"You're sweet," Violet mumbles.
"Our secret," he whispers back.
"Secret's out," Joel says.
"Joel's sweet too." Bella nudges her husband. "He doesn't want anyone to know."
"I don't mind them knowing how sweet your cunt—"
Bella presses her hand over his mouth. She throws Dad an apologetic smile.
"That's not what you meant?" Joel asks. It's only barely mumbled by her hand.
"Close enough." She leans in to kiss him. It's a long, hard kiss then she's whispering in his ear. No doubt something that proves he really is sweet.
It's still bizarre seeing Joel as a married man, but it's fucking obvious he loves her.
This whole room is full of love—Ethan and Violet, Kit and Piper, Joel and Bella.
But it's not just the couples making out on the couch.
It's not just my brother and sister.
We're all a family.
We all love each other.
We do anything for each other.
It hurts that Mom is gone. It hurts that, soon, Dad will be gone too. But I have so much fucking love in my life. More than most people.
I settle into my seat and get lost in telling stories about each other. About Mom and Dad. About history so ancient it feels like an actual fairytale.
And I feel all that love.
It warms my chest.
But it also makes me acutely aware of this gaping hole inside of me.
It's not Mom's abandonment.
It's that Lacey isn't here.
It's fucking ridiculous that Lacey isn't here.
She loves me.
And I love her.
It's obvious.
I knew it the day she told me. Deep down, I knew it, but I was scared and I pushed her away.
And I'm still fucking scared.
But I'm ready to get over it.
I've been a fucking fool.
I need to fix it.
It's past sunset and the house is full. Of sadness yeah, but also of joy and laughter.
Everyone is here but Dad. He had to bow out a little after lunch. He's still a wreck about losing Mom.
She was his life.
I don't even blame him for burying himself in their work. I'm not sure there's any other way he could get by.
I get up to fix another cup of tea and I catch Ethan's gaze. I motion come here.
He whispers some excuse to Violet then he pushes off the couch and makes his way to the kitchen.
His blue eyes are bright. He's up to something.
I set the water to boil. "The funeral is the day after tomorrow?"
He arches a brow. "You forget all of a sudden?"
"And Lacey—"
"Kit and Piper are picking her up on way. Around one, I think."
"That's sweet."
"Yeah, well, I have to make sure she shows or fuck knows how despondent you'll be."
I flip him off.
He laughs and returns the gesture. "She texted you."
"And?"
"Asked if you're okay. That kind of thing."
"And?"
He smiles, reveling in my anxiety. "Why do you care if you don't love her?"
"What the fuck did you tell her?"
He pulls my phone from his pocket and hands it over. "See for yourself."
I do. It's mostly one long note from Ethan, explaining that he has my phone, and that I'm miserable but getting better.
Then an invitation to the funeral.
Her insisting she'll be there.
"I almost talked her out of coming, but I figured there's no point. She loves you. She's not thinking straight." Ethan's eyes get brighter. He's baiting me.
And he's right.
"I know." I stare at the screen, at Lacey's text.
Lacey: I want to be there. Let me know the time and place, please.
It makes me warm all over.
I scroll up past our text history and get lost in our old conversations. I miss her. I need her. I love her.
How can it be so fucking obvious now when it didn't make any fucking sense before?
I don't care.
I only care that I need to fix this.
I have an idea.
It's going to take me from now until noon the day after tomorrow to get everything in place. But it's perfect.
I set my cell on the counter and look back to Ethan. "You still know the artist who did your chest-piece?"
"My miserable ode to Violet way back when?"
"Yeah."
"Of course." Ethan pulls his t-shirt down his chest to show off his tattoo—a winged broken heart. He got it when Violet left, though he never could admit it was because she took his heart with him. When they got back together, he added her name to the design. "Why?"
"You want to do me a favor?"
"Depends on the favor."
"Fuck off. You do."
Ethan smiles. "I do."
I motion to the cell. "Well…"
He plays dumb. "Well?"
"Call the guy."
"You need to admit it first."
"Admit what?"
"That you love her."
"Okay, I—"
He cuts me off. "To everyone."
"You're deranged."
"Thank you." He smiles and turns to the couches. "Everyone, Mal has an announcement."
"You finally going solo?" Joel bounces to his feet. "Tired of us holding you back?"
"Fuck no. Who would annoy me all day?" I tease.
Joel winks at me.
Ethan nudges me.
"You realize there are thousands of other tattoo artists in Southern California," I say.
Ethan nods.
Violet and Piper stand and look at me.
Then Kit.
"Thank you for your attention. This is a very fucking important announcement." Ethan motions to me like he's announcing the headlining act.
Everyone is staring at me.
Fuck, I know how to work a room.
Just not this particular room.
I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
These words want to be out. I'd rather save them for Lacey, but I need practice if I don't want to fuck this up again.
"I'm in love with Lacey," I say.
Piper's eyes light up.
