Finding Us (True Love) (Volume 2)

by Harper Bentley

  He sat back so fast, it was as if I’d touched him with an electrical wire. “Are you serious?” He looked at me, a mix of emotions on his face. “Damn, Jag! That’d be awesome! We’d be back! Lewis and Clark at your service!” We both laughed again.

  He was referring to a nickname we’d been given in high school from Coach Martin, our baseball coach. Ross and I’d ridden together to a scrimmage our sophomore year and had gotten lost, not finding the field until an hour after the damned thing had started. Coach was pretty pissed that his first string battery (pitcher and catcher) were late and he’d started yelling at us, sarcastically calling us Lewis and Clark because we couldn’t find our way, and it’d stuck. We were never clear on which of us was Lewis or which was Clark, we just knew when he yelled it out, he meant us.

  And I’d been pissed at Dirk ever since he’d pulled that bullshit move on El, telling me I had to attend the party that’d been held by the company sponsoring the commercial with Alessandra, alone. As I said before, I hadn’t been happy about it, and I viewed it as huge part of what led to El and my downfall. So, when Ross was ready, Dirk would be hitting the road ASAP.

  “Would I have to move to California?” he asked.

  “I don’t care where you live,” I said with a grin. “As long as you do your part, it’s all good.”

  “That’s so cool, man. Thank you. As soon as my internship is over, I’ll be ready, I think. The guy I’m with is great. Bad thing is, he’s set me up at a modeling agency in the Artist Management division. No, I don’t get to work with hot models.” He answered my look of surprise. “I help negotiate deals with various companies on behalf of the agency. But it’s good experience. Damn, Mom and Dad are gonna flip out not to mention Rebecca. You’re gonna earn a gold star with her on this one.”

  God, I hoped so. Every guy knows his girl’s best friend’s approval is up there with gaining Nirvana or some shit. I just hoped he was right.

  I’d been downgraded to a Class B stalker. Welcome to my world.

  Later that morning, I was on Northwestern’s campus trying to figure out where El was having class. What can I say? I was bored. Since the campus was right on Lake Michigan, and there was, of course, a breeze coming off it, shock, I know, that that was actually occurring in the Windy City, I was freezing my ass off. Mom had taught me well because I even had on layers, but the t-shirt covered by a Dodgers hoodie all under a fatigue jacket just wasn’t getting it done. I had on a beanie to keep the old braincase warm, but had to shove my hands deep into my jeans pockets since I hadn’t brought gloves. Who knew it’d be eight billion degrees below zero in October. Jesus.

  As I walked, I called Ross to ask if he knew what building El might be in. I’d kind of gotten her schedule for the day. Okay, I’d absolutely gotten her schedule and knew what she’d be doing pretty much unto the hour, but I hadn’t planned anything beyond just watching her. Sick, I know. When he told me the physical therapy school was in Chicago and not Evanston, I hissed out a What? and wanted badly to punch a freshman who was walking by, making him look warily at me as he took a wide berth around me. Probably would’ve just broken my stupid, frozen hand anyway.

  Ross gave me the address of the school and I headed back to my SUV and drove south.

  And shock again. This campus was just off North Lake Shore drive, which was, of course, right on the lake too. Guess I’d gotten used to the warmer weather in LA and had turned into a pussy.

  I found the right building then, like the creeper that I was, and parked and waited. It wasn’t long before I saw her coming out with a guy and she was being awfully friendly with him. Shit. They stood and talked for a couple minutes before she tiptoed up, kissed his cheek then with a little wave and a smile walked toward where she’d parked her car.

  Uh. What?

  What the fuck was that? I watched the guy through narrowed eyes as he watched her walk away, a little grin on his face, and figured he was some sort of assistant professor because he looked to be around my age. He was also totally take-downable, being around five foot ten or so and maybe weighing one-eighty. I had a good four inches on him and twenty more pounds of muscle, so I knew I could take him, but what the hell was going on here?

