by Devon Ashley
I sighed and leaned my head back. Then cringed. I felt…moist, and it was gross. I forced myself on my feet and headed to the bathroom. Sure enough, it was what I thought. Either that asshole rubbed me until I bled, or I was getting my period. It would explain the excess cramps and sensitivity. I was relieved I was getting it back, but seriously? Of all times.
I made my way back to the doorway, leaning my exhausted body against it. “I think my damn period just started.” Muttering under my breath, I added, “Finally.”
What I said hardly fazed him. Guess he wasn’t one of those guys who got sickened by the mere mention of it. “Very bottom drawer on the right side of the counter. You’ll find what you need.”
Exasperated, I asked, “Can I have a pair of underwear now?”
That mildly entertained him. Not enough for his eyes or smile to light up given our circumstances, but I could tell by the one syllable sound he made in his throat when his eyes blinked. “Same drawer.
“And Natalie,” he added, stopping my retreat. His hazel eyes gazed at me with intensity. “You were never late.”
Confused, I mumbled, “Huh?”
“Your period. When you thought you were pregnant,” he reminded me. Still confused over how that didn’t make me late, he explained, “Last time I owned you, I had Friggs give you a birth control shot. It reduces your number of periods to about four a year.”
Deadpanned, I just gaped with my mouth open. I knew exactly why he gave me that type of shot. It wasn’t just to make sure he didn’t knock me up, but to ensure he had fewer periods to deal with through the year.
I. Fucking. Hate. You.
“Exactly how long does that type of shot stay in effect?” I asked, holding the bitterness back. Now was not the time to start a fight with him. I could have it out with him some other time.
“Four months. You received another one when I regained possession of you.”
Owned me. Regained possession. I truly wanted to smack the crap out of him. But all I did was turn on my heels and bend over to open the drawer I’d never bothered looking in before. I never knew it was mine, and since curiosity in this house got you beat down, I never looked. There were a few boxes of tampons and several pairs of black cotton boy shorts. Of course they were both the same brands I bought for myself back home. I took one of each, happy at the very least to be covered down below for once.
When I came back out, I made my way to the far corner, to curl up at the back of the chaise. Zander was still meandering around without direction, seemingly lost in thought. Hopefully formulating a plan that would get me the hell out of this mess.
“Zander?” I called, waiting for him to turn his head my way. “Even before he realized we’d deceived him, he said you still owed him a payment. For what?” Or really, would this be the only time I was forced to be Friggs’ two week sex slave?
“I owe him for Nick. Friggs does various things for people. Like your treatments. He was also the one who inserted your tracker. I knew I’d have to keep Nick unconscious for several days, so I had Friggs set him up with an IV and urine bag for me here in his room.”
I just stared at him.
“I made the mistake of telling him he was your boyfriend. That’s why he used Nick as the second option.”
I didn’t even want to think what Friggs would use him for. He seemed to be into women, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have clients who would want someone like Nick. And it disgusted me that he’d been dragged into this awful life. All he wanted to do was protect me, to shelter me, and in return, it made him a target.
“Please let him go.” Zander had resumed his pacing, stopping dead mid-step when I said that. “You don’t need him.” It wasn’t lost on me that Zander very much enjoyed Nick between his legs that night, and that he’d probably keep him around just for that purpose. But he seemed compassionate right now. Vulnerable. And he had given me his word that he’d release him. But unfortunately, he never gave a time frame for it, which was his loop in deceiving me. But it was in this moment, while we shared a temporary solidarity to defeat the man who imposed on us both, that I thought I could convince him to do it sooner rather than later. “I’ve done everything you’ve asked. I’ve accepted that you’ll never let me go. Nick can only be used against you now, like I am. So please, send him home.”
He shot a breath through his nose and rubbed his fingertips together in each hand. He was contemplating, calculating.
“Is he even awake right now?”
His head casually twisted my way. By the way he gazed my way, I already knew the answer.
