Melt

by Robbi McCoy

Jordan was lowered over the edge and slowly began to descend, using an ice ax and the crampons on her boots to stabilize herself. At the sound of creaking in the upper wall, she froze and momentarily held her breath, waiting for the entire thing to collapse. Now inside the glacier, she noticed the air had become noticeably colder and each of her breaths created a small cloud of steam in front of her face. It was like dropping into a freezer. The ice groaned and creaked, each tiny sound rumbling through the fissure.

  She looked up at her worried students. She wished Kelly were there among them because Kelly’s face would be full of confidence and encouragement and love. Kelly would believe in Jordan and she would be able to see something that none of the others could see, that Jordan was terrified. Because of that, her belief would mean more than anyone else’s.

  She didn’t know if she could keep herself from being overwhelmed by panic. The main thing was not to look down. She would pretend she was climbing down just a few feet, that there was a solid bottom directly below her. She could believe that, she hoped, if she didn’t look.

  As she descended deeper into the chasm, a part of her, the cool scientific part, took in the blue frozen beauty of the glacier with a sense of wonder. For years she had studied ice, but this was the first time she had been in the heart of a glacier. Experiencing its power and immensity with such immediacy, she felt a deep sense of awe.

  It was only a few minutes, but it was a long, tense few minutes, before she reached Sonja. She slipped the ax into a loop on the harness and let herself hang free a few feet above Sonja. She willed herself not to look past Sonja’s perch into the depths of the crevasse below, but to fix her gaze on Sonja, who knelt in a ball, bent over her knees, her teeth visibly chattering.

  “Don’t stand up,” Jordan said quietly. “Don’t move anything you don’t have to. Any movement could cause a fracture. I’m going to hand you a rope. Put it over your head and around your waist before we go any further.”

  Jordan gently lifted the looped end of the rope from her shoulder. Just then a section of the wall opposite broke off with a sharp crack and plunged down, crashing and shattering into glassy shards on its way. Taken off guard, Jordan’s eyes followed it and she found herself staring down into the black, bottomless depths beyond her feet. She kicked involuntarily, hitting nothing, and her stomach lurched as she imagined herself falling all the way down, hundreds of feet, to the bedrock, her body shattered by the impact and entombed in the ice for all time. Panic tightened her throat. She was unable to look away from the void below. It was like a yawning mouth with ferocious ice teeth waiting to swallow her, its strange, echoing voice, deep and menacing, rising up all around her. Beads of sweat broke out on her forehead as her skin went cold. She thought she heard her name. The chasm was calling to her. “Jordan,” it whispered. “Jordan.”

  “Jordan, are you okay?”

  She wrenched her eyes from the pit to see Sonja watching her with concern.

  “Take the rope,” Jordan instructed. “Don’t look down and try to stay calm.” She knew she was talking to herself as much as anybody.

  Sonja reached one arm above her head and Jordan aimed carefully, tossing the rope into her waiting hand. She slowly slipped it over her body, then cinched it around her waist, all the while keeping her legs and feet still.

  Jordan swallowed hard. “Good. You’re doing great.” She looked up at Malik on the rim. “Take up the slack on her line,” she said. “Not too taut.”

  The situation had just gotten significantly more hopeful, Jordan told herself. As long as there were no aftershocks and no ice came down on their heads, at least the danger of falling had been averted.

  “Harness,” Jordan called up to the rim.

  Julie slipped a second harness over the side and lowered it smoothly down to Jordan’s waiting hand.

  “Now stand up,” she said to Sonja, keeping her voice soft and unruffled. “Keep hold of the safety line with both hands. If anything goes wrong, you’ll want to keep control.”

  Sonja hesitantly got to her feet. When she stood fully upright, she reached one hand out to take hold of the harness, her arm trembling. The harness was just out of her reach.

  “You’ll have to take a step closer,” Jordan urged.

