The Juror

by Mardria Portuondo

  “That’s what you call people who commit crimes!” I shouted and pushed her hands off me.

  Chapter 16

  I cried as I continued to remove my things from the drawers. I looked over at her as she picked up the things she had thrown all over the room, and I was afraid that she was going to cut her feet on the broken glass from the frames so I went over to pick them up.

  “Be careful where you step because I’m not going to ruin another t-shirt, and I definitely will not stay back to take care of you,” I said, and she looked at me without saying a word then went back to rearranging.

  Some things were completely damaged so they had to be thrown out. The plush carpet on the lower level of the bedroom where our bed was, prevented the perfume bottles and some of the frames from breaking. Those things landed on the tile floor were not that lucky. I was very nervous that glass splinters would puncture our feet so I got our slippers then went over to Kathy.

  “Put these on,” I said and held them while she slipped her feet in.

  I stood up and looked at her as she went eerily silent, but the tears continued to flow. Mine had dried up for now, maybe because I was so fucking furious at her and at myself.

  “No! Let me do that,” Kathy said and ran over to me, when I realized that I was about to lift a heavy piece of furniture that I shouldn’t be doing in my condition.

  She held onto my fingers and I pulled my hand away from her. I went into the bathroom for a wet towel then walked over to the blinds to clean the blood on the floor. I started crying again as I scrubbed Kathy’s blood off the tile. I wished this had not happened to her. I wished she was really innocent and that conversation with her father did not happen. I knew how much this family meant to her and she was about to lose it. It would destroy her, and I no longer felt safe leaving our child in her care. I felt ashamed that I was seeing this innocent baby, whom we chose to bring into this world, who had nothing to do with all of this, as something that belonged to Kathy instead of both of us. It didn’t matter if it was her biological child; we were both her parents. She would definitely be a constant reminder of Kathy, but I could never forget Kathy even if the baby was not with me.

  I was a little concerned about Kathy’s silence, and I wondered what was going through her head. A person who lost everything could not be trusted, and I feared that if I didn’t handle this properly, she could be a danger to herself. I put the bloodied towel inside the shower and turned on the hot water. I did not want Rita to think that I did something to her boss. I went back into the bedroom and Kathy was not there. I instantly started to panic when I saw the door to the balcony open.

  “Kathy!” I rushed out in fear that she had jumped, but I saw her leaning over the glass frame, looking down as if she was calculating if she should. “Come inside.”

  I led her into the bedroom then called Rita on the intercom and asked her to vacuum our bedroom. I informed her that there was broken glass on the floor, so she should be careful then I led Kathy into Lizzie’s room so we could talk. After I took her in, I realized that it was not the best place for her to be because she broke down in tears. I took her out and led her to another bedroom then put her to sit on the bed. I pulled a chair up and sat facing her. Kathy hung her head and played with her ring as the tears fell on her hands.

  “Why did you keep looking at me in the jury box?” I asked and she repeated the story about how looking at me calmed her. “Did you pick me out of the bunch as the one who would be most sympathetic to you and get you off the hook?”

  She looked up at me with tears streaming down her face then her lips trembled as she tried to answer.

  “No. I just...I just thought y-you were so beautiful...and…,” she stopped to take a breath as it was difficult to get her words out. “And just looking at you helped me to endure what was going on around me.”

  “Why? Why did I have that effect on you?”

  “I guess...I f-fell in love with you the first time I saw you.”

  “That is such bullshit! You are not going to trick me or manipulate me again, Kathy!”

  “I’m not!” she cried. “I don’t understand it...I just felt that way and I swear to you it’s the truth.”

  “I feel like such a fool,” I said, hanging my head in shame.

  “Please, don’t feel that way because this is about my father and me…”

  “And the woman who was fighting for her life on a hospital bed!” I shouted and got to my feet. “How can I stay married to someone like that? How can I have someone like that around my child?”

  “No, no, no, please, Riv!” she went on her knees and cried. “Please don’t take her away from me. Pleeeease!”

  “You don’t deserve her! You don’t deserve us!”

  “Please,” she begged and fell to the floor.

  It was hard to see her like this, but I was so angry, hurt, and ashamed. She started coughing uncontrollably and I got worried. I pulled her head up from the floor and she was just crying and coughing, so I ran to the bedroom and got a bottle of water from the mini-refrigerator at the bar. I opened the bottle and put it to her mouth. She took a few sips with water spilling from the sides because her lips trembled as she drank. The coughing stopped and the crying ceased for a moment.

  Kathy sat on the floor with her back against the bed and her knees up to her chin. She had been so happy; since the day we were married there had been a glow on her face, now she was almost unrecognizable. My heart broke for her...and for myself...and for our baby. We sat in silence for a long time and it caused our minds to stray to all the possible negative outcomes of this situation. In addition, the whole deliberation was coming back to me and how I convinced the others to let Kathy walk free while there was a woman who was badly assaulted.

  Kathy looked at the wedding ring I placed on her finger and she gently caressed it. She shook her head and closed her eyes, and again came the tears.

