Home to Seaview Key

by Sherryl Woods

  She smiled at that. “Because it’s so much fun to see you squirm,” she confessed. “Flirting with you is more entertaining than anything that’s happened to me in a long time. You make me feel sexy, desirable.”

  “Well, of course you’re sexy and desirable,” he said as if she ought to be aware of that.

  “Marshall didn’t think so,”

  Seth looked satisfyingly incredulous. “Seriously?”

  “Not after the first couple of years,” she admitted. She’d often wondered if that was because he’d feared intimacy might lead to a pregnancy he refused to confess he didn’t want.

  “We’ve already established that your ex-husband was a jerk,” Seth said.

  Abby smiled. “Yes, you’ve mentioned your opinion before.”

  Again, that incredulous look passed over his face. “You don’t agree?”

  “Sure, in some areas, he was, but in general he was a good guy, Seth. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. He just wasn’t the right man for me.”

  He shook his head. “You’re a lot more forgiving than you ought to be.”

  “It hardly makes sense to hold a grudge at this point. I’m just saying that you make me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time.” She leveled a look into his eyes. “And I consider that to be a very good thing.”

  “Even if the end result leads to disaster?” he asked.

  “It can only do that if we’re not honest with each other,” she told him. “So far, you’ve been brutally honest with me. I promise I have no long-term expectations.”

  To her surprise he looked more disappointed than reassured. “That doesn’t seem to be setting your mind at ease the way I thought it would,” she told him.

  “Yeah, I know. I can’t explain it, either,” he said, looking charmingly bewildered.

  Abby hid a smile. “Okay, let’s look at this. We have fun together, right?”

  “Sure.”

  “We tend to look at the world the same way.”

  “Agreed.”

  “There’s some kind of chemistry thing going on.”

  “Hard to deny that,” he said. “Where are you going with this?”

  “Just trying to say that from my perspective, it’s all good. I didn’t come to Seaview Key hoping to fall madly in love and settle down for the rest of my life. My marriage wasn’t great. We’ve established that. I’m no more eager to repeat the experience than you are to have your heart broken again. Seems to me that puts us in the same place emotionally, or close to it.”

  Seth frowned. “You don’t see yourself getting married again?”

  “If the right man comes along, sure,” she said, then amended, “Probably. I suppose it depends.”

  “On what?” he inquired curiously.

  “Whether making that commitment feels like the right thing for both of us. I’m not opposed to living with someone at this stage of my life. I don’t need a piece of paper to make it legal.”

  Seth regarded her as if she’d suddenly grown two heads. “Women don’t think like that.”

  Abby’s lips curved. “Really? It’s how I think.”

  “But all women want happily ever after,” he insisted.

  “All women want a man who loves and respects them and makes them deliriously happy,” she corrected.

  “Isn’t that the same thing?”

  She shook her head. “It doesn’t require a marriage license.”

  He continued to look skeptical.

  “You still disagree,” she concluded.

  “Sure. Despite some of the examples I’ve been around, I believe in marriage. I always wanted to share my life with someone, have a family.”

  “But now you don’t,” she reminded him softly. “At least what you’ve been telling me is that the pain of losing Cara was so huge that you’d never risk loving anyone that deeply again.”

  Seth sat back. “That is what I’ve been saying,” he agreed.

  “And I’ve been taking you at your word.”

  He frowned at that. “So, what? This stuff you’re saying is what you think I want to hear, not what you believe?”

  “Oh, no. I believe it,” she said. “I’m not saying it just so I don’t scare you to death. I’m trying to get you to see that every relationship doesn’t have to lead to the altar to be strong or committed.”

  “But if two people are committed to each other, with or without saying the vows, there’s just as much pain involved if it all falls apart.”

  She held his gaze. “So light and casual is the only way to go for you?”

  “I guess, yes,” he said, then shook his head. “No, that’s all wrong, too.”

  Abby hid a smile. “You seem to be having a little trouble sorting out where you stand.”

  “Tell me about it,” he said dryly. “Most women would have listened to this and run for the hills by now. It’s obvious how messed up I am.”

  “I imagine that’s what you were hoping for with me, too,” she said, then shrugged. “I’m not most women.”

  “Boy, is that the truth,” he murmured.

  It seemed to Abby that he didn’t sound entirely happy about it.

  * * *

  Seth was so completely confused by the words that had come out of his mouth, he couldn’t imagine why Abby hadn’t laughed her head off right before walking out on him. He’d been so sure he had a grip on what he did and didn’t want in terms of a relationship. Casual was one thing. Committed was something else entirely. He might yearn for what Luke and Hannah had, even Kelsey and Jeff with little Isabella, but he didn’t think he could ever do committed again. So, why had he argued so passionately in favor of it?

  Was it because Abby clearly was not a casual sort of woman? No matter how forcefully she tried to make it seem that she was willing to go with the flow, he thought he knew her better than that. She was the kind of woman who deserved forever, who should be living in a house filled with kids and a doting husband. She ought to be with a man who wasn’t scared out of his wits every minute that something terrible would strike and rip their world all apart.

