Torn

by A. M. Wallace

  “I need my best friend, weirdo.” I laughed and she just shook her head.

  “Honestly, he doesn't seem that bad. But you already knew that, so I don't know why you're so anxious for my answer here.”

  “Because you're my best friend. I want to know what you think. I want you to like him.”

  “I can't figure that out in a two minute conversation.” I sighed dramatically at her response, leaning over to hit my head on the counter.

  “You're useless,” I said and she laughed and patted my head.

  “Seriously, though, he really did seem nice and he is pretty cute, and you're obviously happy.” I looked up and grinned at her.

  “See? Was that so hard?” I whined.

  “And what would you do if I had honestly not liked him?”

  “This.” I grabbed a handful of creamer packets and threw them at her. She squealed and swatted them away.

  “Hey!” We both laughed and I looked around to make sure no one was paying too much attention to me. I didn't want to lose this job. Erica helped me pick up the packets and put them back where they belonged.

  I had a small rush toward the end of my shift and Erica went to wait for me at the table she usually occupied. It wasn't busy, by any means, but it was steady enough that she didn't see the point in coming back to the counter every time a customer left just to have to leave a few minutes later. She had gotten out her laptop, so I assumed she was doing homework. Maybe she was getting stuff done for our seminar class and could help me this weekend if she was already done.

  I didn't like not being able to just joke around with Erica, especially with the places my mind went because I didn’t have her as a distraction. I was working on autopilot, as I usually could with this job, and my mind was free to wander. I kept thinking about Marcus. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. I had to be honest and admit that I missed him. I couldn’t remember the last time we had gone this long without seeing each other or at least talking.

  I still had no idea how to tell him about me and Justin. I'd had plenty of opportunities to date other guys, but it usually never made it past the first date. Even if I could see myself with them for at least a little while, I always broke it off, and Marcus always had the same response. “You still have me, and you always will.” I knew it was meant to comfort me, but sometimes it felt like a trap.

  I loved Marcus, but I needed to have my own life, too. I wasn't worried he'd be mad because he wanted to be with me. There would be jealousy there, though, only because we'd be going from seeing each other 24/7 to seeing each other with other people. Whether it was Erica or some other guy, I knew he'd be a little jealous, just like I'd be jealous if it were Chad or another girl who was getting Marcus’ time and attention. My jealousy would be different if it were another girl though, I couldn't lie about that. But that was what I was hoping to change.

  I just hoped he would understand why I waited to tell him.

  Erica came over and started gathering my things for me and I frowned in confusion. It wasn't until I looked at the clock that I realized it was time to go. But where was my replacement? Sam was usually here by now. Unless she wasn't working tonight. I bit my lip and looked at Erica, not expecting her to be late because of me.

  “Go ahead and go without me. Sam should be here soon,” I told her as I started tapping my foot.

  “Are you sure?” she asked and I nodded. “Okay, I'll take your things, if you want?”

  “Thanks.” She nodded and pulled my bag up on her free shoulder and headed to class.

  I couldn't really afford to miss any of my Statistics class, but I didn't have much of a choice. I guess I could close it up, but then Sam wouldn't have the key to open back up if, or when, she got here.

  I kept looking at the clock. I still had about seven minutes before my class started. I drummed my fingers on the counter. I stopped and sighed in relief when I saw Sam rushing her way through the student union.

  “I'm sorry I'm late!” She rushed behind the counter and I gave her the keys. “Car trouble.”

  “No problem. I think I can still make it to class on time.” She nodded and I waved goodbye as I headed off in the direction she came from. As I ran, I made a split-second decision and texted Marcus. I hadn't talked to him all week, and if he was mad or busy, it wouldn't bother me as much because I'd be busy with class.

  Sorry I've been M.I.A. this week, I've just been really busy with school. I promise, I'll call you tomorrow. Xoxo

  I wasn't lying. I had been busy, but I had also been avoiding him.

