"Not my first name. How the dickens did you find me?"
She couldn't tell if he was pleased about it or regretted it. "That's a really long story and we'd love to tell you all about it. In fact, we'd like to meet you."
Heavy silence weighed on the line again.
Lucy bit her lower lip and Cassie knew whatever happened next could change their lives in a big way.
"I have a family," he said. "I have a wife and two kids. They don't know anything about Jeannette. I can't just spring this on them. I can't—"
"No decisions have to be made now," Cassie told him, keeping her voice even, her good sense at the forefront. "Let me give you our contact information and our numbers. And then after you've thought about all of this, if you want to know more, if you want to get to know us, just call one of us. Or email." She looked toward Lucy and Lucy nodded. Cassie would, of course, give him Lucy's email.
She heard the scrape of a chair. She heard a rustle of paper. Then eventually he said, "Go ahead. Give me your names again and where I can reach you."
Suddenly Cassie's hope began slipping away. This wasn't the reaction either she or Lucy had been hoping for. They wanted a father who would embrace them with open arms, wholeheartedly, without any hesitation. But this was also what Gillian had warned them about. So she gave her father contact information as if she were rattling it off to a business owner.
After she'd finished, he said again, "This is a shock. I have to figure out the best thing to do...for everybody."
"We know that," Lucy assured him. "We thought about this a long while before we contacted you."
"So, did your mother speak of me to someone? Is that how you got my name?"
"We had expert people working with us. One of them has a gift for this kind of thing."
He went silent again. "All right. I have your numbers and email address. I will let you know, one way or the other, what I decide."
One way or the other? If he was going to let them into his life or shut them out?
Two minutes later, after a mumbled "It was good talking to you" and "Goodbye", Lucy and Cassie looked at each other, then reached for hugs.
Cassie never cried easily. She'd learned to hide her emotions a long time ago. Especially now, she had to be strong. She could tell Lucy had been really affected by the phone call.
"It'll be okay," Cassie murmured to her. "It will."
"It might not be," Lucy mumbled. "If he searched for love long and hard and he found it now, he's not going to want to tamper with it. We really can't fault him for that. Why jeopardize something he has for something he doesn't know about?"
Everyone had cleared out so she and Lucy could have privacy, but now Ben came into the kitchen from outside and studied them. "Are you all right?"
From their expressions, which were by no means joyous or happy, he could obviously tell the conversation hadn't been what they'd hoped for.
"He has a life and he doesn't want it tampered with?" Ben guessed.
"I think that's the problem," Cassie agreed, letting go of Lucy.
Her twin went to the counter, picked up a napkin and blew her nose. "I don't know why I'm so upset. I have a wonderful family and Cassie's part of that now. She can share my parents. It's just— Feeling rejected is the pits."
To her relief, Cassie found her equilibrium returning. "Yep, the pits. But one way or the other, we haven't lost anything, Luce. We were hoping to gain something, but instead we might just stay the same. We're okay."
Ben clasped Cassie's shoulder. "You're okay, yet it hurts knowing someone's out there you could have a connection to and they don't want it."
Cassie knew Ben was talking about his ex-wife. Did he still have feelings for her? Was he over her? But, as if he read her mind, Ben frowned. "I know what you're thinking. We'll talk about that later."
But Lucy shook her head. "No, you can talk about it now. I have to call Zack and tell him what happened. I'll go upstairs in case I start blubbering again."
"You don't have to hide what you're feeling," Cassie assured her.
Lucy gave her a weak smile and headed for the stairs.
Awkwardness settled over Ben and Cassie for a minute, until he said, "I could never get back together with Melinda. She abandoned our daughter. How can I ever forgive that?"
"But if you still have feelings for her—"
"I have regrets, not feelings. I have if-onlys and what-ifs and I wish I had handled so many things differently. But Melinda's moved on and I—" He gently caressed Cassie's cheek. "I'm beginning to."
When Ben kissed her, Cassie almost forgot about the father who might not want her. She almost forgot about secrets she was still keeping.
