by Desiree Holt
I braced myself against the counter and listened.
“I can’t cook. I’ve never been a father and I had a bastard for one. I’m not even sure if I’d know the first thing about being an example in your boy’s life. I’m selfish. I think I’ve been alone too long. I like to work a lot and sometimes I just like to run off alone in the forest for hours at a time. I’ve never had a girlfriend and the only thing I know about being a husband is to do the opposite of what my father did.”
Those were some pretty solid reasons.
“Now let me tell you why you should.”
I didn’t have to hear them. Instead, I pressed my finger over his lips. He’d taken his finger from my mouth but the lingering of his blood stayed like a rich wine on my tongue.
“I already know the reasons. But I still need to think about it. Actually, there really isn’t anything to think about. You are my true mate. I know that now. But I need to sleep on the fact that I’ve been blind to that for most of my life. And there’s a bunch of reasons you shouldn’t want to be my mate.”
Casten reached out and feathered his thumb over my cheek. “I’ll finish cooking. You tell me all of these ludicrous reasons.”
He washed his hands and started again where he’d left off.
“I’m cranky in the mornings—not cranky, bitchy. I suck at keeping up with the laundry. I’ve gotten used to doing a lot of things by myself and it’s hard for me to accept help. I’ve never slept in the bed with anyone except Eli when he had the flu. Angus is the only experience I’ve had with a male and it wasn’t exactly a relationship. There was no dating or courting—just…Look at me, I can’t even talk to you now.”
He put the pasta in the pot to boil and rolled his eyes. “You’re doing great. Keep going. Do you chew on your toenails or smell your ear wax? What else can I look forward to?”
The man wasn’t hearing me at all. But I guessed that when he was listing off the reasons not to mate with him, I wasn’t listening either.
His reasons were nothing to me.
In fact, they convinced me even more.
“That’s the nastiest thing I’ve ever heard. I can’t believe you said that.”
He shrugged. “I can do the laundry, by the way. I’m good at the laundry if you’ll do the cooking, well, all but spaghetti night.”
I hopped up on the counter, sitting next to where he was cooking. “This doesn’t scare you?”
A laugh erupted from his face, a face that now looked the same yet completely different. I’d noticed his jaw, but hadn’t noticed how it ground when he was thinking about something.
Or how his hands seemed to fit my waist just right.
“You scare me most of all.” He said, reaching between my legs to pull out the drawer that held the spoons. Slow didn’t even begin to describe the way he closed it back, letting his hand lazily graze across the top of my thigh.
How did I never notice how utterly dangerous Casten was?
“Why?” He pretended to be enthralled with his sauce, but I knew better. “Casten,” I breathed and nudged his hip with my foot. “Why?”
“Get to the table and I’ll explain. I’m serious. I’m really bad at this and I especially can’t cook if you’re right there touching me.”
“Fine.” I grabbed plates and forks from the table and set it for three. Even if Elijah ate with his cousins, he would want more when he got home.
In a span of minutes, we were sharing glances and my face reddened more a little every time he looked back.
There was no choice, but the thing was, I wasn’t alone anymore. I had another person in my life to think of
He took his time sitting down and doled us both out food.
“You scare me because you have everything I’ve ever wanted right in your hands—always have. I’ve always wanted a family but I’ll never have a family with anyone but you. My fate lies with you, Lil. But I don’t want that to sway your answer. I’d rather you be with someone else and live a happy life than to be with me and us make each other miserable.”
And then he expected me to eat after saying something like that.
“It’s not just me anymore, Casten. I have to talk to Elijah. I know it sounds insane, getting the opinion of a four year-old but it’s been me and him for so long that it would be like my right hand not knowing what my left is doing. He is my family now.”
Another thing I’d always respected about Casten, but now adored, was the way he kept eye contact the entire time I was talking.
I wasn’t sure I could live with someone else looking into those eyes.
“No, it sounds perfectly sane. That’s one of the things I’ve learned to respect about you over the last day or so. Your son comes first in your life and I won’t do anything to change that. I—I wish he was mine.”
If any words in the world could’ve shattered my heart into shards in the blink of an eye, it was those words.
Casten could break my heart with one sentence. That’s how, I thought to myself, I knew that this was more than convenience. This was a whole hell of a lot more than my mate. This man who I was seeing in a whole new light for the first time in my life was the love I’d wanted forever.
“That’s exactly why I have to speak to him first, Casten. If this is going to happen then you aren’t just going to be my husband and mate. You will be the second most important person in his life from this point forward. He has to be okay with that. Any chance you can make cookies? That might help.”
That was my attempt at trying to add humor to the situation.
“I can go to the store and buy cookies like nobody’s business.”
I cracked up. “For a boy, that is close enough. We’ll have to teach you how to make real cookies.”
He stretched his arm out across the table and took my free hand in his. “That’s the best damned thing I’ve ever heard.”
