by Devon Ashley
I reached down and pulled out a vintage Strawberry Shortcake doll and chuckled. Her smell of candied berries was still going strong, like she’d been stored in a plastic bag all these years.
“Ta-da!” she sang. “I told you I’d find one.”
“And I told you that wasn’t necessary. But thank you.”
“Please! Like I was gonna live down the fact that the first memory you recalled was me destroying your doll and making you cry! Uh-uh! No way. Nick still gives me grief.”
“What do I do?” Nick asked sleepily from across the room. We hadn’t even heard him coming, yet he was already two steps shy of the kitchen. He must’ve put on a shirt with his sleep pants for Thea’s sake because he never bothered when it was just the two of us.
“Give Thea a hard time for ruining my doll growing up.”
He was already laughing, so no doubt it was true. “Every chance I get.”
Thea threw her hand in the air towards the coffee pot, where Nick had his back to us, making his cup. “See?”
“Yep. And replacing it won’t keep me from continuing.” He turned around and flashed her a wicked smile before taking his first sip.
Thea and I were both shaking our heads, but for different reasons. She thought he was being unreasonable and a little cruel, I just thought they were acting plain silly. But it warmed my heart that they got along well enough to behave like siblings who weren’t afraid to tease and give one another a hard time.
Deciding to top off my coffee before the pot emptied out, I moved next to Nick and laid the doll on the counter beside me. He took the opportunity to kiss me on the spot where my neck and jaw connected, then quietly said, “I’ll give you my present when we’re alone.”
“I’m right here,” Thea sassed as she moved to sit in the barstool closest to us. Whether it was because she heard what he said or that he kissed me intimately right in front of her, I wasn’t sure.
“Yes you are,” he said in a droll manner. “All weekend long.” He pulled the clip from her hair as he passed and she playfully slapped him away. He tossed it onto the counter and just kept on going, straight to the living room where I knew he’d turn on the TV to find something to watch. Thea shook her head and gathered her messy hair to re-clip. “Boys,” she muttered.
For the most part, Nick and Thea behaved for the rest of the weekend. It was actually kind of comforting watching them interact, because for once the attention wasn’t just focused on me. I was smiling. I was laughing. Hell, I think I actually made it through the entire weekend without thinking of my horrible past or my impending doom more than just a few times, and even those came on when I found myself alone at rare moments. And during the nights, of course, but I was good at keeping my thoughts focused on that little yellow book beneath the sofa or doing some internet searching. You wouldn’t believe the selection of hidden cameras available on the market. I thought I even found the one Zander used in Veronica’s bathroom – an electrical wall plate with the tiniest hole. No wonder I could never figure it out. Turned out practically anything could have a hidden camera these days. Smoke alarms, electrical outlets, clocks, fans – the simplest items in every room you never looked twice at.
Freshly showered, I meandered my way back to the living room. I could tell before I even stepped out of the hallway that they were semi-arguing. Thea kept saying why not? and it’s just five minutes and Nick kept turning her down. It all came to a halt when I crossed the threshold. They were side by side near the middle of the sofa, Nick leaning his head over the back of the cushion, Thea facing him sideways with bent knees. I moved to sit in the remaining reclining armchair. “Don’t stop on my account.”
“She should get a say,” Thea threw out, smacking his bicep with the back of her hand.
Tired or annoyed – hell, probably both – Nick shoved his hand over his head and roughly swiped his hair. “Jesus,” he muttered.
Crap. I really didn’t want to get dragged into this conversation. It was clearly about me, but I didn’t want them arguing about it the rest of the evening either. “About what?” I asked unenthusiastically.
“I think we should Skype with Mom and Dad. It’ll make them feel like they’re actually getting to see you.”
“Five minutes isn’t going to make them feel any better,” Nick complained.
Thea practically glared at him. “You go two months not seeing her. After everything that’s happened? It will!” Nick groaned, but I recognized the way he let it out. It was the kind of sound that preceded defeat. He was about ready to give in just to shut her up. And like she recognized it too, Thea added, “She’s their daughter, Nick.”
He rolled his head back down, his silent gaze fixated on me. We both froze when an unfamiliar jingle rang out in the distance. “Hell. It’s my work phone.” Thea got off the sofa, then climbed over Nick’s extended legs kicked up on the table and moved toward the hall. “Dumbasses are probably changing my schedule last minute again.”
He crossed his arms and continued to stare. “What do you want to do? Do you want to Skype with your parents?”
“You don’t think it’s a good idea, do you?”
His head lazily rocked side to side.
“Do you really think he’d monitor things like Skype?”
He shrugged with heavy frustration. “I have no idea what he’s capable of doing. Or what information he has. There’s always a chance he knows our Skype IDs and has a way to track IP addresses once we log on. But I just don’t know. That’s why I’m always fighting not to do things.”
My eyes fell to the floor as I nodded in agreement.
“But if it’s something you really want to do, something you’re willing to risk, then I won’t stop you.”
