Living Backwards

by Tracy Sweeney

  “Luke?” He turned around tentatively. “God, Luke, it’s been years!”

  He looked good, maybe a little bit uncomfortable.

  “How’ve you been, kid?” he asked with a tight smile. It wasn’t exactly the warmest reception in the world.

  “I’m good,” I replied. “You’ll never guess why I’m in town. They asked me to speak at Reynolds High Career Day! Isn’t that a riot?”

  “Looks like you’ve done well for yourself,” he said, folding his arms in front of his chest awkwardly.

  “Well, it’s a lot of work, but yeah, the business is doing well. I have some great people around me helping out, too. I mean, I would never have been able to do it without Jillian.”

  The tight smile that was barely welcoming, fell. He just stared at me, blinking for a minute, looking as if he were a hundred miles away.

  “Luke? Are you okay?”

  “Huh? Yeah. Sorry. That’s good…that you have support and friends helping,” he stammered. “I…um…I own a bar in Seattle.”

  “You’re kidding? How did I not know this? What’s it called?”

  It seemed like a perfectly acceptable question to me, but Luke seemed reluctant to answer. What kind of bar was this?

  “It’s called...um…The Big Leap…but it’s mostly a college bar. Probably not your scene,” he explained, cautiously.

  I was about to press him for the address when an older, attractive man with blond hair and sharp features came up behind us with his hands full of spice jars.

  “You can never be too careful with a culinary genius,” he joked, holding up the jars.

  “Danielle, this is my uncle, Carter Chambers. Carter, this is Danielle Powers.”

  “Fletcher, actually,” I corrected. “Josh and I were married three years ago.”

  While I hadn’t expected epic fanfare, I wasn’t expecting Luke to scowl either. I always thought he liked Josh.

  “Nice to meet you, Danielle,” his uncle added, nodding because of the items in his hands.

  “Well, I don’t want to keep you, but I’d love to come by with the gang and see the bar. Can I get your email address?” I dug into my purse, looking for my phone.

  “I don’t check my email very often,” he added, shaking his head warily.

  “Are you on Facebook? Twitter? LinkedIn?”

  I mean, really, this is the Information Age. Was he always this difficult?

  “Um, I’m on Facebook, but I never log in so…”

  “Oh, great! Just change your settings so that you get an alert when someone posts on your page. Then you’ll know when I message you. Yay! We’ll set something up soon,” I added. “Nice meeting you, Mr. Chambers. Talk to you soon, Luke!”

  A life without Facebook. I just can’t imagine. Poor, uninformed Luke.

  I waved a quick goodbye, relieved to be away from such a tense meeting. I knew some people hate running into old friends from high school, but that had been more painful than it needed to be. I had no idea Luke was so socially awkward.

  When I arrived at the school, I checked in at the office. Everything seemed so much smaller. It was strange seeing the young school secretary behind Mrs. Jankowski’s desk. She wasn’t much younger than me.

  “Hi, I’m Danielle Fletcher,” I said to the girl behind the desk. She looked vaguely familiar.

  “Danielle Powers?” she asked, looking at me inquisitively.

  “Yes,” I replied, searching her face. “I thought you looked familiar, but I’m sorry, I can’t place how I know you.”

  “Anne-Marie Matthews. Well, I was Anne-Marie Matthews. I was a junior when you were a senior,” she explained with an easy smile.

  “Oh, I remember you! You dated Jon Nolan,” I replied, suddenly remembering how they played tonsil-hockey in the cafeteria every day. So gross.

  “That’s me,” she said, raising the back of her hand up to show me her ring. “I’m Anne-Marie Nolan now. And you married Josh Fletcher?”

  “Yes, actually, we had a lot of people from high school in the wedding—Megan Dunn, Nate Barrett, Jillian Cross.”

  “Oh, Jillian! Is she still with Luke Chambers?” she asked with a gleam in her eyes.

  “Oh no, no, they weren’t together. She just went with him to the prom,” I explained. It was such a strange thing to ask.