“No. I never leave my guests conscious when I leave the house. They tend to try stupid things that I end up having to punish them for.”
Poor Nick. On one hand I was thankful that he’d been drugged for most of his time here, left in a daze like I was the first time around with Charles. But on the other, I knew what moments he was awakened for were probably devious and demeaning. The kind that haunted your dreams and left you with nightmares.
At that moment I realized I still hadn’t had any nightmares since Zander stole me again. Guess my reality was awful enough my head didn’t find it necessary to continue punishing me after all.
“I’ll think about it,” he said, drawing me back to the here and now. “I’m more worried about you right now.” He walked over and straddled the chaise before me, placing his hand on one of the knees pulled up in front of me. “I don’t want anyone to hurt you.”
You hurt me.
“Is there any way out of this? Any way at all?”
One side of his mouth dipped down. “Probably not. But I’ll be looking for a third option. Even if you have to go, I’ll still be looking every minute you’re there.”
“But there is a third option,” I whispered. He was already shaking his head, but I said it anyway. “You could let me go.”
“Natalie,” he said. “Do you really think that Friggs just let you come home with me? That after our deception he’d just let us live our lives until the next payment? He knows where we live. There’s no way he doesn’t have someone watching us right now. Even if I wanted to let you go, he’d take you for his own the moment I did. You’re not safe out there.”
I wasn’t safe where I was right now either.
“Why can’t we go somewhere else?” Mockingly, I asked, “Don’t you have your secret bat cave exit where the wall opens up and you sneak off when no one’s looking?”
He cocked his head at me, then shook his head. “There’s nothing more we can do today, so I want you to rest.” He gingerly pulled me to my feet and led me back to bed, pulling back the covers and covering me up once I climbed beneath. He leaned down, his hands flat against the bed on either side. “Do you want the real pain killers now?”
I shook my head. As much as I wanted to let him numb me, to make me forget this reality even if for only a little while, I just had two weeks to figure out an option that could protect both Nick and myself. I refused be selfish, even though it was literally my ass on the line.
He leaned closer, his lips parting. It was the softest kiss he’d ever given me. There was no want behind it, no cruelty. I felt a pull inside me, one that made my entire core tense and cause my toes to point. My lower abdomen cramped even more now, wanting to be arouse, not caring that it hurt more than it was worth. Dumbly, my lips seemed enchanted, and they moved with his as he deepened the kiss. For the first time ever, my head didn’t try to fight the absurdity of my body. It didn’t exactly encourage the situation, but it was like my inner self finally sighed defeat and muttered fuck it.
Suddenly I didn’t care that my insides ached something fierce, that my body wouldn’t be able to bear us going any further. Didn’t mean my body wasn’t going to whine about it though. His lips pulled away from mine, hovering just out of reach. His hazel eyes looked as confused as I felt inside. Something was changing. Something that didn’t make sense.
Something was seriously wrong with me, and I think my
face was beginning to show that concern. Zander stood and walked out without a word, his right fingers lightly touching his lips, not even bothering to lock the door behind him.
It didn’t take long for me to fall asleep, despite the worry and confusion plaguing my mind. I dreamt of Nick. It seemed everything I did in my head hurt him, and I woke up suffocated with guilt. He was lying unconscious across the hall. He was here, submitting himself to horrible acts just to keep Zander off me, and here I was lying in my captor’s bed, enjoying his kiss. I didn’t like what was happening to me. I’d fought so hard to keep my mind on point, to remember that this man stole me and kept me prisoner in his bed.
But I was failing somehow. I was breaking down. Giving in. How could I let that happen?
Tears stung my eyes before trickling down the sides of my cheeks, moistening my pillow.
Because I knew I was never going home again.
