Gated

by Amy Christine Parker

  He’s walking close enough to me that we keep touching shoulders again. I can smell his cologne or shampoo—it’s citrusy and spicy at the same time. I like it. I wonder what he thinks of me. I’m liable to smell like hay and horse manure after this morning’s ride—not nearly as pleasant a combination as his is. I put a little space between us.

  I show him everything but the orchards. He doesn’t seem to care when we pass the road that leads into them without stopping. We finish up by the pond and settle into the grass to wait for his father. I’m surprised we’ve been left alone this long. A few other members of the Community are out in the garden, and there were a few others by the stables, but mostly the entire place feels quiet, almost deserted. I wonder if he’s noticed and thinks it’s strange. I’d half expected Marie to ambush us somewhere along the way. It’s not like her to stay away—not that I’m complaining. She would’ve taken over the tour and I’d have been left to tag along behind her. It’s been nice not to be part of her background for a change.

  “So, unless you’re on a supply run, you never leave …” His voice trails off.

  “Right,” I say, and chuck a rock into the water. It was really stupid of me to tell him all of that. We both watch the rock skip across the surface three times before it sinks.

  “Nice.” He grins. “But I can beat that.”

  I watch as he gathers up a handful of rocks and then chooses one to throw. It skips twice and disappears. I smile.

  “Okay, best out of three,” he says, and then, after his second throw is equally unsuccessful, “I guess you can’t get some kind of special permission to leave any other time?”

  “Special permission for what?” I ask, and he looks shy for the first time since he’s gotten here.

  “I don’t know, maybe to hang out … with me?” He smiles and my mouth drops open. I’ve messed up. I’ve been too nice and gotten myself into trouble once again.

  “I can’t,” I say quickly, and take a step away from him.

  “I sort of figured, but it didn’t hurt to ask.” His lips curl slightly into a half smile. He chucks the last rock. This one doesn’t even skip once. It just sinks.

  He doesn’t look at me right away and I feel awkward and squirmy. For some reason I feel the need to explain myself. It bothers me that he looks a little hurt by my answer, but there’s no way to do this without giving away too much or completely insulting him in the process. Gee, I think you’re really, really cute and all, but I can’t go because you’re an Outsider and probably have the potential for serious evil and I’m chosen and pure and about to enter a shelter that’ll keep me safe while the world implodes and you die. No hard feelings?

  “Kind of seems like you’re trapped here, Lyla. Are you?” Cody tilts his head and studies me.

  “No, I like it here,” I say automatically.

  I’m not supposed to feel trapped here, but now, in this moment—and if I’m honest, more and more all the time—I do, I can’t help myself. I am trapped. For good reason, sure, but trapped all the same. But it isn’t like any of us can really change our minds and move away from here. We have no money of our own, nowhere to go. And it doesn’t make much sense to even consider it, since the world is about to end. Still, I can’t help wishing that I could go out with Cody and maybe see what a kiss feels like when Will’s not on the other end of it … but this kind of wishing is foolish and I can’t indulge it.

  “Lyla.” Pioneer’s standing by the picnic tables with the sheriff and the other man. He looks irritated and ready to be rid of our guests. Cody’s father hands a piece of paper to Pioneer, and Pioneer nods and puts it in his front shirt pocket. I stand up and brush the grass from my shorts. Cody gets up more slowly and stretches.

  “It was nice to meet you,” I say loudly in a more formal tone than I used when we were alone. And then I surprise myself, lean closer to him and whisper something I know I shouldn’t.

  “You know, my family’s assigned to the next supply run into town this Saturday.” I can’t quite look at him afterward. What am I doing?

  He shoots me a sidelong glance and a slow smile spreads across his face, lighting up his gray-green eyes. “Maybe we’ll run into each other. Could happen … especially if I have a general idea of where you’re going to be.”

  My breath quickens. I can feel his smile becoming contagious and I return it with one of my own. “We’ll probably be at Walmart for most of the morning.”