  I went to put my phone back in my pocket when something caught my eye. I looked to the right and saw Justin a good distance away, standing against the side of one of the campus buildings. He was on the phone. Hmm…I thought he was supposed to be in class. Maybe it was an emergency. I didn’t have time to worry about it now.

  I hurried to class, even though I heard my phone go off, probably a text from Marcus. I didn't stop until I was in the classroom next to Erica. She already had my things out of my bag and on my table for me, for which I was very grateful for. I mouthed a quick “Thank you” to her right as the professor came in. Two more classes to go and we were home free.

  Let's hurry this along.

  i couldn't believe how nervous I was as I walked up to Amy's apartment building and pushed the buzzer for her door. I had no reason to be nervous. Amy and I got along great at work. I was attracted to her in more ways than one. Just about every encounter we'd had at the gym was flirtatious. Even Mrs. Kelley had commented on it. I denied, of course. I didn't want to give her reason to be excited if there was nothing there. I was pretty confident the feeling was mutual, though. Even still, here I was, nervous like I was on my first date in high school.

  I'd been even more nervous then. I would never forget flubbing up Sarah's last name when saying hello to her parents. I just knew they assumed I got my dates mixed up or something, when it was far from that. I was trying too hard to make a good impression, but I was sure I made a horrible one. I was right. Sarah and I didn't date for very long, as per her parents' request. We remained friends though. I think we were both certain we were not meant to be together anyway.

  I looked up at the sound of the intercom coming on and blinked in shock when I heard what sounded like a little boy on the other end.

  “Hello?” he said, not sounding too concerned about who he was talking to.

  “Hi, uh, my name is Mark. I'm looking for Amy. Do I have the wrong apartment?” I got a little more nervous as I waited for his answer. I was sure having a child would have come up in one of our many talks at work, so there had to be another explanation.

  “AUNT AMY! DOOR!” the boy screamed and then the feedback stopped, indicating he let go of the button.

  Aunt Amy. That was a relief. Not that I didn't love kids, but a head's up would have been nice. A child is harder to impress than parents, I'd say.

  The apartment door opened and there she was. I'd always thought Amy was beautiful, but I'd never seen her look quite like this. I was used to her in her work clothes, jeans and a t-shirt, mostly. It was a good change, but if I was being honest, I liked her in either attire.

  “Wow.” That was all I could say. She gave me a shy smile as she stepped outside. She was wearing a red button up shirt--blouse, maybe? I didn't know anything about fashion, but I knew she looked amazing. She had on tight black jeans and black high heels. I couldn't stop myself from giving her a once over.

  “Do I look okay?” My eyes shot up to hers and I snorted quietly. How could she not know how great she looked? She truly didn't know her own beauty, inside or out. That was just another reason to like her.

  “You look stunning.” I was graced with the sight of her slight blush as she smiled.

  “Thank you. You look pretty handsome, yourself.” I smiled and shoved my hands in my pockets for something to do.

  I was taking her dancing, but she had no idea. She had mentioned in passing before how she loved to g
o dancing, but didn't go often. I'd never been and wasn't even sure I'd like it. I knew I couldn't dance, but I wanted to do this for her. I got the impression she didn't indulge herself in things she wanted very often.

  “You ready?” She nodded and I pulled a hand out of my pocket and held it out for her, which she took without hesitation. It was an innocent gesture. We didn't lace our fingers, just lightly held each other's hand as I walked her to my car.

  “So, where are we going?” she asked and I grinned over at her as I opened the door for her, only letting go of her hand when she got in.

  “It's a surprise.” I grinned and shut her door, walking over to the driver's side, hopping in and starting the car. “So, you have a nephew?” I asked, raising my eyebrow as I glanced at her before turning my focus back on getting out of the parking lot of her building.

  “Yeah,” she smiled fondly, “my older sister has two kids. Andrew, who's nine, and Natalie, who's four. My mom is watching them a lot lately, that's why they're there.” Her smile faded a little. I could tell there was more to the story, but she didn't want to talk about it. So I let it drop and changed the subject, hoping to lighten her mood back up.

