by Amy Gamet
She turned around in her seat. “Is it serious?”
He looked so happy when he said, “Yeah. I think it is.”
“Well, that’s awesome,” she said.
Jax pulled onto the road.
“I’ve got me a girlie friend, too,” said Cowboy. “Sixteen cheerleaders from the community college and a cross-dresser named Moe.”
Jessa laughed, and it felt so good. When was the last time she had laughed with friends?
By the time they arrived at the party, she was feeling more relaxed than she’d been in ages.
Jax walked her inside, his hand lightly touching her back, and turned to her. “I need to track down Red and go over a few things. I won’t be long.”
“Okay. Cowboy will keep me company.”
Cowboy wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Well, hello there, good-looking. My name’s Leo Wilson.” He was laughing, then he lifted his head and his arm tightened on her shoulders.
“What is it?” She turned her head to follow his gaze to a curvy blonde with a sparkly blue dress and a lot of makeup. Even still, the woman was beautiful. “Who is that?” she whispered.
“Charlotte.” He nodded to the woman and held up a hand in acknowledgment.
“Let me guess. Someone you know biblically?”
“Nope.” He steered her away in the opposite direction. “Logan’s sister.”
“Ah. I think there’s a story there somewhere.”
Cowboy looked back over his shoulder. “If I knew she was going to be here, I would have steered clear.”
“You don’t like her?”
He dropped his arm and looked at her like she was crazy. “I like her a lot.”
“Oh.” She nodded. “Oh! I get it. You’re trying to stay away from her because she’s Logan’s sister.”
“Exactly. But she doesn’t make it easy on me.”
Jessa accepted a ginger ale from the bartender and turned to watch Charlotte. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you choke up in front of a woman, Leo.”
“Yeah, well, if I have to keep the Wilson charm under wraps, I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell me about her.”
He took a swig of beer. “She’s loud, and she curses like a sailor.” He turned his back to Charlotte and faced Jessa completely. “You see her nails?”
“Yes.”
“Always long, always red, always killing me.”
Jessa giggled. “I wouldn’t think she was your type.”
“Oh, she’s not. Not at all, and I can’t freaking handle it.”
Charlotte was laughing, her head thrown back and her long neck exposed, a piercing cackle carrying over the noise of the other guests.
“Wow,” said Jessa. “She is something, all right.”
“I know, right? Why the hell does she have to be related to Logan?”
Jessa shook her head. “Sometimes life is cruel, Leo. She’s coming over here.”
“Really?”
“Mmm hmm.”
Cowboy puffed out his chest and Jessa shot him a look.
"Hey, Cowboy,” said Charlotte. “You planning on coming over to say hello to me?" She opened her arms and hugged him, passing Jessa as she did.
She smelled of perfume, something really expensive or really cheap, Jessa wasn’t sure.
"Well, howdy, Charlotte. I didn't know you were going to be here tonight,” said Cowboy.
"I came into town for the mud-wrestling tournament at the fairgrounds. I'm a finalist."
Jessa tried not to laugh while Cowboy’s eyes nearly fell out of his head.
Charlotte punched him in the arm. "Jesus, Cowboy. I'm fucking kidding."
He pointed at her. "You got me.”
She took a healthy sip of her pink wine and held out a hand to Jessa. “I’m Charlotte O’Malley.”
“Jessa McConnell.”
“You two seeing each other?” she asked.
“Oh, no,” said Jessa. “We’re just friends.”
Charlotte turned and winked at Cowboy. "What do you say you and me go out sometime, Leo?"
Jessa couldn’t help but smile, forming an instant affection for Charlotte and enjoying the plight of poor Cowboy.
Cowboy clucked his tongue as his eyes roamed over Charlotte’s bedazzled body. "As much as I would like that, I don't think your brother approves."
She leaned in toward him and whispered in his ear loudly enough for Jessa to hear, "I don't give a fuck whether or not he approves."
"Unfortunately, sweetheart, I have to give a fuck.” He finished his drink. "There’s a code, Charlotte. It ain't up to me."
She stuck her bottom lip out. "You're a grown man. Of course it's up to you."
He shook his head, looking to Jessa for support, but she pretended not to notice. "Logan's like family to me, honey. He's got my back when I'm out there wrestling the bad guys, and it wouldn't be right for me to go after his sister."
"Then maybe I'll just have to go after you." Charlotte turned back to Jessa. “It was nice to meet you, doll face.” She began to walk away. “You’d better watch your back, Leo,” she called over her shoulder. “I don’t give up so easy.”
Cowboy sighed heavily. “What the fuck am I going to do?”
Jessa laughed. “I don’t know, but I hope I’m around to find out.”
Cowboy was the life of the party, and soon he was pulled away by two very eager young women. So when Logan struck up a conversation, Jessa was relieved to have someone to talk to.
It turned out they had a lot in common, from their taste in music and movies to a love for travel and a similar quirky sense of humor. Logan talked about Jax and HERO Force as if they were the end-all be-all of American justice, and she smirked at his naïveté and desire to please his boss.
Good luck with that. He isn't an easy one to please.
