Cassidy's Cowboy (Search For Love)

by Karen Rose Smith

"As you said, the apartment is pretty much like it was when Mom and I stayed there. I noticed those shelves are still hanging on the wall. Can you tell me what happened to everything that was there once they took me away?"

  Compassion filled Flo's eyes as she studied Cassie. "Not much belonged to your mom, honey. The furniture had been mine. I gave her clothes to Goodwill because I didn't know what else to do with them. I looked high and low for one thing that was valuable that your mom had. It was a gold pocket watch. But I couldn't find it anywhere."

  With a trembling hand, Cassie pulled the pouch from her pocket. "You mean this? I took it with me. I pushed it into my stuffed horse so nobody would see it." She set the pouch on the table.

  "Oh, I'm so glad you have it. May I?"

  Cassie gave the watch a little push toward Flo.

  Flo dumped the watch from the little pouch and opened it. "This was very special to your mom."

  "Why?" Cassie asked, holding her breath.

  "Because the man she loved gave it to her. He was your father."

  When Cassie could hardly keep from jumping out of her chair, she saw Lucy's excitement, too. "Do you know his name?"

  Flo's smile was sad. "No, I don't know his name. But one night when Jeannette got a little tipsy, she told me the love of her life had given her this. This and that little foal she kept on those shelves. He was an artist, she said, who couldn't make any money at it and he was traveling from place to place to find work and to do what he loved most—carving and painting."

  With her heart beating so rapidly, Cassie couldn't speak.

  Lucy jumped in. "We're here because we're trying to find him. Cassie has the watch and we didn't know who it belonged to."

  Flo thought about it, as if she were dragging bits of old memories into place. "Your mom said his dad had given it to him."

  "Do you know why he gave it to Jeannette?" Gillian asked.

  "She never said, but I suspected it was because he had deep feelings for her. Maybe he didn't want to leave but he had no choice. He had to find someplace to make a living."

  "I wonder why she didn't just go with him?" Cassie mused. "She didn't have anything tying her here, did she?"

  "Not that I know of. But after he left, I don't think she ever heard from him again."

  "So many questions," Cassie said, then thought of something. "So do you know what happened to that carving? The foal"

  "Sure, I know what happened to it. I kept it! It's beautiful. It's in my bedroom. I'll go get it. It belonged to your mother and you should take it with you."

  Cassie almost jumped out of her seat to follow Flo, but she didn't. She waited until the older woman returned, carrying the small foal in the palm of her hand. She handed it to Cassie as if she were passing on a sacred object.

  When Cassie ran her thumb over the foal's head, over its little ears, over its body and its curled up hooves, shivers danced up and down her arms. It was truly beautiful, as beautiful as anything Lucy carved. She handed it to her twin.

  Tears came to Lucy's eyes as she managed to say, "I must have gotten my talent from him."

  The silence around the table was respectful and in memoriam of sorts, of their mom and their dad, whoever he was.

  Gillian asked, "Can I see it?"

  Suddenly, anticipation filled Cassie. If this did belong to her father, like the watch, then maybe—

  Gillian lightly passed her fingertips over the carving. Then she turned it over. Her thumb slid across the bottom of it and Cassie wondered what she was doing.

  "Artists sign their work and your father did, too." She handed the foal to Cassie so she could see. She could barely make out the knife's strokes etched into the base and she handed it to Lucy. "Hunter. Is that what's carved there?"

  "My guess is, Hunter was his last name," Gillian said, "and I'm still getting a strong sense that his first name was Walt."

  "You think we have a name? Walt Hunter?" Lucy asked Gillian in breathless surprise.

  "I don't know if you should get your hopes up, but Jake is very good with databases and dates." Gillian asked Flo, "So, Jeannette never mentioned Walter Hunter, or anything like that?"

  Flo thought about it and shook her head. "She never mentioned his name. I had the feeling that thinking about him was very bittersweet for her. How did you know his name was Walt?"

  To tell Flo, or to not tell Flo? But Cassie figured they didn't have anything to lose. So she explained exactly how Lucy had found her and how Gillian had sensed the name when she'd held the watch.

