The Juror

by Mardria Portuondo

  I was very sad that we shared such an amazing moment in our lives and our families were not there to celebrate it with us. I knew this was a conversation that we needed to have, but I chose to block it from my thoughts and enjoy our honeymoon in Hawaii. We packed our week with activities, leaving our hotel early in the morning and coming back by late afternoon. We were often so tired from the hikes, the sight-seeing, the flying from island to island that we would just shower and go to sleep, sometimes skipping dinner. It was definitely the happiest time of my life.

  It was my first day back at work, and I had been avoiding my boss for much of the morning because he would want to know what the rings on my finger was all about. No one knew that I was dating a woman, let alone married to one. It would have to come out somehow, but I had no idea how to start that conversation. Kathy did not want me to work and as I sat at my desk looking at our wedding photo that she insisted I take to work, I regretted not taking her up on her offer.

  There was a lot to discuss and the weekend was the best time to do it, but we were busy fucking in every inch of our house to have any serious conversation. However, I knew when I got home there would be some start to the many topics we need to cover. The fact that she was avoiding her parents for almost two weeks would be the first thing on the list.

  A knock on the door almost threw me from my chair and I quickly turned down the picture on my desk. Without waiting for me to answer, the door opened and Mr. Henderson walked in.

  "Good morning, Miss Callaway. I would think after your one-week emergency leave you would have come to my office with your bag still on your arm," he said walking toward my desk.

  "I'm sorry, Mr. Henderson. I was just putting my thoughts together and to see what I'm up against before coming to you," I replied and just hearing his voice was a reminder of how taxing my job was on my mental health.

  "So what was the emergency?" he asked.

  "I'm not ready to talk about it, Sir. It's a personal matter."

  "That you can't share with me? I tell you all of my business," he said.

  "All of it?"

  "Most."

  "Tell is not the right word. Vent is more like it."

  "And you don't want to vent?"

  "I have nothing to vent about," I smiled.

  "Well, I'm happy that your emergency was a happy occasion," he said with his hands in his pockets. "Now we can get back to the hell we have been facing in your absence. Can you believe there was a two-day strike at the factory?"

  "What? Two-day strike for what?"

  "More benefits."

  "But that is still in negotiation," I said with shock registered on my face.

  "I know, and I wanted you here to be a part of the meeting with the union representative, but guess who did not take my calls and had no room for messages?"

  "Mr. Henderson, I was on leave...emergency leave."

  "You said it was a happy emergency and you saw the number of times I called, so clearly it was a deliberate attempt to ignore your job and all that we were going through here," he went on. "It was a disaster and…"

  He was interrupted by a knock on the door. Slowly the handle turned and the secretary poked her head in.

  "Excuse me, Miss Callaway, but there’s a woman here to see you. She said she is...ahm...your wife," Parker said, and I almost fainted.

  "Your what?" Mr. Henderson asked in shock.

  "Ok. Just...please tell her I'm in a little meeting and I'll be with her…"

  "No, Miss Parker. Tell her to come in," Mr. Henderson said, and I could not feel my tongue.

  I watched as the most beautiful woman on the planet walked through the door that Parker held open for her, and I was super proud to show her off as my wife...but not yet. I wanted to break the news first.

  "Hi…," I said, unable to get the endearment out nor was I able to walk to her. "Kathy, this is my boss, Mr. Henderson. Mr. Henderson, this is Kathy…"

  They both just stood there silently looking at me to continue.

  "My wife," I got out and my throat almost closed off.

  "I’m very excited to meet you, despite all the questions that just popped into my head," he said to Kathy and she smiled at him. "For example, how am I just finding out that River is gay. You think you know a person," he said shaking his head. "I never once heard her going out on a date, so how did we get to marriage...and why was I not invited?"

  "Mr. Henderson, can we continue our meeting afterward. I need to speak to Kathy…"

  "Can you imagine what's going on outside this door? I will never get anything done today because everyone will be talking about this. You blindsided us, River."

