Always There: Christian Inspirational Romance

by Georgia Grace

  “What?”

  “I mean, I have a daughter to think about, Ben. I can’t just go around falling in love with any random guy…”

  “Random guy?” he said, more than a little aggravated in his tone.

  “That’s not what I meant. It’s just…”

  “It’s just what? Another excuse on why we can’t try to be happy together?” Ben stood up and paced back and forth, his hands sliding through his thick hair in frustration.

  “Hey, this isn’t my fault! You’re the one who bailed!” she said, walking straight up to him and pointing her finger up at him.

  “This again? I thought I explained all of that, Elise. Jeez, are you going to remind me of my mistakes for the rest of our lives?”

  “Are you planning to be around for the rest of my life?” she asked.

  Ben grabbed her shoulders and pulled her closer, staring deep into her eyes. “If you want to get rid of me, it’s going to take work. I can promise you that. I’m not going anywhere, Elise. I lost my whole world over a decade ago, and now she’s standing right here in front of me. It’s a miracle straight from God Himself, and I don’t intend to let you go. Ever.”

  “Those are beautiful words, Ben, but I’ve been told stuff like that before and still got abandoned by people who were supposed to love me,” she said, hanging her head. He let go of her shoulders.

  “Elise, I’m not him.” He said, exasperation apparent in his tone.

  “Who?”

  “Ted.”

  “I never said you were.”

  “No, but you’re punishing me for his decision, El. And as much as I love you, I can’t undo what he did. I can’t heal that wound in your heart. Only God can, but you’ve got to let Him do the work.”

  “What does that mean?” she asked, sitting back down on the rock and pulling her legs up again. Ben knelt in front of her and took one of her hands.

  “It means that, at some point, you’ve got to be willing to stop feeling abandoned and realize that people make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. And they hurt you, intentional or not. I never meant to hurt you, and I know your Dad didn’t. And I’d be willing to bet that your husband didn’t intentionally hurt you either, Elise. He operated out of fear, and in the end he couldn’t stand it anymore. I don’t think he was a coward or an evil man. I think he just couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the look in your eyes when you found him out. So maybe in his own warped way, he was trying to save you from the inevitable. I understand in some ways because I was afraid of the same thing.”

  “Of what?”

  “Of that inevitable day when you would finally see me for who I was. Just a poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks without a future ahead of him. Ted took a bottle of pills. I chose to love you from afar and let you have a life, but the fear was the same.”

  “He left me with nothing, Ben,” she said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

  “Not nothing. You have a beautiful daughter who depends on you. You have a home on wheels,” he said, a smile creeping across his lips. “And you have a new beginning. With me, if you want that.”

  She didn’t know what to say. While her heart was screaming YES YES YES, her head was saying BE CAREFUL.

  “Elise?” she heard her name being called.

  “Over here!” she yelled, standing up and running back toward the clubhouse. It was Sandy. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Barb.”

  Chapter 18

  Elise sat quietly in the car as Ben drove them to the hospice. Pastor Tex had come to find her, but she’d been on the beach with Ben. Thankfully, Sandy had seen him looking around the RV and came outside.

  She looked out the window, and her eyes filled with tears in a mix of emotions. She was sad and excited at the same time. Sad that Barb was leaving, excited that Ben wanted to stay in her life. His hand reached across the console and grasped hers, as if he sensed her need for him right now. It felt different, not like the friendship they’d always had. It felt like support and love and every good thing she could imagine. And it didn’t feel wrong.

  They pulled into the parking lot, and Ben ran around to open her door before she could even get her purse. She stepped out and took a deep breath.

  “This is going to be so hard,” she whispered as they walked toward the front door.

  “I’m here for you. No matter what, okay?” he said as he ran his thumb across her cheek.

  “I know. Thanks,” she said, turning and walking through the door. She just couldn’t deal with her thoughts about Ben right now.

  Pastor Tex waved from the hallway, but Dave was nowhere to be seen.

  “Hey, Ben. Elise,” Pastor Tex said. “Dave’s sitting with Barb. I just thought you’d want to know what was going on, Elise.”

  “Of course. Thank you for coming to find me.”

  Ben and Elise sat down on a bench seat across from Barb’s room. The quietness of the place was deafening, especially at night. It hit Elise that everyone living in the rooms of this place was waiting to die, and the darkness of nighttime made it feel all the more sad.

  “She started really going downhill a couple of hours ago. The nurse said it won’t be long now.”

  “Maybe we could pray together?” Ben said. Elise was shocked to hear those words come from his mouth, but she nodded. They all joined hands as Ben began to pray. “Dear Lord, we gather together to pray for our sister in Christ who is coming home to see your face soon. We know that she’ll be okay and that she’s ready to worship her Savior face to face. But please give peace and comfort to those who are left behind to mourn her passing including her loving husband, Dave and her dear friend, Elise,” he said softly. Elise felt his grasp of her hand tighten. “We don’t always understand your ways, Lord, but we pray that you show us the path you want us to take each day of our lives. We pray that you give second chances. We pray that you give us each another day to love and to be happy. We pray that you show us how to value those we love for as long as we’re alive. We pray for discernment in all decisions we make, Lord. It is in your name we pray, amen.” Elise knew that part of that prayer was Ben’s way of asking God to help her open up again.