  I knew El had to go back to her apartment to change for work, so I started my rental and drove that way, not bothering to try to follow her since I knew her destination. I took my time, trying to figure out if in the fucking month that she’d been home, she’d started dating that guy.

  When I pulled up at her apartment complex, I saw that her Jetta was there, so I got out and went to her door. I almost just barged in using the key Ross had given me, but didn’t think that’d go over very well with her, so I knocked and waited.

  The surprised look on her face that turned to disappointment totally pissed me off when she opened the door.

  “Oh,” she said when she saw me.

  Oh? That guy got a kiss and I get a goddamned Oh? Nope. Don’t think so.

  “Who was that guy, El?” I snapped, the anger simmering inside me just a tad below the surface.

  Her eyes got big. “What guy?” she asked, looking like I’d totally caught her cheating, which was pretty much what’d happened.

  I pushed my way into her apartment and she mumbled sarcastically, “Come on in.”

  I turned to face her after she’d closed the door. “The guy you were fucking kissing outside of your school?” I yelled.

  Now, the funny thing was, she’d always been the one to get louder when we argued and I was always the one trying to get her to chill, but now all bets were off. Some asshole was trying to move in on my territory. So not fucking happening.

  “You were at my school? What, are you stalking me now?” she asked with a surprised, and condescending, I might add, huff, looking at me as if I were insane.

  “Who is he?” I growled.

  She turned to walk into the living room more then turned back to me. “His name is Jeremy.”

  My eyes pierced hers as I waited for her to continue.

  She sighed, looking down at the floor. “I met him my sophomore year. He was in his first year at the physical therapy college, and he helped me with some stuff.”

  My turn to huff. “Yeah, I’ll just bet he did.”

  Her eyes sliced to mine. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, you’ve been all over my dick about me cheating with Alessandra, and here you were the entire fucking time with this fucker in your back fucking pocket!”

  She scowled. “Are you crazy?”

  “Yeah, I think I just might be,” I said, lunging at her and grabbing her by the upper arm.

  “Jag!” she yelled, trying to wrench her arm away.

  “Are you seeing him?”

  She stopped pulling on her arm and looked up at me, asking snottily, “And what if I am?”

  And that did it. I grabbed her by the other arm and jerked her body into mine. “You’re mine, goddamn it!” I bit out before slamming my mouth to hers.

  She fought me for a few seconds before I felt her body relax then melt into me, her hands moving up to wrap around my neck as a low moan left her throat. She pulled my cap off my head, and I had no idea where it landed because I was too busy yanking her sweatshirt and the t-shirt that was under it off, my hands moving to cup her breasts over her bra. Her hands moved down and inside my coat to push it off my shoulders next before I crashed my lips to hers again.

  Before I knew it, I’d unzipped her jeans, pulling them down along with her panties, freeing one of her legs after tugging off her boot. I reached behind my neck to pull my hoodie and t-shirt off, as she unzipped my jeans, shoving them and my boxer briefs down past my hips to free me, wrapping her hand around my length.

  I bent and slammed my mouth to hers again then reached my hand under her leg, hitching it up to the side of my hip. Pushing her back against the wall as she wrapped her arms around my neck again, I grabbed my cock and found her opening, ramming up inside her so hard, I thought
I’d come at just feeling her around me again, at hearing her gasp as I filled her.

  “Fuck!” I rasped out, plunging inside her again and again, already feeling the twinges of her core gripping me as her climax built. “Fuck yeah, El, give it to me, baby. Let me feel you,” I grated, my mouth coming down on hers again, my tongue finding hers to tangle frantically with it.

  She then tore her lips from mine as her hands moved up to thread through my hair and she pulled hard, her neck arching back, her head hitting the wall as she screamed out my name when her orgasm ripped through her.

  “That’s it, baby, God, yes,” I hissed, driving up inside her hard and fast, filling her completely, burying myself to the root each time I drove into her hot slickness that surrounded me, milked me.

  I slowed my movements then and felt her trembling against me. Damn. Cupping her face in my hand, I bent to kiss her, savoring her taste, the feel of her, then moved my lips across her jaw to her neck, then to her ear.