  "Because you had a right to know?" I asked and was starting to get upset.

  "No, but it's the decent thing to do," he replied.

  "I'm sorry…"

  "Don't do that, honey," Kathy said with a smile. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sure that Mr. Henderson understands that your personal life has nothing to do with the job you were employed to do. And if he doesn't, then maybe this is not the job for you."

  I wanted to wake up from this nightmare! Kathy stood erect and threatening, almost challenging my boss to say another word.

  "You're right. Who Miss Henderson marries has nothing to do with me or the job. Just that I thought we had a better relationship."

  "Sometimes people need a little more time."

  "Maybe. Nice to meet you Kathy…"

  "Poland," she said when he hesitated, and I could not feel my inside.

  "Kathy Poland. Sounds familiar," he said and looked at me.

  He knew. I told him her name after I came back from jury duty. He fucking knew!

  "So has your name been changed, River? Is it Mrs. Poland now?" he asked me, and I tried to answer, but no words came out.

  "That would be correct," Kathy answered for me.

  "Ok. Good to know," he said then turned to my wife. "See you around, Kathy."

  "Nice to meet you," she said and shook his expended hand.

  Soon, my boss was gone, and I was left staring at the disappointed face of the woman I pledged my life to. I didn't know what to say or where our conversation would lead. I went around my desk to her, but she made no attempt to meet me. I decided to lock the door because she was clearly upset, and I didn't want anyone walking in on us like this. I locked the door and walked back to her then held her hand and led her to sit on one of the chairs at my desk. I took the other one beside her and held both her hands.

  "Baby…"

  "Are you ashamed of me, Riv?" she asked and my heart broke. "Are you ashamed of our marriage?"

  "Absolutely not," I said, closing my eyes. "Absolutely not."

  I opened them to see her big eyes glistening with tears.

  "Then why are you keeping me a secret?"

  "I'm not. I just didn't have time to tell everyone…"

  "You told no one."

  "I know, but it's not as simple. No one knew me to be gay, so there's that, then I have to tell them I'm married, so I wanted to tell them properly, but this job is so hectic that…"

  "Did you tell anyone in your family?"

  "No...for the same reasons."

  "You turned down our wedding photo on your desk," she said softly, and I hung my head in shame.

  I could not help the tears that ran from my eyes because I loved her with everything inside me, and the last thing I wanted was for her to think for a moment that she was not the best thing that happened to me, and I am very proud of her.

  "I love you, Kat. You know that," I said as my lips trembled and the tears came.

  "I know you love me, Riv, but not enough to be proud of me no matter what."

  "I do! I'm very proud of you," I said, and she wiped my eyes.

  "I came to take you to lunch, but you are very busy so I'll see you when you get home," Kathy said, getting up.

  "We'll go. I want us to have lunch," I said desperately trying to show her that what she was thinking was not the case.


  "No. I have a few things to do. We can do this some other time. Everyone around here is in shock about you being married, so sort that out and I'll see you later," she said and headed to the door.

  "Wait. Let me walk you out."

  "I don't think you should, honey," she said and touched my face. Her eyes told the story that she was hurt by my actions which gave the wrong message. "I wouldn't want anyone to think that you are unhappy with your new life. Go wash up, reapply your makeup, and I will see you at home."

  I watched as the woman I loved opened the door and left. I quickly walked over and locked the door behind her then rushed to the bathroom to tend to my tear-stained face. I took a deep breath and tried my hardest to focus on getting through the day, but I knew it would be hard because I would have to face some questions from my colleagues.

  As soon as I went to my desk, there was a knock on the door. Someone was trying to open it but it was locked, so I got up to see who it was. It was Dan, the chief accountant.

  "Good morning, Mrs...ahm…," he said with a smile and waited for me to fill in the blanks.

  "Poland."