  “I happen to love that store. Where else can you get a haircut, goldfish, and camping gear all at the same time?”

  He winks at me and I have to clamp my mouth shut to keep from laughing. I’ve never felt so reckless. It’s terrifying, but exhilarating too. I look over to where the adults are standing. Pioneer is watching us now, so I force myself to sober up.

  “I hope you enjoyed your tour.”

  Cody catches on quickly and shakes my hand stiffly. Still, his thumb strokes the top of my hand for half a second and my stomach takes a free fall to my shoes. “I did, thank you very much.”

  I turn toward Pioneer and together we walk Cody and the other two men the rest of the way to their car. We wave. The car turns toward the gate and then rolls slowly through it. I know that as soon as the gate is completely closed, Pioneer will want a detailed accounting of my time with Cody. I should tell him everything, right down to the “chance encounter” Cody and I might have on Saturday. I can redeem myself, and shake off this awful temptation before it takes root. I promised myself after target practice that I would follow the rules from now on, that I wouldn’t knowingly put the Community in danger. So why am I already preparing to lie?

  We can’t let the propagation of humanity be decided

  by a fickle rush of hormones.

  —Pioneer

  I was thirteen when I found out that Will and I would get married someday. Will had just celebrated his fourteenth birthday the month before, and Jessica, the youngest kid in the Community, had just turned twelve. Now no one was under what Pioneer called “the age of accountability.” We were all finally old enough to know who the Brethren meant for us to pair with, and the Community was abuzz about it.

  I was all knocking knees and shivery insides as I walked the other girls to the clubhouse. Pioneer was planning to announce our Intendeds before that night’s movie and just after dinner. We were dressed up for the occasion, something we rarely ever did. Pioneer had our moms order us new dresses and our very first high heels. They were all exactly the same, right down to their colors, because we bought them in bulk just like everything else, but it didn’t really matter—at least not to me. I loved the staccato click my heels made as I walked toward the clubhouse. Our parents, along with the boys, were waiting for us there.

  When we entered the dining room, the boys stood up. They were equally dressy in shirts, ties, and black pants. They seemed to stand straighter in them, grow older before our eyes. These weren’t the dusty-faced boys we’d just played baseball with the other day. They were suddenly strange and far more serious. Grown-up, or at least trying to appear that way.

  I fiddled with my hair, which was curly like Marie’s for once. I tried to fluff it up. My mom had rag-rolled it the night before, and while the curls had been tight and springy when she first undid them, now they were already starting to droop and go straight. Silently I cursed my stubborn, straight hair.

  Marie swatted at my hand. “Leave it or it’ll just get straighter.”

  Together we looked up and down the row of boys. We’d spent the last few weeks obsessing over who we’d be paired with. Marie was hoping for James, the oldest boy in the Community and also the most handsome. Most of the other girls were hoping for him as well, and he knew it. I watched as he preened at the front of the line. His arrogance annoyed me. He was the one boy I most definitely did not want.

  Actually, there was only one boy I hoped for. Will. He was my best friend and felt like family already. I looked for him. He was standing midway down the line with Brian. I smil
ed at them both and Will smiled back. I knew he wished for me too and it gave me hope that maybe that made us destined to be Intendeds. I crossed my fingers and willed it to happen.

  Marie nudged me and tilted her head toward Brian. He saw her and his face reddened, making it look like a giant tomato. Back then Brian was short and sort of pudgy, the exact opposite of what he is now. His good looks were still hibernating.

  “Let’s hope neither of us gets stuck with Extra Beefy,” she whispered. I stifled a giggle just as Pioneer—formal in a pair of black pants and a blue tie—walked to the front of the room, his hands clasped behind his back, and we were ushered to our seats.

  Pioneer had a speech prepared. He droned on and on. I’m not even sure what he talked about. I can’t remember. I just know that every person in the room was distracted and fidgety, even our parents. We were all trying to see past that moment and into the next one, when we would know. When Pioneer finally finished lecturing and started calling our names in pairs, everyone seemed to let out a breath at the same time.