Violet claps her hands together.
Someone is ooohing.
Someone is awwing.
Someone else is teasing about something.
It's all at my expense, but it's because my friends love me.
Because they care.
I turn to Ethan. "Now help me get her back."
He beams. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
43
Mal
I don't really breathe until I'm parked in front of Lacey's building. I'm late. I have enough time to do all this before the funeral, but I'm cutting it close.
My next breath is just as shallow. This must be what stage fright feels like for everyone else. My body is buzzing with nervous energy. My stomach is light. My entire fucking head is light.
A breeze could blow me away.
I force myself to take a slow inhale as I step out of the car. Then it's a slow exhale.
This is a time for a fucking declaration in the sky, but all I have is myself. My words. My body. My heart.
That has to be enough.
I trip over the first stair. And the fourth. It's not like me. Even though all that heavy shit is hanging high in the sky, I don't feel weighed down. It hurts that Mom is gone, that she chose not to spend more time with us.
It hurts that Dad is falling apart.
That he's still leaving to finish Mom's work.
But there's a lightness to letting go of that particular flavor of I need my family together. The Strong family hasn't included Mom and Dad for a long time. This is a shit way for it to happen, but I'm glad I'm finally over the idea of the family being anything but me, Piper, and Ethan.
With Kit, Joel, V
iolet, and even Bella, and maybe Lacey… we have all the family anyone could ever want.
There. Both feet plant on the balcony. It's a few steps to Lacey's door. I take a deep breath then exhale slowly. This is terrifying, but I'm not running from terrifying anymore.
I knock on her door.
"Coming." There's a sound of someone standing. Kicking stuff back in place. Lacey pulls the door open. She stands there in the frame looking up at me. "Mal?"
"Yeah."
"I thought Kit and Piper were picking me up on their way."
"Someone must have asked them not to."
Her lip corner turns up on one side. "Someone…"
"I want to show you something." Two things, actually, but they're at the same place.
"I've already seen you naked."
"You wouldn't want to see it again."
She presses her lips together. Her brown eyes fix on mine. She looks tired. Hurt.
She's been crying. Over me. Because of me. It guts me knowing I'm the one causing her all that pain, but I get it now. That's what happens when you let yourself love someone.
You give them the power to hurt you.
"Mal, I… I don't know." She hugs her chest. "Is it something important?"
"Yeah."
Her fingers brush the sleeves of her black dress. This is a hell of a time to appeal to her feelings for me, but I can't afford to play fair. I need her coming with me.
I need her.
"You trust me?" I ask.
She nods but her expression screams I haven't forgotten how you hurt me.
"Give me one hour."
"Isn't the funeral in an hour?"
"It's at three. We have time." I offer her my hand.
"Time for…"
"For this."
She looks up at me. Something sparks in her eyes, like she believes there's a chance. "Do you really need to be this oblique?"
"Yeah."
"Bullshit."
"Maybe. But I want it to be a surprise."
She takes my hand. "Okay, but if it's not a surprise—"
"You want a lunch full of carbs?"
"I was going to say I want the ten orgasms Ethan promised, but I guess I'll settle for lunch."
Her touch lights up my body. It pushes away the storm clouds in my mind.
It makes it feel like this is fucking possible.
Like anything is possible.
With anticipation eating at my insides, it feels like the drive takes a million years. The entire time Lacey's hand stays glued to mine. She sits back in the passenger seat, her eyes flitting from me to the scenery.
Our surroundings give nothing away. We're in front of an unassuming West LA office building. It's a beautiful day. The blue sky is shining high. The air is moving with a light breeze, carrying the hum of traffic on the nearby freeways.
And Lacey is sitting next to me, her brown eyes filled with curiosity, her lips in a tiny hint of a smile.
I park in the lot and turn the car off. Lacey looks around as she slides out of the car. She takes an unsteady step. She's wearing those black heels. They do amazing things to her long legs, but she can't walk for shit in them.
I slide my arm around her waist and guide her to the office complex. She watches with rapt attention as I pull out the key to the suite and unlock the door.
There. We're on the left.
It's another lock.
I turn the handle and hold the door open for her. "After you?"
"Let me guess. You're surprising me by doing my taxes?" She looks up at me. "You do know it's September."
"I do."
"Okay, so it's not taxes. General accounting?"
"Go inside."
She turns to the room and takes a step inside.
Her eyes go wide.
A sigh falls off her lips. "No fucking way." She practically jumps into the Herman Miller chair.
She runs her fingers over the desk and stares at every piece of machinery.
This is a hell of an editing suite. At least that's what the guy who owns the place claimed. I asked around, and everyone agreed—this is as good as any editing suite gets.
Lacey spins in her chair. Once she's slowed, she pulls her knees into her chest and looks up at me. "This is an office."
"An editing suite."
"I can't take an editing suite."
"It's yours for six months. If you don't want it, don't use it."