  "Mrs. Poland, may I come in?"

  "You may," I replied, stepping aside.

  As soon as I closed the door he started.

  "What the fuck? You were dating a woman and no one had a clue? Then you disappeared overnight and came back a married woman...this whole thing is blowing my mind, River!"

  "You and everyone else I see," I said as I went through the files on my desk.

  "The poor woman. She has never seen so many eyes looking at her at the same time," he continued.

  "What do you mean?"

  "Everyone gathered to get a glimpse of her as she left your office. Word got to us and we had to see," he said. "Where the fuck did you find her? Oh my God, she's beautiful!"

  "She is. Thank you," I said. "What can you tell me about this strike, and where are we with negotiations?"

  "No. I need details about this, Mrs. Poland," he said, and I regretted allowing Kathy to convince me to take her name. I felt horrible the moment I thought that because it was one more example of me being ashamed of my relationship with Kathy when it was not actually so. I should be proud to have her name.

  "Dan, I have been away for a week and a lot went down during my absence. I need to stop the cracks before it bursts open into a fucking crater. Let's get that out the way then we can have you all up in my business. Hm? Good," I said, not waiting for him to answer.

  "OK...ah...let me go get my laptop and I'll be right back," he said.

  "Dan, wait. I think I'm going to go to Mr. Henderson first then I will let you know when I'm free," I told him, deciding that it would be best to speak with my boss first, since he was interrupted by my wife walking in.

  My wife. Fuck! I'm married. How the hell did this happen? I was over the moon with happiness, and now I was nervous about going outside of my office. I took a deep breath, quickly read the report then set off to see Mr. Henderson. I walked out of the office and eyes, smiles, snickers followed me all the way to Mr. Henderson's office.

  "Hi, Mrs. Poland," his secretary greeted without the usual unpleasant face. This time she smiled but it wasn't warm. Clearly, there was no one left in this building who didn't know about Kathy's visit.

  "Is Mr. Henderson free for a quick meeting?"

  "Go ahead. He's been expecting you," she smiled.

  "Thank you," I said then opened the door and walked in.

  Mr. Henderson was reading some sort of report and without looking up to see who it is he said: "Have a seat, River."

  "Thank you, sir," I said then continued. "I would like to discuss with you the details of the strike and the agreement under which the staff returned to work…"

  "River," he said, cutting me off. "This meeting, the first of many that we need to have to settle this fucking matter with my staff, us very important, but I am distracted by what is happening here today."

  "My personal life is no one's business and they should just focus on their work."

  "That's just it; they are not focused," he said and sat back in his chair. "I don't think you know what's going on here so let me fill you in. A woman walks in. She is greeted: 'How may I help you?' She responds: 'I'm here to see River Callaway.' 'Who may I say?' 'Kathy Poland.' 'Can you say what's the purpose of your visit?' 'I'm her wife.' Are you following so far, River?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "What do you think happened after she went into your office?"

  "They start to gossip?"

  "That, and they start to search the internet to see who the fuck is Kathy Poland. Do you know what they found?"

  Oh my God!

  "No," I lied.

  "Have you ever searched for your wife on the internet, River?"

  "No, sir."

  "Well, the first thing is that she was arrested and charged for assault."

  "She was acquitted."

  "Yes, but that part of the news doesn’t appear until page two. All of page one is about her charge and her trial. Guess who went for jury duty? You! So there is a big debate about whether or not you let her off the hook and your marriage is a reward for doing that," he said with steam of anger coming out of his ears.

  I wanted to fucking die!

  "I never met Kathy before her trial and we never spoke during. I met her a whole year after. And by the way, there were twelve of us on the jury, so I alone can't acquit her. This whole thing is so stupid that I will not even give it a second thought," I said, sitting upright and pretending that I didn't want to be as far away from here as possible. "Now, Mr. Henderson, if you don't mind, let's deal with this more important issue."