  “A tiny bit nerve-racking, right?” Pioneer asked, wiping at his brow dramatically. Several people chuckled.

  Each couple rose together and went to stand at the front of the room when they were called. Parents congratulated each other when their child’s Intended was named. Moms dabbed their eyes with tissues. Most everyone looked pleased with their pairing, if a little embarrassed. Pioneer went down each row of girls. It wasn’t long before his eyes met mine.

  “Little Owl,” he said, smiling widely, “your Intended will be … Will.”

  I felt my whole face smile, a big, goofy relieved one. I would’ve hugged Pioneer if he hadn’t been too far away. Marie squeezed my hand as I stood up. I went to stand by Will. We were both grinning like idiots. For the first time, he took my hand in his. It was work calloused but warm, already comfortable.

  Marie was next. I widened my eyes at her and she put her hands together palm to palm as if in prayer.

  “Marie, your Intended will be … Brian,” Pioneer said loudly.

  Marie’s face fell. She hesitated and I could see that she was having trouble standing up, but finally she managed and walked toward Brian on stiff legs. He was even redder now. Marie stood next to him without managing to seem near him at all. Her eyes traveled across the room to where James still sat waiting for his Intended. He never even looked her way.

  Afterward, we ate cake and then gathered in the meeting room for the movie. Will and I sat together. It didn’t feel awkward or strange. It felt like it always had since the day we’d first met. Right.

  Boundaries are good for people; they make them feel safe. If their world’s too wide open, they’re liable to wander and get up to no good.

  —Pioneer

  I’m in bed for no more than five minutes that night when I hear something hit my window. Actually, a lot of somethings—pebbles from our garden. I look out into the backyard. It’s dark, but I can see movement, shadows rearranging themselves in the bushes just below my window. My heart squeezes in my chest and I press my face to the glass to try to see better. For one wild moment, I hope it’s Cody. Maybe he’s found a way to come back and see me … but no, that would be impossible.

  A flashlight blinks on long enough for me to see Marie’s grinning face; it seems to be more skull than skin in the yellow light. She waves for me to come outside. I have no idea why she’s here, but I slip on some shorts and shoes anyway and hurry down the stairs, being careful to avoid the creaky spots.

  What is she up to? Being out after curfew is a huge no-no.

  I head out into the yard. Marie’s in the far corner by the rosebushes. She has a blanket thrown over one arm and a CD player hanging on the other.

  “Full moon’s tonight, remember?” she whispers, her face bright with excitement.

  I’d completely forgotten. We’ve been planning this after-hours trip outside the development for the past month.

  “Brian and Will are waiting by the wall in my yard,” Marie says. “We have to hurry.”

  “After what happened today—those guys showing up—you still think that tonight’s a good night to sneak out? Are you crazy?” I whisper. “Pioneer and all the other adults are probably on extra alert right now. There’s gotta be twice the amount of people guarding the Community tonight.”

  “It’s the perfect time for this. They’re preoccupied,” Marie says as she pulls me further into the shadows and out of my backyard. “Brian already scoped out who’s on guard duty tonight. It’s Mrs. Brown, so you know she’ll be more concerned with her knitting than with keeping watch. Everyone else is asleep. Who’s gonna know? We’ll only be an hour or two. Come on! Just go for a little while. If you’re still freaked out once we get there, we’ll come right back. I promise.”

  In theory, this is the safest possible time to break the rules, because most of the Community is asleep. And no one’s ever attempted it before now. The development’s wall is high enough to make scaling it risky, and the only other way out is through the front gate, which is guarded 24/7. Plus, there’re always at least two other adults roaming around inside the development, making sure that curfew is enforced. Once our parents check to see if we’re in bed and our lights are out, they can usually feel pretty confident that we’ll stay put. Their overconfidence is to our advantage.