  “Riv, please let me tell you what happened,” she said without opening her eyes.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t tell me anything that would leave me no choice but to call the police,” I replied.

  “You would turn me in?” she asked in disbelief, absolutely broken from this whole mess, but I fell for this once before. Not again.

  “I took an oath to uphold justice and I failed. I have a responsibility to turn you in and right that wrong.”

  “You took an oath at our wedding; for better or for worse.”

  “If you had been honest with me then when I made that vow, it would have been by choice, and I would stand by it. I have no responsibility to protect you when you lied to me and deceived me,” I said. “Kat, there were eleven jurors who saw what I could not see because this face that you are showing me right now was what I saw in the courtroom and fell for it. They were focused, and I was distracted. I told them that the fucking prosecutors failed to do their job thoroughly and we should not do it for them by sending an innocent woman to prison. I sold your case to them and they bought it because I got distracted from the evidence, and you walked free. Now look at the fucking mess I have created! When you saw me on that plane, you should have said hello and not another fucking word!”

  “I wanted to, Riv. I couldn’t help myself.”

  “The same way you couldn’t help yourself when...wait a minute. Who is Joshua Chamberlain? How did both your fingerprints end up on the gum wrapper?”

  “Riv, I’m begging you to hear me out,” she said. “You deserve to hear the truth, and I don’t want to tell you in pieces.”

  “I’m listening,” I said and took a deep breath because there was no chance of this going any other direction that downhill.

  I returned to the chair.

  “I should have told you the truth, but I made a conscious decision to move on because my life, for the first time, had meaning and I didn’t want to roll the dice on it. No one knew about what happened except me and my dad so you would never know and this secret would die with us.”

  “How c
an no one else know when there was a man involved? That’s three people right there.”

  “I know, but I was thinking about the possible ways it could get to you,” she said.

  “Continue.”

  “I had blocked it from my mind and accepted that I had gotten a second chance, so I just kept my focus on you.”

  “Waiting to hear what really happened to Barbara Livingston and why you told your father that you almost went to prison because of him,” I said, and I knew she was stalling.

  She took a deep breath and held onto her grandmother’s ring.

  “My dad did something terrible. He was having an affair with Barbara Livingston...”

  “What?” I was shocked. “What do you mean ‘an affair’? Romantic affair?”

  “Yes.”

  “How can that be? It did not come up as evidence.”

  “It was a very secretive affair.”

  “So why didn’t investigators get that information from her? Didn’t she suspect that...tell me what happened because I am very confused.”

  “My dad was having an affair and he let his guard down and reveal a disc he had with very sensitive information about his business, which if ever became public, would destroy everything he had built, but most importantly, would expose other businesses. This disc contained information on the competition and helped with business planning and strategies, but it was only for private use,” she said then paused because the worst was yet to come. “My dad got careless and Barbara Livingston got her hands on the disc. She started to blackmail him. He offered her money, but he didn’t want to exchange money with her out of fear that she would not hand over the disc and have the money as proof of bribery. He was stressed and worried, and my mother told me that she was very concerned about him. I decided to pay him a visit and he told me about the whole thing because things had gotten worse and her demands became impossible…”

  “So how did you get involved with all of this?” I asked as I stored every word that came from her lips.

  “My ex-chauffeur and I used to spend a lot of time talking as he took me around. We were very close, and during those times, I gathered that he had a lot of underground connections. He became both my chauffeur and my security guard. He was diagnosed with cancer and had to stop working, but I was there for him every step of the way and paid all his medical expenses. I also gave him whatever he needed to take care of his family. We had to replace him, but I still took care of him. He told me that he would love to repay me one day, and whatever I needed I should not hesitate to ask. When this thing happened with my father, I went to him and he told me what to do. My dad arranged with Barbara Livingston to give her what she asked for, but instead of my father showing up, Joshua Chamberlain, whom the ex-chauffeur got, showed up instead to get the disc from her. The plan was just a retrieval, but it went wrong.”

  “How?”

  “She refused to hand it over, no matter what he did and his order was to return with the disc. What he did to her was not a part of the plan. It just got out of control.”

  “How did your fingerprint end up on the gum wrapper?”

  “I gave a few to my ex-chauffeur and he must have given it to him,” she explained.

  “So did you get the disc? It would be a shame to have almost gone to prison, damage your relationship with your father, ruin your marriage, and be unable to be the mother you wanted, and not get the disc.”

  “We got the disc.”

  “And you are confident this ex-chauffeur will not tell anyone, or it coming back to haunt you down the road?” I asked and she hung her head, maybe didn’t even think this far. “Or is he so grateful for what you have done that he will never sell you out?”

  “He died two months ago. His cancer returned and there was nothing they could do.”

  I didn’t know what to say because the right thing would have been to say that he got what he deserved, but he was just trying to help someone who had done so much for him. On top of that, he only requested a retrieval, but whatever happened at that point went horribly wrong.

  “Was Chamberlain told who the job was for?”