  "Well, my goodness! I didn't think things like this actually happened for real, that it was only on TV and in the movies," Flo said.

  "If we could get any other information it would be really helpful," Gillian told her. "My partner does all the computer work and the heavy analysis of data, so anything he can plug in would be great. Did you get any sense at all if Cassie and Lucy's father was the same age as Jeannette?"

  Flo thought about it. "Jeannette was only nineteen, just out of high school. I got the impression that this man she loved was too young to think about responsibilities, too. Do you know what I mean? So I don't think he would have been much older."

  "He could be anywhere in the world," Cassie concluded.

  "That's true," Gillian agreed. "Or...he could be close by, too. People have patterns. They often return to places that hold memories for them, or they go back home. An age will help Jake target the name. He can start in Wyoming and branch out. Yes, it's looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack, and it could take time. But he rarely comes up empty-handed. If you'll excuse me, I'll give him a call, and then we should probably be starting back. I'll try to get a flight out tomorrow."

  Cassie knew Gillian had a husband and son who were waiting for her to return home. She understood. She wanted to get back to the ranch and tell Ben what she'd found out.

  Ben. Just what would he think about all this? Would he even care?

  ***

  Almost eleven when they returned to the ranch house, Cassie, Lucy and Gillian found Loren playing Blackjack with Zack in the kitchen. After they'd said goodbye to Flo, Lucy had called Zack to tell him what had happened and then to add they were stopping to eat before coming home. None of them had wanted the men to worry.

  Hardly in the door, Lucy rushed straight to her husband. Zack wrapped his arms around her and gave her a giant hug and kiss, a kiss that made Cassie think of her kisses with Ben.

  She heard him murmur to her twin, "I'm glad your trip was successful, but I'm glad you're back, too."

  "We don't know yet how successful," Gillian said. "It all depends on what Jake can find out. A couple of prayers wouldn't hurt."

  "I do that every day," Loren assured her, "for all of you." He shot a look at Cassie. "If you're wondering where Ben is, he's upstairs sitting by Julie's bed. She had a lot of trouble getting to sleep tonight."

  "Why? Did something happen?" She wanted to see Ben and tell him everything that had happened.

  "You could say so," Loren said with a direct look. "She was pretty upset after you left."

  Feeling sideswiped by that one, Cassie was puzzled and Loren obviously saw that. "Apparently you didn't tell her where you were going and you didn't say goodbye."

  Remembering how she'd left the barn in a hurry, she hadn't spotted Julie anywhere in sight. But she hadn't looked, either. "What did she say?"

  Loren shrugged. "Don't know for sure, but the gist is she thought maybe you weren't coming back."

  "Oh, my gosh! I never even thought she'd associate my leaving with—"

  "Her mother's?" Loren asked.

  Feeling awful, Cassie wasn't sure what to do.

  Zack nudged Lucy toward the door. "Come on, let's turn in. We have a long drive tomorrow. I talked to the builder today and I set up a meeting for next week."

  Suspecting her sister and brother-in-law just wanted to talk about everything that had happened, and definitely wanted to spend time alone, she walked them to the door and gave bo
th of them a hug, wishing them good-night. Turning to Gillian she said, "I'm just going to grab my nightgown and robe from my room. Then you can turn in."

  "I feel like I'm the one who should sleep on the couch," Gillian said.

  "No way. You have a flight out tomorrow and you need your rest. I'll be fine. After all, I'm used to sleeping in the barn with the horses sometimes."

  After Loren said his good-nights, Cassie followed Gillian upstairs, swiped her robe and nightgown from a hook inside the closet door, and then went to the door. But she stopped there and gave Gillian a hug. "Thank you so much. I don't know how I'm ever going to repay you."

  "No repayment necessary. I love doing this kind of work for this very reason. But I have to warn you, Cassie, if we find this Walter Hunter, you can't let your expectations run away with you."

  "You've seen situations like this that didn't go well?"

  "I've seen situations go well and I've seen situations like this just sort of fade away. I know the saying's overused, but you really have to try to just go with the flow."