Almost.
***
It was late morning the following day when Lucy left. Ben and Julie had gone to the airport to pick up his vice-president and Cassie suddenly felt nervous as she tended to chores. She thought about dinner tonight and Ben's guest. She didn't cook much, mainly because she was afraid she'd mess up a recipe. But Lucy had told her how to make a never-fail pot-roast. This morning she'd put it in the crock pot with herbs, onions and a little bit of wine. Lucy told her by dinner it would be melt-in-your-mouth ready.
She hoped so. She did know how to steam vegetables, boil potatoes to mash and pull the cake from the freezer that Rachel had baked. So there really wasn't anything to be nervous about. It was just...
Everything seemed so up-in-the-air. She and Lucy didn’t know what their dad would decide. Since Lucy had stayed in her room with her last night, she'd missed being with Ben. This morning he'd said as much and given her one of those smiles that made her forget her name. They were so new, and she didn't know what to do next with him. Ever since she'd come to live with Tina, she'd felt her life had been settled. But now everything was so unsettled again, and that put her in a tailspin.
So when Ben and Julie returned to the ranch with Greg Rayburn an hour later, she wasn't sure how to act or what to say and do.
"This is Uncle Greg," Julie said proudly, introducing Cassie to Ben's VP.
Ben's daughter seemed totally at home with him, and Cassie supposed the two men consulted a lot. Greg Rayburn had sandy blonde hair, had to be in his late twenties or early thirties, wore tortoise-shell glasses, and had an air of sophistication about him. Even in jeans and a polo shirt, she could tell he was all-city. His boots looked brand new.
She shook his hand. "I heard you want to sleep in the bunkhouse."
"I've always wanted to get a taste of bunkhouse life. Ben said you might even put me to work if I get up early enough."
"Oh, you'll be awake. Loren, Clem and Dusty don't stand on ceremony. If you're lucky, Dusty will make one of his famous omelets." She smiled and added, "If you can rustle up an appetite at 5:00 a.m."
He groaned. "So everything Ben said was true. Early to bed and early to rise."
She laughed. "And mucking out stalls, too."
After Greg glanced around the kitchen, he peeked into the living room. "Ben said you did a lot of this yourself. You have a good eye for color."
"Thanks. I know what I like, plus I do have a stash of decorating magazines."
Greg chuckled. "We'll have to get your opinion on some of our new colors and patterns."
Colors and patterns. She could deal with those. "Sure."
Ben was watching the two of them and seemed pleased with the way they were getting along.
Julie sidled up next to her. "Can I have a cookie?"
"Sure, you can. It'll be a while till supper. Do you want to come with me to the barn while your dad and Greg have a meeting?"
"What are we going to do, watch Sunny play with the other horses?"
Cassie suggested, "Maybe we'll try to put a blanket on Sunny again today."
Julie explained to Greg, "Cassie's gentling her."
"She's picking up the lingo," Greg said.
"She's turning into a cowgirl," Ben agreed. "You should see her on a horse. We rode down along the stream
day before yesterday, and she had no trouble keeping up."
"My favorite horse is Buttercup," Julie informed Greg. "She's almost white. I even rode her without a saddle one day like a real cowgirl. Are you going to go riding?"
"If your dad and I finish all our business, I guess that's a possibility."
Playing hostess, which was something that felt a bit foreign, Cassie pulled a plate from the cupboard and stacked it with cookies from the cookie jar. "Do you need to use my office?" she asked Ben.
"That probably would be best. I'll set up my computer with the printer. I might have to fax, too."
"Whatever you need to do. Take the cookies and the drinks along back with you. Julie and I will be at the barn. You have my cell phone number if you want us."
With a nod, Ben walked her and Julie to the door. Julie had almost finished her cookie, but Cassie didn't bother to take one.
He bent to her, his breath fanning her ear, as Julie went out on the porch and down the steps. "After Greg turns in, maybe you can join me in my bed tonight."
