Seasons of Her Life

by Fern Michaels

  “Did I really look like that? Was I ever that young? You were so pretty, Ruby. You’re still pretty,” he said, flushing.

  “Thank you for that, Calvin,” Ruby said shyly.

  “Listen, I have to go back to the office, but I can come back around six or so. We can have dinner. There’s a very nice restaurant here in the hotel. Please say yes.”

  “Of course I’ll say yes. Do you have a curfew?”

  “Believe it or not, I do. Eve likes to know where I am. I have no idea why. But this evening is too important for me to worry about Eve. We have a machine at home that takes my calls. The office has to know where I can be reached twenty-four hours a day. It’s a piece of mechanical wizardry that I can turn on and then turn off. Eve can’t tap into it. We won’t be found out,” he said, a devilish look in his eye.

  “I never gave that a thought, Calvin,” Ruby said, slipping out of the booth. “Obviously, you have, though.” The thought bothered her.

  On the long walk down the hall to the lobby, Ruby wondered what Calvin would do if she gave in to her crazy urge to grab him and kiss him till he fell out of his shoes. Unable to stop herself, she blurted out the question. Calvin stopped in his tracks. “Why don’t we save that question for after dinner?”

  “Consider it saved.” Ruby grinned. “I have a few others I’d like answered, too.”

  “Aaaah,” Calvin said softly. “I just might have the answers for you.”

  They were in the middle of the lobby now with people milling about. Calvin extended his hand. His face was impassive, revealing nothing of his feelings. Ruby felt foolish standing in the center of the room with what she knew was a stunned, unbelieving look on her face. Her cheeks flaming, she turned on her heel and marched down the hall to her room.

  Back in her room, Ruby told herself there was a protocol of sorts Calvin had to follow. He was, after all, in the military, a high-ranking officer, and it wouldn’t look good if he’d kissed her on the cheek or even patted her shoulder. There might have been someone in the lobby who recognized him. At dinner tonight she would mention how she felt. It was Calvin’s idea for her to come here. Calvin was such a stickler for right and wrong. So was she, for that matter. Damn.

  She was annoyed, she realized, when she took a quick shower and changed into her black dress. The meeting had been rather flat. Calvin had problems. Did she want to get involved in them? After all, Calvin was still married. She’d expected too much, she told herself.

  Ruby stared into the steamy bathroom mirror. She looked as if she were dressed for a funeral. Maybe dinner was going to be a funeral—hers and Calvin’s.

  Defiantly, Ruby reached for a crimson scarf and looped it through a huge gold and pearl pin. She clipped on matching earrings and added a gold bangle bracelet to her arm. Now she was dressed for an assignation. She was ready. The rest would be up to Calvin.

  If he was going to be as late as he usually was, she had time to try Dixie again.

  This time Dixie answered. Her voice sounded strangled. Ruby wondered wildly if Hugo had his hands around her neck.

  “Dixie! I’ve been trying to call you for days. I was starting to get worried. Is everything all right?”

  “Of course everything is all right,” Dixie snapped. “I’ve been busy, that’s all.”

  “Your voice sounds terrible.”

  “If this is why you called, you wasted your dime. Now, would you mind if we cut this short? I’m expecting another call.” “I’ve never heard you like this, not even in the days when it was bad. Something is very wrong. You might as well tell me now. Spit it out.”

  “Very well. I’m going to have surgery on my hip, and I’ll be away for a while. Hugo is going to handle my end of the business. I’m signing over my power of attorney to him.” Ruby had to strain to hear the terrible words.

  “In a pig’s eye you are! That wasn’t part of our deal,” Ruby exploded. “I’m glad you’re going for the operation, take as much time as you want. The business can take care of itself. You don’t need anyone to look out for your interests. That’s why we have all those professional people on retainer. Unless, of course, you don’t trust me.” Ruby held her breath, waiting for Dixie’s reply. When it came, she wanted to lay down and die.

  “Hugo has some ideas; he’d like to make some changes.”

  “No way, Dixie. Our operation is running as smooth as silk. Hugo doesn’t know diddly-squat about the cookie business. No. Absolutely not. Ask me anything else, but not this. This is our business. Why are you doing this, Dixie?” Ruby cried.

