Beloved Sisters and Loving Friends
Page 3
These are perhaps the only places where Rebecca is not writing about racial politics in America. They are the efforts of a middle-class young woman who chooses to express her ambition and her emotions through her writing.
I’ve Lost a Day
The day how neglected it has been,
The hours how swift they’ve fled.
The moments, Oh, where are they?
The seconds they too, have gone;
The sound echoes in my ear,
I’ve lost, I’ve lost a day.
Ah, have I really lost a day.
It can be but the fact.
The hours are so precious, moments too
Needless have fled away.
The sound still echoes in my ears.
I’ve lost, I’ve lost a day.
Then let me treasure the days that give
And the hours more than before
Nor moments more pass by
Without some kind reflection;
That the sound no longer may respond
I’ve lost, I’ve lost a day.
Oh then let wisdom guide my feet,
Into his pleasant ways,
And no more seek the heedless path
that leads me from it to stray;
That I never more may hear the sound
Echoing, I’ve lost a day.
Rebecca Primus
Hartford Feb. 15, 1854
History of My Poodle Dog
Between two and three years since my Aunt made a visit down east, she spent several months there and when she returned she brought with her the handsomest little lap dog you ever saw. It’s fleece was a spotless white, very long, and curled, all over its body. We were obliged to keep it shorn from its face, if not, it would get into its eyes which were black as coals, and as bright as brass buttons. We called it Ninny, it was not a very young dog. We all became very much attached to it, so that if any of us went out Ninny was sure to be with me, and made a considerable fuss if she was at any time deprived of that privilege which did not occur very often, she always slept with me, and it was impossible to get her up before noon. Every week she went through the process of a thorough bathing to which she was not very partial; however she was a very neat dog and attracted the attention of almost every age. I don’t know how many offers we’ve had for her but nothing could induce us to sell her. Last Summer my Aunt with my sister made another visit down east and took Ninny with them, and returned home without her, with the intention of having her come home this summer if any of us went down there. But to our great surprise and sad disappointment we received intelligence of her sudden death after a short illness. The nature of her disease we are still in ignorance of. Poor, poor Ninny how we all regretted her loss. I sometimes think if she had remained with me she would not have died.
Rebecca Primus
June 20th 1856
Chapter Two
“If you was a man…”
1859-1860
THE Primus family home often served as a boardinghouse and employment agency for other African Americans, particularly young black women. Primus and Brown both speak of young southern women who lived in the Primus home following the Civil War, and other letters document requests from prominent white Hartford citizens to Holdridge and Mehitable for servants. Thus the Primus home served as a precursor to social service agencies such as the White Rose Mission in New York, which emerged in the latter half of the nineteenth Century.1 Founded by Victoria Earle Matthews in 1897, the White Rose Mission was a kind of settlement house that served as a community center and employment agency. Most important, it provided shelter and guidance for young black women migrants from the South.
It is not clear how or when Rebecca Primus met Addie Brown. Brown might have been one of the many young women who boarded with the Primus family and for whom they found employment. Or perhaps she was introduced to the family as a child. Addie spent her early years in Philadelphia with an unknown aunt.2 Jeremiah Asher, Holdridge Primus’s first cousin, was the pastor of the Shiloh Baptist Church in Philadelphia. Possibly in that capacity he knew the family with whom Addie resided. Whatever the case, by 1859, when her letters to Rebecca begin, Addie was already part of the Primus family circle.
The largest gaps and silences in the Primus-Brown story relate to the early life of Addie Brown. We do know that she was born on December 21, 1841.3 Her father died when she was young, and her mother remarried against Addie’s wishes. Addie had a brother named Ally Brown, who served in the Civil War—but there is little information about him.
Her earliest letters, written from Waterbury and Hartford, are primarily concerned with her day-to-day existence. Addie is often depressed, overworked, suffering from chronic headaches; she tries desperately to learn the sewing trade so that she can find employment as a seamstress. She takes care of the sick Mrs. Games (who appears to be expecting a baby, though this is never clear), and she shuns the advances of Mr. Games. She spends most of her time longing for Rebecca. Addie’s letters make little mention of the political and social upheaval of the times.
The noted historian John Hope Franklin writes: “Perhaps no decade in the history of the United States has been so filled with tense and crucial moments as the ten years leading to the Civil War; and closely connected with most of these crises was the problem of slavery.” After all, this was the decade that witnessed the publication of Uncle Toms Cabin, by Harriet Beecher Stowe (another Hartford resident), in 1852; the Compromise of 1850—in which Congress decided that “California should enter the Union as a free state; the other territories would be organized without mention of slavery; Texas should cede certain lands to New Mexico, and be compensated; slave holders would be better protected by a stringent fugitive slave law; and there should be no slave trade in the District of Columbia”—and the Kansas-Nebraska Act of 1854, which provided that Kansas and Nebraska “should be organized as territories and that the question of slavery should be decided by the territorial legislatures.”4 In 1857, the Supreme Court handed down the Dred Scott decision. The decade closed with John Brown’s raid at Harpers Ferry, Virginia, on October 16, 1859. Brown was hanged on December 2, 1859. None of this is mentioned in the letters that follow.