Just then Elijah busted in through the side door and looked around—it was his ‘Mama, I’m starving to deaf’ face. I knew it well.
“Go wash your hands and face and then you can eat. Casten made us spaghetti.”
He clapped his chubby hands together. “Basketti is my favorite.”
“Then go before Casten eats it all.”
Elijah walked up to Casten, slicker than a fox and with hands fisted on his hips said, “You have to save some for me. My muskles are still growing.”
Casten didn’t miss a beat. “Lemme see those muscles. I don’t believe you have any.”
Proudly, Elijah pulled up his sleeves and flexed until his little cheeks turned red. “See? You see ‘em?”
Casten stood and before I could catch my breath, pulsed his t-shirt over his head and began flexing in the same way Elijah was. “How about me, do you see mine? I wonder if your mom can tell us whose muscles are bigger.”
If the man really expected me to be able to conjure a coherent thought while he was being that adorable with my son had another thing coming.
Not to mention, he had a body that would make Thor go to the clouds and hide in shame from.
Instead of speaking, I pointed to Eli. He jumped all over my assessment. “See? I got big muscles. But I still need more basketti. Don’t eat it all.”
He stomped off to the bathroom making Hulk noises the whole way.
Casten pulled his shirt back on and some of the threads popped as he did, protesting. Or maybe that was the sound of me protesting—I couldn’t tell which.
Casten lifted one of his eyebrows. “You’re a liar. Who knew?”
“I am not. His muscles are so much bigger than yours. Pathetic.”
We both laughed.
“I’m gonna go.” He said after taking the last swipe of food with his fork.
“Why?” The last thing I wanted was for him to go.
“You need to talk to him and take the rest of the night to think about things. This is a big decision, Lil. I know it’s rushed and I know you’re scared but tonight is all you have to think on it. I’ll come see yo
u in the morning, cranky and all.”
He winked once and then got up to leave.
“Not even a kiss?” My voice reminded me of my younger self, before Angus, before things got complicated, before I represented more than one person in this life.
I loved sounding young again.
“No.”
“No?”
He shook his head. “I can be here with you. I can support you and be your friend always. But if I kiss you, it will be a thousand times harder on me if you choose not to be my mate. I don’t want to take the chance.”
I looked down. “Okay. Goodnight, Casten.”
“Goodnight, darlin’. Make the right decision for you and that boy. Not for anyone else.” He took a few steps toward me and my heart nearly beat clear out of my sternum. His warm lips pressed tenderly on my forehead and then in a flash, he was gone.
“Where’d he go?” Elijah asked, coming back into the dining room and sitting at the table.
I looked into those blue eyes and knew the conversation couldn’t wait any longer. “He went home. You and I have something important to talk about.”
He held out his hands, palms out, to me. “Okay, but let me finish my basketti first.”
I only had to wait about five seconds.
“I wanted to talk to you about Casten.” He took a deep breath and looked down. My heart dropped into my stomach thinking he was going to say that he didn’t like Casten or something worse.
“I know you were lying Mama. He has big muscles. One day I’m gonna have big muscles like that.”
I giggled and scooped him up in my arms. “You will one day. What I’m talking about is…what would you think about Casten and me getting married—mated?”
He rolled it around in his mind a little and while he did his lips pooched out. “Is he my daddy? Like the other boys at school?”
This was the worst. Never when I followed Angus into the woods, romanced by his slick words, did I think this would be the consequence. “No. You can meet your daddy if you want to but Casten would be my husband and your step-dad. So, like a daddy, but you don’t have to call him that if you don’t want to.”
He turned his body in toward me and buried his face in my neck. He didn’t speak for a while.
“I never had a daddy. Now I have two. Two is more than one.”
The spoils of preschool.
“Well, your other daddy might not be around as much but Casten would be here every day. But Casten doesn’t know much about being a daddy. You might have to help him.”
He squinted and twirled a piece of my hair around his finger. “Erika is adopted. Her Daddy isn’t her born daddy.”
It was a far stretch but I saw his logic.
“And Casten wouldn’t be your born daddy but I bet he would try to be the best daddy he could.”
Without warning, Eli got on his knees in my lap and took my face in his hands. “Is he gonna kiss you, Mama? Those are my kisses. You can marry him if he doesn’t take my kisses.”
I breathed out a sigh and then bumped my forehead against his. “I have more kisses than anyone in the world. Most of them are for you, but some might be for Casten. That’s what married people do. They kiss.”
He screwed up his face in disgust.
“Okay. But not a lot of them.”
I squeezed him as tight as I could before he claimed I was gonna squeeze his dinner out. We talked about Casten during that night’s bath. Eli had an inquisition worth of questions, most of which had to be saved for later. I could’ve guessed at some but thought it best to save for future conversations.
Eli went to bed that night without ever getting up.
