by Desiree Holt
Heaven above, let that work.
We left the room and I pointed to Lilith’s bedroom door. The look on her face was priceless.
Lilth
I know that Casten helped me out with my kid and all but why in the holy hell was he pointing at my bedroom?
“The scowl doesn’t fit your beautiful face, Lil. I’m just telling you to get some rest. Relax. I won’t try anything until you want me to.” He chuckled, shook his head, and walked out. After a minute of picking my jaw up from the floor I walked to the door and leaned against it in sheer shock.
I just need some sleep. He didn’t say that. He’s been my friend since we were children. He’s just watching out for me and I misunderstood.
He was in charge of me through my probation—nothing more.
No one wanted a female who’d given away the one thing our species didn’t give away to anyone but their true mate. The fact that I was young and naïve and fell for Angus’ smooth as silk bullshit didn’t matter to anyone.
It didn’t even matter to Angus’ pack. He got clapped on the back and congratulated.
That’s what happens.
I got labeled as all women do and he got praised.
* * *
My shifter senses told me that it was morning. I could feel the rays of dawn on my face. My wolf awakened with the sun no matter how much my human side wanted to sleep in.
And she was starving to boot.
I sat up and blind-reached for my robe hanging from the bedpost. Before I could open my eyes, I could sense him next to me.
My eyes shot to his direction.
“Mama, I didn’t make a sound.”
He was right. I hadn’t even known he was in the room. Maybe that’s what woke my wolf—our cub.
“You did good. What are you doing?”
He’d dragged about eight coloring books into the room and his broken crayons were scattered everywhere.
“I didn’t get out the lines like Ms. Mandy said.” His preschool teacher had been a coloring page dictator and every time they colored out of the lines, she circled the blunder with a fat red marker.
He was four for the love of all that was holy.
I’d like to see her color perfectly with tiny hands that still don’t know exactly how to work precisely.
“You did fantastic. Give me the best one and we’ll put it on the fridge like at the apartment.”
I never had called that place home.
“You threw away the magnets.” He rebutted.
“I’ll use tape.”
“Good job, Mama.”
There was way too much conversation before breakfast happening. It must’ve been the longer than usual sleep.
He tore out his favorite picture and bolted toward the kitchen—before screaming his little lungs out.
Nearly killing myself in the process, I tore down the hallway to find Casten and Davis in the living room, arms crossed over their chests.
“It’s just Casten and Davis, Elijah. You gave me a heart attack.”
“That one is scary.” He pointed to Davis and then bounced to the kitchen.
I was fuming by the time I looked back at the pair of them. I might be an outcast and a rebel and whatever else they called me but every family was allowed their privacy at the very least.
“It’s called a door, boys. I know I’m still on probation but certainly that affords me common courtesy.”
Davis bowed up. “I’m the Alpha and you are my sister.”
I bowed up right back at him. Even I had a little pride. “And I’m also a mother with a child. What if I hadn’t been dressed? No. Screw that. It doesn’t matter. Please, knock. At least give me that respect if you have no other for me. Now what is so urgent at the crack of dawn?”
He cleared his throat. My brother either was stalling or he had some serious sinus issues with all of that throat clearing. “We have a run tonight.”
“I know.”
He looked at the wall behind me. “Casten will protect you and the…Elijah.”
“I know that too.”
He looked around, the most uncomfortable I’d ever seen him. “You have everything you need? “
“Yes, Casten has made sure that my family is well taken care of.” It was a cheap dig at the fact that a friend, rather than my brother or parents had done more for me, but he deserved it.
Without another word he turned around and stalked for the door like it held his next breath. But with his hand on the doorknob he spoke in a grumble. “You were missed. I’m glad you came back.”
And then they both left.
* * *
The line between strong female and new, formerly shunned, female was a fine line and easily crossed.
It was my job, during the run, to straddle it with some semblance of grace.
Which I sucked at.
“If any of them approach you, I will allow a certain amount of exchange before backing them off, but I won’t let them hurt you—not even close. There’s a general consensus that Elijah is a cub and although they don’t approve of his parents’ tryst, it’s not his fault and he will be treated like any other pack pup. You have my word.”
I heard everything he’d said but it was hard over the overwhelming pounding of my heart. His words from the night before weren’t a mishearing on my part and now, standing next to him, about to strip and shift under his protection, those same words played like a recording.
“How long have we been friends, Casten?”
“Forever.”
“How long will we be friends?”
“Forever.”
“How do you know?”
“Because now that I have you back, I’ll never let you go. It’s time.”
Davis had finished his speech, directed like an arrow at me about loyalty and pack above all.
My blush was in full force as I stripped right next to Casten. He didn’t look over or gawk, God bless him. We shifters were usually comfortable around others naked, especially pack since we’d been naked in front of each other since birth, but something had changed.
Casten had started something that I didn’t think we could ever finish.
My mouth extended into a snout and the rest followed in a good amount of pain and discomfort. I hadn’t shifted in such a long time, that my wolf basically clawed her way out of me this time.