Waterbury Aug. 2 1859
My Loving Friend
I realy did not know what to make of your long silence. I come to conclusion that you had just forgotten me. I was more than please to received your long look for letter and at last it arrived. Dear since you last heard from me I have been very sick but now my health is very good now my heart is just bad. O Dear Friend I am allmost tired of my life. Do not scold me My Friend for I really mean what I say I will not say much more this perhaps is not very pleasant to the ear.
Mrs Games send her respects to you and says as soon she able to sit up after she is confine she will send me on so you can look for me between this and the last of this months tell me when you school commence will you please. I will tell you all the news when I see you [….]
I remain your true
Affectionate Friend
Addie
one sweet kiss
you must look for me every Saturday until I do come on tell Henrietta to write to me if she please.
While living in Waterbury, Addie is able to visit Rebecca. She has just returned from such a visit in the letter that follows. It is clear that the community surrounding the two young women know that they are very close and provide them with sympathy when they are apart. Here we also begin to get an outline of the vibrancy of these black New England communities as Addie tells Rebecca of upcoming events and activities. It is also clear that Addie recognizes the romantic and erotic nature of her love for Rebecca: “if you was a man what would things come to?” she asks her beloved friend.
Waterbury Aug. 30 1859
My ever Dear Friend
I no doubt you will be surprise to received a letter so soon I think it will be received with just as much pleasure this week as you will nexe my Dearest Dearest Rebecca my heart is
allmost broke I dont know that I ever spent such hours as I have my loving friend it goes harder with me now then it ever did I am more acquainted with you it seem to me this very moments if I only had the wings of a dove I would not remain long in Waterbury although we cant allway be together O it tis hard
O Dear I am so lonesome I barelly know how to contain myself if I was only near you and having one of those sweet kisses. Man appoint and God disappoints. There is not much news here worthy to attention there is going to be a picnic tomorry the Childrens temperance Jubilee. The hand of hope will be celebrated to it will be a grand affair. Mr. Pete Sinclair the well known apostle of temperance will address the Gathering I supose it tis quit gay in Hartford [….]
O my Dear Friend how I did miss you last night I did not have any one to hug me and to kiss. Rebecca dont you think I am very foolish I dont want anyone to kiss me now I turn Mr Games away this morning no kisses is like yours [….]
You are the first Girl that I ever love so it you are the last one Dear Rebecca do not say anything against me loving you so for I mean just what I say O Rebecca it seem I can see you now casting those loving eyes at me if you was a man what would things come to they would after come to something very quick what do you think the matter dont laugh at me [….]I must say I dont know that I every injoyed myself any better than I did when I was at your parents house. I was treated so rich by all the Family I hope I may have the extreme pleasure returning the same pleasure to you all each will remember the visit as for your self Dear H[enrietta] there is no one like her if you was to travel all over united states [….]Affectionate Friend Addie
PS give my love to all the Family and kiss also to
your Mo. Addie
please to write soon
It is not clear if Addie consents to Mr. Games’s attentions. Many young female servants were subjected to sexual harassment at the hands of their employers. Addie does not mention Games after this.
Throughout her time in Waterbury, Addie longs to move to Hartford so that she can be closer to Rebecca and to the city’s black community. Addie’s request of Rebecca’s mother reveals a great deal about the power of the Primus family, both to act as intermediaries between black and white Hartford and to provide employment and training for young black women. All in all, Addie is clear that her situation would be better served if she could but move to Hartford.
Waterbury Feb. 16 1860
My Beloved Friend
do not be surprise to hear from me again I am heart sick to see you once more again it commence snowing this morning has done so all day the snow is two feet deep I thought I would be able to be with you to night how I did miss you last night I do not my Dear love know how long I have got to live. My Dearest Dearest Friend let it be long or short I must spend my days near with you if it tis the Lord will
I am afraid this is gone to end of my life for I have caught a very heavy cold I do not know where it will terminated Mrs Games says I shall not return to Hartford until Monday If I only could see you if it was only a hour every day perhaps I could content myself until you are your Dear Mother could find me a place as to live with Mrs Games again I could not make up my mind to do so I have a perticular reason for not doing so I shall not tell you now I wish your Mother would consent to let me finish my trade with her if I could only know how to cut for my health at present would not allow me to take whole charge of a house but I could sew. Keep this to yourself what I am about to tell you Mrs Games has been more than kind these few hours to me now she says if I would only stay with her she will pay me every week I can do the sewing and help her to take her Children for that is all she want me to do I ask your silence on this Rebecca I do not want to stay with her [….] I cannot be happy if I was to stay a way from you. Rebecca my Dearest love could any one love a person as love you I cannot I cannot stay here any longer with out you I must I must be near you do not forget to see about a place for me so I wont be out of work to long I will be on there Monday afternoon right to me first will you. your most heart broken friend Addie
PS do not forget to pray for me
Addie
Rebecca’s prayers alone are not sufficient to soothe Addie. She opens the new decade with a declaration of her commitment to Jesus. It is evident that Rebecca has been encouraging her to find salvation. With all the enthusiasm of a new convert, she marks this as a major change in her life, though one suspects that her desire to please her beloved friend is behind her fervent protestations of faith.