  They opened their eyes and released their hands, but Elise couldn’t stop staring at Ben. “That was a lovely prayer,” she finally managed to say. “Thank you.” Ben nodded and smiled.

  “I’m not nearly as eloquent as this man, but thankfully God still hears my prayers,” Ben said, referring to Pastor Tex.

  “Eloquent? Son, I don’t think that’s the right word for a good old Texas boy,” he said with a deep chuckle.

  “Elise?” Dave said from the doorway. “I thought I heard your voice.”

  Elise stood and walked to Dave, embracing him. “I’m so sorry, Dave,” she said rubbing his shoulder and looking into his sorrowful eyes.

  “Would you like to come in?”

  “Certainly. Ben, I’ll be back,” she said before walking inside. Dave eyed Ben for a moment and then went back into the room.

  Barb was a shell of her former self, but looked peaceful. A nurse was working on something with her IV and soft worship hymns were playing in the background.

  “Her daughter came today,” Dave said quietly as he sat down in a chair next to the bed and held Barb’s hand.

  “I’m glad to hear that,” Elise said, although she secretly couldn’t understand how her daughter had abandoned them in this horrible time. Who wouldn’t want to see their mother before she died? “Wait. You said her daughter?”

  “Yeah. I’m Olivia’s step father.”

  “Oh. Right.” Elise had forgotten that Dave and Barb had only been married for twenty years. “Is she back at the camper?”

  “No. She’s driving back to her home in Florida.”

  “She left? Now?” Elise was fuming with anger.

  “There was a rift there that could never be healed, Elise. I tried for years. She just didn’t agree with her mother marrying me.”

  “What? Why? You ador
e Barb. What more could she have wanted for her mother?”

  “She didn’t agree with our ‘gypsy lifestyle’, as she called it. She also doesn’t think I did enough to heal her mother from cancer. So many things.”

  “I’m so sorry, Dave,” Elise said.

  “I wasn’t a perfect husband or a perfect step father, but Barb deserved better from her daughter. Olivia said she’s going to hold her own private memorial service back home. Barb wants to be cremated and have her ashes spread in the ocean, so I plan to carry out her wishes no matter what her daughter chooses to do.”

  “I support you in that. If there’s anything you need help with, you just let me know.”

  “Thank you, Elise. You don’t know how much you’ve meant to us over the last few weeks. Being around you really gave Barb that mother daughter feeling that she’s been missing for so many years. It was a blessing to her.”

  “It was a blessing to me too. You know, I lost my mother many years ago, and I’ve missed having that kind of bond. Barb has given me so much wisdom in the short time I’ve known her, and I will cherish our friendship for the rest of my life.”

  Dave stood and walked over to Elise, pulling her into a tight embrace. They stood like that for several minutes before a machine hooked up to Barb started beeping wildly.

  “Oh no…” Dave said, agony dripping from his words. “No….” He stood over Barb, holding her hand tightly, whispering words of love and devotion as Elise slowly backed out of the room.

  “Pastor Tex, I think Barb is leaving us now,” she whispered out the doorway. The pastor and Ben walked to the edge of the room and waited. When the machine stopped making noise, the nurse entered the room again and spoke words of comfort to Dave.

  “My beautiful Barb,” he whispered. “You’re home with Jesus now. I’ll see you again soon.”

  Pastor Tex hugged Dave, and Ben pulled Elise into his chest where she quietly sobbed. Losing Barb was like losing her own mother all over again.

  ***

  As they pulled back into the campground, Elise felt exhaustion taking over her entire body. They had driven Dave back to the campground where he could get some sleep in his own bed, although Elise knew all too well how hard it would be for him to sleep without his beloved wife next to him.

  “Dave, please let me know if you need anything. I’m just next door, okay?” she said, giving him one final hug before he went into his RV for the night.

  Ben waited at the front of her car. It was almost one in the morning, and Jilly had gone back to the hotel with Sandy’s family for a fun sleepover. She would have to tell her daughter that Barb was gone tomorrow, but right now it was all she could do to keep her eyes open.

  “I’m so tired,” she said, yawning as she made her way to Ben. He was the most welcoming sight she’d seen in a long time.

  “Can I do anything for you? Set up your coffee pot for tomorrow maybe?” he said, smiling sadly.

  “No thank you. You’ve done plenty for me tonight. Thanks for being there… again.”

  “Again?”

  She leaned against the car. “Tonight reminded me of when my Daddy died and I rode to your house. You let me cry forever on your shirt. It felt good to have your strong chest to lean on tonight.” She looked at him, her eyes red and puffy from crying.