I sucked my cheek in and out between my teeth. I loved Thea for fighting for this, but I still felt the same way I did when I learned she was coming to stay. I remembered my family and how much I loved them, but I still felt incomplete in that department. Yeah, I wanted to get to know them and learn all over again what they meant to me, but it didn’t hurt me to be apart the way it did for them. Thea’s argument cut me though, made me feel a twinge of sadness and guilt. She’s their daughter.
I was so damn consumed by my own problems I kept neglecting to realize everyone else had them, too. Nick was miserable at work, Thea hated giving up her previous life for one she felt was subpar in comparison, and my parents were in a strange RV park cut off from everyone. In a way, I even took Thea away from them, because she had to change states just to switch jobs. She was no longer in the same city, available to come by for family dinners with them anymore. And Nick’s mom was probably just as devastated, given that Nick was all she had left.
I didn’t like this new sensation. Guilt. It was slow. Seeping out from my core, barely moving forward in curled waves. A little farther, a little bit more. Excruciating as it intensified, creating this damn ball of energy that pulsated, making me sicker and sicker inside, so much I wanted to keel over right there.
But I choked it down and said, “Maybe we should do it. Thea got to spend two days with us. Don’t you think they’ll be hurt if we can’t even give them five minutes on a computer?”
He sighed and closed his eyes. His face twitched, possibly being hounded by guilt as well. “Alright,” he answered defeatedly. “Where’s the laptop?”
I sucked in a sharp breath of air. Under the sofa! I threw myself to the floor and dug beneath his extended legs before he had a chance to open his eyes and grab it himself…and possibly something else I kept hidden under there. My hand slapped the sleek computer and pulled on it. “Right here,” I tried to say calmly.
He sat up, his legs falling to the ground around me, a twisted smile spreading across his face as he pinched me in while I remained crouched. I threw him a look that clearly said Really? His legs swayed back and forth, sandwiching me in and rocking me with them. He may have halted his workout routine since the gunshot, but his legs were still incredibly strong. The only way
out was up and over his lap and he knew it. I tossed the laptop to the far cushion on the opposite end and pushed down on his thighs to raise up. He gave me just enough slack to stand up, but then his thighs squeezed me in again, making me sway off balance for a second.
“Nick,” I warned.
He just chuckled softly, then rose to his feet, landing a soft kiss on my lips. “I’ll go tell Thea she got her way. Again. Fire up the computer but don’t log on to Skype yet.”
He left me alone in the living room and I turned on the computer. He hardly ever used it since he had access to one at work. Before they could come back, I quickly checked to make sure I had deleted my browser history. It was something I always did after each session, but a part of me was so panicky inside that it wasn’t going to relent unless I double-checked. A few minutes later, Thea came back in, patting her hands together quickly, cheering yay! and grinning like an idiot. Nick was right behind her, keeping his expression neutral.
It was decided that I would sit in front of the screen with Nick, which left Thea to hang over the sofa behind us so she could watch the other end. Our parents could Skype with her any time, so she was more than happy to skip the camera angle. As he was connecting, Nick leaned over and whispered into my ear. “Keep smiling.” We shared a knowing look before he turned his attention back to the computer.
Less than ten minutes after Nick and I agreed to make this call, we were already connected and staring back at my parents’ excited faces. Part of me grinned just to see that, but I had to remind myself to keep looking like I was happy, just like Nick was doing as we said our hello’s and how are you doing’s. I understood his point. We both knew we weren’t the happiest of people right now, but we weren’t going to give my parents another reason to worry. If anything, maybe we could convince them we were adjusting better than expected, making it easier on their end. For my mother in particular, who I determined through reacquired memories could be quite the worry-wart.
They didn’t burden me with questions they knew I didn’t want to answer, or ask Nick about a job they already knew from me, and probably Thea, that he hated. We simply shared how we all missed each other and they asked me if I was still getting new memories back. I lied and said yes. Hopefully, Thea knew better than to rat me out on that front. Surely she wanted them to worry less, too.
It was amazing how little could be said in five minutes, but I felt better that we made the call. Judging by their smiles and the way my mother swept fleeting tears off her cheeks, they really did need this interaction. And again I couldn’t help but wonder why it didn’t emotionally affect me the way it did everyone else. The thought didn’t sit well with me. It haunted me well into the night after both Nick and Thea had long fallen asleep.
I was all for Megan driving Thea to the airport this morning. If Thea had anything more to say about how I was controlling what Megan did or that I was practically imprisoning her myself, she could shove it all into an email that would go straight to my trash bin where it belonged. I knew it wasn’t fair to Megan’s family, but I was doing the best I could to keep her safe. And unfortunately, sacrifices had to be made by everyone. It wasn’t like I wanted to give up my dream job, but I did.
The two of them woke me up as they shuffled around the house around five. It was already five-thirty by the time they left, so there was no point in trying to go back to sleep for the forty-five minutes I had left until the alarm went off. I brewed a pot of coffee and pulled the laptop off the coffee table and booted it up. Megan didn’t know, but there was a program on our computer that tracked everything she did. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her to be safe, but it worried me the way she always deleted her browsing history when I knew she’d been on it.