  “Oh, well good thing you're coming out with me, then.” I winked at her and she grinned.

  “I did need a night out.” She smiled. “Thanks for bugging me to death to go out with you.” I winked at her, shaking my head.

  Today, I got the courage to ask her out and she said yes. I knew we'd have fun even if we didn't take things any further than they were. We got along great together, and I wanted her to have some fun. She deserved it, and even though I didn't have to beg, this time anyways, I decided to play along.

  “Any time. Begging is kind of my specialty. Otherwise, girls never want to go out with me.”

  “That's not true!” She laughed and shook her head. “You're full of crap, Mark.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.” I glanced over at her again. She really was gorgeous. I loved how dressed up and feminine she looked in the most casual clothes. She didn't have to try to be beautiful. She just was.

  We were silent the rest of the way to the club, occasionally stealing glances at one another. It wasn't an awkward silence. We were comfortable with each other. We started out that way. I didn't have that luxury with just everyone. I think that's what initially drew me in with Amy. That and the fact she was one of the most attractive women I'd ever met.

  I couldn't stop looking at her. I knew she knew I was doing it, but I didn't care. I wasn't the most confident guy when it came to girls. I know that sounds lame, but it's true. I wasn't one to just assume girls wanted me. But my confidence was growing the longer I was around Amy. I was able to be myself with her. We hadn't had to have that awkward first date moment yet. It had been so smooth. There was no way I wanted to jeopardize that.

  I pulled into the packed parking lot of the club and gauged her reaction as I parked. She looked out the window and almost looked excited. Or at least I thought she was at first. Until she turned to look at me with what I could only describe as a bored expression on her face.

  “You brought me to a club?” She sounded bored. Oh, hell. I'd already messed up and we were only twenty minutes into the date.

  “Uh, yeah.” I swallowed hard and then cleared my throat, not sure how to continue. “Well, you mentioned before that you liked to dance and I wasn't sure where you went, so I asked a friend. He recommended here.” She looked at me with the same expression. “I'm sorry. We can go if you want.” I chewed on the inside of my lip.

  She still hadn’t said anything. I was just about to put the car in drive again and take her home when she surprised me by leaning over the middle console and kissing me softly on the lips. It was too brief. Her lips were so soft; I wanted more. When she pulled away, she kept her face close.

  “Thank you.” I furrowed my brow, chuckling softly in confusion.

  “What for? You didn't seem very interested in this place.” She smiled and righted herself in her seat, keeping her eyes on me.

  “I wasn't sure about you for a minute,” she admitted. I frowned, turning in my seat to face her a little more.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, at first, I was worried that maybe you brought all your dates here. You don't seem the party scene type, but I didn't want to be just another girl you took to the club. But you surprised me.” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, shrugging a little. I wanted to pull her lip from between her teeth with my own, but I settled on reaching over and taking her hand in mine. For now.

  “Amy…” I chuckled and gently caressed the back of her hand with my thumb. “You don't have to worry about that for three reasons. One, I have never been here before. That's why I had to ask my friend where I should bring you. Two, I can't dance, and three, you could never be just another girl some guy takes to their usual date spot.” She looked down at our hands and I brought her hand to my lips, kissing it softly, never taking my eyes off her. She looked like she might say something, but then decided against it. “You ready to go inside?”

  “Yeah.”

  She smiled and moved to get out of the car, but I put my hand on her arm to stop her. She looked at me with a brow raised and I just grinned and got out of the car. I jogged over to her side of the car and opened her door. I offered her my hand, which she humored me by taking and letting me help her out. Call it corny, if you will, but I was raised to respect a woman. That meant opening doors for them and allowing them to go first. That last one was debatable when it came to safety, but that was another discussion entirely.

  I kept ahold of her hand as she stood, and in one motion, I push the door shut and pulled her to me. Once she was flush against my body, I leaned down and kissed her lips softly, giving myself more time to savor it than earlier. I grinned against her lips when I felt her kiss me back, making me even more reluctant to pull away. I didn’t manage to pull away completely. I couldn't. I pressed my forehead against hers and grinned, which she returned.