"Maybe I can," she agreed, giving him a coy smile, liking the darkening in his eyes. She hadn't flirted in a lot of years, and it was fun doing it with Ben.
While Cassie put a blanket on Sunny fifteen minutes later, she and Julie talked. At first Julie chattered about Sunny and the other horses, and how much she loved riding Buttercup. But then she ventured into more personal territory. "Mommy lives in this place that's all shiny, and silver, and black-and-white with lots of glass."
Cassie knew she had to careful, and neutral, for Julie's sake. "So it's very modern?"
"I guess. She doesn’t have things sitting around. You know, things like that bowl you have in your kitchen that you said was Tina's favorite. You put fruit in it now."
"Yep, I now what you mean. And tonight we're going to be using her favorite dishes. It helps me bring back memories."
"Right. It's like Mom doesn't want any memories around. The place even has an echo."
Whenever Cassie took the rugs and the drapes out of a room, it did have a hollow emptiness and an echo. "Do you have a room when you go there?"
"Oh, yeah. It looks like the rest of the house."
"Could you decorate it the way you want?"
"I don't know. I never asked. I've only been there twice. She took me to the zoo to see all the different homes for the animals. The zoo was neat, but she just wanted to hurry through it like it was something to get done, not like it was fun doing it. Do you know what I mean? I don't like going to Seattle. I don't like staying in that house with her."
Part of the problem was that the city and her mother's condo were new to Julie. "Tell me something, honey. How did you feel when you took your first trail ride?"
"You mean out of the corral?"
"Yes. How did you feel?"
"I was happy to be there, happy to be on Buttercup, but I was worried what would happen. I was worried he would go too fast and I'd fall off. I was worried I wouldn't keep my foot in the stirrup. I was worried Daddy would get mad at something I did."
"But he doesn't get mad often."
"No, I know. But he was a lot grumpier at home than he's been since we came here. I like him here."
Cassie laughed. "And I think he likes how you are here. You're not so quiet. But back to the trail ride—that first time, it was kind of scary and you didn't know what to expect. But then what happened when you did it the second time and the third time?"
"Oh, the third time it was great. Buttercup went right where I wanted her to go. I felt like I was part of the saddle. You know what I mean?"
"Oh, I know. Between the first time and the third time you got a more comfortable fit."
"So, you're saying the next time I go be with my mom maybe I'll feel more comfortable?"
"Maybe. Or maybe you'll have to do something to make yourself more comfortable. Maybe you could ask her if you could fix up your own room, or get one thing to put in it, something like that."
"I like my room here just the way it is. That was lucky, huh?"
"I don't know how much luck went into it. I wanted the rooms upstairs to make a guest feel as if they were at home. So, I guess I succeeded."
"Do you know what I'd like?" Julie asked her.
"You'd like a horse."
"Oh, besides a horse."
"What?"
"A sister like you have. Then I wouldn't ever be afraid at night, and I'd always have somebody to talk to."
"You can talk to your dad. And while you're here, you can talk to me."
"I still didn't tell him about Sunny."
"How do you feel about that?"
"I feel like I should, but I don't want him to be mad."
Cassie knew exactly how Julie felt. She wanted to tell Ben about her inability to read, about her run-in with the law, about the kind of wild teenager she'd been. But she didn't want him to be mad, either. More than that, she didn't want him to lose respect for her.
If he did, they'd have no relationship. She was sure of it.
Chapter Eleven
As Ben carved the pot roast, he glanced at Cassie. "Thanks for helping Greg feel at home."
Everything she'd planned for dinner had worked out. Even the orange glaze on the carrots. Lucy had given her explicit directions and Cassie had followed them to the letter. The potatoes she'd whipped with the mixer had turned into buttery, frothy white clouds that looked and smelled wonderful.
"He fits right in. Anyone who can laugh at himself and appreciate a horse is good on a ranch." The men had gone for a trail ride before dinner.
Ben smiled. "That's an easy way of looking at it."
"Dinner's ready!" Cassie called into the living room and almost immediately Julie came running in, Greg soon following.