I wouldn’t have to wait so long from then on.
We ran through the woods, my eyes always on Elijah. True to Casten’s word, he was welcomed with nose nudges and friendly nipping from pack members. He didn’t sprint away from me like he usually did and I was glad for it, though I trusted that they would never let anything happen to him.
Stop thinking. Just run.
Casten spoke to me and the voice inside my head surprised. I had run with Elijah for so long that I’d forgotten that all wolves could communicate in animal from.
I can’t. What if he falls? What if he gets lost?
Remember when you got lost? What happened?
Within two hours they’d found me. It wasn’t even enough time for me to get hungry. The whole pack sprang into action as soon as they noticed I was missing.
I’ll try.
We ran for hours, only stopping to catch our breath. I’d finally gotten comfortable when a scent hit my nose and nearly knocked me to the ground.
Angus. Find Elijah.
Casten and I both scoured the area and found Elijah close, already being herded behind Davis in a protective stance. He ticked his jaw in my direction and Casten and I both took his flank, ready for whatever was going to go down.
He will not take your son—no matter what.
Davis’ voice broke through my mind and carried with it the care I’d once known from my big brother.
Black and white wolves emerged from the tree line in front of us. While a formal boundary had never been drawn between our two packs, we’d never had to have one. We ran into their lands on occasion and they ran onto our lands from time to time.
The structured stance of these wolves was no accidental crossing of lands—this was a stand-off.
Davis and Riot, Angus’ Alpha, both shifted into their human forms, meeting in the middle of two packs of angry and growling packs.
“We will meet tomorrow,” Riot said first.
“About what?”
“About the boy. Angus is the father. He has the right to the son. You know the rules.”
Davis looked back at Elijah and winked. “We will meet tomorrow. I agree. The rules are the rules.”
He’s giving my son away! I have to leave. I won’t give Elijah to Angus.
I screamed through my mind to anyone in hearing distance.
Calm down, Lilith. He’s a man of his word. He will protect the boy. No one will touch him.
Casten was right. My brother had never gone against his word in his life. But I heard him. He agreed with Angus’ Alpha. They would try to take my son.
Let’s go back. We need to discuss our strategy. Davis pushed against my neck with his snout. They won’t take my nephew. I swear my life on it.
I hoped he was right.
Casten
I was the first to reach the house and change back into my clothes. The heightened emotions of the situation made me have to contain my wolf before he exploded in rage and ran to the other packs land.
That’s what I wanted to do.
That bastard Angus wouldn’t take Elijah away from her. He wouldn’t even get within an inch of him if I had my way. Everyone within the area knew that Angus Matthews was trouble—had been since birth.
I had to do something to protect Lilith and Elijah.
If only she didn’t grow to hate me in the process.
“You’re so fast. I forgot how fast you are.” She spoke to me but as I turned, I saw that her eyes never left Eli. They probably wouldn’t until this whole issue was settled once and for all.
“Davis isn’t the only one who can protect your family.” I ground through my teeth as my jaw locked in frustration.
“I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to my son, Casten.” Her voice lilted at the end.
“And you think I would let something happen to you?”
“No—I don’t know. No.”
Nothing more would be said until her brother got back. He took a while and then gathered me, Lilith, her parents, and the other Beta, Rourke into her house. Eli went to play with his cousins and if he was aware of anything wrong, he didn’t show it.
“I’ll leave if I have to.” Those were the first words out of Lil’s mouth and all it made me want to do was put duct tape over them. Her self-depreciation was something we’d have to work on.
I interrupted. “No one is leaving. I don’t care how long you’ve been back, you’re family and you’re pack. Period. We take care of our own.”
She paced while she spoke next. “There are human laws he could call into effect. Not to mention the wolf ones. The father has rights, especially to a son.”
Rourke stepped forward with a laptop in his hands. He’d been typing on it ever since he stepped into the door. “There was a dispute once, about ten years ago. A male in the Acadiana pack had denied his son for seven years and he was not given custody. But she was mated to another by then.”
That sent Lilith into another fury. Her father and mother chattered in a corner and from what I could overhear weren’t coming up with anything better. And Rourke with all of his technology couldn’t come up with one either.
“If she was mated, it would make a difference, right?” My voice boomed through the tiny cabin.
Davis eyed me. “It would absolutely make a difference. Her mate would have taken on responsibility for Lilith and Elijah. She would be able to say that her environment was better for the pup. Angus is still not mated. Hell, no female will have him—he’s pathetic.”
Lilith turned pale and sat down on the couch.
“I didn’t mean… He’s just not good people, Lilith. He never has been.”
She rolled her eyes. “I know. If anyone in this world does know, it’s me. But all of this talk doesn’t matter. I’m not mated and he’s next in line for Alpha, mated or not.”
In vain, I tried to give myself a minute to calm down. Somehow I managed to slow my breaths but it was only superficial. My insides were shaking and I could barely hear my thoughts over the jarring beats of my heart. If I didn’t say what I needed to, I felt like the Earth’s ceiling would collapse on me any minute.