  “Hmmm…. So you think I have a strong chest, huh?” he said. She elbowed him lightly as it was all the strength she could muster.

  “I suppose it’s a fairly strong chest,” she said with a smile. “Listen, I didn’t get a chance to say a whole lot down on the beach earlier…”

  “Elise, it’s okay. I understand. You don’t feel like I’m going to be there for you… If friendship is what you want…”

  “Ben, shut up.”

  “Excuse me?” he said, crossing his arms and grinning.

  “Let me talk.”

  “Fine. Talk away,” he said, plopping up on the hood of the car. The sound of the ocean covered Elise’s pounding heartbeat, and the wind took a little bit of the heat from her flustered face.

  “I’ve loved you since the first day we met. I didn’t know what to call it back then, but I knew that we were meant to be together forever. But you left me, and that really hurt. I didn’t know why you left me, but I think I understand now why you did it. The thing is, neither of our roads has been smooth since then. I’ve had a lot happen and you’ve had a lot happen. What scares me is that we might both be in love with the people we used to be and not the people we are now. I don’t want to be disappointed again…”

  Ben reached out and grabbed both of her hands, pulling her closer to him. “You love me?”

  “You know I do. And you knew it back then too, didn’t you?”

  “I had an idea,” he said with a wry smile. “But here’s the thing. I was an idiot. A testosterone soaked moron of epic proportions. I didn’t know what was best for me, but I knew one thing for sure. You were my diamond, my most precious jewel, and there was nothing I thought I could ever do to deserve your love. So I settled for friendship because I knew how to do that well.”

  “I know life is full of loss, Ben. My father, my mother, my husband and now Barb. To love is to open yourself to losing. But losing you all over again would destroy me. It would shatter me into a million pieces, and I don’t know if I’m ready to chance that.” Ben reached out and put his hands on her cheeks, staring deep into her eyes.

  “El, I promise you with everything I have in me that I will never leave you again. Do you understand me? Never. Unless you tell me to go away, I’m here. Where you go, I’ll follow. Whatever you need, I’ll provide. I have no choice.”

  “No choice?”

  “I won’t ever feel like I felt again when I left you. I won’t ever watch you kiss another man and put his ring on your finger. I won’t ever sit around drinking and thinking about you and all that we could have been. God gave me the gift of you, and I won’t take that for granted again.”

  “Oh, Ben…” she said, a stray tear rolling down her face as she slid into his embrace.

  “Elise?” he whispered into her hair.

  “Yes?”

  “Can I please kiss you now? The seventh grade boy in me is dying here,” he said, pulling back and showing his dimpled smile.

  “I thought you’d never ask,” she said as his warm lips crushed down onto hers. The softness of his kiss took her to another world, and she knew right then and there that Barb was somewhere looking down and smiling.

  Epilogue

  Six Months Later

  Elise stared at the blinking cursor on her laptop. Would she ever be able to finish up this story? She snuggled up into her thick sweater and slid her laptop across the wrought iron table choosing to drink her coffee and procrastinate a little more on her article.

  Lola Halsenbeck was a wonderful woman and great boss, but Elise’s mind was just too preoccupied today. Anytime Ben was coming over, she had a hard time thinking about much else. The newness of their relationship hadn’t worn off, and she was pretty sure it never would. After all, they’d known each other over twenty years now and his face was one of her favorite sights in the world.

  “Hey, Elise?” Dave called from inside Elise’s new house on Seaview Avenue. The quaint little yellow house had a wrap around front porch that overlooked the main road, but the backyard gave a wonderful view of the beach. Just a short walk and she and Jilly could be there in no time flat.

  “Yeah?” she called from the porch. Elise and Jilly had moved into the house just six weeks after Barb’s death, and Dave came with them. He was delighted to be a live-in grandpa to Jilly. He sold off the RV to help Elise purchase the house, and she was so thankful to him. She’d kept her RV so the whole family could take the occasional trip together, but right now it sat parked in her driveway.

  “I can’t figure out this new fangled coffee pot you bought,” he complained as Elise giggled. “What are these little containers for again?” He held out a pod full of coffee.

&n
bsp; Elise got up and followed him into the kitchen. “You take this little container and put it here,” she said, showing him for the third time how to work it but she knew she’d likely do it all again tomorrow. And that was fine by her.

  “Mommy? Is it dinner time yet?” Jilly called from her playroom upstairs.

  “No, sweetie. In about half an hour when Ben gets here,” she called.

  Jilly and Ben had formed a special bond in the past few months. He had taken great care to let Jilly talk about her father, and often Ben was the only person she would talk to about Ted.

  Ben and Jilly went fishing together, and he was teaching her how to draw. Ben was a talented artist and was toying with the idea of going back to school to further his graphic design skills. But for now, he was running a contracting crew renovating houses all over town.