Whisper My Last Goodbye

by Karen Woods

  What a loyal friend Bridget was, just what she needed right now. A loyal person, someone she could trust. Where the hell was Maddie though? Someone should have reported her missing? This was a young girl out on the street at such a vulnerable time in her life. Phone the police for Christ's sake, somebody do something.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Harpur opened her eyes and looked around the room. Where the hell was she? She bolted up from the bed and held her hands around her neck. Bridget jumped up, what was going on? “Harpur, what’s up? Come on lie back down, get some rest.”

  “How did I get here? I need to go.”

  Bridget was panicking. “Just hang fire and I’ll come with you. I’ll take you wherever you need to go. Just take a few minutes.”

  Harpur looked at her wristwatch and closed her eyes. “Our Sam will be on his way home. I need to get there before he arrives. For fuck's sake, hurry up and get ready Bridget. I need to be there for him.” Bridget was still half asleep, there was no time for make- applied this morning, no time to comb her hair, she was on a mission.

  Harpur sat at the window with Joanne and Bridget. “Oh, he’s here!” Joanne yelled at the top of her voice. She sprinted out of the front room and ran to the front door. Joseph was at school and the plan was to pick him up later with his father. It was something Joseph had craved in his life, to see his dad come to school, to show all the other children that he really did have a dad and he wasn’t lying. It must have been so hard for him not to have a father living at home with him, like most of the other children in his class. Harpur choked up as she spotted Sam walking down the garden path with his holdall swung over his shoulder. She’d missed him so much, her heart ached as he smiled at her through the window. Joanne swung around his neck as she greeted him. Perhaps she did really love him? Maybe the time spent alone and the loneliness had caused her to act the way she had. Prison does that, it makes women seek attention elsewhere. It’s hard to lie alone each night with nobody to love, nobody to kiss, nobody to talk to.

  Bridget smiled as she looked at Harpur. “He looks well doesn’t he. What have they been feeding him on, he looks hench?”

  Harpur turned to face the doorway. He’d be here soon, back in the arms of the people who loved him. Prison changed people, made them paranoid, lose trust, lose confidence. Sam was loud as he strolled into the living room. “Come here Mam, give me a great big hug.” Bridget fanned her fingers in front of her face, she was blubbering. This was all so emotional. Harpur squeezed her son in her arms. No words were needed, they both felt the love.

  “Where’s our Maddie?” Well that was quick, he’d not been through the front door two minutes and she was having to tell him the truth about what had happened. There was no way she could lie. Sam shot his eyes around the room and everyone hung their heads, something was wrong, he could tell. Sam sat down on the sofa and flung his belongings behind him. He patted the cushion at the side of him and knew his mother was upset. “Has she been giving you lip again? I told you ages ago about her attitude.”

  Harpur sat down next to Sam. Joanne sat at the table facing Bridget. How could she find the words to tell him everything that had been going on? Taking a deep breath, she began to tell him everything that had happened. As she told him about Neil spying on Joanne, he shot a look over at her and snarled. Maybe she had encouraged him, he wasn’t sure. Now it was time to drop the bombshell, the biggie. “Maddie has been knocking about with that Paul Burton. Brady introduced them both in return for drugs and well, he got her pregnant, and she’s had an abortion with the help of Nana and auntie Diane.”

  Sam cracked his knuckles and closed his eyes slowly. “So, what’s going to happen now? Is he getting knocked the fuck out or what. Has anyone been to see him?”

  Harpur shook her head as Bridget joined the conversation. “Your mam has just found out about it all. Sam, there has been enough heartache in this family lately, just you keep out of it or you’ll end up back in the nick.”

  Sam’s nostrils flared, he was raging. He put his arms around his mother. “And Neil, do you want me to go and see him? I’ll kill the cunt for upsetting you like this.”

  “No, I just want you to keep out of it. You’re on probation now so the slightest thing you do they’ll have you back in prison. You know that more than me, don’t you?”