I buried myself under the sheet in misery for a few more hours, soaking in a hot bath afterwards. The cramps were definitely the fault of my period, and the ibuprofen mostly numbed them away. After a while I kind of wished I wouldn’t have taken anything for them. Without the pain to focus on, my mind was steadfast on guilt. And horror. Because if Friggs got his way, he’d be able to keep me at his estate for two miserable weeks.
Kill me the fuck now.
I dipped my head beneath the surface of the water, wondering if I had the strength to drown myself. It wasn’t something I could do just yet, since Nick was still here too. But I began to seriously contemplate whether or not I would do something like that if I was forced to go to Friggs’. I tried starving myself with Charles – and was pretty damn determined to succeed until he figured it out and threatened far worse things. I had nothing at the time. No family. No hope. It was easy to convince myself that death was the better option. As I held myself underwater, my one possible way to check out of this life, I wondered if I could do it. This time I had family out there grieving my disappearance. A boyfriend, who if I got released, would never stop looking for me. Would they ever know if I went through with it? Would Zander leave my body someplace to be found, or bury me in the woods in anger so my family would never really know when to give up looking and accept I was gone forever?
It was harder this time. I didn’t want to give in and check out like that. I didn’t want to give up hope that I could find my way back to them.
But I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life as someone’s damn love slave either. Nor occasionally rented to fucking bastards like Friggs.
My lungs were burning. They began screaming the moment I went under just because I merely thought about denying them oxygen. They had no idea how serious I had been going down, but hell if they weren’t going to make their opinion known about my possible little escape route. Flames whipped their way up my esophagus and my mind flashed a picture of the fire that burned me. I nearly choked on water before making my way back up.
“Trying to drown yourself?” his calm voice asked.
I gasped, my eyes shooting open. He was sitting on the edge of the tub, and I had no idea how long he’d been there. Coughing a few times first, I shook my head. “No. Just distracting myself.”
“By choking on water?”
I sighed and angled my body back down to rest. “No. My damn head showed me something I didn’t appreciate seeing. It shocked me, I choked. I’m upset, not suicidal.” At least not yet…
“Good to know.” After a moment, he added, “Nick is up.”
I opened my eyes and gazed in wonderment. Where was this going? And since when did he ever offer to tell me about Nick instead of waiting for me to ask? “Are you going to drug him again?”
He shook his head. “Nope. You are.”
My head shot forward, the lines of my forehead furrowing.
“I’ve got a man coming tonight to get him. I’ve decided to let him go.”
My lips parted dumbly. My entire body shot forward this time, forcing a wave of water to rush the end, copious amounts sloshing over the edge. His head tilted slightly to acknowledge it, watching it creep farther along the floor using the grout tracks. “You mean it? You’re really letting him go?”
He shrugged. “I have enough to deal with the next few weeks without needing to take care of him on a daily basis. You’re the one I want and I have you. My man will pick him up and return him to his home.”
I couldn’t help but notice his use of his home, like it would never be considered mine again.
I just stared at him. Was this really happening or just another trick? “And he won’t hurt him?”
He shook his head, his hand dipping into the water to stir the surface in circles. “His orders are to take him there and leave him. Nick will wake up when the drugs wear off. And that’s that.”
“Wait.” I closed my eyes, refocusing on what was already said. “What do you mean I’m going to drug him?”
“I figured I’d give you a few minutes to say your goodbyes. When you’re done, I want you to be the one to put him back to sleep.”
He meant he wanted Nick to know it was all my doing, that I was the one setting into stone that we’d forever be apart. That I’d negotiated his freedom by solidifying mine here with Zander. And Nick would know I’d done something to achieve this.
But I didn’t care. Let him be mad, sad, or whatever the hell emotion he needed to come to terms. He was going home. Where he should’ve been all this time.
I swallowed, my throat still burning a bit from choking. “When?”
“As soon as you’re ready. My man will be here in an hour and you have to be back in this room by the time he comes.”