Casten
The worst thing about leaving Lilith to make a decision about us was that from my bedroom window, I would see right into her kitchen window. She stood at the sink furiously doing dishes as though they deserved a punishment. Every once in a while, she would stop and drop her head down or look to the heavens and say something to herself.
Hopefully she wasn’t arguing her way out of mating with me.
Davis had called when I got home and asked me all the correct questions, most of which he knew the answers to.
Yes, I could provide her with anything she might need and most of what she would want.
Yes, I would treat Eli as my own.
Yes, I would protect them at all costs.
No, we wouldn’t run off and leave the pack.
Now if he could just tell his sister those things.
I’d turned over to stop myself from staring at Lilith when a knock at my window startled me.
She was outside and had pulled up a stool from her kitchen.
I almost killed myself getting out of the bed and rushing to open the window.
“What are you doing here? Aren’t you cold?”
That was probably the stupidest question of them all. It was a hot Southern night and no one was cold.
“Of course not. This is me returning the favor.”
“The favor?”
“Hold on. I can do this.” She squared off her shoulders and a scowl grew. “It’s going to be okay.” Her voice started as a makeshift male. My mate was making fun of me. And just as I thought to laugh at her, her face softened and she took my hands in hers. “One day you and I are going to look back at this day and laugh. One day we will be able to tell our children this story. I’ll always be here for you. Always.”
And as I sat, dumbstruck, she got up and walked back home.
It wasn’t the way I’d dreamed of her saying yes to me—it was so much better.
Lilith
Angus had made a grave mistake in showing up at Davis’ door at six in the morning.
If I was a bear when I woke up, Davis was a bear mixed with a lion and a tiger and a pissed off wolf.
By the time they’d gotten to my house, Angus was shaking in his boots.
And Casten was ready to kick some ass.
The silence was as tense as a shifter’s muscles as they readied for transformation.
Angus spoke first, of course. “You are a single mother who, up until recently, was living in dire conditions with no family or pack to speak of. You came here because of some phantom humans chasing you but we haven’t found any evidence of those people at all.”
I shrunk under the sheer weight of his voice. It brought back a slew of memories, none of which, now, held any tenderness in my heart. I had witnessed a crime and made statements in court. Shortly afterwards, I received some threats from the man who committed the crime but they stopped as soon as I reported it all to the police.
But a few months later, I began to notice the same car parked outside of my work, on the curb in front of our apartment complex, and even in the parking lot when Eli and I were running errands.
I suppressed my fear, shrugging it off and not having the money to move or pick up and leave.
That was until Eli said that a man had been talking to him through the fence of his school while he was supposed to be playing with the other kids at recess.
The words clung in my throat.
All the words I’d saved up for years and years just to strangle me.
That wretched voice cut into my thoughts. “If you have nothing to say, may I at least see him?”
Casten took my hand in his and looked down at me, the expression on his face changing from anger to concern.
“Yes.”
Davis asked Casten to get Eli from outside and a few minutes he returned. One of the men who came with Angus whispered something in his ear and then tried to slip out the front door.
“You need to stay. If Angus does something unacceptable, we will need witnesses from your pack. No one leaves this room while we are deliberating this issue.”
The man listened but cowered behind Angus.
“Eli, this is your father, Angus. Say ‘hello’.”
Eli latched onto my leg for dear life. “I’m not a-pposed to.”
“What? I never said that.
Your father wants to talk to you.”
His finger pointed out to Angus and said. “He’s a bad man. You said not to talk to him.” Eli was now shaking and his chin quivered.
I crouched down next to him, knowing that something was wrong. I’d made a lot of mistakes in my life but badmouthing my son’s father, whether I liked him or not, was not one of them.
I had never said anything against Angus or anyone in the pack. I’d simply said where I’d come from I wouldn’t go back to.
“Buddy, I never said you couldn’t talk to your father. That’s not true.”
Angus bent down and for the first time that day, I saw a glint of remorse in his eyes and a desire for his son to at least look at him. I couldn’t imagine Eli not ever looking at me.
“Elijah, you can talk to me. I would never hurt you.”
Eli’s brown little eyebrows almost met in the middle, he was so determined.
“Mama,” he grabbed my face and turned it. “You said not to talk to the man who came to the school ever again.”
My eyes grew wide as I looked at Angus. “You went to his school?”
“No—I didn’t.”
“No, Mama, him.” Eli was pointing at the man who had attempted to leave earlier.
Casten bowed up and took steps toward the male. “You were following her? You went to his school? To her work?”
The man didn’t back down as I expected him to. “I was ordered by my Alpha on behalf of your Alpha. Davis made the request personally. I followed orders. I will not apologize.”
I couldn’t believe it. My own brother had scared the living daylights out of us and forced us to return. Maybe that was his game—scare us into returning instead of growing a pair and actually making some contact with his family.
Davis stepped toward me but I backed away. “I don’t want to hear it, brother.”