  “Love you, El. Fucking missed you, baby,” I whispered, and her low moan telling me to go faster turned me the fuck on even more than I already was.

  I dropped my hands down under her ass and picked her up, her legs encircling my waist, her hands grabbing my shoulders, and pushed her against the wall and started pounding inside her faster. Jesus, she felt amazing, so fucking good.

  “Oh, God!” she breathed and tensed against me, her nails digging into my shoulders, her breath catching, and I felt her insides spasm around me again when another climax surged through her making her cry out.

  I felt myself peaking then and pumped faster, moving her roughly up and down against the wall, and roaring out a curse, I came hard. I dropped my head and rested my forehead on her shoulder, as we stood there breathing heavily, our sweat-slick bodies moving as one.

  After several seconds, I pulled back and looked at her, surprised at what’d just happened but also happy as hell that it had, and leaned in to kiss her long, soft and wet.

  But when I felt her body stiffen before she pulled away, I knew the moment was over.

  “Put me down, Jag,” she whispered.

  I looked into her eyes to see them shining with tears not yet spent and let her legs drop, hating not still being joined with her any longer when I slid from inside her.

  She bent to put her leg inside her jeans, pulling them up and fastening them, and in my stupor I stood there watching her for a minute before doing the same.

  “El,” I began.

  “No, Jag. You need to go,” she said, still whispering as if she also couldn’t believe what’d just happened between us.

  Which suddenly woke me up and I began to get angry again.

  She’d gone to get her shirts from the floor, pulling them back over her head, not even deigning to turn and look at me when I spoke. “El, what’s wrong?”

  I walked over behind her, putting my hands on her shoulders, and her hands came up to push them off her as she turned to face me. “You need to leave, Jag.”

  I wasn’t understanding this. To me, what’d happened was a good thing, a step in the right direction between us. And I told her so.

  “You don’t get it.”

  And hearing that for the fifty thousandth time was enough. I was so tired of hearing that I didn’t get it, so I just went ballistic on her.

  “Fucking Christ! Here we go with that again! I don’t get it? You think I don’t get it? Let me tell you, I totally get it, El! I get it! Believe me! I fucking get it!” I threw my arms up, exasperatedly.

  She stood looking at me and I saw her swallow roughly as she shook her head. “I don’t think you do.”

  Now, the Roman playwright Terence said, “The quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love.” Well, if that was the case, then El and I were renewing the hell out of our love at that point with a goddamned vengeance.

  So tired of this shit and afraid I’d punch my fist through her wall, I put my hands on my hips, and dropping my head, closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath through my nose to calm myself.

  We seriously needed to work this out. Now. Knowing she didn’t have to be to work for another hour (See? Total stalker here), I asked if we could talk so I could explain some things to her. She looked skeptically at me at first as if anything I had to say wasn’t going to resolve a damned thing, but finally agreed to listen.

  I grabbed my t-shirt and hoodie, pulling them on as I followed her to the kitchen where she went to get herself a bottle of water, handing me one as she walked by me to sit at the table. I sat too, opening my water to take a long drink.

  We sat in silence for a bit, me watching her every move, her not bothering to look my way, which made me want to go ballistic again. Instead, I practiced my deep breathing to keep from blowing up at her. After taking one last deep breath, I began. “I know you don’t believe me, but I’ve been thinking a lot about this the past couple weeks, and I do get it.”

  She finally glanced my way, but again looked skeptical. Damn.

  “I know I made you feel less than important, and I’m so sorry. I lost sight of what mattered the most.” I looked down at my hands on the table for several seconds before looking at her. “I fucked up, El. I know that. But I get it now. I should’ve been protecting you, making you feel wanted, needed, and I failed.” I stared down at my hands again wishing I could turn back time so I wouldn’t make that mistake again.

  She cleared her throat making me look at her, but she was staring at her own hands on the table. Then she whispered, “You hurt me.”