  Sonja was clearly afraid to move and Jordan didn’t blame her. She took a moment to work up the nerve, then took one tentative step forward. She reached for the harness again, straining to reach it. Her fingers wrapped around one of the straps. As she shifted her weight, the shelf of ice she was standing on split with a loud thunderclap, giving way beneath her. She screamed, the harness tearing from her grasp. Swinging at the end of the safety line, she banged into the wall while ice rained down into the darkness below. Jordan’s heart beat wildly, but somehow she managed not to look down.

  She quickly anchored her crampons into the wall while Sonja dangled beneath her, gripping the rope to stabilize herself.

  “Lower me so I can reach her!” Jordan ordered. She heard the alarm in her voice.

  Brian quickly obeyed. As soon as Jordan was parallel with Sonja, she reached out and grabbed her with one arm, pulling her close up against her. Sonja clamped both arms around her in desperation, pulling her off the wall. The cable dug into the ice above them and dropped them several inches with a jerk.

  Julie pulled up the useless second harness.

  Sonja wrapped herself around Jordan as they twirled slowly in circles.

  “I’m so sorry,” Sonja cried, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

  “Shhh,” Jordan said gently, touching their foreheads lightly together. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay. Now listen to me. I’m going to need my arms for this, so you have to get on my back. Can you do that?”

  Sonja nodded tensely, one glistening tear dropping to her cheek.

  The maneuver was awkward, but soon accomplished. With Sonja clinging to her from behind, Jordan was able to anchor herself to the ice with ax and crampons.

  “Pull us up,” she called to Malik.

  They ascended smoothly at the end of the cable and when at last they reached the lip of the fissure, Malik grabbed Sonja from Jordan’s back and lifted her over the edge to safety. She immediately sat down and started sobbing. Malik knelt beside her and tried to comfort her, wrapping her in a blanket. Brian and Julie each took hold of one of Jordan’s arms and helped her out. All of them moved away from the ice onto solid ground.

  Jordan lowered herself to a boulder and looked up at the sky, happy just to breathe.

  Julie knelt beside her. “Do you want me to help you out of that?” she asked, indicating the harness.

  “In a minute.”

  “You were awesome, Jordan.” Julie’s expression was full of admiration.

  Jordan smiled, then felt tears welling up in her eyes. As the tears fell to her cheeks, all she could do was laugh because Julie’s expression was one of complete horror, like, Jordan’s crying! What should I do? This thought made her laugh even more. Julie patted her shoulder awkwardly, obviously concluding that Jordan, crying and laughing at the same time, had gone berserk.

  “Jordan, what’s wrong? Are you in shock?”

  “No,” Jordan managed, wiping her cheeks. “I’m just overwhelmed by the absurdity of life.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This is the closest I’ve ever been to looking death in the face,” said Jordan. “I was terrified in there. But why should I be afraid of death when I’ve been afraid of life for so long?”

  “Jordan, I don’t understand. I think we need to get you back to camp and pour some whiskey in you.” Julie unclipped the winch cable from the harness as Jordan sat mutely on her boulder, shaking her head in self-derision.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Pippa sat cross-legged on Kelly’s bed, looking more chipper than she had earlier this afternoon, but still not her cheerful self. Kelly hoped she could fix that.

  “I asked you over tonight to talk about Asa,” Kelly said.<
br />
  Pippa frowned. “You’re going to tell me it was all a dream and I should forget about it.”

  Kelly sat beside her on the bed. “Not exactly.”

  “I know you don’t believe it. Nobody does. Dr. Lund didn’t believe it. Jordan didn’t believe it.”

  “That’s not entirely fair. You didn’t give Jordan or Dr. Lund the complete story. Even so, Jordan did make the effort of finding you an archaeologist.”

  Pippa nodded. “I appreciate that. She’s okay.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Are you still in love with her?”

  Kelly stuttered, eager to avoid any further conflict with Pippa.

  “It’s okay, you know,” Pippa assured her. “I’m not jealous.”

  “You’re not?”

  “No. I think it’s awesome. You two were made for each other and it’s so romantic, your meeting here again after all that time.”

  “I’m glad to hear you say that, Pippa. Very mature of you.”

  “So are you still in love with her?” she asked again.

