by Amy Gamet
“No way.”
“C’mon. I think it’s time for me to bring you back to Jax now.”
“So he can handcuff me to the bedpost and hold me hostage?”
“If that’s what he chooses to do, then yes ma’am.”
She stood up, raising her voice in the restaurant. “This is absurd. Inhumane.”
Cowboy leaned in close, taking her elbow in his hand. “If you’ve got any sense left in your mind, you should love that man.”
“What?”
“You could do a hell of a lot worse, Jessa.”
Over Cowboy’s shoulder, she saw Jax walk into the restaurant. Cowboy must have seen from her expression that there was something worth turning around for.
“What is he doing here?” she asked.
“I don’t think he trusted me with his prized hostage. I’m going to say goodbye now, kitten,” he said, moving forward and planting a kiss on her cheek. “It was good to see you doing so well.”
Jessa was left stammering in her old friend’s wake as Jax crossed the room. “We need to stop at HERO Force while we’re out,” he said.
She shook her head quickly. “No. I’m not going back there.”
“We have to, Jessa. There are things that need to be done to make sure you stay safe.”
She couldn’t take much more of this. She was at her breaking point, completely out of the emotional energy it would take to go into that building, but also not prepared for another fight. “Fine. One stop at HERO Force, and I’m done.”
27
The elevator shot upward and Jessa’s stomach lurched. This time her discomfort had nothing to do with morning sickness and a whole lot to do with the building they were in. The Alpha squadron headquarters of HERO Force looked like any old building from the outside, but once they went inside those front doors, it could only be likened to itself, with long governmental hallways, retinal scanners beside every other doorway, and overhead lights that gave everything an omniscient glow.
She hated this building. She had always hated this building.
Cowboy shot her an understanding look, but Jax seemed oblivious to her distress.
She hadn't been here since Ralph was alive, and even then her visits had been infrequent. There was no reason for her to come to HERO Force, and it wasn't a building that was easily accessible for people who weren’t part of the team. The elevator came to an abrupt halt, the doors opening to an area lit by a blue security light.
Oh God, I hate this so much.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Andersson. The team is waiting for you in conference room three."
Jax nodded almost imperceptibly. "Thank you."
The receptionist eyed Jessa with obvious curiosity, and Jessa wondered if the other woman remembered she was Ralph's wife or if she was simply shocked to see another woman inside the hallowed walls of this testosterone castle.
Jax bent at the waist and stared into a scanner, the doorway beside it sliding open with a whoosh, and he stepped back for Jessa to enter before him.
Her legs were quaking as she walked, memories flitting through her consciousness. A memory of her husband teased the edge of her mind, Ralph explaining why they were going wheels up just days after returning from a mission.
We have to extract the girl as quickly as possible.
Extract the girl, and easy euphemism for the type of mission she knew well. You couldn't be married to a Navy SEAL for long without understanding extraction was a fancy word for going after the bad guys, guns blazing, your life on the line for someone else's in the dark of night.
The last time there'd been an extraction, Ralph had come home with a shiny new bullet hole in his leg. Jessa might have hated this, but she’d loved the man, and God knew the man loved the job.
They rounded a corner and several desks came into view. A young man stood up and bent his head in recognition. "Mrs. McConnell, it's good to see you again."
"Thank you." Her stomach rolled, and she wished she could vomit. Perhaps then she would feel better, purge herself of this awful feeling that HERO Force instilled in her to this day.
She met the empty stares of the others around him, people she once knew casually who now seemed to see straight through her.
I’m a reminder of everything that could ever go wrong.
Jax stopped walking and turned to her. "Why don't you wait in my office?"
She didn't know where that was, which in and of itself was a reprieve. She nodded.
He lowered his voice. "I'll have someone stationed outside the door."
"In case I try to leave."
"Yes."
She narrowed her eyes. "I wonder what your loyal HERO Force subjects would think if they knew you slept with Ralph's wife?"
His eyes narrowed. "Ralph is gone, Jessa. Dead men don't have wives."
"You son of a bitch." She stole a glance at Cowboy, who had moved several steps away and was pretending he could not hear. "You can be as much of an asshole as you want to be, but don't you ever say that about my husband again."
"What? That he's dead? Or that I shouldn't have to act like he's alive when his widow is carrying my child?"
She reached up and slapped him across the face. For a moment, he registered no reaction at all, then he grabbed her by the elbow and marched several yards down a hallway, pulling her inside a dark room and turning on the lights.
He bit out his words. "You do realize the irony here is that nothing I said is untrue. Ralph is dead and gone. He is no longer married to you, remember? Till death do us part. Now you might miss him, but that does not mean we did anything wrong when we slept together. So don't imply I have something to be ashamed about in front of my coworkers, or even God himself, because I don’t—”
"Let me go."
"And you don't, either. Even though you planned all this, and right now you can't forgive yourself for doing it, you did not betray your husband."
She yanked her arm away from him. "I don't need your absolution."