Not that she'd ever tried, but she suspected it was a fruitless endeavor.
By the time Logan asked her out, she realized she should've seen it coming from the very beginning. She stammered, “Actually I am… not exactly…"
"Are you seeing someone?"
"Sort of. It's complicated… You seem really nice, and under different circumstances I'd say yes, but right now I don't think I really can."
Logan grinned, and the phrase boyish good looks popped into her mind unbidden. "You don't have to make up excuses," he said. “If you don't want to go out with me, just say so."
"No! It's not that, really. I would like to go out with you. It's just…"
Jax’s voice behind her made her jump. "It's just that she's having my baby."
She watched in horror as Logan's face went from charming to terrified in the space of a single breath. She was blushing furiously now, more than a little upset at Jax’s bold statement. "I'm sorry," she said.
Logan held up his hands. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't understand the two of you were a couple."
Jax put his arm around Jessa, and she squirmed beneath it. "We’re not exactly a couple," she said.
Jax laughed. "You can't be much more of a couple than that, honey."
Logan made his excuses and walked away, leaving Jessa furious and embarrassed in his wake. She shook off Jax’s arm. "What did you do that for?"
"I told you we would tell everyone the truth. Don't act surprised now."
"There's a nicer way to do this, you know. You don't have to be a complete asshole and make everyone uncomfortable."
Jax narrowed his eyes. "Is that what I was doing?"
"Yes."
"That's funny, because I thought I was keeping you from making a date with that young man," he ground out between clenched teeth.
She was taken aback by what appeared to be jealousy.
As if he even wanted her.
"So what if I was?" She looked from his head to his toes and back to his face again. "You and I are not an item. I'm free to date anyone I want to."
He grabbed her wrist. "You are carrying my child."
"So what?" She pulled her wrist out of h
is grip. "That doesn't mean I belong to you. It's bad enough I'll have to share this baby with you, but I sure as hell don't have to share myself."
"That's right, I'd forgotten. You only spread your legs because you were trying to ruin my life, not because you like me.” He put his drink down. “We're leaving now.”
She looked at his nearly empty cup. "How many of those did you have?"
"What difference does it make?"
She shrugged. “Just wondering if I have to drive your drunk, obnoxious ass home or if you can do it yourself."
"It's unsweetened iced tea, Jessa. I’m obnoxious sober, too.” He grabbed her by the elbow and turned her around. "Now say good night to everyone so we can get the hell out of here."
32
Jax drove home in silence, tormented by his own thoughts. There was no denying he’d been jealous of Logan from the moment he saw them talking across the room, Logan’s body language screaming he was interested in Jessa. Jealous because the only man he wanted looking at her that way was himself.
So much for believing I hate her.
He was angry, for sure, but that was a very different thing than hating her. He should have realized the interest he had in her since the moment they first met years before would not be so easily shaken. Yes, she'd betrayed him by intending to take away his child, and that should have put him off her scent forever, but damn it all to hell, he still wanted her.
Maybe that's not such a bad thing.
If he could find a way to put that behind him, maybe even forgive her, it might still be possible for them to share this child.
He changed lanes, surreptitiously glancing in her direction. Her posture clearly said still angry, and not likely to get over it anytime soon. Hell, he was angry, too. The question was, could they find a way to feel something besides anger?
Jax thought back to another car ride, the eighteen hours he’d driven to first tell her they'd killed Steele. He'd spent several of those hours facing the fact that he was interested in Jessa for himself. Apologizing to his dead friend.
Now Jessa was pregnant with his baby, and he had even more reason to pursue her.
Not less.
She lied to you. She's no better than Linda.
But Linda hadn't been carrying his child.
She'd made sure of that.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
He could pursue Jessa, have a relationship with her, maybe even raise the baby as a family. But he would never give her his heart, never trust her after what she had done. It was the only way to move forward from here.
33
Jessa walked into Jax’s house and threw her purse on the counter with no intention of slowing down on her way to the guest room. She thought of her restraints from the night before and knew she could not suffer the same humiliation tonight.
She rounded on him. "If you try to tie me down to that bed again, I will kick your ass, so help me God. If you want me to stay here, you'd better find another way, because you know if it's up to me, I will head out that door and never look back."
He crossed his arms and widened his stance. "Yes, you've made that quite clear."
The smug look on his face and his calm, cool demeanor caused her temper to explode. She pointed at his chest. "You had no right to tell Logan to back off. I am not your property, and I can do with my body and my life whatever I want."
"Is that what you want, Jessa? Do you want to go out with Logan?"
"No! I want you to understand that I am not yours."
"You've made that quite clear tonight, too." His chest and bulging biceps were right at her eye level like a brick wall she would never be able to get through.
"But there's one thing I don't think you understand." He let his head drop forward, his eyes connecting with hers like a magnet to ferrous metal. "You have no idea what it was like," he said, his voice deep and throaty, "when I was watching you with him tonight. I wanted to throttle him."
Jessa shook her head. "Oh, please."
He uncrossed his arms, lightly taking her by the shoulders, and the air became charged with electricity.
"You were laughing, and he was looking at you like he wanted to see you naked, and I knew every thought in his head. I wanted to punch him in the jaw and carry you out of there over my shoulder.”