  Kelly sighed. “Yes. But I don’t think anything’s changed. I think Jordan may be beyond my reach.”

  “If you love her, you shouldn’t give up.”

  “I won’t give up. I honestly think she cares for me, but there’s something that holds her back.”

  Pippa looked at the floor and shook her head. “So both of us struck out today.”

  “Pippa,” Kelly said, sympathetically, “Asa’s story still lives in your memory.”

  Pippa nodded fatalistically. “Yes, but I really thought I was going to get some proof.”

  “Science might still have something to say about it.”

  “What do you mean?” Pippa asked. “There’s no evidence to look at.”

  “Yes, there is. It’s in you. Your DNA. Asa’s genes, her children’s genes and the genes of any Norse survivor who was assimilated into the native population still exist in contemporary, living Greenlanders. DNA, a wise woman once told me, contains the complete story of evolution. It takes dedicated work by patient scientists to tease out the pieces of the story. I have no doubt you have the patience and dedication to do that.”

  “Thanks. But a body would have been better.”

  Kelly laughed. She handed a manila folder to Pippa. “But until a body can be found, I think this may make you feel better.”

  Pippa opened the folder to see the photo of the cave runes. “This is a nice picture,” she said, unmoved. “It’s too bad Dr. Lund couldn’t have seen the real thing. Thanks.”

  “I’ve written the translation on the back.”

  Pippa turned the photo over and read the transcription that Kelly knew by heart: For Torben, son of Asa.

  Pippa stared and read it again. Then she looked up with eyes open wide in amazement. “Oh, my God!” she squealed. “Oh, my God! Is this really what it says?”

  “Yes. Mrs. Arensen translated it for me. Apparently she’s totally reliable on runes.”

  “I can’t believe it!” Pippa looked as if she were going to jump up and down, her face one big joyful smile. “So it’s true! It’s all true! I knew it!”

  Tears appeared in her eyes and she flung herself at Kelly, who accepted her hug.

  “I’m so happy,” Pippa said, her voice muffled by Kelly’s shirt.

  When she pulled away, she wiped the tears from her eyes, looked at the photo once again, then closed the folder and wriggled with glee. Kelly was happy to see her rapid change of mood. As Jordan had said, there are a lot more dangerous things to believe in. Let her have her dream. At least somebody should.

  “This isn’t scientific evidence,” Pippa said, “but it’s enough for me. And like you said, maybe someday I can prove it.” She clutched the folder to her chest.

  “I don’t think you ever told me the end of Asa’s story,” Kelly said.

  “She went to live with the Thule, she and her daughter and one of the boys from the village. They had a good life there. She survived and she was happy.”

  “I like that for the ending of a story. It sums up everything that matters in a simple phrase. She survived and she was happy. What more is there?”

  “I have to get home,” Pippa announced. “Thank you so much for this!”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Pippa darted to the open window, slinging one leg over the sill.

  “I don’t know why you don’t use the front door,” Kelly said in exasperation.

  Pippa grinned and dropped down to the ground outside.

  Kelly returned to her computer where she was working on her photo spread of the amazing glacial sinkhole. Chuck thought she could sell it to National Geographic or Nature or some other magazine and generously wanted her to take the byline. If she could pull it off, that kind of exposure would be quite a boost to her career.

  Even though there wouldn’t be much writing involved, the project was daunting. It was so hard to pick just three or four photos to include. How did Chuck do it? she wondered, staring at the screen. He could sit down and look at two dozen photos and boom, boom, boom, he’d made his choices. The picture she was viewing was one of those she’d taken from inside the sinkhole. It was gorgeous with its many hues of white and blue and the undulating patterns of the ice, a delicate sparkling sculpture with water pouring through it, drops catching shards of sunlight along the way. No denying this one was incredible. She scrolled to the next one, one of the stills she had captured from the video Chuck had taken. She wanted to use at least one photo that showed her inside the sinkhole. This one was her favorite. She was hanging freely at the end of the rope, her camera in one hand. She zoomed in to look at her face. She wasn’t looking directly at the camera. She was looking up at the rim, slightly to the left where she knew Jordan had been standing. Her face was radiant, overwhelmed with all of the wonder of that moment, the exhilaration of this magnificent natural phenomenon and the joy she had felt to be sharing it with Jordan.