  "I will. I promise. I'll see you in the morning."

  Standing in the hall with her robe and nightgown slung over her arm, Cassie cast a glance at Ben's door. It was closed. But then she shot a look to Julie's door and it was ajar. Unable to help herself, she went over to the doorway and peeked inside.

  Ben was sitting in the chair by Julie's bed, his legs propped up on the mattress.

  When she pushed the door open a little farther, he dropped his feet to the floor and sat up straight. As he did, Julie asked, "Daddy, don't leave, okay?"

  "I'm not going anywhere. But someone just came home and I think she wants to say good-night."

  Cassie walked into the room, and Ben turned on the bedside lamp. But Julie didn't seem excited to see her. In fact, she looked even more upset.

  Following instinct more than anything else, Cassie dropped her robe and gown on the side of the bed. "Hi, Julie," she said. "Is it okay if I come in and say good-night?"

  Julie nodded but wouldn't look at her. That was strange.

  Ben stood, apparently not knowing whether he should stay or go.

  Cassie asked him, "Do you mind if I talk to Julie for a couple of minutes?"

  "No problem. I'll just get a drink of water." He looked down at his daughter, worried. It was the same worried expression she'd seen the day he'd arrived. This was her fault and somehow she had to make it right.

  After Ben left, she sat on the bed beside the nine-year-old. "Loren said you were upset when I left."

  Julie nodded, still not looking at her.

  "Honey, I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye. I didn't see you when I was on my way out, but I should have made a point of finding you."

  "I thought you weren't coming back." There was almost panic in Julie's voice.

  "Twin Pines is my home. I'll always come back here."

  "Mommy had a home, but she left and didn't come back. Daddy said I didn't do anything wrong. But here I did, and I was afraid you found out and that's why you left."

  Julie was crying now and Cassie had no idea what she was talking about. She moved a little closer to her, put her arm around her shoulders and brought her close. "Hey! What could you have possibly done wrong? You've been making friends with Rachel and Loren and Sue Ann and all the animals."

  Julie was silent a very long time. Cassie just waited, not wanting to push too hard. Something was weighing on Julie and she might as well get it off her chest, no matter how trivial or how big.

  Finally, she blurted, "I let Sunny out. I thought she'd want to run and play someplace bigger. I thought it would be good for her. But then you were so upset and Daddy went and helped you. She could have gotten hurt." Julie was really crying now and Cassie just held her.

  "It's okay, honey. She didn't get hurt and your dad and I didn't get hurt."

  "You fell and got scraped."

  "I did. But I've fallen and gotten scraped before." She leaned away from Julie now and looked deeply into her eyes. "Listen to me. I understand why you let her out. You didn't want her to feel trapped. You thought she'd be happier. She was used to being free and you wanted her to feel that way again. But here she has to learn a different life. Once she settles in, I'll let her run in the big pasture with all the other horses. She'll make friends and she'll play with them. And then I'll take her on long trail rides. She'll like that, too. But for now I'm doing what I think is best for her. Can you understand that?"

  Julie sniffed and then slowly nodded. "Are you sure you're not mad? That's not why you went away today?"

  "I should have explained to you why I went away. I'm not mad. I never even suspected you let Sunny out. But I'm glad you told me. It's always best to be honest."

  As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she knew she should be following her own advice. Be honest with Ben, a little voice in her head told her. Yet fear kept her from doing that, just as it had kept Julie silent.

  "You won't tell Daddy about it, will you?"

  This was putting her in a sticky situation, but she felt her bond with Julie was becoming important, so important that trust needed to be built, not broken. So she said, "I won't tell your daddy about it, but I think you should."

  Julie shook her head vigorously.

  "He's not going to leave you. He loves you. He won't even be angry if you told him why you did it. I want you to think about it, okay? And if you want me with you when you tell him, I will be."

  "I'll think about it," Julie said, and Cassie knew she would, because she was that kind of little girl.