I jumped out of the bath quickly, not even waiting for Zander to clear the edge. I dripped water on him as I stepped out, wrapping the towel around me before going in search of a fresh slip, a pair of underwear and another tampon. I took a few minutes to dry my hair, just so I wouldn’t look like a drowned rat the last time Nick saw me.
The last time he saw me.
It hit me right then and I squatted on the floor, my hand clutching the slip over my chest, as if it could reach in and grab my heart instead. My eyes began to sting, tears already welling up. I was never going to see him again. Tomorrow he was going to wake up in our bed. How much would he remember? Would he run straight to the police and beg them to come find me, or go in search of our families first, letting them at least see that he was okay?
I guess for me it didn’t matter what he did. He was free. I was lost. I had no idea where we were. I assumed by the weather and the forestry that we were still in the upper northwest of the country, but that was a huge amount of land to cover, especially when hidden out in the middle of nowhere. And that was only if Zander didn’t end up moving us after Nick left, just to cover our tracks.
I’d be forever gone to him now, and we hadn’t had much time to reconnect. I was damaged when he found me again, nearly broken, and once I had finally begun mending myself back together, I was taken from him all over again. I couldn’t blame him for spending the rest of his life in mourning, but I couldn’t blame him should he ever find the courage to let me go. What a horrible life to continually ache for the one you wanted, knowing they were out there somewhere, completely lost to you. I should know…it would be my fate as well. And seeing as how I really had nothing to do within this prison but read, I’d be obsessing over it indefinitely.
I shed a few tears, but forced the rest back. I didn’t want him to see me with reddened eyes. I wanted him to think I was strong, that I could survive anything thrown my way. There’d be plenty of time to cry later. Indefinitely, in fact. Indefinite years, indefinite months, indefinite days, minutes and seconds.
I climbed back to my feet and left the hair dryer aside. To hell with trying to look decent. The uglier the better. Less of a reason to miss me.
The main bedroom door was open. Zander was leaning against the hall wall waiting for me. “I placed the syringe on the bed beside him. It’s a strong pa
inkiller, so you can stick him practically anywhere and it’ll knock him out soon enough.”
I roughly nodded my head, not trusting my voice not to crack or my tears to run once I verbally admitted what I was about to do. He leaned across the hall and opened the door, hitting the button that left it open. It swished open, but I was hesitant to cross that threshold. After several seconds, Zander actually gave my back a gentle push. Nick was bound tightly to the wall, his cotton-covered legs stretched out before him, his head hung low. He didn’t bother looking up at first, probably expecting someone else to enter and hassle him. It wasn’t until he saw my bare feet approaching that his head jerked up. “Megan?” There was so much hope in that one little word. So much pain, too.
I nodded – like I really needed to confirm that I was Megan – and kneeled around his thighs, reaching my arms around his neck to hold him in a deep hug. Unfortunately, it was one-sided, as Zander had kept his wrists bound and snug against the floor. He sighed my name, as if it gave him great comfort to just have me in his lap again.
But then his chest began to complain by making a horrible whining noise. “No… What did you have to do to get this time for us? Megan, I don’t want you doing anything for him. Let me be the one, please.”
I lifted and placed my forehead against his, gently swaying my head. “I didn’t,” I lied.
I sighed long and deep, my hands smoothly stroking up and down his bare arms. I never wanted to forget the strength of his arms, the visual of the black ink that wrapped around his upper bicep and extended partially up his shoulder, the way the heat of his bare chest always over-warmed me, the softness of his lips. I kissed him, but his lips were dry and cracked, like mine always were when I was imprisoned inside Charles’ basement. But I didn’t care. About that, about the way his mouth tasted stale from being closed for so long, or about how his tongue felt rough and bumpy. He was my Nick, who I had loved since I was sixteen. Four years. I loved him even when I didn’t remember him. And I knew that, because even with my forgotten memory, my subconscious was trying to get back to Portland, where he was waiting for me, looking for me. He was always looking for me. And it broke my heart, because I knew he’d never stop. Because he loved me that much.