  I drag my feet as we leave my yard and head into Mr. Whitcomb’s. Marie’s yard is two more over. “Marie …,” I begin.

  “Aw, come on, Lyla! This is probably our only chance for something resembling a date with the guys. You know, that ritual the rest of the world enjoys but we don’t?”

  I shoot her a look and try to ignore the flash I have of Cody’s face. Marie grilled me for details once he was gone, but I brushed her off. I can’t talk about him. I’m afraid that she’ll figure out that I thought he was cute and tease me about it. And besides, what does it matter? I’m not supposed to see him again. I need to put him out of my mind.

  “Don’t you want to hang out with Will when someone isn’t watching your every move?” Marie throws up her hands in exasperation.

  “I have hung out with him alone, lots of times. We had dishwashing duty together just the other day,” I say. I know what she means, but I can’t help giving her a rough time about it.

  Marie’s mouth sets itself into a thin line. “Whatever. Forget it. I don’t know why I even try. How can you be all nonchalant about disobeying when you’re shooting—when actual lives are at stake—but be so high-strung over this?”

  “Ouch.”

  Marie walks a little ahead, then stops and turns around. “I’m sorry, just … please, Lyla. Just this once. Please.” She gives me her best puppy-dog eyes.

  I glance back at my house, at the windows. There are no lights on inside. My parents have been asleep for hours, and they haven’t checked on me in the middle of the night since I was ten. If I’m ever going to sneak out, this is as good a night as any—maybe even better. Smart, almost. No one would ever expect it.

  “One hour,” I say. “That’s it.”

  Marie hugs me so hard I cough. “Yesss! Thank you.”

  “Can’t breathe,” I groan, and she lets go and laughs.

  Brian and Will are waiting for us when we get to Marie’s yard—the absolute best place to attempt a sneak-out. Her parents hate to garden, so her backyard is completely overgrown, probably more jungle-like than an actual jungle. There are lots of places to hide.

  Will is over by the wall, holding the makeshift ladder he built special for tonight. When he sees us, he smiles and props it up against the bricks. It’s a thick piece of plywood we smuggled out of the wood shop, with various bits of scrap wood nailed to it to make the rungs.

  “Ready for this?”

  “As I’ll ever be,” I say, and try to look excited. I’m supposed to be excited. This is the date I should be looking forward to. This is the boy who should be stealing my breath and making my heart race. Cody was just … someone new, and that’s t
he only reason I can’t stop thinking about him. Maybe this is the perfect thing for me to be doing right now, a way of refocusing.

  “Heard you had to give a tour today,” Will says as if he’s reading my mind. “Smart of Pioneer to send you to do it—not that I’m glad he did, but I’m sure it made it hard for that guy to see anything around here besides you.”

  “You’re crazy.” My cheeks flush.

  “No, just honest,” he says, and kisses my blush-heated cheek. “By the way, nice bed-head.”

  “Shut up.” I punch him in the stomach and he grunts.

  “No, really, I like it. It kind of goes with the little bit of toothpaste you’ve got right there.” He wipes a finger against the corner of my mouth.

  “Thanks for the heads-up, Marie,” I whisper, and pretend to glare at her.

  She giggles. “What’re friends for?”

  I smooth my hair and run my own finger across my lips.

  “So, we’re really going to do this?” I ask Will.

  “Absolutely,” he says.

  “I can’t believe you’re actually on board, Mr. Consummate Rule Follower.”

  Will pretends to look wounded. “Are you saying I’m uptight?”

  “No, just boring,” Marie answers for me.

  “That’s unfair,” Will says with a look of mock hurt on his face. “I follow the rules that make sense. The ones that keep us safe. But an hour or two by the river … to talk”—he raises both eyebrows here—“isn’t exactly life-threatening.”

  “Something tells me being alone with you in the dark isn’t exactly safe either,” I say.

  Will chuckles and leans in to kiss me softly on the lips. “I promise I’ll be good … or at least not very bad.”