  Joanne hadn’t said a word, she knew by the look her boyfriend had given her that sooner or later, he’d blame her for it all. “I’m going to dive in the shower Mam and get some decent clothes on. Please don’t worry about Maddie. I’ll find her, I’ll sort it out.” Sam looked at them all and no one said a word. It was like a morgue here today; cold, silent, eerie.

  Harpur was sat with Bridget in the front room. A text alert on Harpur’s phone. She pulled it out and read the message.

  “I just love you. I can’t help it. Let’s be together. Love Dessie X”

  Harpur raised a smile and held her flat palm over her heart. “Bridget, he just melts me. I’m going to be with him. I’ve decided. Things happen for a reason and he must be my soul mate, the one. I’ve tried fighting it but I can’t anymore. I just love him. Honest, he takes my breath away.”

  Bridget cringed as she watched her typing her reply to him.

  “Dessie, I love you too. Meet me later in the pub on Deansgate. I’m coming with you. Love Harpur X”

  Was she really packing up and leaving? What about her family, the people who loved her? Harpur looked over at Bridget. “I’m going to Spain with him. We have a chance together and if I don’t go now I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

  Bridget snapped, she had to tell her before she ruined her life for this deadbeat. “He’s a lying fucker Harpur. Has he mentioned his wife to you?”

  “Of course he has, he just told me that things haven’t worked out. He said he will explain some stuff to me when we’re face to face but as I see it, it's nothing to do with me. Let’s face it, I will never have Neil back will I?”

  Bridget needed to tell her what she knew before it was too late. This woman was giving everything up for this wanker. “I was talking to Josephine Dillon the other day on Facebook and she told me some stuff.”

  “Oh yeah, I remember her. How is she?”

  “She told me Dessie married Wendy.”

  “Wendy who?”

  Bridget opened her cigarette packet and lit two of them. Once she’d passed Harpur one, she prepared herself to deliver the news. “He married Wendy O’Malley.”

  Harpur’s jaw dropped. “What the same Wendy O’Malley he denied cheating on me with?”

  “Yes, the same one love.”

  This was bad, this was the girl who’d split them up when they were younger. Dessie had always denied it though, he swore black and blue that he’d never been anywhere near her and yet now he was married to her. Harpur sucked hard on her fag. Bridget patted her arm softly. “Are you alright? I had to tell you because I didn’t want him making a fool of you again.”

  Why had he never told her, he’d had many a chance to tell her about this? This was bad news. Wendy O’Malley had caused murders between them back in the day. She was a dirty no-good trollop who slept with anyone who’d give her the time of day. So, he risked the love he shared with Harpur for this skank. “Thanks for telling me Bridget. You have saved me a lot of heartache. And here’s me giving it all up for him. He’s just the same lying womaniser he’s always been. Thank fuck I never left with him.” Harpur opened her phone and typed him a message. She was angry, oh yes, raging inside.

  “Dessie, meet me now. I just need to talk to you before I leave with you. Be there in half an hour.”

  There was no kiss at the end of the message this time. Harpur sat down and held her head in her hands. “I need you to help me find Maddie. I’ll give it until tonight and if she’s not come home, I’m going to the police. Will you ring Neil and tell him what has gone on?”

  “Don’t you think it might be better coming from you?”

  “No, I
don’t want to speak to him. Just tell him what you know. Let him worry like I have. I just need to put this to bed once and for all. I’ll be back soon.”

  Harpur grabbed her coat and hurried to the door. “Sam, I’ll be back soon” she shouted up the stairs. “If Maddie comes back here let me know.”

  Harpur was gone. Sam stood at the top of the stairs and nodded his head slowly. He whispered under his breath. “It’s showtime mother, nobody messes with my sister and gets away with it.”

  *

  The bar was quiet as Harpur walked inside. Where was he? Where was he hiding the little rat? From the corner of her eye she spotted him, stood at the other end of the bar. She was a woman on a mission and she was saying what she had to say and leaving. What an utter plonker she’d been. How had she allowed herself to get involved with him again? He was trouble and always would be.

