by Desiree Holt
Lil inhaled sharply. “Casten, when I say I don’t have much, I’m not being modest. If this place had been fifty more miles down the road, we would’ve been hitchhiking the rest of the way.”
I winked at her. “I know, darlin’. I’m doing okay, okay enough to help out someone I care about.”
She sprang to the defense. “I’ll pay you back. This is just a loan. With interest.”
Rolling my eyes, I answered, “You will not. But that was a good try. Go get your son and hurry it up. We’re losing daylight.”
“Oh—okay.” She grabbed her tattered purse and went outside. While I sprinted back to my house and started up my truck, I couldn’t help but smile. She was back in my life again—returned like a hurricane to pick up their next victim and I was happy to be caught up in her storm.
I had a chance for her to be mine again. She’d always been mine in my heart and this time I wouldn’t be losing her to anyone.
Lilith
At this rate, Casten was going to go broke—and at the Piggly Wiggly of all places. I could’ve thought of at least twenty other, better, places to go to the poor house.
“Casten, it’s too much. I don’t even think the cabinets and fridge will fit all of this as it is.” He frowned, looking down at the basket full already, only three aisles in.
“That’s okay. You have a separate pantry and I have a freezer in the garage. You can stick some of your stuff in there. We’ve—you’ve got a growing boy on your hands. Can’t ever have enough meat—or everything.” He chuckled and every woman in the place stopped what they were doing and stared. Now that I thought about it, Casten had always been the target of womens’ stares, both innocent and not so innocent.
I didn’t blame them one bit.
“Come on, you like steak, I bet, huh, Eli?”
“I eat all the steak.” The little one answered proudly. He had only had steak once, leftovers from the restaurant and he’d begged me for more every day since.
“I bet you do.”
Eventually, and to my chagrin, we had to get a second basket, only for the meat.
I interjected at one point, mostly because I was embarrassed at him asking the butcher for more steak. “Doesn’t the pack supply meat through hunting?” I looked around, careful about my wording.
“The pack has become more, I would say, individualized with the new Alpha’s reign. Everyone hunts for themselves, not the pack, which cuts down on supply. There’s just so many bucks I can take down in one night. And some of the pack members have given up all together with the restraints on running.”
I opened my mouth to ask for more information but Casten seemed to be a magnet for every female around and one was sniffing too close.
“I hope we can discuss this more later,” I said, grabbing his arm.
“We absolutely can.” He patted my hand, linked around his bicep and gifted me that killer smile.
And if the grocery bonanza wasn’t enough, he stopped at the only department store in town and bought us a full set of dishes, silverware, pots, pans, small appliances and everything in between. There was more stuff in the back of his truck than I’d ever owned in my life.
“You have to let me pay you back. We would’ve been fine with less than half of this.” A sob caught in my throat at his generosity and the thought of how long it would take me to repay him.
“No, I don’t. This is what pack does—this is what friends do. Deal with it and stop arguing. Right, buddy?” He put his fist out to Elijah who smiled and pounded his tiny fist against Casten’s as hard as he could. The little traitor.
“That’s right, Mama. Be nice.”
Two hours in Distance and I’d been outmaneuvered by my own son.
* * *
“Well, that’s all of it.” Casten wiped his hands on his jean-clad thighs. Elijah had followed him around the entire venture of putting the groceries away like a shadow.
“I can’t thank you enough. How about this? Can I make you dinner?”
As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wished for them to go back. Feeding a male of the pack wasn’t just something a female did—it meant so much more to our kind.
Casten’s eyebrows bunched. A vein in his neck was throbbing and my heart began to beat with the same rhythm. “I would love for you to cook for me. But I warn you, all of this is overpayment for what I did today. I’d owe you again.”
It was my turn to look confused. “Again?”
“You don’t remember, do you?”
I didn’t have a chance to remember before Elijah was tugging on the pocket of my jeans with that hungry look in his eye. The putting away of the groceries must’ve made him hungry—or just life in general.
“Already? Want a snack while I fix us dinner?”
He nodded and rubbed an eye. All of this moving, driving, and shopping had done him in. He was so much bigger than the other kids, that sometimes I forgot how young he was.
I made him a sandwich while Casten looked at me from across the room. Eli was talking him up about his muscles and how fast he could run. Casten said the right things at the right pauses in Eli’s rambling but his eyes never left me.
I set the sandwich down in front of the chatterbox. “Here’s a sandwich. Go clean up before you eat it.”
Casten looked around and hesitated before saying, “I think I’ll go back to the house and clean up too. If you’re cooking for me, that’s a special occasion. And Lilith, one more thing I forgot to tell you, tomorrow night we run as a pack—I’ll be your—I mean since you don’t have anyone—I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
To calm him and stop his needless stuttering, I walked to the chair where Casten was sitting and covered his shoulder, barely, with my hand. “Thank you. I’d love for you to run with me. We haven’t done that since we were kids. And I know you’d never let anything happen to me. You never even let a boy near me in school—until you went to St. James.”