  “Oh, you don’t have to keep it a secret from me,” she giggled. “I used to see them behind the gym together all the time. People complained about me and Jon, but those two gave us a run for our money.” She laughed heartily while I just stared blankly at her. I knew I was just opening my mouth and closing it—not actually making any sound—but I couldn’t stop. I didn’t exactly know what to do with this information.

  “Right…yeah…are you sure you meant Jillian Cross?” I asked, not entirely convinced that this wasn’t just a big misunderstanding. I mean, what if Anne-Marie was crazy? She sucked her boyfriend’s face off in public every day. For all I knew, that could have caused severe brain damage.

  “You should have seen Luke the last day of school when we interrupted them. He seemed to have laid claim to the area behind gym, and apparently we invaded their turf,” she explained, laughing.

  I was absolutely reeling. What do you say when you learn your best friend has been hiding something from you for over a decade? I thought back to Luke’s reaction at the supermarket—how uncomfortable he was, how he looked physically ill when I mentioned Jillian. Then there was Jillian’s surprise departure from Reynolds, just two days after the prom. In New York, she acted like she was a different person. Was it because of him?

  I needed to test my theory. I needed to be sure, and there was only one way to do it.

  “Excuse me a moment, Anne-Marie,” I stammered, grabbing my iPhone as I walked into the hallway.

  I shot Megan a quick message asking her to meet me for drinks at eight. I planned to fill her in and if she already knew, I’d have two asses to kick.

  Opening my browser, I launched Facebook and searched for Luke’s profile. He wasn’t kidding when he said he didn’t use it much. He didn’t even have a decent profile picture. It was just a shot of what I assumed was his bar. Without a second thought, I sent him a Friend Request.

  Dazed, I headed back into the office, attempting to make polite conversation with Anne-Marie until it was my time to speak.

  I was told that I gave a good speech at Career Day, but I couldn’t tell you what was said. My mind was focused on my best friend and Luke Chambers. Why didn’t she think she could trust us? What happened, and why did it end?

  By the time I got to O’Malley’s, Megan was already in the booth waiting for me. I had spent the entire drive putting together a plan. I just needed to get Meg onboard.

  “Let me get this straight,” she said, placing her beer down on the table. “Jillian and Luke were getting it on in high school without telling anyone?” she asked incredulously. “I don’t believe it.”

  “Classy. I didn’t say they were ‘getting it on’. I just know something was going on with them. Then she decides to leave for New York early and suddenly becomes all Winona in Beetlejuice. These are the facts.”

  “But why would she keep it a secret? Sure, we’d make fun of her because, Jesus, he was so broody and shit, but that’s not a reason to sneak around.”

  “Well, she obviously had her reasons. Now the question is—what do we do about it?”

  “What do you mean? It was over ten years ago.”

  “Yes, and has she moved on? And if you were in the supermarket with me today, you’d be pretty convinced that Luke hadn’t either.”

  “You’re basing all of this off something a girl we hardly knew said to you.”

  She had a point, but Anne-Marie referenced more than one occasion. Something told me that this wasn’t a fluke.

  “If I’m wrong, no harm done,” I shrugged.

  “So, what’re you proposing?”

  “A class reunion. At Luke’s bar.” I winced, knowing Meg wouldn’t
be a big fan of the idea.

  “Oh, Christ. So you need to subject me to Sarah Spellman just to get the two of them in the same room? Why, Danielle? Why so mean?”

  “Buck up. I won’t stop you if you want to make fun of her boobs,” I offered.

  “Yes!” she hissed, pumping both fists. “So how do we do this?”

  “We hop on Facebook and start sending out invitations.”

  I knew the plan could backfire. It could be an utter disaster. I couldn’t even be sure that this would make her happy, but I had to find out. I had to try and pay Jillian back for all of the things that she had done for me over the years. I owed her so much.

  It took a few days to receive the notification that Luke had accepted my Friend Request. I was getting pretty nervous, and honestly, a little annoyed that he hadn’t paid attention to my directions. You see a notification. You accept it. Facebook isn’t rocket science.

  I poured over all of the details in his profile. It didn’t take long. He was single, as I suspected. There were no photos, and only a few people posted on his wall. Most of them mentioned how great the bar was—nothing personal. The boy really needed a lesson in Facebooking 101. His profile was boring as hell.