  “Hi babes, do you want a drink?”

  Harpur stared at him. Her words were stuck in the back of her throat. Swallowing hard, she answered him. “Can you get me something stiff, maybe a Bacardi and coke, a double.”

  She turned her back on him and made her way to a corner nearby. This was private what she had to say, not for all the world to hear. Dessie bounced up to where she was sat and leaned in to kiss her, she turned her cheek away from him. “What’s up, I only wanted a quick peck?” Harpur banged her fingers on the edge of the table with force. She wanted to see his face change when she told him what she knew, watch his arse fall out.

  “So when were you going to tell me that you married Wendy O’Malley? The same girl who you denied cheating on me with. The same one you said you would never go near?”

  Dessie went white, there was pain in his eyes, the truth was out. “It’s not like you think Harpur and I was going to tell you. I’ve tried a few times but the time was never right.”

  “What were you going to do? Wait until I was sat on the plane with you before you shed some light on your life?”

  “No, I was going to tell you as soon as I had the chance. Harpur, let me explain some stuff to you.”

  “No, fuck off. I don’t want to hear your bullshit. You can save it for someone who gives a fuck because I don’t. God, I was really going to give it all up and come with you. What the hell was I thinking. Phew, a lucky escape for me I think?”

  Dessie dropped his head into his hands. “Harpur, just listen for a minute while I explain a few things.” She swigged a mouthful of her drink and growled at him. This had better be good because she was ready to walk. “Okay, I did sleep with her once when we were together. I was at a party and she was all over me. You know what she was like.”

  “Yeah, a bleeding dirty cow. Is that what it was, sex? You risked everything we had to please your male ego and get a shag?”

  Dessie hung his head in shame, she was right. Well, he wasn’t getting anything from her was he and all his mates were having sex. He just needed to have a go, lose his virginity. He was pissed, off his head, not really knowing what he was doing until it was too late. Harpur’s eyes clouded over, she’d been right all along. She hated him with a passion now. Her words were spoken softly, from the heart. “We were in love, so what if we were young, we both said we would love each other forever.”

  “Harpur, she told me she was pregnant a few weeks later. How could I have told you that? She told me straight that she was keeping the baby and she even brought her parents round to our house to see my mam and dad. I was devastated. I didn’t want any children with her, I wanted them with you.”

  People in the pub were looking over at them now. They needed to calm down. Harpur gripped her drink in her hand and flung the remainder of it in his face. “There you go you bastard. It’s what you deserve after the lies you’ve told me. I knew I was right all along. Once a liar, always a liar. A leopard never changes his spots.”

  Harpur stood up ready to leave. Dessie had to pull something out of the bag, otherwise she’d be gone forever. “I came looking for you Harpur. It might have been too late, but I did try. Did Andrew tell you how I confronted him one night and told him that he ever hurt you I would kill him?”

  Harpur froze, Andrew was Sam’s dad. What did he know about him? “No, why would you say anything to him about me?”

  “Because I still loved you. I twatted him you know, did he tell you that?”

  Harpur was confused, she was feeling light-headed, she needed some fresh air. Her head was all over the place now and she was so mixed up she didn’t know if she was coming or going. “It makes no difference now does it? We should never have met again. The past is in the past for a reason.”

  Dessie had one last shot at this, he had to pour his heart out, make her believe that this love was real, forever. “Harpur, I made one mistake and I’ve paid for it for years. I married a woman I never really loved and I’ve been living in misery for years. Don’t you think I’ve been punished enough?” Her head tilted to the side. He was right in a way. And she’d been punished too for her mistakes. But how would these two ever work, they were both hotheads, sensitive, stubborn. Harpur’s feet seemed glued to the floor. She said she was going, why was she still stood there? Should she leave while she still had the chance?

  “Goodbye Dessie, it would never have worked out anyway.”