  “To protect my interests,” Dixie replied.

  “From whom?” Ruby screamed into the phone.

  “Outside interference,” Dixie said flatly.

  “You’re going to have to do better than that. Who? Listen to me, Dixie, I didn’t bust my ass all these years working sixteen and eighteen hours a day for you to turn on me just when things peaked. I all but promised Nangi the Asian franchise. The attorneys are working on it. I’ll fight you, Dixie. If I wouldn’t give my own husband a say in the business, what makes you think I’ll give your husband a say? If you want to give him a percentage, I’ll split that percentage, but I’m not letting him become a full partner. You think about that, and I’ll call you when I get home.”

  “I’ll get a restraining order. I’ll stop our operation. No business conducted until we come to terms.”

  “You’d really do that to me, Dixie?” Ruby whispered in a disbelieving voice.

  “It’s what I want to do.”

  Ruby wiped her eyes with a tissue. “You do what you have to do and I’ll do what I have to do,” she said coldly. “Good-bye, Dixie.”

  Ruby’s head was in a whirl. She blew her nose. She repaired her makeup. She dabbed perfume behind her ears. She blew her nose again and then she flushed the toilet. She wondered why she always flushed the toilet when she was under stress.

  The need to breathe fresh air was so strong, Ruby reached for her coat. If Calvin didn’t want to go with her, she’d go alone. Maybe she should be alone right now.

  Ruby’s eyes raked the lobby for Calvin. She was through the revolving door in a second. She didn’t look to the right or the left as she started down the circular driveway. She turned when she heard her name called.

  “I’m going for a walk. I need to clear my head. Want to come along?” Ruby said hoarsely.

  “What’s wrong?” Calvin asked, concern in his voice.

  Ruby told him as she walked along, hunched into her coat. “I meant it, Calvin, I’ll fight her every step of the way,” Ruby said bitterly.

  “I don’t understand. How ... why would she do this to you?” He sounded angry.

  “How the hell should I know? Why did you do what you did to me? Why did Amber always treat me like a pariah? Why did Nola forget about me? What’s wrong with me? It must be my fault, because I’m the one who keeps getting kicked in the teeth. And let’s not forget about Andrew. Do I care too much, or don’t they care enough? That person on the phone wasn’t the Dixie I know. That was some stranger. The Dixie I know ... knew, would cut out her tongue before she’d say something like that to me. My God, twice in one week. I must be the world’s worst judge of character.”

  “No, you’re not. You picked me a long time ago, and look, almost thirty years later, here we are. That has to mean something.” Calvin chuckled.

  “What? Tell me what that means, Calvin. I need answers not riddles.”

  “It means there is a reason for everything. We’re together, and I guess it’s meant to be, unless one of us walks away. I don’t know about you, but I’m not walking away. I want to take you to dinner, Ruby. I want to sit across from you and look into your eyes and tell you all the things I should have told you years ago. I want to tell you how many times I’ve thought about you, how many dreams I’ve had of you. I want to tell you, over and over, how sorry I am, and I want to hear you tell me you forgive me. I want us to hold hands and smile at one another. I want to laugh w
ith you. I want to be with you.”

  Ruby stepped into his arms. She let her head fall against his chest. He smelled faintly of aftershave and mint. She closed her eyes wearily, hardly realizing they were standing in the middle of the dark street. She felt as though she belonged there, in the safe haven of Calvin’s arms. She pushed Dixie and Nola far back into the recesses of her mind.

  “What if someone sees us, Calvin?” Ruby murmured.

  “We’ll talk about that inside, where it’s warm. Are you ready to go back to the hotel?”

  She wasn’t ready, but she allowed Calvin to lead her.

  Inside the restaurant, their coats on the chairs next to them, Ruby leaned across the table, her eyes dark and imploring. “What are we going to do, Calvin?”

  “I don’t know. What I mean is right this minute I don’t know. What I do know this minute is I love you. I never stopped. Eve was ... Eve is ... someone who lives in my house like an unwanted guest. I imagine she probably feels the same way about me. I can’t lie to you. I won’t lie to you. I won’t make any decisions where Eve is concerned until I know for certain what the future holds for me. I want this all out in the open. You must understand that as long as I’m in the Air Force, I cannot get divorced. If I get passed over, when I’m tired of licking my wounds, I’ll make the decision. That doesn’t mean Eve will agree to it.”