  “What’s got you looking so serious?” Josh asked, looking up from his brief.

  “I’m looking at Luke’s Facebook page and it’s dismal. I’m sending him a message about the reunion.”

  “Tell him he still hasn’t accepted my Friend Request, and he owes me twenty bucks. Jillian was the first to puke on prom night, not you.”

  “You bet that I would puke on prom night?!”

  “No, I bet you wouldn’t puke on prom night. He thought you’d be excited about the Prom Queen thing and would drink too much. You are excitable, honey,” he hedged.

  “Not speaking to you, Josh,” I retorted, turning back to type on my iPhone.

  Luke – It was so good to see you last week. It got me thinking about high school, and before I knew it I was planning a reunion. Your bar seemed like the logical choice. I hope you don’t mind. Did you get Josh’s Friend Request? He says you still owe him $20. See you soon! Danielle

  I pressed send and waited.

  Reunion Night didn’t start off very well. I was at Jillian and Megan’s apartment helping Jillian get ready when I heard a gasp and a loud thump. When I went running into her bedroom, I found Jillian in a lump on the floor.

  I was ready to scrap the entire plan. Megan was giving me dirty looks, pleading with me to keep her home, but Jillian insisted she’d be all right. I kept a close eye on her, but things got hectic once we were inside the bar. Sarah pounced on Megan as soon as we sat down, distracting me with the asymmetrical tube dress that wasn’t supposed to be asymmetrical. Before I knew it, Jillian was pushing her way out of the booth to run to the bathroom.

  As I turned to move out of the booth, I noticed Luke heading towards us.

  “There he is!” Nate cheered, standing up and clapping him on the back.

  “Nate, man, good to see you,” he replied. “And I think I owe you few drinks, Fletcher.”

  “And I’ll be collecting,” Josh laughed. “We need to get together without these high school bozos and grab a few beers, man. It’s been too long.”

  “That sounds good,” he replied happily.

  “Hey, are you working on Wednesday night?” Nate asked. I shot Megan a look. I hadn’t even thought about inviting him.

  “I usually take Tuesday and Wednesday off,” he replied. “It’s slower.”

  Nate was better at this than we were, and he had no idea that we were even scheming.

  “Excellent! Danielle’s opening her design showroom and she’s having a cocktail thing. Don’t worry. She isn’t making us wear tuxes this time,” Nate explained, giving me a dirty look. Was it so much to ask them to dress up for my Holiday Open House? I didn’t think so.

  The panic was evident on Luke’s face, but he had already admitted to having no plans. I think he knew he was stuck.

  “Um...sure...yeah…that’d be fun,” he said half-heartedly.

  Megan better give Nate a big reward.

  “Well, I have a few things to handle out back. I’ll see you before you leave?”

  “Absolutely,” I added. Luke nodded, heading down the hall and disappearing into a door near the restrooms.

  “Do you know what, Nate?” Megan asked, slyly. “I am so doing that thing you like tonight.”

  “The thing?” he said with wide eyes.

  “Oh, yes. The thing.”

  “Can we leave now?” he asked, straight-faced.

  “Settle down, Big Boy. Just know that you did good,” she added with a wink.

  “What are you two up to?” Josh asked, eyeing us suspiciously.

  “Just sit and look pretty, Josh. Let me handle the tough stuff.”

  This was perfect. Luke. Jillian. My Grand Opening. This I could work with. I might need to do some questionable things, and I would most likely piss her off, but if I could make this right for her, it would be worth it. Because it was never really about pastel houses and white picket fences. It was about being happy. And if I needed to jump through hoops to make this happen for her, I would. I just hoped she didn’t kill me in the process.

  It was time for the members of Operation Nate to join forces. Operation Luke had commenced. Jillian just didn’t know it yet.

  CHAPTER 20

  Luke

  I wasn’t a pacer. I couldn’t even say I had any nervous habits, but at the rate I was going, I would burn a path into my office carpet before last call.