  Imagining a future with Abby, seeing her with a child in her arms as she had been on Thanksgiving with Isabella and on other occasions with Lesley Ann’s son, A.J., reminded Seth that she’d promised to fill him in on why she’d never had kids of her own.

  Could that have anything at all to do with this crazy stance she’d just taken against marriage?

  Though they’d fallen silent over their meal, as soon as their desserts came, Seth looked her in the eye. “On Thanksgiving you said you’d tell me why there are no kids in your life. Didn’t you want them?”

  She blinked at the apparently unexpected question. “What made you go there?” she asked.

  “I’m trying to figure out what makes you tick. Something tells me this could be the key. Am I wrong?”

  She was silent for a long time before she said, “Not entirely.”

  “Then you did want children?”

  “More than anything,” she confessed, tears gathering in her eyes.

  Seth almost regretted bringing the subject up, but those tears told him they needed to get into this. “What happened?” He frowned. “You didn’t lose a child, did you? Or have a miscarriage?”

  She shook her head. “It just didn’t happen. I never got pregnant.”

  He recognized that there was a world of hurt behind those words. “So, you were sterile?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I was never tested. Neither was my husband.”

  “I don’t understand. Didn’t you want to know why?”

  “Of course I did,” she said heatedly. “I pleaded with Marshall. I even set up an appointment with infertility experts. He refused to go and didn’t want me going, either
.”

  Seth regarded her with shock. In this day and age when answers to most things could be figured out with proper testing, who wouldn’t want the clarity?

  “Why on earth not?” he asked.

  “You know he was a minister. All he’d tell me was that we’d have a child if that was God’s will. If I didn’t get pregnant, then that was God’s will, too.”

  “And you accepted that?”

  “What choice did I have? Sure, I could have gone on my own and been tested, but then what? If I wasn’t the problem, was I supposed to throw that in his face?”

  “You would have known,” Seth argued.

  “Things were tense enough as it was. And it wouldn’t have changed anything.”

  “Did you discuss adoption?”

  She gave him a rueful look. “He wasn’t interested in that, either. Frankly, that was the final straw for me. It told me we were never going to be on the same page about the future. I think the congregation was enough family for him. I wanted more. And once again, Marshall’s needs were the only ones that counted.”

  “So you divorced him,” he concluded.

  “Not right away,” she conceded. “It took me a while to accept that this good and decent man I’d married was really quite selfish and domineering, that I was losing myself trying to keep him happy.”

  Seth reached for her hand. “I really am sorry, Abby. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”

  “No, I didn’t,” she said. “I see that now. And I know I allowed it to continue for way too long, more than likely well past the time when I’d ever be able to have a child of my own.”

  “Women still have babies in their early forties,” Seth said.

  “It’s possible, but there are a lot more risks,” she agreed.

  “And you’re not willing to take the risks?”

  “It’s not that. First, I’d have to meet the right man. I’m not interested in sperm donation or sex with random strangers. And with every year that passes a pregnancy becomes more unlikely.”

  Somewhere deep inside a part of him wanted to say, “Ask me. I’ll have a baby with you.” He fought the impulse. As amazing as it would be to share a child with her, he couldn’t imagine doing it without marriage, without commitment for the long-term. He wasn’t there yet. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be there.

  Abby leaned forward and regarded him earnestly. “Can you see why I’m more interested in a partnership, in genuine caring, than I am in risking another marriage like the one I had? I want to be with a man who sees value in the woman I am, who encourages me to reach for the unexpected, who makes me laugh and appreciate life in all its craziness.”

  “And I make you laugh?”

  “You do.”

  “And I appreciate you for the extraordinary woman you are,” he said, beginning to understand.

  “You seem to.”

  “So that’s enough for you?”

  “For now,” she confirmed. “I’ve said it before, Seth. I love spending time with you. Today, for instance, was just about perfect.”

  Other than a few moments of apparently unnecessary panic, Seth had to agree. It had been a good day. Maybe that was enough for now. If they concentrated on making every day as good as it could be, maybe every tomorrow would take care of itself.

  He glanced across the table and saw the smile on Abby’s face.

  “How about it?” she asked. “You ready to go with the flow?”

  “It might never work out,” he warned.

  “That’s a given,” she said. “Come to think of it, that’s life.”

  He drew in a deep breath and decided taking the risk was worth it. “Okay, then. I’m all in.”

  “No more talk of heartbreak and imminent disaster?” she teased.

  “I’ll do my best,” he promised.

  “Not good enough. You have to put those things out of your head and live in the moment.”

  “You’re asking an awful lot,” he complained.

  “But just think of the rewards.”

  “Rewards?” he repeated, intrigued.

  “Just wait and see,” she taunted. “You won’t be disappointed.”

  “I’ll hold you to that,” he said, his blood suddenly pumping a little faster at the promise he saw in her eyes.