Jax stared at her, his hard eyes giving nothing away. "Suit yourself." He walked out of the office, closing the door behind him.
28
Jax looked around at the members of HERO Force Alpha squadron. "Whoever killed Maria Elena had access to the gun from the trial. We need to find out who that is. We also need to check out the nephew. He inherited the bulk of Harold Hopewell's estate, and near as I can figure, he's the only one with something to gain from Maria Elena's death."
Cowboy leaned forward in his chair. “Find out how the law firm is connected to the nephew, and we’ll find our killer."
Red spoke up. "We got a positive ID on the tango you took down, Jax. Albert Volcht, a German nationalist who made his living as a professional hit man."
"I was afraid of that,” said Jax. "Who's he work for?"
"More or less, a freelancer. Hasn't had any known associations in almost twenty years."
"So whoever contracted the hit is still out there."
Red nodded. "Looks that way."
Jax’s mind was racing. "There was someone in my house. Two, maybe three days ago. They went around the security gate. Nothing was amiss inside. I want upgrades to the security system at my house, starting with a secure perimeter and cameras all around.”
He looked to Matteo. “Red, take Hawk and some of the guys from tech and take care of it. As long as Jessa’s staying with me, I need to know when someone's there."
"All due respect, Jax, what if there’s trouble?” asked Cowboy. "You’re too far in the boondocks for anyone to get there in a reasonable amount of time."
Jax ran his hand over a thick scar on his chin. Normally he was confident in his ability to protect himself. But this was Jessa’s security they were talking about — Jessa and his child — and that changed things.
That changed things a lot.
He nodded. “Cowboy, you and Logan set up in the bunkhouse until we’re through with this mess.”
Logan sat up straighter in his chair and looked fr
om side to side. "What's the bunkhouse?"
“A cabin on my property,” said Jax. "I want you there within the hour. Help Red supervise the upgrades."
"Uh…" Logan shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “I'm sort of having a party tonight. I mean, I know this is more important, and if you need me there I’ll go, but—"
"A party?" snapped Jax.
Logan cleared his throat. "Yes sir. You said you'd be there, actually. Sort of a housewarming party for my new condo."
Jax furrowed his brow. "I don't give a rat's ass about—"
"Hawk can stay at the bunkhouse with me," interrupted Cowboy. “Once Red's got the security perimeter in place, we can all stop by the party for a bit."
Jax and Cowboy exchanged a look. "Fine," said Jax.
Logan smiled. “Glad you can make it, sir.”
Jax showed his teeth. "Let's get started. We only have two or three hours before dark."
29
If Jax was the Tin Man, then this office was the inside of his big, empty chest.
The walls held pictures of Jax with military generals and two US Presidents. There were two degrees, one from Harvard and one PhD she never knew he had, but it failed to give him personality or actual flesh and blood.
Jessa's eyes drifted over shelves of books about history and tactical decision-making, and it occurred to her that even with good decisions, history was still bound to repeat itself unless people learned, but that never seemed to happen.
That was why people like Jax and companies like HERO Force had something to do, lest they sit around here twiddling their thumbs.
She sat down at his desk with a sigh. She didn't know what she was looking for, she only knew she had not found it. She started opening drawers, unconcerned with Jax’s privacy. He’d gone through everything she owned. If he didn't want her going through his things, he shouldn't have left her in here alone.
The first thing that surprised her was the gun. In a place like this, everyone had a weapon all the time, but to find one in an unlocked drawer was alarming. She checked the chamber. It wasn't loaded, and she slipped it back inside the drawer and opened the next one.
Whiskey. Arguably, Jax’s best friend.
No surprise there.
She pulled open the bottom drawer and her heart fell out of her chest. There, next to a few cigars, was a small framed picture of Ralph and Jax laughing.
Her chest tightened as she brought the picture close to her face. They were wearing fatigues, and she recognized it must have been taken in their navy days. From the obvious youth on their faces, it was likely shortly after they met and before Jessa was even in the picture.
Those two were always laughing together. Come to think of it, the only time she’d seen Jax really laugh was with Ralph. They were friends — good friends — and finding this little piece of her heart tucked away in Jax’s desk drawer seemed like the only thing in the entire space that showed he was capable of feeling.
30
Jax walked back to his office wondering what he would find. He never knew how Jessa was going to respond, never knew if she would be happy or sad, angry or glad. It should have driven him crazy. Instead, it just made her fascinating.
Nothing could have prepared him for what he found. She was sitting at his desk, the framed picture of Ralph and him in her hands, crying.
He stopped short, and she looked up to meet his stare. “We both loved him, didn’t we?” she asked.
Jax ground his back teeth together as he moved to her and perched a hip on his desk. He could think of a thousand things he’d rather talk about, but he only said, “Yes.”
She nodded. “I’d forgotten how you two used to laugh together.” She wiped at her cheek. “I think it was easier if I forgot you were his friend.”
"I haven't forgotten."