“Then take me as your mate, Lilith.”
I thought she would gasp or cross the room to slap me. But none of that happened. Instead, with tears running down her face, she stared at me and said nothing.
Davis spoke to me, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. “You can’t do that, Casten. She has to find her true mate. And you have to find yours.”
I kicked at the baseboard nearest me. “She is my true mate. I don’t need a blood test and I don’t need time to think about it. I’ve known her since before I knew myself. I’ve loved her since before I knew who I even was. I don’t care what blood or the laws say. I’ve loved Lilith Granger all my life.”
A pause hung in the air. Rourke shut his computer quietly and Lilith’s parents walked out the side door without a word.
Davis mumbled, “It would certainly solve the problem. She’d have stability and a pack—a mate who has the means to take care of the both of them. Lilith, it would solve everything. But even if you decide not to, we won’t let him take Elijah. I will go to war with them if I have to.”
Lilith was looking at me but at the same time, she wasn’t. Her eyes were glazed over and she was going to catch a fly if she wasn’t careful.
I spoke for her. “Alpha, can you excuse us for a moment? It won’t take long if you still want to talk to her.”
Davis nodded and left with Rourke in tow.
She wasn’t responding. I did the only thing I knew how. I stomped over to where she was sitting and kneeled on the ground in front of her, taking her face in my hands.
“Hey, it’s just me. Look at me, darlin’.” After a few blinks, I had her attention again.
“Don’t feel like you have to answer tonight. They won’t come early in the morning. You have the night to think about it. I know that’s not much, but it might be all the time I can give you to decide. If the answer is no, I’ll still fight like hell for you, but we will still be friends. I promised you forever, didn’t I? You don’t remember, do you?”
Lilith
Until that moment, I hadn’t remembered. In fact, I thought I’d blocked the whole night out on purpose.
My memories came back like a window opening that had been stuck for years. “You came to my window.”
Casten leaned his head on my knees and nodded. His forehead was hot and it burned through my jeans.
“That was the night it all went to hell. They didn’t give me a chance to tell anyone goodbye—my friends, no one. Except you.”
He sighed and grabbed ahold of the backs of my thighs. “I couldn’t let you go without telling you.”
That night, Casten had told me all of the things I wanted and needed to hear. He’d told me that everything was going to be okay. He’d told me that one day, I would look back and be grateful for the lesson I learned. He told me that no matter what he would always be there for me.
He’d tried, in the months after I left. He found out where I’d gone and sent me letter and phone calls, both of which I rejected as I’d fallen into a deep depression and was having a pretty hefty pity party.
I thought he’d even tried to visit me once. The landlord said someone was waiting outside my apartment, but I’d had to work a double shift and had missed him.
“You showed up at my apartment.”
Another nod.
“You called.”
Another nod.
“You—you loved me even back then.” It wasn’t a question, more like a realization. I must’ve been the stupidest person in the world
not to realize.
He spoke and when he did, the warmth of his breath made my cheeks bloom red, something I thought I’d never feel again. “I’ve always loved you.”
It was then that our tender moment was interrupted by the sound of my stomach growling.
He chuckled and I felt the reverberation from my toes all the way to the top of my head. “I’ll go cook. You sit here and process. I know it’s a lot to take in. But I warn you, all I know how to make is spaghetti.”
My throat wouldn’t allow words but what I would’ve said was that spaghetti was my favorite.
He left and I immediately felt the icy loneliness of his absence.
There were only a few minutes where I heard opening and shutting cabinet and pots and pans being finagled before he cussed, saying a word I didn’t recall him every saying before.
“What?” I screamed, running into the kitchen.
“I cut my finger slicing the onions. I can’t cook worth a damn.”
I didn’t think about what I did next. My wolf pushed me on, wanting to know what only a drop of his blood could do. Grabbing him by the belt loops, I pulled him forward and closed my lips around his bleeding finger.
I could feel every minute drop of his blood stinging yet velvety down my throat. And with it, knowledge, so intimate, it was almost like memories, floated into my head. Casten looking at me when he didn’t think I noticed. Breaths we shared that night through my window when he should’ve hated me like everyone else did.
He and I locked in an embrace reserved for lovers.
Flashes of a life I’d always wanted but never realized.
I clung to him with everything in me, not ready to let go of him or the joy that was consuming me.
He took several long breaths, trying to get a rein on his emotions. They were aligned with mine now.
“Now that you’ve seen all the reasons we should be together, let me tell you the reason we shouldn’t.”
I stepped back. “What?”
“Don’t get alarmed. I bet he never told you why you shouldn’t meet him in the woods and fall in love with him, right? He never gave you the choice. I’m giving you the choice because I love you. I want you to know everything before you decide to be with me. I don’t want some ultimatum or your son’s safety hanging over your head making the decision for you. So here are the reasons why you shouldn’t be mated to me.”