She turns back to the computer. A whine of a sigh falls off her lips. She can't stand the thought of not using it.
She needs one more push.
"It would be a shame for all this equipment to go to waste," I say.
"True. But… Mal, I know how much this place must cost. I can't—"
"It's done."
She looks up at me. "You, um… you rented me an office for half a year?"
I nod.
"Because…"
"I want to see you blossom."
"But, we're… are you… does this mean…"
"Let me talk for a minute?"
"A whole minute? Are you capable?"
I laugh.
"That's an entire sixty seconds."
"Only if you stop talking."
"That seems unlikely. You're going to have to power through my blabbering. You did buy me an office. That's not exactly chocolate and roses."
"Do you even like chocolate?"
"Who doesn't?"
"Roses?"
"Ditto."
"Should I run out and get some?"
She shakes her head. "No. I… Okay. I think I've only got sixty seconds of silence in me right now."
My lips curl into a smile. "I know." I move to the spot in front of her chair and lower myself onto my knees.
I need to look up at her when I say this. I need to show her that she's the one with my heart in my hands.
That I'm okay being at her mercy.
I stare into her brown eyes. "I love you, Lacey."
Her eyes go wide. She stares back at me, her mouth agape, her entire body turned towards mine. "You love me?"
"Yeah. I did the other day. When I asked you to leave. I knew it as soon as you walked out the door, but I kept trying to convince myself it was something else." I pull my t-shirt down my chest, low enough to show off my fresh ink.
"Mal…"
"Sixty seconds," I remind her.
She shakes her head. "Mal… That's…"
"Your name."
"It is?"
I nod.
She drags her fingertips over my chest, tracing the outlines of the tattoo. It's only a day old. It's still sore. But it's fucking perfect—a broken heart being stitched together, her name on the needle.
"That's forever."
"Yeah."
"What if I tell you to get lost? That I don't forgive you for hurting me?"
"You'll still be the person who stitched my heart back together."
"Then tore it apart?"
"Yeah."
She traces the lines again and again. Slowly, her eyes meet mine. "Mal, I can't do this again. Not if you're going to run off the next time you get scared."
"I know. I fucking hate that I hurt you, Lacey. It's been eating me up inside. But knowing that you exist and you're okay… You've been my silver lining since everything with Mom started." I slide my arms around her waist. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get this figured out. I love you, and that means I'm handing you my heart, and that means you have the power to destroy me."
"I won't."
"I know. But I get it now. All that warmth in my chest, that feeling lighting up my entire body—that's love. It always comes with giving someone the power to tear you in half. It means you trust them not to."
She blinks back a tear. "Mal…"
"You're crying, baby."
She shakes her head.
I reach up and wipe a tear from her eye. "You are."
"I'm happy."
I wipe another tear from her eye. "I love you so much, Lace
y."
"I love you too." She stares back at me. "You're not scared anymore?"
"I'm terrified. But I'm getting there."
She nods. "You promise you won't run off?"
"Yeah."
"Swear on something."
"I swear on everything."
"Something specific."
I plant a kiss on the inside of her knee. "I swear on my desire to make you come."
She laughs. Her hands go to her eyes. She wipes away the happy tears. "I can't lose that."
"You won't." I plant another kiss on her soft skin. "Let me prove it to you."
Her lips curl into a smile. "I can live with that."
I slide my arms to her ass and pull her to the edge of the chair. She lifts her hips and pushes her panties to her knees.
I slide them off, one foot at a time.
Lacey is already melting under my touch. She's already soft and pliable.
She's already mine, but I need to feel it everywhere.
She leans back as she spreads her legs.
I push her dress to her waist and I drag my lips up her thigh. I don't have it in me to tease today. I bring my hand to her ass and I hold her in place while I taste every inch of her.
She squirms in my hands, pressing her thighs against my cheeks as she groans my name.
She tugs at my hair. "Mal… Please…"
I hold her in place and I lick her just how she needs me to. Each flick of my tongue makes her shudder. Each gets her groaning louder. Each gets her tugging at my hair like it's the only way she can take it.
She shifts her hips.
Her thighs shake.
She's almost there.
I look up to watch the pleasure spread over her face.
One more.
There.
"Fuck, Mal." She groans my name again and again as she comes on my face.
I hold her shaking thighs in place as I lick her through her orgasm. It feels so fucking right, Lacey trusting me with her body.
This is more intimate than any sex we've ever had.
Now, she's really mine.
And I'm really hers.
She tugs at my hair, pulling me from between her legs. "Sex. Couch. Now."
I push myself to my feet. Then her. I undo my jeans and step out of them. Then the boxers.
Lacey pulls my t-shirt over my head.
She kicks off her shoes.
I do the same with mine.
My arms slide to her ass. I lift her and set her on the couch under me. It's messy. Our foreheads bump together. Then our noses.
Dangerous Fling: A Rock Star Romance (Dangerous Noise Book 4) Page 29