  Dessie stood up and shouted after her, so what if everyone could see him upset, he loved her, he loved her so much. “Harpur, don’t do this. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else. I promise I’ll make you happy, don’t give up on us please.” Harpur heard every word but she carried on walking. She was heartbroken.

  *

  Harpur sat by her brother’s grave, swigging a bottle of vodka. Bridget had just rung her and told her Maddie was home and safe. “I want to hate you Brady but I can’t. I want to dig you up and throttle you. You could have just come to me and spoken to me about it. You know that don’t you? I’ve lost it all now, I’ve got nothing left. You’re gone, Neil’s gone and the only man I’ve ever really loved has gone too. What’s the point ay, I knew it was all too good to be true. There is no such thing as a happy ending in my life is there. And you made my mam lie too, you brought her into your dark, dirty world. My poor baby, Maddie. You told me you would always protect her and you never did.” Harpur looked at the photograph of her brother on his headstone. “I can’t come here anymore Brady. It just breaks my heart too much. I need to get on with my life, to look after my family. I’ll never, ever, forget you our kid. You’ll always have a place in my heart as long as I live. I’ll keep your memory alive, I promise you. Even though my heart is broken, it just keeps breaking every day without you. You took my heart with you Brady, you did, you took it.” Her head bent slowly towards his grave. She kissed his photograph with her cold lips and whispered her last goodbye. Harpur took a last gulp of vodka from the bottle and placed it on her brother’s grave. “There you go Brady. I’ve left you a drink. We still share all we have. Be waiting for me when I take my last breath our kid. Until we meet again. I love you, I always will.” Harpur walked away from the graveside. She would never come here again.

  *

  Sheila sat in Brady’s bedroom holding her cushion tightly in her arms. She was talking to the cupboard where her son hung himself. Her tears were flowing and she was struggling to talk. “It’s all over now Brady. The truth is out,” she paused and choked up. “All but one secret though. There is only me who knows what went on in this room the day you died isn’t there?” Sheila wiped the tears with the corner of the cushion. “I loved you son with all my heart but I couldn’t do it anymore, you were destroying everything you touched. It needed to stop. Somehow, you had to be stopped.” Sheila lay back on the bed and turned her head to the side. “Will you forgive me son? I saw you hanging there and I knew you wanted me to help you. You spoke to me and pleaded with me but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m sorry son. I just walked away and closed the door and left you to die. Maybe one day you will understand why I did what I did. I loved you that much, that I
had to let you go, to stop you suffering.” What was she saying here? Did she really turn and walk away when he needed her most? Sheila closed her eyes with the cushion held close to her chest. She was still whispering under her breath as she drifted off to sleep. “Nobody knows a mother’s pain, to watch her child suffering. I loved you that much that I had to let you go, son.” The room was quiet now, the curtain moved about slightly as a small draft from the window seeped inside. Was it really the wind or could it have been Brady finally at peace, knowing all his lies were out and everybody knew what he had tried to cover up? The shame he'd felt inside, the torment, it was all now over.

  *

  Harpur listened as her phone rang and rang, it was Dessie. She marched into the living room and as soon as she spotted her daughter, she flung her arms around her. There were no more lies in this house, it was like the family had been cleansed. Maddie sobbed her heart out. “Mam, I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you but I was scared that I’d let you down.”

  “Sssshhhhh, don’t say a word. It’s over now.” Bridget was an emotional wreck; she’d been crying for hours with Maddie before Harpur came home. Every detail she’d told her had stabbed at her heart, it was heart-breaking listening to everything this young girl had been through.

  “Where’s Sam?” Harpur asked. Bridget shrugged her shoulders.

  Maddie dried her eyes and sat back in her chair. “He was the one who brought me home Mam. He came and found me and told me everything was going to be alright.” Harpur looked at the clock. It was late now, where the hell was he? Maddie was edgy, fidgeting, trying to change the subject.

  There was a knock at the front door. Bridget lifted the curtain slightly and gasped her breath. “Bleeding hell, that’s all we fucking need.”