  No matter how prepared I’d been, no matter how many times I imagined the conversation, no matter how hard I convinced myself that none it ever mattered, I was still completely unprepared to see her again. It took less than five minutes to feel like I was eighteen.

  I wasn’t stupid. I obviously knew I’d run into her at some point during the night. I was just expecting some warning first. But it was even more awkward than the day we met all those years ago. It felt like a lifetime ago when I stared at her red lips and wondered what it would be like to kiss her. Now that I knew, I wished I could forget.

  More than ten years had passed. Her lips weren’t as red, and her hair wasn’t as long. Her body was much curvier than it used to be, but her eyes were just as big, just as brown. When she looked at me, I could tell that she was about to say something—make some excuse—about how it wasn’t me, how she was doing me a favor, how she wanted to be friends. I couldn’t just stand there while she spewed that bullshit. I wouldn’t.

  So I left to find Nate and Josh, but mostly to maintain some dignity. I was mad at Danielle for having this stupid thing at my bar. I was mad at Peter for thinking it was funny. I was mad at Jillian for looking at me the way she did. But mostly, I was mad at how much it all still bothered me. I hated myself for that the most.

  So I paced, listening to my former classmates laughing and joking, knowing she was out there on the other side of that door. But even though I would have sold my soul for a chance to skip the rest of the night altogether, I knew I couldn’t hide out in my office forever. It was almost last call, and Peter would need my help closing down. I had to man up.

  Cursing the fact that I never finished my cigarette, I begrudgingly headed directly to the bar, not looking around—definitely not looking for her. When I took my place next to Peter, he was already giving me the side-eye.

  “Thanks for stopping by, Romeo,” he said. “Don’t mind me. I’m just trying to run your bar here.”

  I rolled my eyes, brushing past him to grab a clean rack of glasses from underneath the bar.

  “So, I take it from your chipper mood that things didn’t go so well with Juliet,” he added.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I muttered. Because he didn’t.

  Out of habit, I looked up and scanned the room, finding aged versions of people I used to know scattered throughout the bar. Val Cooper looked pretty spent, rubbing
the shoulders of some guy I recognized from my shop class. Her dress was too tight and her face was pulled back. It looked like she may have purchased a new nose at some point, but the guy didn’t seem to mind.

  Karen Larson was definitely getting shut off. She was trying to start some kind of sing-a-long, but she was the only one actually singing. It was almost as bad as that song she sang at the prom. And that was saying a lot.

  Everywhere I looked, I saw people I used to know doing the same things they were doing back when I knew them. Mike Wakefield still looked like a massive tool, and I still wanted to kick his ass. Maybe we never really leave high school. Or maybe high school never leaves us.

  I was looking for some mundane task that would help me forget what an idiot I was when I saw everyone at her table stand up, pull on their coats and get ready to leave. Nate made his way over to me first.

  “Hey, man, we’re taking off. It was good to see you,” he said, slapping me on the back again.

  “We’ll see you on Wednesday, though. First round’s on me,” Josh added, throwing his arm over my shoulder.

  “It’s an open bar, Josh,” Danielle interrupted.

  “Then they’re all on me, aren’t they?” he countered.

  “The man has a point, Danielle,” Megan chimed in.

  I was trying to avoid Jillian, but it was impossible to ignore how uncomfortable she looked. Standing—practically hiding—behind Megan with her head tipped down, she barely took part in the conversation at all. If she was expecting me to make her feel more comfortable, she was crazy. The only comfort I had was that the bar was about to close and this night was almost over. When Peter flipped the lights on signaling last call, I jumped at the opportunity to make an exit.

  “That’s my cue,” I added, shaking Nate’s hand and then grabbing Josh’s. “I guess I’ll see you all on Wednesday.”

  Jillian finally lifted her head up slowly—and maybe I was wrong—but it looked like she was about to cry. I needed to get out of there. What right did she have to play the victim here? Why was she acting like this wasn’t all her own fault? I had already spent far too much time trying to figure out what the hell went on in that girl’s mind and I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I turned away, struggling to control the anger brewing inside. With a wave and a tight smile, I returned to the bar before I did anything I’d regret. I didn’t even look up when I heard the door close.