  “What about your children? If you get divorced, will they understand?”

  “I don’t know. Ted is ... I think Ted will understand. Steve is totally different. He wants to learn the hardware business. He says he doesn’t want to go to college. He’s got this van he fixed up and he has a girl. He’s a rebel. I know he smokes pot. I think I’ve been too strict with them. Eve was too lenient. So, to answer your question, I just don’t know, and I don’t think that’s something we have to worry about right now.”

  “Calvin, are we ... are we talking about having ... are we talking about having an affair?” Ruby asked in a whispery voice.

  Ruby could see Calvin’s Adam’s apple bob up and down as he worked his throat muscles. Instead of speaking, he nodded, his eyes dark and twinkling. Ruby felt faint.

  “I don’t know. How are we going to manage it? Washington isn’t exactly around the corner from New Jersey. Hiding out in hotel rooms ... I don’t think I could handle that, Calvin. I’d always be worried your wife or someone you know would show up and knock on the door.”

  “I thought about that, too. I travel a lot. You could travel if you wanted to. You leave from position A, I leave from position B, and we meet at position C. This way my office will be able to reach me if need be. You’ll have your own room, so your family and your office can reach you.”

  “Where do you travel?” Ruby asked. This was all happening so fast.

  “Texas, California, the Mojave Desert ... you’ll love that. Kansas City, St. Louis. You name it.”

  “It sounds as if you planned this all out days ago.” Ruby smiled wanly.

  “I did. The minute I hung up the phone from talking to you. I stayed late and made out a schedule. Want to see it?” He grinned.

  “You’re fitting me into your schedule?” Ruby’s eyebrows shot upward.

  “Now, why did I know you were going to take it that way?” Calvin admonished her. “No, I’m not doing that at all. I’d like to see you as much as possible, so I will arrange to take a trip whenever you agree you can get away. What do you think?”

  “I think I should see that schedule.” Ruby’s eyes went to the first name on Calvin’s list. “Have you ever been to Kansas City at Christmastime?” she asked curiously.

  “I think it’s one of the nicest places on earth at that time of year. All you have to do is come up with a time, and I’ll arrange the trip.”

  Ruby’s heart fluttered. “I think,” she said carefully, “it’s a wonderful idea, but I would like us to get reacquainted first. We can call one another and write. I can’t run away from the problem I presented to you earlier. And I have several things I have to deal with at home before I can ... well, before I can make a commitment to you. And it is a commitment, Calvin. At least for me.”

  “Logical Ruby. Why is it you always have the right answers? You always seem to know the right thing to say at the right time. Friends first. I understand. God, I’m glad you called me, Ruby. I don’t want us to get lost again.”

  “I don’t either, Calvin.”

  “Then would you be interested in going back to your room and spontaneously hopping in the sack?”

  A stifled yelp escaped Ruby’s lips. Calvin laughed, a sound of pure delight. “We’re going to do it eventually, aren’t we? Look me in the eye, Ruby, and tell me you haven’t been thinking the same thing.” He laughed again, enjoying Ruby’s blushing.

  Damn him, she had been thinking about it. “In my thoughts I never got beyond this meeting,” she lied. “We can’t just jump into this. And for God’s sake, Calvin, I wish you’d stop making this sound like a ... like a business deal.”

  “Oh, Ruby, I’m sorry,” Calvin said, instantly contrite. “I was trying for levity. I guess this wasn’t such a good idea. You have other things on your mind right now. I’m just so damn glad to see you.”

  “And I spoiled it. It’s me who should be sorry, and I am. We found each other again, that’s what important. As my son says, we’ll go with the flow. I’d love to meet you in Kansas City. No one will know either one of us, and we can do as we please. Let’s write, too, okay? Do you think you could rent a post office box?”

  “Hell yes, that’s a great idea, Ruby. This way my aide won’t be opening my mail. You can call me at the office if you want, but let’s give you a name. My secretary is a bit of a busybody.” He thought for a moment. “Paul Farano. I actually know somebody by that name. When you want to call me, say you’re his secretary. How does that sound?”