Jessa dropped her eyes to his chest.
He reached up and gently touched her cheek, lifting her face to his. "I didn't want him looking at you like that. I didn't want him looking at you at all."
"He wasn't doing anything wrong."
"No, he wasn't. Not like I want to do." With that, he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her, a gentle, seductive kiss that promised so much more if she was willing.
"We were supposed to have a truce," she said.
"I know."
"I was looking forward to it.”
He pushed his nose lightly against hers, putting her mouth in position for his kiss once again. "We can have the truce now."
He nipped at her lips with his own, teasing her, and she wanted him to kiss her for real. How could she want that? Did she have no self-respect?
"This doesn't feel like a truce," she said. "This feels like you're winning."
"Let me make love to you tonight, and I promise you we’ll both win.”
His words had her melting inside, but she was scared. The first time they had sex, she expected to find it unpleasant and had been shocked when her body responded to his with such force. She hadn't wanted to feel that way, had simply wanted him to take his pleasure and leave her be.
Now she wanted the whole package. Because if she was going to sleep with Jax again, she had to accept it would be pleasurable.
Immensely pleasurable.
The stress of the last few days was catching up to her. Images of Ralph floated through her mind, she and Ralph together, Ralph and Jax tucked into a drawer in Jax’s office. Could she simply let him be forgotten? Could she move on to his best friend and let go of the guilt that threatened to drown her?
I want it so badly.
She thought about what it would mean. Making love to Jax. Letting herself touch and be touched. Deliberately making him feel good, letting him overpower her if he wished. She took a deep breath in and held it, her eyes searching his. Would he be patient with her? Would he let her find her own physical release as she was able, or would he force his hand, making her feel exposed and vulnerable as she had in the hotel?
You felt those things because you didn't want to enjoy being with him. Are you ready to let him touch you, let him stroke your sensitive places, and trust him with your response?
Her heart beat rapidly with anticipation.
Oh, yes.
She was ready. She'd gone too long without the joy of sex, the electric and spiritual connection to another human being, the animalistic dedication to touch and physical release. She knew this man was capable of making her body sing, and she craved him like the cracked earth craves water.
"I'm scared," she said.
"I know." He lightly ran his fingers through her hair. "But you don't have to be."
The sensation of his short nails against her scalp made her purr, and she let her eyes close, then reached out and touched his chest. He was warm and solid beneath her hands, the beating of his heart palpable through his skin, the air heavy with the scent that was uniquely his.
He was flesh and blood, stimulus and response. He was alive, and she longed to hold him inside her. Her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt and pulled him toward her, lifting her head and kissing him full on the mouth.
He tasted like tea, and it struck her that the last time they’d had sex, he'd been drunk. Would he be the same kind of lover he had been then? Or would he be more mechanical, less sensual?
The idea gave her pause, but no sooner had she thought it than he took control of the kiss, dipping his tongue into her mouth and teasing her just as she remembered.
His arms were around her waist, and
his hands came up to stroke her back, the sensation quieting the questioning voice in her head. She felt warm desire unfurling inside of her. She wanted to enjoy every touch, every experience she was given before moving on to the next one, like savoring a box of chocolates.
She dropped her head to his shoulder, inhaling the scent of him before trailing kisses from his collarbone to his ear. He moaned, the deep tenor of his voice vibrating the muscular column of his neck beneath her mouth.
He grabbed the back of her head and brought her face to his. She felt completely exposed, totally at his mercy.
"I want you in my bed," he said, taking her hand and pulling her behind him. They passed the guest room with her bindings atop the sheets, and she looked forward to giving them a try another time. Right now she wanted to lie between the covers that smelled of him, her bottom in the curve of the mattress where he slept night after night, wanted to see what that space was like.
At the end of the long hallway, he pushed open the door into a room full of windows, the blue glow of moonlight streaming through their panes. In the center of the room was a wide, tall bed with thick posts of twisting wood. She walked to a bedpost, her hand running along the carved spiral, and Jax came up behind her, pulling back her hair and kissing her neck. She arched her back, looking for him, and he fitted himself against her bottom.
She could smell the earthy spice of cinnamon mixed with soap, cologne, and the essence of him on the air. Jax lifted her shirt and she raised her arms, allowing him to pull it over her head. Then he eased her bra straps down to her elbows, leaving a trail of sensation across her shoulders and arms.
She wanted more of him, wanted his hot skin beneath her hands and her breasts against the solid wall of his chest. She spun around.
"Oh, yes," murmured Jax, taking her breasts in his hands and teasing her nipples to attention.
She was tugging at his shirt, pulling it out of his pants and over his head with hasty fingers, desperate to feel skin on skin. She pushed the sides of his shirt back over his shoulders and down to his forearms, the fabric temporarily keeping him restrained.
She looked her fill at his impressive chest, sculpted muscle rolling over bone. Then she moved lower, lightly caressing him and taking his nipple into her mouth before loosening the buckle at his waist. She freed him of his belt and unzipped his fly, nuzzling his hard cock with her face and lips through the fabric of his briefs.