  “No. He told me that those people were only told what they needed to do, but they had no idea who wanted it done. He knows now but he can’t say anything without implicating himself, and he doesn’t have the details because the middle man did not provide any.”

  “So it’s over?”

  “It was. Now, I have to deal with the repercussions,” she hung her head.

  “I’m going to ask you to do me one favor,” I said.

  “I’ll do anything for you, Riv,” she said without looking up.

  “You shouldn’t say things like that. There have to be limits to the things you are willing to do.”

  “I regret what happened to Barbara Livingston, but it would have been a colossal disaster if I didn’t do what I did. I have no regrets about that because...you don’t get it,” she said, shaking her head.

  “I get it, and I understand why you felt the need to do something. I understand that it was not your intention to cause her to get hurt in that way, but my concern is why you felt like it was OK to bring me into this mess when you knew the truth then lied to me. You should have walked away…”

  “I couldn’t. I love you…”

  “It doesn’t matter! You should have counted it as a loss and move on because you knew what you had done!” I shouted. “We don’t always get what we want, Kathy.”

  “Except that I need you,” she said, not making eye contact and her lips trembled. “I have no plan B, Riv. You and the baby are all I have. I know this is a lot to ask of you, but if you could find it in your heart to forgive me...under any condition, I would...”

  “All this time you knew the truth and you were looking at me like a fool…”

  “I was looking at you with gratitude! I was thankful every day that you were among the twelve, and that I was fortunate enough to have run into you on the plane. What you're thinking did not happen. I was focused on how blessed I was, in spite of my mistakes. I went through a whole year of depression, and when you met me I was going into isolation for Thanksgiving. You gave me life…,” she said and started crying again. “I don’t know what will happen to me if you are no longer by my side. I can’t even imagine how I could go on.”

  Kathy had hit rock bottom, then I picked her up, now she was back there again. I decided to hold back on my feelings because she was crushed, and I didn’t want to unleash any further anger at her. Despite all that had happened, I loved her very much, and had no idea how to move on or what I should do.

  “What was the favor you wanted?” she asked and I had forgotten about the request.

  “I need you to give me your word that you will not tell your father that I found out about what happened.,” I said as seriously as I could, but I no longer feared for myself or my family after hearing what happened.

  “I won’t if that’s what you want. I give you my word,” she said. “Is there a reason why?”

  “I just don’t want to deal with the explanations, or his need to make things right for you, or the awkwardness if we are ever in each other’s company,” I explained.

  “OK. I want this to end, so I won’t say anything,” she said. “I can’t believe that everything he said would come to pass. You overheard us when I was so sure you were relaxing in your warm bath. Our pictures are all over the tabloids because ‘sources’ told them that the defendant and the juror got married. That had to be a member of your family or someone from your old job.”

  “What are they saying?”

  “Lies, rumors, crap.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t want to upset you. You just got over your morning sickness and started to really be in a good place that I didn’t want to worry you,” she explained, and I longed to see her big, beautiful eyes.

  “I don’t want you to keep anything from me anymore. Tell me and then help me to deal with it. I hate secrets.�
�

  “I know,” she said and for the first time in a long time she looked at me. “It sounds like...like you’re saying ‘in the future’...like there is hope for us.”

  “I’m not making a decision about us right now, Kathy,” I replied.

  “I’ll take that. It’s better than what you said earlier. I just wish I could wake and everything was back to normal,” she said with her head down.

  “Is there anything else you have not told me?”

  “Aah...yes. My lawyer contacted me and told me he was contacted by the DA’s office because it came to their attention that his client and one of the jurors were married and there will be an investigation into whether or not we knew each other before the trial.”

  “But we didn’t know each other before.”

  “I know, so there is nothing to worry about. I gave a written statement to him about the circumstances under which we met and started our relationship. He said there was nothing to find so I didn’t have to worry,” she explained. “Should I show you the tabloids?”

  “No. I’ll look when I’m in a better place mentally.”

  She looked at the order side of the wall as another round of silence took over, but at least she was no longer crying. I wished I could just take her into the shower so she could look a little like my wife again, but no amount of soap and water could erase the terrible spot we were in as a couple.

  “Are you hungry?” Kathy asked cautiously. “Should we go see what’s there for dinner?”

  “I’m hungry, but we’re not having dinner together,” I said and she nodded with so much hurt on her face. “I’ll go wash up. Please tell Rita I’m having dinner on the bedroom terrace. I’m not sure if I can swallow, but for the baby’s sake, I have to try.”

  “OK. I will,” she said. “I’m going to shower and see to your dinner.”

  “Thank you,” I said and left the room.

  Chapter 17

  I was going to leave and return to my apartment, but the urgency was no longer there. I needed time to think before I made the decision. Before we spoke, there was no keeping me here, but now, after getting a clearer picture of what happened, I feel like I could give it a little more time to make the right decision for me and my baby. At first, it was a whole lot of speculation on my part because I didn’t have the whole story, but now I knew and it didn’t put my mind at ease, but it made me better able to assess what my next move should be.