  Even though he’d just agreed to a go-with-the-flow approach with no demands or expectations, Seth had the feeling that he’d just jumped feet-first into forever.

  * * *

  Despite his commitment to live in the moment, Seth couldn’t seem to silence the occasional dire warnings about heartbreak and disaster. Abby got into the habit of putting a finger to his lips to silence him.

  For the most part, though, she could see the effort he made to put aside his reservations and get into the spirit of this new approach to their relationship. For several days after their heart-to-heart conversation, things were almost perfect. Abby hadn’t laughed this much in a very long time. Who knew that outrageous flirting could be so much fun?

  Of course, the fact that Seth seemed determined not to take advantage of any of the openings she was leaving for him was getting under her skin, especially with only that connecting door between their rooms separating them. One of these days she was going to lose control and burst through that door in the middle of the night and climb right into his bed and have her wicked way with him.

  “The man is making me crazy,” she admitted to Hannah one afternoon when they were alone on the porch at the inn, sharing iced tea and friendly conversation. It was almost like old times, which encouraged Abby to confide her frustrations about the pace of her relationship with Seth.

  “So you lied to him when you said you weren’t looking for anything more than here and now?” Hannah asked.

  “No,” Abby insisted. “That much was true. I just want more intimacy here and now.”

  Hannah laughed at her frustration. “Isn’t it awfully soon to think about getting involved with someone? The ink’s barely dry on your divorce papers. And no matter what you claim, if you and Seth have sex, you will be involved with him.”

  “Marshall and I were separated for a long time before those papers were even filed,” Abby responded. In fact, even when they’d been living under the same roof, the separation between her and Marshall had been insurmountable for months.

  “Okay, let’s forget that nonsense you spouted to Seth in an attempt to settle his nerves. Are you looking for a fling with Seth or something more permanent? Be honest,” Hannah commanded.

  Abby gave the question a moment of serious thought. Before she could reply, though, Hannah continued.

  “It sounds to me as if you’re just ready to cut loose and have some fun,” she told Abby. “And while there are plenty of men who’d be eager to take you up on that, I don’t think Seth is one of them. Underneath all that teasing is a decent guy who’s looking for happily ever after, whether he’s ready to admit it or not. I can feel it when he’s hanging out with Luke and me. He wants what we have. I see it in his eyes when Kelsey and Jeff are around.”

  “Seriously? I don’t see that,” Abby said, struck by Hannah’s perceptions. They contradicted everything Seth himself had claimed.

  “Maybe you don’t want to see it,” Hannah suggested.

  “I swear I’m just going by what he’s told me.”

  “He’s lying to himself,” Hannah declared convincingly. “That’s what men do when they’re afraid to give in to their emotions.”

  As much as she’d wanted to believe that, too, at one time, Abby found it hard to accept. “He sounded pretty sure of himself.”

  “So it’s okay with you if this never goes any further than a fun flirtation or maybe an affair?” Hannah asked. “That doesn’t sound like you, either.”

  “I need i
t to be me,” Abby told her. “I need to be where Seth is.”

  “Interested in a fling and nothing more?”

  “Exactly.” Abby sighed. “Look, I do know that there could be all sorts of complications with having a fling, especially here in Seaview Key.”

  “More to the point, I think there are complications to having a fling with a man like Seth,” Hannah said. “He’s capable of loving deeply, Abby. That’s what he had with Cara. It’s what he deserves again. So do you. Neither of you should be settling for less, no matter what you tell yourselves.”

  Abby was forced to admit that her friend had a point. A man who’d loved, heart and soul, shouldn’t resign himself to a meaningless affair. She deserved better, too.

  But the timing for a serious relationship for either of them was clearly all wrong. Seth was still clinging to his grief. She was still wounded from her disaster of a marriage.

  “Do you think Seth will ever truly get over losing Cara?”

  “First I think he has to get over the guilt,” Hannah replied. “People keep calling him a hero for all the rescues he made, the people he saved. He can only see the one person who was lost, the woman he loved and wasn’t there for. A man like Seth doesn’t get over something like that. I’m guessing that he keeps things light as a defense mechanism. He doesn’t want to have his heart ripped out for a second time.”

  She gave Abby a hard look. “You might want to think about that, if you’re just playing games. Since you brought this up, I have to tell you what I believe. You and Seth could be on the brink of something amazing. But if that’s not what you’re really after, if all you want is this go-with-the-flow craziness you mentioned, then back off, Abby, before Seth takes a real risk with his heart and winds up hurt.”

  The somber note in Hannah’s voice gave Abby pause. Was she playing games? Or were these feelings Seth stirred in her real, something they could build on? From time to time, she’d labeled them as love, but could she trust that? Sometimes infatuation and lust got all twisted up and felt like more than they really were.

  Since Abby honestly couldn’t answer Hannah’s question, she realized she should indeed take a step back. She needed to figure out what was really going on in her heart before she and Seth took things to another level.