  Time passed as Cassie sat holding Julie, reassuring her not everyone in her life would leave her. She told her about looking for her own dad and hoping she could find him. She recalled funny antics from the different horses she'd owned and how they'd been her best friends. Finally, Julie snuggled down beside her and her eyes closed. Her breath became even and Cassie saw she entered a peaceful sleep.

  At some point, Ben had come to stand in the doorway and he'd listened along with his daughter. When they both realized Julie was sleeping soundly, he motioned Cassie out into the hall. "Thank you. Whatever you said must have reassured her and calmed her down."

  "I want to throttle her mother, I really do. How could she do this to her?" The outrage Cassie felt on Julie's behalf was palpable and she was sure Ben could feel it, too.

  "Melinda is only concerned now with what she wants, not what Julie needs." He gave Cassie a slow smile. "Thank you for wanting to stand up for Julie. I think that's why she bonded with you from the beginning. She sensed that quality in you."

  "Children need advocates. They need someone who will understand their deepest fears. That's the only way they can shake them off."

  "And what's your deepest fear?"

  That I'll tell you the truth about me and you'll turn away. But of course she couldn't say that. "I guess that I'll never find someone who feels as deeply about Twin Pines as I do, and who can accept me just as I am."

  "Zack gave me and Loren a short version of what happened in Laramie. So now you have a name."

  "Yes, we do, and I also have this." She had slipped the fawn into her blouse pocket over her heart. "I think Lucy and I are going to share custody of it because our dad made this. At least that's what we think." She held it out to Ben.

  He took it, turning it first one way and then the other, admiring it. "Beautiful work."

  "Lucy does similar work. She must have inherited the talent. The woman who let us stay in the room above her garage has had it all these years. I should have gone back there sooner, I really should have. I should have looked her up sooner. But even if I had, I don't think I would have figured it out. I mean, I never would have had his first name without Gillian's help."

  "Amazing, isn't it?" he asked.

  "Amazing." But they were gazing into each other's eyes and Cassie knew they weren't talking about Gillian's gift. No, they were talking about this connection they felt between the two of the
m.

  Finally, Ben nodded toward Julie's door. "I'm going to sit by the bed a little while longer."

  "And I'd better hit that couch. Five a.m. comes mighty early."

  "I'll see you at breakfast."

  "At breakfast," she repeated, suddenly wanting nothing more than to spend the night in Ben O'Donnell's arms.

  Chapter Eight

  Ben felt overwhelming pride in his daughter as he watched her guide Buttercup into the corral after Clem opened the gate. She was becoming a great little rider and wanted to go farther afield each time. Cassie was riding beside her, and he'd dropped behind. He watched as Cassie said something to his daughter and she laughed. He didn't know what had transpired between them last night in the bedroom before he'd walked in, but whatever it was, his daughter seemed to be on an even, happy keel again. Cassie certainly had the magic touch with her. He knew she was on pins and needles about what the private investigator was going to find out, if he was going to find out anything about her father. He'd seen the silent communication between her and Lucy before Lucy had left this morning. He'd seen the hug she'd given Gillian. They were all hoping for the best.

  Since Julie had taken her first ride, Cassie had taught her how to help groom the horses. She was always right there with her to make sure she was safe. Ben realized he trusted Cassie more with Julie than he'd ever trusted his wife. Melinda had never seemed to really enjoy spending time with her daughter, to get down on her level and play with her and laugh with her and even talk with her. But Cassie had no problem doing that.

  A half-hour later they were crossing the lane to the house to get lunch when the mail truck came rumbling down the gravel. After a minute or two, the driver jumped out with a large box in his hand with mail on top of it. Cassie took everything from the carrier, who looked to be about her age. Ben could see right away that they'd known each other for a while. They chatted a couple of minutes, then the carrier hopped back in his truck, pulled into the empty parking space at the barn making a U-turn, and headed back down the lane.

  "I think it's the new harness I ordered," Cassie said. "It should be supple enough that Sunny won't mind it too much." Noticing Cassie didn't bother glancing at the address on the box, nor did she rifle through the mail once they'd gone inside, he nodded to the bills on top. "Pretty soon they won't come in the mail at all. I'm surprised you haven't signed up for email bill delivery."