He looked down and some of his dark hair fanned out over his forehead. “I never should’ve gone there. I was too driven—too busy worrying about making money and getting out of this place. I should’ve been there to protect you from him.”
My once calming hand gripped his shirt with a fist. “Don’t do that, Casten, to you or to me. I got a beautiful son out of Angus—it makes it all worth it.”
He didn’t say another word other than to pat the top of my hand before heading out the side door. Even as kids he would shower and change clothes before dinner—even if that dinner was eggs and toast.
I sat down after starting all the food and thought about the events of the day. As soon as the tears came, I swept them away and decided to follow Casten’s lead. A hot shower could cure anything.
When I came out, dressed and feeling ten times better, I rounded the corner in to the living room talking to Eli. “Elijah, I know this place is new, but I bet you will love it like I did when I was a…”
On the couch with Elijah were my parents—looking stoic and starched—and shocked.
“He’s gone out to play with Jasmine’s children. They are cousin’s after all.”
“Jasmine?”
“Jasmine is your sister-in-law. She’s mated to Jeremiah. They will be over tomorrow to introduce themselves. Jasmine thought you might need some time to yourself.”
My father was finding the stain of my coffee table fascinating while my mother spoke. She was reserved and callous, probably the way she was groomed to act toward me—probably the way she would treat me for the rest of my life.
“I look forward to meeting her.” I sighed, looking at the stuff around me to unpack, wishing Casten and I hadn’t gotten most of it done earlier. I could’ve used it as an excuse. There was already laundry to do and I knew that my brother probably carried out housing inspections like the military—he got it from our father so cleaning this place up a bit was also on the agenda—and finding a job—and finding a mate—and having said mate accept my illegitimate son.
&nbs
p; You know, just a regular to-do list.
My mother blew out a long breath, all the while looking at my father who didn’t really give a shit from the looks of it.
“I’m sorry, Miles. I can’t just sit here and say nothing. Lilith, can we talk about what happened? Can you try to make some sense of it all for us? It happened so fast—I still don’t know if I made the right decision…”
That’s when my father came to attention.
“Of course we did. She disobeyed the rules and dishonored her family and her true mate by laying with that boy. There was no other choice. There is no room for disloyalty in the pack—none.”
There, Mom, there’s your explanation.
“But we lost our daughter for years and I’ve lost precious time with my grandson. I don’t care what she did, it can’t be worth it. We are a family—shifter or not.”
My dad stormed out of the room and slammed the front door behind him. He would punish her—not with his hand or with stern words. No, my father punished people with silence and passive-aggressive hostility.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to stir all of this trouble up for you again.”
She wrung her wrinkled hands in her lap. “It’s nothing I haven’t wanted to say since the day you told us you were pregnant. I didn’t want you to leave, Lilith Jane. I never wanted you to be banned. If he let me, I would’ve gone with you.”
Tears bubbled to the surface for the third time that day, unbidden. I hadn’t any idea my mother felt that way.
“You would’ve?”
My voice had reverted back to childhood as I asked the crucial question of the female that had once been my rising sun.
“Of course.” She got up, crossed the room, and much like Casten had done earlier, scooped me into her arms and held on while we allowed ourselves to convulse in regretful sobs.
We moved to the couch after a few minutes until the timer on the oven went off, alarming us both.
“Go ahead, we’ve blubbered enough. There’s a lot more to talk about but…”
Casten knocked at the door before letting himself in, which I both despised and thought was cute.
“Casten, what are you doing here?” My mother asked before I could explain.
“Lil said she would cook dinner for me—us—you know for helping her.”
My mom’s left eyebrow cocked and she pursed her lips, probably stopping herself from saying something she shouldn’t. Instead, she got up from the couch and smoothed her long skirt. “Like I was saying Lilith Jane, we have lots of things to talk about. I’ll see you tomorrow, sugar.”
And just like that, we were nearer to okay again.
“Y’all are okay again?” Casten drawled after the door was shut behind her.
“We are better than we were—how about that?”
“Better counts. Now, what smells so damned good?”
When Casten relaxed, he cussed. Mostly just damn and shit but it was funny to see the change in him.
“Shepard’s pie and peach cobbler. You still like that, right?”
His stomach rumbled. “That’s my favorite meal, female. You know it is. Some things may change about a man, but his favorite meal ain’t one of them.”
Did I mention Casten’s accent changed with his comfort level too? It did. It was like as his stress level lessened, his inner John Wayne came out to play.
“That’s good. It’s ready but I have to go get Elijah. He’d maim me for starting to eat without him. He likes to say grace anyway.”
This time Casten put a heavy hand on my hip and I gasped in response. “You did good raising him, Lil. He called me Sir until I finally got him to call me Casten. Real polite and smart. It must’ve been hard on your own but he’s proof that you can do anything. I always knew you could.”
Casten
I wouldn’t have cared if the woman made tuna on Doritos. I would’ve eaten it like it was this very meal in front of me.