Talk around the table was fast and furious about O'Donnell Carpet and life in a bunkhouse. After a slight lull, Greg said, "Ben told me you'd like to add cabins for teenagers who need a chance."
Feeling a little disconcerted, realizing that Ben and Greg might have discussed her, Cassie said quietly, "It's a dream."
"Tell me why you think being on Twin Pines could help kids," Greg urged her.
Because he seemed truly interested, she explained, "Living on a ranch is like living in a world separate from the rest of the universe. Distractions seem to drop away. Kids in trouble are distracted by feelings they don't understand—music, TV, school, peers, adults who aren't good role models. Living someplace like this and learning to care for animals can change perspective."
"You sound as if you know from personal experience."
She shrugged. "I do. More coffee?" She certainly didn't want to get into her "personal" experience. Hopping up, she went to the coffee pot, carried it to the table and filled their cups.
"You know, if you could get a corporate sponsor, you could start this project sooner and let it expand faster."
Immediately Cassie shook her head. "No. I don't want someone else pulling the strings. If I do it, I want it to remain smaller scale...personal."
She spotted the look Ben and Greg exchanged. Had they discussed backing such a project? Or helping her find backing?
As if Ben realized she was uncomfortable with the idea and maybe the conversation, he said, "Greg's flying out tomorrow morning. We managed to solve all of our problems this afternoon."
"You hardly got a taste of Wyoming," Cassie protested.
"Enough of a taste that I'd like to see more," he assured her. "Maybe when Ben comes back to Vermont, I'll take a vacation and become a real cowhand."
When Ben frowned, Cassie laughed. She couldn't quite see Greg as a cowhand. But who knew?
An hour later, as Ben put Julie to bed, Cassie went to the barn for one last nightly check. When she returned to the house, Greg had spread paperwork, sample books and some actual patches of carpet across the coffee table.
Descending the stairs, Ben stopped when he saw her. Their gazes locked and excitement and longing swept through her body. She wante
d to dive right into his arms and let him carry her off to bed. But, of course, they couldn't do that until Greg went to the bunkhouse for the night.
Ben motioned to the spread on the coffee table. "Greg wants your input on new colors and designs. He thinks a woman's perspective would be valuable."
The papers with their print made her nervous. "I don't know anything about—"
Greg jumped right in. "You don't need to. I just want a gut reaction different from mine and Ben's. Consider yourself part of my focus group."
A gut reaction. She could do that.
Taking a seat in the comfy wide leather chair across from the sofa, Ben waited for her to perch beside Greg on the couch. She ran the pads of her fingers over the carpet samples. "I like the diamond pattern and this figure 8 design."
"It's the infinity symbol," Greg explained, nodding. "That's one of my favorites, too. But how do you think it looks in the two-tone rather than the solid color?"
After studying them both, she shrugged. "I like the two-tone. The pattern isn't as obvious. My guess is in a room-size piece, from a perspective farther away, it would look entirely different than it does here."
Again Greg nodded. "Ben was right. You do have a good eye for this. So tell me, what do you think the in colors are going to be?" He produced a color palette.
Unable to decipher the name of each color, she figured that didn't seem to be necessary to give an opinion. Concentrating, she finally tapped a few on his color wheel. "I don't know about in colors, but anything that has natural tones, that you could find in the scenery around you, has to be long lasting, right?"
After a chuckle and another glance at Ben, Greg responded, "Our view exactly! Lime green might be great for a year, but after that—" He shrugged. "Who can or would go to the expense of tearing up carpet after a year? Not your ordinary customer."
Pulling a glossy flyer from the bottom of the stack, he flattened it in front of her. "So this is our ad campaign. Do you think it will catch a woman's eye? Women are usually the ones who go carpet shopping."
To Cassie's dismay, there were only a few pictures on the flyer. Most of it was print. Her heart bucked, and she swallowed hard. After pretending to study it, she said, "It looks good."
Cassidy's Cowboy (Search For Love) Page 10