horse so to speak.
As Harpur and Bridget left the house together, Maddie came out of her bedroom and stood outside Joanne’s bedroom door, hesitating. The crack in the wood was staring straight at her, she bent down slowly and peered through it, before shivering as the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. She could see Joanne lying on the bed reading through a letter Sam had sent to her. Now was the time to confront her, to say what she had to say, to put this to bed once and for all. She pushed the door open with the palm of her hand and stood sneering at Joanne. “Can I have a word. Me and you need to sort a few things out don’t we?”
Joanne casually flicked some invisible dust from the top of her shoulder and sucked on her bottom lip. “Come in then, let’s hear what you have to say. Don’t be starting with your attitude either because you can fuck right off if you think I’m listening to you tal
king shit.”
Maddie cautiously entered the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. Taking a few seconds to compose herself, she began to talk. “So, what do you know about me and Paul Burton?”
Joanne rolled onto her side and stretched her arms over her head, cocky she was. “I know enough that’s all.”
Maddie knew this was like getting blood out of a stone. So she put her cards on the table and blurted it out. “I know you’ve been sleeping with Paul behind my brother’s back.”
Joanne sat up now but she didn’t seem that bothered that her secret was out. Here it was, the killer blow, this would shut her up once and for all. “And I know you was sleeping with him for months before me. What’s happened to the baby you were carrying, did you get rid of it?”
Maddie’s head sank low, her heart was racing. It was true she’d had a fling with the man her family hated. She swallowed hard and kept her eyes low. Here it was, the shame, the betrayal. It was all Brady’s fault, he was the one who had introduced her to him. He made sure Paul was getting what he wanted from his niece and as his reward, he was kept in a good supply of free drugs to keep his big mouth shut. But Joanne had said something about her being pregnant, was she being serious or what? Maddie kept a poker face and looked her straight in the eye, she was ready to fight her corner.
Joanne had nothing on her and she called her bluff. “Who said I was having a baby? It’s all bullshit. If I was pregnant then where is the baby?” She opened her jacket and patted her stomach with a flat palm. “Does it look like there’s a kid in there or what? Don’t listen to gossip, you know what people are like around here.”
Joanne was puzzled, nothing made sense. There was no baby, no bump, no pregnancy. “It was Paul who told me anyway. He was twisted and off his head when he said it so he might have been chatting shit. He mentioned something about your Brady too but he must have been lying if there is no baby.”