  Those three words sliced right through me and I literally flinched at the impact they had on me. I knew I’d hurt her, but hearing her say it tore me up.

  “I know I did. And I’m so sorry.”

  She looked at me then. “How can I ever trust you not to do that again?” A single tear ran down her cheek. “When you love someone, the world is supposed to look different. You’re supposed to feel different. And you do. And because you’ve given that person your whole, entire self, you put your trust in them that they’ll keep you safe. That they’ll do what it takes to keep you from being hurt.” There was a little hitch in her voice as she looked back down at her hands. “But when that person is the one hurting you, what then?” she whispered.

  I bowed my head feeling horrible about how I’d treated her.

  She sighed. “I know you probably think I’m overreacting to this. I mean, maybe I am. But you know what? My mom and dad have been married for over thirty years, and he’s not once made her feel that way. I asked her when I got back what made it work for them, how they’d been together for so long. And you know what she said?”

  I shook my head somberly keeping my head down.

  “She said he’s protected her heart the whole way. That he told her before they were married that he knew she was giving him something precious, and he promised, vowed, to keep it safe. She said he’s never once failed her in that. Not once, Jag.” I saw that several tears had now traced a path down her beautiful face when I looked up at her.

  I took her hand in mine. “If you’ll give me another chance, I’ll prove to you that I’ll do the same, El. I will.”

  She gave me a small smile, taking a breath and blowing it out before saying, “Can I ask a favor?”

  I smiled back. Okay, now we were getting somewhere. Thank God. “Anything.”

  “Give me time to figure some things out and I’ll call you when I do?”

  Great. Of course, I’d give her time. I mean, what else could I do?

  And while I waited for her to get things straight in her head, I’d just have to pray that Slade or that Jeremy prick weren’t the “things” she had to figure out, or that she realized one of them was the one she wanted while I was a no-good-cheating-according-to-the-tabloids bastard.

  Fuck my life.

  Chapter 9

  Filming for the last installment of the commercial was to start in a couple days, so I’d have to go back to LA for at least three weeks.

  I’
d originally planned that El would be coming back with me, but you see how that turned out. So I’d be going home alone and that just sucked.

  My plan now was to let her have her time to think things over then I’d return right before Thanksgiving, she’d tell me she’d made a horrible mistake in ever letting me go, and things would be back to normal. Hey, it was possible.

  So over the next three days, I spent time with my parents and the night before my flight back to LA, I caught a Blackhawks game with Ross and Tyler then we ended up crashing at Tyler’s place. Well, not after three very attractive women tried picking us up at the bar we stopped at after the game.

  “Hey! Weren’t you in GQ a couple months ago?” one woman asked me, looking at me as if I were King God of the Universe, which I can’t say didn’t feel pretty damned good.

  I smiled at her, thinking how easy it’d be to hook up for the night, but knew that’d never happen because I was in love with El.

  Who didn’t know if she wanted me.

  Who might be falling for another guy.

  And, oh, how tempting it was to take the chick up on her offer.

  Oh, I can hear the gasps now.

  Listen. Men aren’t complex creatures. We’re pretty simple. We like to eat, fuck, and solve shit, and not necessarily in that order. We also have huge egos, and when our egos aren’t being attended to, well, it’s tough to be mature and not go out and find someone who’ll stroke said ego to make us feel better about ourselves. Look, I’ve already admitted that I’m a dick, so no one should be surprised that I actually pondered going home with the woman. But I’ll reveal a little secret—all men are dicks. And even if anyone thinks their man isn’t, he is. There, I said it, and now one of the great mysteries of the universe has been answered. You may return to your previously scheduled life.

  But I kept it in my pants and only flirted a little with the woman at the bar, my ego restored to its former glory by the time we left. Thank God.

  Upon landing in LA, I picked up my luggage, got in my Camaro and called Logan, heading straight to his place for some surfing. There was something about being out on the water that relaxed me, even if I wiped out a hundred times. So he and I suited up and headed for the ocean once I got there.