I activated the program and scanned the list of pages and searches she’d been doing. Hidden cameras, self-defense moves, circuitry things. God, even sex trafficking. I didn’t click on any of the links. I wasn’t doing this to completely invade her privacy. Sometimes I just needed to know what was going on inside her head. I logged back off and slid the laptop beneath the sofa. Right next to the book she didn’t think I knew about. I kneeled down and scanned the three inches of space. Just the one book still. Thank God. I hated that she felt compelled to research these things, but I understood why she did it. And if gaining some knowledge helped her get through it all, I’d continue to keep my weary opinion of it to myself. She was on the verge of coming back to me. That was good enough for me. It had to be.
I knew she’d never make it back before I left for work, so I left the wrapped rectangular box on the kitchen island where I knew she’d find it, right in front of the bar stool she always dropped her bag in. I could see the smile it’d bring her inside my mind. I’d love to be here to witness it firsthand, but I wanted her birthday present to be waiting for her when she got back home. I couldn’t be here. Thea wouldn’t be here. She’d be all alone after having constant company for two days, and I worried the sudden silence might disturb her.
After suffering through another boring day of excel sheets and speaking with clients who didn’t want to be speaking with me, filling my head with excuses for non-payment, I was happy to come back home. Megan had texted me this morning with Thank you! It’s beautiful!, and knowing I’d get to come home and see her was the only thing getting me through the day.
She was there to greet me at the door, the silver necklace I gave her around her neck. It had a tiny bubbled heart and a Japanese symbol, also made of silver, hanging side by side. “Hi,” she said heavenly, reaching around my neck and pulling me down for a soft kiss to the lips. My insides were fighting me, wanting to open her mouth with mine and deepen the kiss, but I couldn’t be the one to start that. She had to do it. In her own time.
Which unfortunately wasn’t tonight. She pulled away too soon, but kept our bodies pressed together. “You’re killing me. I’ve tried looking it up but there’s like a jillion symbols. What does it mean?”
I wet my lips and chuckled, making her wait even longer. She had tried to get it out of me this morning through texts, but I told her I wouldn’t say until I got home. She tried again this afternoon but I still wouldn’t budge.
The moment I stepped through the door I smelled something delicious. Megan never cooked, and what few times she attempted it, delicious was never a word I would’ve use to describe even the smell. The chef in me was curious. “What smells so good?”
I tried to step sideways once I spotted the crock pot, but she held on fast. “Oh, no you don’t. Tell me first.”
My grin was still echoing the laughter that died down. I lifted the delicate necklace with my finger before letting it fall back against the hollow of her neck. I leaned down to kiss the skin beside it. When her neck extended, I took it as an invitation to make my way up. Reaching her ear, I said, “It means strength. Something you already have plenty of, but I thought you could use a daily reminder of why you’re still here.”
And not locked somewhere in a basement.
Or broken, like she liked to say about that girl she was imprisoned with.
It was why she was able to leave the house by herself now. Why she had the will to learn to defend herself.
She was the epitome of strength. How she held onto it so strongly through it all, I didn’t know. But I knew she’d never give up no matter what. She always fought to find her way back home again, even when she didn’t realize she had one.
She brought her lips to mine again, filling me with love and excitement as she finally deepened our kiss for the first time in months. My hands slipped upward, coming to rest on the sides of her face. I was slowly feeling complete again, a subtle warmth infusing itself in my chest, then elsewhere throughout my midsection. I fought my fingers from moving on to dig into her hair, to grip the back of her head and pull her in more tightly, from letting my tongue slip out to find hers for that reunion it desperately ached for.
I could sense she was close to ending it, lessening the intensity of kiss after kiss.
I moaned and put our foreheads together when she finally released. Baby steps, I reminded myself. If that was all she could handle right now, then it was enough for me.
Enough.
My head twisted sideways, once again noticing the crock pot as bubbles squeezed their way past the lid. “Seriously. What’s for dinner?”
She let out an uncomfortable giggle, sliding her hands down to land and push off my chest. Reluctantly, I let her go as she went to check on it, steam billowing up in a huge wispy cloud. “Don’t worry. I’m sure this is fine. I just bought one of those pre-seasoned pot roasts and threw some carrots in. We still need to make the mashed potatoes though.”
“I’ll get it,” I replied, automatically reaching into the cabinet for a stock pot.
“No,” she said firmly, giving me the stink eye as she put the lid back down. “I’ll do it. Go get changed.” My forehead furrowed curiously. “Don’t give me that look,” she replied defiantly. “I promise I’m capable of boiling and whipping potatoes. They may not come out as creamy as yours but they’ll still taste the same.” I continued with my reaction, my lips now disappearing into my mouth to keep me from verbally rebutting. “Okay, fine! I’ll let you season them when they’re ready, alright?”
I blew out a breath and softened my face. With a teasing chuckle, I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “Tell you what. I’ll tell you how to go about seasoning them and you can still do it.”
“Deal,” she answered with a wicked smile of her own.
I liked having coffee with Maggie. In a sense it was odd because we both knew the other was damaged irrevocably in some way, but neither of us ever said why. And we didn’t need to. Here, sitting inside this quaint little tea and coffee shop, was the normality we both desperately sought. That one moment in a day filled with anxiety and fear when we could sit with someone who wouldn’t make us feel like the victim we were.