Waterbury Jan. 1860
My Dearest & Beloved Friend
I do not feel very well to day it has kept me from Church so I thought I would answer your letter [….]
Dear Rebecca was that a dreadful thing that factory fallen in there are many aching hearts weeping over their deads there is a warnings for us in it my love Dear Rebecca.
Dear Rebecca I am now going to inform you of something that you long desire that is this I have found a Friend this is Jesus. My beloved you wish me happy New year it tis one it has been happy week to me why did I put it of so long I would not have spend so many unhappy hours I have spent I had I seek for salvation before O Rebecca could I but see you for a hour I could tell you all I cannot pen them all on paper to you but I will we’ll see each other soon again.
Dear Rebecca I will tell I was determined to have a change heart there is a pious young lady here she visit the house two or three times so one evening she was here to tea and she was going to prayer meeting so she ask me would I like to go so I told her yes and we went I was delighted with the meeting so I went again so she has been talking to me not thinking of you my love it really made me unhappy. Two weeks ago I did not what was the matter with myself I was not sick in body-but-in-mind I was then to get religion for I do not know when the Lord will come
Dear Rebecca your prayers are answered I hope I will have the strength to keep up to my duty. Dear Rebecca give my love to Henrietta and tell her not to put it off any longer for now is the exceptional time. Do not cease praying for me for remember they is many obstacle in the way if we do not meet each other here on earth again we will in heaven God bless you. I remain your ever Dear Loving Friend Addie
PS Give my love to your dear Mother and the rest of the Family Addie
Let worldly minds the world pursue
It has no Charms for me
Once I admired its follies too
But grace has set me free
Those follies now no longer please
No mere delighted afford
Far from my heart he joys within
For I have known the lord
excuse this
writing Addie
In entering the ranks of the saved, Addie joins a tradition of African American women who sustained strong spiritual lives. Black feminist theologian Jacquelyn Grant has written: “for Black Christian women in the past, Jesus was their central frame of reference. They identified with Jesus because they believed Jesus identified with them.”5
Addie’s prayers seem to be answered when she moves to Hartford. However, it appears that Rebecca has left the city for an extended trip. So, ironically, Addie’s longing for her friend is not abated. She has found work, perhaps with the assistance of Mehitable Primus.
Hartford Aug. 16 1860
My Beloved Rebecca
I have been down hearted today I wishing I was near you my head reclining on your Dear bosom it tis useless to wish that my love. I suppose about this time you have heard that I have left Mrs Kellogg I am very much please to hear that you are enjoying yourself & I also delighted that you are geting fat I hope you will not lose it all after you return home [….] You spoke of my health I am very well with the exception of my head, my head trouble me great deal you know I was sun struck while I was at Mrs Kellogg I was out in the sun great deal I think I have lost some of my flesh. Mrs Hartley has to notice it I spoke of it My Dear Dear Rebecca, if you dont hurry home I am afraid that you wont find my flesh I will be nothing but skin and bones.
Hartford Nov. 17 1860
My Cherish Friend
My head is better to day last night it pain me very hard O My Dear dear Rebecca when you press me to your Dear bosom… happy I was, last night I gave any thing if I could only layed my poor aching head on your bosom O Dear how soon will it be I can be able to do so I suppose you think me very foolish if you do it tis all the same to me. Dear Rebecca when I am away from you I feel so unhapy it seem me the hours and days are like weeks & month will that day ever come than I can be with you oftener it seem to me when we are together our moments are limited I do not know why tis so although one comfort I have the is day coming there will be no parting. it tis very gloomy here if I was only near you now I rather have my head on your lap then pencil the few lines to you [….] I am going to be layed down now good by Untill you her from me again yours for ever untill death parts us
Addie
PS except a secret kiss I will imprint on here so look good you may perchance find it
Addie
I was even so foolish to expect you last evening but all was in vaine every footsteps I heard thinking it was my loving Rebecca few days past my love been towards you more then I can express. Dear Rebecca one thing I am going to say is this when ever you want me to come down and stay all night you must tell me. no more until we meet from your ever Dear and loving Addie
one sweat kiss
from your sweat lips
PART TWO
The Civil War Years
ALTHOUGH Addie Brown spent much of her early life in New York and Philadelphia, she does not appear in the federal census records or in city directories. For the most part, women were listed in the census under their husbands’, fathers’, or employers’ households. Propertied widows or single women were listed individually. Addie’s nomadic existence might have made it difficult for her to be counted.
If we relied solely on these sources, Addie Brown would not exist. Fortunately, her correspondence to Rebecca in the years immediately preceding and during the Civil War affirm her existence and firmly situate her as a member of a colorful New York African American household. In New York, Addie lived with and worked for a black family named Jackson. She refers to John Jackson and his wife as “father” and “mother,” but she is clear that they are not her biological parents. Instead, they are employers who treat her “like one of the family.”