  I tried to tune everything out and focus on our meeting, but he could tell that I was not operating at my best. I felt it and so must he. I just wanted to get home, but I could not return home without a plan to show my wife that she was the most important thing to me and I was proud of her. I was drowning because I could not stay at work, and I could not go home.

  I did not have lunch today because it was impossible to eat with all the turmoil in my head, and by the time I left work, I was starving. I knew Kathy was waiting for us to have dinner, but I couldn't go home. Not yet. I drove to my apartment instead, just so that I could sit quietly and think about what my next move should be. I stood in the living room and it no longer had the warm cozy feeling I always had when I came home, knowing that I was no longer under my parents' roof. It was such a liberating feeling knowing that they could not just walk in without being invited. When I was living with them, they would just open my bedroom door whenever they wanted and disguise their inquisitiveness under the pretense of checking in on me.

  I knew they loved me and I loved them, but now I would find out if their love was unconditional when they hear about my marriage with Kathy. Yes. I had to tell them. This was the only way to prove to my wife that I loved her and wanted the world to know. She was not a secret, but my most precious accomplishment, having her as my wife.

  I looked at the bed where Kathy and I made love...where she slept, and I smiled at the memory. This place was missing her. It suddenly felt strange and lonely, and I just wanted to get the hell out of here and go home to her.

  My phone started to ring. Usually, I would ignore it as I have been doing for some time now, and my parents were the beneficiary of most of those. My siblings sometimes got a taste, and sometimes it was my grandmother that I desperately needed to make amends with, however, I couldn't speak to her when I was putting on my wedding dress for a wedding she knew nothing about. It wasn't rocket science to figure out that they were all worried and angry with me right now, especially when they were not accustomed to this kind of behavior from me. At least, not to this extent.

  I sat looking at my mother's name on the phone and my thumb trembled over the accept button. I promised myself that I would leave them out of our lives, but it was important for Kathy to see that she was not a little secret I was keeping in my pocket
.

  "River Callaway! How dare you ignore your entire family when we’ve been so worried about you? I don't understand it. We came to your apartment, and once again, we were not allowed to enter. We called the office and we never got through to you. What is going on?" she greeted.

  I could have shut her down but I decided to let her get it all out.

  "Mom, I have some news to share with you and I need you to round up everyone…"

  "News? Are you sick, honey? Oh my God, Hogan! River is sick!"

  "Mom! Mom!"

  "I can't take it," she cried and had moved the phone away from her ear.

  "Honey, calm down…what do you mean River is sick?" I heard my dad asking.

  "She has cancer," she cried. "I can't..."

  "Oh my God…," I heard my dad. "Where is she?"

  "I don't know. Maybe at the hospital…"

  "What do you mean you don't know! Didn't you…"

  I disconnected the call.

  "Fuck!" I cried out in my bedroom, throwing myself back on the bed.

  Chapter 12

  My phone started to ring again, and I knew my parents were calling back to ask how I wanted my funeral to be. However, it was Kathy. I decided not to answer her because I didn't want to tell her where I was or not have a plan for her meeting my family. I didn’t want to pick up her call, but I kept staring at her name displayed on the screen. I couldn't resist.

  "Hey, babe," I greeted.

  "Are you still at work?" she asked with concern in her voice.

  "No, I left. Just had a few things to do then I'm coming home," I replied, trying not to tell her where I was because I knew it would bother her.

  "What things?" she asked and my efforts were in vain.

  "I just...I just wanted to think for a moment...clear my head."

  "Clear your head...where are you?"

  "I'm at my apartment," I said and closed my eyes.

  "Oh my God...Riv," she whispered and I knew she would take this the wrong way. "Why? Please come home."

  "Baby, I'll be home in a little while. I promise."

  "But why couldn't you come here and think? Why do you...I told you to get rid of that fucking apartment!" she shouted, switching gears. "We are married, River. You can't just run off to another residence whenever you want a break…"