She put the picture down and leaned back in her chair. "What you said before, about us not doing anything wrong, I know you're right about that. I know my head is still screwed on backwards and six kinds of sideways." She shook her head. "That's why I was moving to Savannah. I had to get out of that house, away from the memories that live there. I was really trying to make a fresh start."
"Why did you come to the bar that night?"
He was afraid he already knew the answer to that question, but he still thought he had to ask it. Had she really come there with the intention of getting pregnant? Or had she been lonely, and he was the lucky man who just happened to be there?
She met his eyes, guilt shining in their depths. "I did it on purpose, Jax. Is that what you're asking me? Did I get pregnant on purpose? Because I did."
He shook his head. "No. When you decided to come to the bar, did you want to talk to me?"
She frowned. "I see, you're looking for a way to lessen the blame.” She stood up. "I hate to disillusion you, but I went to the bar that night hoping to get pregnant." She crossed her arms, no longer meeting his eyes.
“By me?”
She nodded. "It made some twisted kind of sense. I know that's not right, and I knew it wasn't right then, either. But everything that happened that night was exactly what I was hoping would happen.”
“You were grieving."
"Dammit Jax, don't make excuses for me. I went to that bar to seduce you, in hopes I got pregnant, so I could be a mother. You were never part of the plan."
He lifted his chin. “Beyond the obvious, of course.”
She flushed. “You weren’t supposed to find out. You weren’t supposed to get hurt.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted? To hurt me?”
“No.”
He scoffed.
“I just wanted a baby, Jax. I didn’t think beyond that. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. I was in such a dark place, and there you were, and I couldn’t see past trying to get back what I’d lost.” She put her hands on her hips and closed her eyes. “Forget it. I can’t do this anymore. Are we done here? I'd really like to get out of this place."
Jax led the way through the labyrinth that was HERO Force, back out through reception, and down the elevator. He stole a sideways glance at her as they descended. She’d almost seemed sorry for what she’d done, though she’d stopped short of a real apology.
Because she’s not sorry for the baby.
And what about him? Was he sorry for the life they’d created?
Not for a second.
They got to his truck and he opened her door for her, earning him a glare, and he couldn't help but smirk. He surprised himself by saying, "Logan is having a party tonight. I said we'd go."
"Seriously? What are you going to tell the guys?"
"I'll tell them the same thing I told Cowboy. The truth. You and I are having a baby together. And if anybody has a problem with that, that's just too goddamn bad."
31
Jessa twisted and turned in front of the mirror, pleased with what she saw. Once she figured out Jax was serious about going to this party, she pointed out she had nothing to wear. So they'd gone shopping, with Jax looking even more uncomfortable than normal — if that was possible — as he followed her around the women's department. To her surprise, many of the clothes that normally would have fit her were now too small around the middle. Her baby was growing quickly.
Their baby.
Theirs.
She shook her head. She was not going to think about that tonight.
She'd never met Logan, but the idea of a party held definite appeal. It seemed the last several months were some long, drawn-out high drama that desperately needed comic relief. Her eyes went to the bodice of her dress, the full globes of her breasts subtly on display.
I wonder if he'll like it.
She met her eyes in the mirror.
Was that what she wanted? For Jax to find her attractive? The picture of Ralph and Jax from Jax’s desk drawer had softened her heart. Then Jax had been looking for ways to excuse her behavior and she’d gotten so choked up she’d barely been able to hide it from him.
Ther
e was a knock at the door. "Yes?”
“Are you about ready? Hawk and Cowboy have got the security system all set to go, so we can head out anytime.” She pulled open the door, surprised to see him in a bright blue polo shirt that brought out his eyes and a pair of jeans that fit him like a bull rider in a cigarette ad.
She licked her lips.
Wow.
"You look nice,” he said.
She smiled, more pleased than she should be that he’d noticed. "What is this, some sort of truce or something?"
He grinned a truly warm smile, sending shivers down her arms. "It's not a bad idea. Just for tonight. We can go back to hating each other tomorrow if you still want to." He winked.
She exhaled a breath it seemed she’d been holding for days. "That would be great.”
They walked outside and got back in his car. "Tell me about Logan. I’ve never met him."
“Doc is okay. He's young, and greener than a grasshopper’s wings. He's from the NSA, not the SEALs, and sometimes he just doesn't get it. He wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t so damn eager to please.”
"How long has he been working for you?"
"About a year. Smart as all hell, but I keep getting the feeling I'm a high school guidance counselor instead of a black ops commander.”
They pulled up in front of a small two-story building, and Cowboy and Hawk came bounding out to the truck.
“Who’s ready to party?” yelled Cowboy.
Hawk raised both hands in the air. “I am!”
Jessa found herself smiling at the two men. Hawk came around to Jessa’s window. “Hey, sweetheart, long time no see.” He kissed her cheek before climbing into the back of the extended cab.
“Hi, Trevor. How’ve you been?”
“Good.”
“Hawk’s got himself a girlie friend,” said Cowboy, now sitting behind Jax.