  Ruby found herself giggling. “Devious and sneaky. Why aren’t you wearing your uniform? I was looking forward to seeing you in it.”

  “Next time, okay? I wear it only a couple of days a week.”

  “Calvin, about your medical problem. I know it’s your health, but going under the knife is serious. I read an article in a health magazine that said if you drink sauerkraut juice, it will heal bleeding ulcers. Before you make a decision to be operated on, why don’t you try it? I can send you the article if you want.”

  “Send it.” He grinned. “Although sauerkraut juice sounds more likely to kill you than cure you.”

  Ruby propped her elbows on the table. “Who are you going to believe, Calvin, me or some doctor who went to medical school for twelve years? Have you seen a specialist outside of the military?”

  “I’ve been thinking about it. I already have three opinions from military doctors.”

  “Drink the juice for a few weeks and then go see the outside specialist,” Ruby suggested. Calvin nodded.

  Calvin poked at the rice on his plate. “What will I do with my time if I have to get out? I’m not a youngster. Who’s going to want to hire me at my age?” The stress and worry were back on his face.

  Ruby smiled. “First, you will spend a great deal of time with me. And then you can do all kinds of things. Calvin, you have all of Washington at your disposal. You could lobby, you could do consulting work. You were a pilot. What about Lockheed or Boeing? Or how about running for political office? As a last resort, you could go to work for a fast-food joint.”

  “Just like that.”

  “That’s pretty much the way it works. You get out and you get a job. What does your wife say?” Ruby asked curiously. She wondered what Eve looked like.

  “I really haven’t talked to her about it. She hates the air force just the way you hated the marines. She’s not a sympathetic person unless it involves the kids, and even then she doesn’t dole out a lot of caring.”

  “What are we going to do tomorrow?” Ruby asked brightly to change the subject.

  “Tomorrow?” Calvin asked stupidly. “Tomorrow is Saturday.
”

  “Yes, I know. That means you have all day off, right? So, what are we going to do? I’d like to drive up to Mount Pleasant and perhaps stop and see Rena and Bruno. I lived in their house after I left Kilbourne Place. Why are you looking like that, Calvin? Don’t you feel well?” she asked in a panicky voice.

  “No, no, I’m fine. It’s just that on Saturdays I do certain things. I’ve established a routine over the years, and if I break that routine or step out of character, Eve will know something is up. She has her routine on Saturday, too. Please, Ruby, try to understand.”

  “Oh, I do, Calvin,” Ruby said in a dangerously cool voice. “Do you think I flew to Washington only to have lunch and dinner with you? I can’t remember exactly what you said, but you implied we would spend the weekend together. Obviously, I misunderstood you.”

  Calvin’s lips compressed. “Let’s clear this up right now before it blows up into something we’re both going to regret. I take the blame, I thought ... and I admit it was wrong, that it was just for today ... your visit, I mean. I assumed that you would want to get back home to your business. I thought we’d talk, make plans, and go on from there. I’m sorry, Ruby.”

  “For someone who says he’s contemplating a divorce, you certainly appear overly concerned about what you do and when you do it. Or was that just talk, Calvin? I don’t get it.”

  “Eve and I maintain civility in our relationship. We go for weeks without speaking to one another, but we’re always home on the weekends doing what has to be done to make the house work.”

  Ruby blinked. She listened to all the words. It was another rejection. Three in one week. Not on your life. She had her coat and purse in her hand and was halfway out of the dining room before Calvin comprehended he’d done something to make her leave. He stared at the twenty-dollar bill she’d thrown on the table.

  “For my dinner,” she’d said before she flounced out.

  He caught up with her just as she rounded the corner to the corridor leading to her room.

  “Ruby, wait.”

  “Aren’t you late? You did say you have a curfew. Isn’t your wife going to send someone looking for you? Go away, Calvin. I made a mistake coming here. When you get your life together, call me. I assumed you led your own life and your wife led hers. I think you want your cake topped with ice cream. But I’m not your ice cream, Calvin. Good night. It was nice to see you again.”