  She was reminded of that photo from her fourth birthday, of how happy her mother looked in it. This photo was like that, capturing a moment before disillusionment. She shook her head. As she had said to Pippa, she wouldn’t give up on Jordan. But she wasn’t optimistic. If Greenland couldn’t do it, what chance did Denver have?

  Hearing a light rap at the door, she turned and was shocked to see Jordan in the doorway, dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and quilted red vest, smiling tentatively.

  “Jordan!” She jumped up.

  “Hi. Are you busy?”

  “No. I mean, yes, but nothing that can’t wait. What are you doing in town at this time of night?”

  Jordan stepped into the room and shut the door behind her. “I came to see you.” She looked nervous.

  “Oh?” Kelly was completely taken off guard.

  “I think I owe you an apology.”

  She took a step into the room, glancing at the floor and shuffling her feet.

  “For what?” asked Kelly.

  “For all the mixed signals I’ve been giving you. For the way I’ve manipulated your emotions and taken advantage of you.”

  Kelly was confused. It sounded like Jordan was talking about something other than the last two weeks.

  “The only excuse I have,” she continued, “is that you scare the shit out of me. You represent everything I’ve tried to protect myself from most of my adult life. Loss of control, irrationality, losing my head…over love.”

  Kelly was shocked by Jordan’s sincerity. She knew how hard it was for her to open herself up emotionally. “And now?” she asked, taking a step toward her.

  “Now,” Jordan replied with a pained smile, “I realize how foolish I’ve been. I let some ancient mistake rule my life. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen if you let yourself feel deeply? A broken heart? But what’s the point of keeping it intact if you’re never going to use it?” Jordan was emotional, her voice breaking. “I’ve been so afraid of humiliating myself, of people laughing at me. I was always afraid of losing thei
r respect…like before with Marquette and everybody at Cornell. Like Sonja. She was mocking me. She had me in the palm of her hand. I mean, I thought she did. But, you know, it just doesn’t matter anymore. Nobody cares. Nobody has cared for ages. Nobody but me. And the truth is, it didn’t even matter to Sonja in the end. It’s just as Malik said. She admires me…still. They all do. Me too. I feel so proud of myself. For standing up to her and for going into that pit. I was terrified of both things, but I did it anyway and it felt fantastic!” She gestured with her hands as she spoke, impassioned, but not entirely coherent. “That’s why I’m here. Because of all that. Because fear has to be faced or it will strangle you. It will keep you from living your life.”

  “Jordan, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I know. I’m rambling. Anyway, I just needed to say I’m sorry. Right away before I chickened out. And…” She averted her gaze and clenched a fist as if steeling herself. “God, Kelly, I’ve spent a decade bashing your heart and I don’t expect it to have come through that without a few scars. But one thing I know about you is how generous and kind you are.” She stepped closer and reached for Kelly’s hand. “I really want to be with you…if you still want me.”

  Kelly gripped her hand more tightly, looking into her anxious eyes. She didn’t fully understand what had happened to cause this emotional turnaround, but whatever it was, it had brought Jordan here with a sincere apology and a touching vulnerability. Maybe she wasn’t expressing herself so well, but it didn’t matter. Kelly could see it all in her eyes.

  “Yes, Jordan, I do still want you.”

  She pulled her close and kissed her deeply, feeling the gratifying response of Jordan’s eager mouth. When they pulled apart, a smile grew on Jordan’s face.

  “Thank you,” she said quietly. “What a remarkable woman you’ve turned out to be.”

  Kelly pulled her in for another kiss, living the fantasy she had dreamed for so long. They stood close, rapturously exploring one another’s mouths until Kelly’s skin grew hot and desire coursed through her body. They were pressed so tightly against one another that she could no longer sense her boundaries. Jordan’s kisses grew rough and desperate, her breath ragged. Kelly backed her against the door, kissing her face and neck.