She finished her plate and then sat back, arms crossed over her chest and watched as Eli and I basically cleaned the rest of the dishes for her. Lilith didn’t have a choice but to watch in awe.
“Thank goodness you bought all of those groceries. I can’t imagine if I had to feed the both of you three meals a day. I’d go broke.”
There was nothing I’d love more than for her to be with me for three meals a day—all day long—right next to me in the evening—tucked into my side at night.
It had always been her.
It would always be her.
“Yeah, that would be a pain, I bet.”
Later, she left the table with Elijah on her rounded hip to give him a bath and put him to bed. From her expression, I gathered it was a struggle. I wished I could help, but I had no idea what to do with a kid—or a pup—or anything to do with a family.
But I wasn’t ready for the night to end just yet.
What a selfish bastard. She’d been through hell getting here and now I was demanding more of her time.
I washed the dishes and took in the place. It was small but I’d done what I could on a limited budget. Technically everything on pack lands belonged to the pack but there were boundaries that everyone respected including the fact that my house belonged to me and so did this one, even though Davis had always called it one of the pack’s extra houses.
Now that I looked at it, I almost wanted to allow her and Eli to move into my home and let me have this one. She deserved the bigger house and the better furniture.
I flipped on the TV and debated with myself on whether or not to leave for so long that when she came back in, it actually startled me.
She smiled. “Hey, you stayed. I was hoping you would. I’m exhausted but it’s been a while since I had some grown up conversation.”
Her black curls were bundled on the top of her head and the ends showed that Eli hadn’t given into a bath easily.
“He gave you a hassle?” I touched the tips of my fingers to one of her curls as she sat next to me, closer than I’d expected.
“He always does. Just watch—he’ll be up in a few minutes asking me to play one more game or watch one more video. We’ve gotten into a bad routine and I’m not sure picking him up and moving him will make it any better.”
Switching off the TV, I turned to face her. There were subtle differences in her face but her body had matured from an almost lanky teen to a woman.
She covered a yawn with her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know I’d be so tired. I still have things to do.”
A corner of my mouth lifted in a smile. “Don’t be sorry. I’ll leave you to it. Get to bed. I think I’ve got a job for you if you’re interested.”
She perked up and straightened up like I was interviewing her on the spot. “What is it?”
“Let’s talk about it tomorrow. You need to rest. We’ve got a run tomorrow.”
Relaxing her shoulders again, she slumped into the cushions of the couch. “Okay. Thanks, Casten, for everything.”
I heard steps coming down the hallway and then a growl. If it wasn’t so puny, I would’ve been alarmed.
“Eli, already?” Even her voice carried an air of exhaustion.
“There’s noises.” He said.
I looked back and forth between the two. “Can I try something?” I blurted out without thinking.
“Um, oh, sure.”
The kid weighed nothing compared to how bulky he looked and I grabbed a blanket and covered his shoulders as I went outside. Lil followed close enough behind but far enough to let me try whatever in the hell I was going to try.
Lord, let this work.
“What did the noises sound like? Scratching? Wind? A big monster?”
Eli giggled at the last one and turned his fingers into claws and scratched at the air.
“Okay, scratching, let’s find the culprit.”
We walked around the side of the house to his window and found the offender. “See? It’s just a branch and I can take care of that.” I reached out to break th
e branch and he stopped me, flexing.
“I can do it. Watch.” His entire face, with his mother’s cheekbones and his father’s eyes, turned bright red in the moonlight as he strained and only managed to bend the thick branch.
“You need more practice,“ I said, breaking it easily. “More meat—more running.”
“I can run all the time now,” Eli announced, proud.
“What else?”
“There was a noise like this.” He clamped his pouty lips together and hummed through them. I was stumped.
“I don’t know how old this house is. Could it maybe be the plumbing? The hot water heater?” Lilith joined in.
“You’re right. Come on. Let’s find that monster.” I mimicked his hum.
The three of us waited in his room until the noise came again and I made a mental note to fix it the next day. It was probably the water heater.
“Any other noises?” He shook his head. “I bet you’re big enough to know some things.” I cringed inside just tripping my way through talking to the kid—probably the longest conversation I’d ever had with someone under the age of ten since I’d been that age. “You know your mama is a very hard worker and she’s brought you were to live and be a part of this pack, right?”
He nodded again.
“So you know that mamas get tired. They work and teach you things plus washing your clothes and making sure you have plenty to eat. That dinner tonight took a lot of work. Don’t you think Mama is tired?”
He craned his neck around me to look at Lilith who was about to collapse herself on the bed next to us.
“She works a lot and she loves me a lot.”
He kind of sounded like Forrest Gump when he talked like that.
“You’re right and that takes a lot of energy. What do you think mamas do when they’re tired?”
“Duh. Sleep.” He rolled his Angus eyes and turned onto his side. I was losing him.
“Then you have to sleep. Your mama stays awake when you stay awake. The more you get up, the more she can’t sleep.’
With eyebrows furrowed, he closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest in resolve. “I won’t wake up ‘til breakfast. I promise, Mama.”