  “I had to keep things even. You already had one on me.” She pulled back and laughed, playfully slapping my shoulder. I loved her laugh. Of course, I'd heard her laugh before, plenty of times, but this was different somehow. More carefree. I could listen to her laugh all night.

  “Are we competing?” she squinted with a bemused smile.

  If that wasn't one of the sexiest looks I'd ever seen, I didn't know what was. I took her hand in mine again, only this time, I let her intertwine our fingers. My confidence was definitely gaining.

  “Maybe.” I matched her smile as I said it, giving her hand a small squeeze.

  “Well, then,” she wrapped her other hand around my bicep and we walked toward the entrance of the club, “I will be sure to keep count.” I'd seen playful Amy before, but this was different. This was a sexy, playful Amy. Not that she wasn't sexy all the time, but it was really coming out tonight. I couldn't wait for more.

  “Please do,” I said when we reached the entrance and flashed our I.D.s to the doorman. “You should know, though, I'm very competitive.” I smirked and winked at her as she turned to walk backwards in front of me, taking my hand again to lead me inside. There was that bottom lip of hers between her teeth again. I'd be lying if I said my jeans weren’t a little tighter now.

  “And you should know, Mark…” She stopped and pulled me to her. Standing on her toes to press her lips to my ear, she whispered seductively, “I always win.”

  i sat in my last class of the day, next to Erica, as usual, but today my phone was in my hand. I kept glancing up at my professor to make sure I wasn't going to get caught, but I was in the back of the class, so it was unlikely. Yes, our professors were just like our teachers in high school. The use of cell phones was prohibited in class, as if anyone ever listened to that rule though.

  Speaking of high school, I felt like I was back there. Sitting in a class, waiting on my boyfriend to text me back about some huge school function we were supposed to attend together.
I was that girl. I hated to admit it, but it was true. I'd been texting Justin since I left my shift at the cafe, where he'd met me during his break. I could see Erica was getting annoyed with me, not because I had a boyfriend or was texting him in class, but because that meant she'd need to pay better attention because I wasn't. Well, that and the fact that she was mad I hadn't told Marcus I was dating Justin.

  I didn't think it was his business. At least, that's what I told myself and Erica. The truth was, I wasn't ready to face Marcus yet. One, because I was scared my feelings for him would trump my growing feelings for Justin and I'd be stuck at square one again. And two, because I was scared that that wouldn't happen, and I'd feel a little lost. It was really a no-win situation to talk to Marcus about this yet, but I knew I needed to tell him.

  I texted him before this class and told him I'd call him tomorrow. I expected him to ask if we were coming over tonight, seeing as it was Friday, but he didn't. I was half relieved, half upset about that. I was one walking contradiction, really. I had been worried he'd be mad that I hadn't seen him all week, but he wasn't. Part of me wished he was because that would mean he felt more than friendship, right? I was starting to piss myself off with all these thoughts.

  I was with Justin now. Not Marcus. It didn’t mean we'd necessarily get married or anything, but for now, it meant something. Marcus and I could still be friends. That was all we'd ever been, so nothing should change. I could move on and be happy. I didn't need to keep pining over my childhood best friend.

  My phone vibrated in my hand and I looked down, thankful for the distraction from my thoughts.

  Will I get to see you tonight?

  I grinned at the text from Justin and glanced at my professor again before texting back.

  Depends on what Erica is doing. Fridays are usually our hang-out days.

  I didn't lie. But I wasn't sure when the next time Justin and I would get to hangout. I wanted it to be tonight, but I felt bad that Erica had felt the need to make herself scarce already a couple days this week. One night, we even hung out in his car in an abandoned parking lot because our roommates were home. That was pretty fun though. Justin was pretty skilled with his hands. And tongue. I got a little hot and bothered just thinking about it.