How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household

by Blu Greenberg

  This deserves an explanation. In ancient times, each new month was proclaimed by the high court in Jerusalem. How did they know when the month began? Through the testimony of witnesses whose task it was to sight the sliver of new moon and then speed back to the court with their testimony.

  Now the moon reappears after a twenty-nine-and-a-half-day cycle. But the witnesses did not always spot it in time to return to the court only on the thirtieth day and, accordingly, the new month was proclaimed for the next day. Thus, some months lasted twenty-nine days, others, thirty. Since the actual cycle is twenty-nine and a half days, it generally averaged out.

  The crucial question, however, was on what day the holidays of that month would fall. It was important for communities far and wide to know the first day of the new month, so as to celebrate the Biblical holiday on its proper day.

  Once the high court decreed the new month, it sent out the announcement via an intricate signal system. When the signal system broke down, messengers were sent. However, there were certain communities in the Diaspora too distant for messengers to arrive before the fifteenth day of the new month, when the festivals of Sukkot and Pesach were to begin. Therefore, to be sure of celebrating the proper day, they observed as sacred the fifteenth day after the twenty-ninth day of the previous month and the fifteenth day after the thirtieth day of the previous month. This insured that no matter which day the new month began, the people would be observing the proper sacred day of the holiday. Since labor is prohibited on the last day of the holiday as well as the first, those days were also doubled. Hence, in the Diaspora, the first and last sacred days of the festivals are doubled, while in Israel they continue to be celebrated as single sacred days. For example, one seder in Israel and two in America.

  Rosh Hashanah, however, is a different story. Unlike other festivals that begin later in the month, Rosh Hashanah begins on the first day of the month Tishrei. In Temple times, the messengers would occasionally arrive late in the afternoon with the belated information that the moon had been sighted earlier. This meant that the wrong sacrifice had been brought for that day. To avoid any such problem, the Rabbis decreed that Rosh Hashanah be observed on both possible days of the new month, in the Holy Land as well as the Diaspora. The two days of Rosh Hashanah, said the Rabbis, are one long day.

  The setting of the additional sacred days is discussed at length in the Talmud, for an important decision had to be made. By the end of the fourth century, the calendar was firmly fixed according to mathematical and astronomical calculations. There was no longer a functional value in maintaining the second day as sacred. Nevertheless, the Rabbis decided in favor of keeping it. They, like Jews in our times, treasured the traditions they inherited. Accordingly, they saw fit to fix forever the second day, which by then had accumulated centuries of holiness. Similarly, the two days of Rosh Hashanah in Israel, which had an even earlier precedent. Thus, fifteen centuries later, both first and second days are sacred to us, this one by divine decree and that one by Rabbinic enactment.

  HATARAT NEDARIM

  One of the unique rituals of erev Rosh Hashanah is hatarat nedarim, the release of one’s vows. But first, a brief word about women and ritual.

  Everything I have described in this book I have experienced in one way or another—either doing it myself or observing others. Except for hatarat nedarim. In fact, until two years ago, I never even knew this ritual still existed, or that the men in my life perform it every single year. I was under the impression that hatarat nedarim was phased out long ago.

  Coming to this knowledge late evoked two responses in me: one was an appreciation of the spiritually rich life of men in the Orthodox synagogue; the other, a realization that learning by doing is the only sure guarantee of knowing. And that, I believe, is the strongest possible argument one can advance for full participation of women in ritual.

  In shul, immediately following the morning Shacharit, men gather in groups of four. Three men constitute a bet din, a Jewish court of law, and the fourth asks for release from self-imposed religious obligations that he may have forgotten. The men then switch roles, until every male adult over thirteen has had his vows annulled. It takes about a minute for a man to recite the formula, and for the three judges to grant annulment. The assumption is that, during the year, he may have unwittingly made a religious resolution which he has not kept. More than that, hatarat nedarim serves as a generalized reminder to us to watch our words.

  In traditional Judaism, men only may constitute a Jewish court of law, which is why hatarat nedarim fell to men.

  PREPARATION

  Inasmuch as there is great emphasis on preparation of the spirit and the soul, there is less emphasis on the specific, detailed physical preparations for the holiday. But there is some.

  One should clean the house, as one would for any holiday, and prepare a fine meal for the evening and noontime on both days (no need for a third meal, as on Shabbat). The table is set much as it is for Shabbat, with candles, wine, and two challot. A dish of honey is always placed on the table for Rosh Hashanah.

  On Rosh Hashanah the rules for cooking differ from those of Shabbat. On Rosh Hashanah, as on the three festivals, cooking is permitted, as long as the foods being cooked are for that day’s meals, and as long as one does not kindle or extinguish a flame. In other words, a fire can be drawn from an existing fire, but a fresh match cannot be struck. If there is a steadily burning pilot light on a stove, then, according to some authorities it is permissible to turn the burner on and off, the theory being that the flame expands from the pilot and reduces back to it, and no new fire is kindled or extinguished. Some people leave a candle burning, and fire can be taken from that. (That is also why smoking is permitted on the holiday. You will often see, in the shul lobby, people light a cigarette from someone else’s cigarette or from a candle that has been strategically placed.) However, neither the candle nor the flame drawn from another, nor the cigarette, may be put out; it must be allowed to burn itself out.

  Many people, even with pilot lights, keep the stove burner on straight through, enlarging or decreasing its flame as need be, without actually turning it on and off during the two days; and where there is no pilot light, this is how it must be done. However, even though cooking is permitted, in most Orthodox homes the greater part of the cooking is done beforehand, so as not to spend the holiday in the kitchen.

  ERUV TAVSHILIN

  On occasion, Rosh Hashanah and the sacred festival days will fall on Thursday and Friday, backed right up to Shabbat. But one may not cook on Shabbat, nor cook on the second day of the holiday for any other day. So in order to be able to prepare on Friday for Shabbat, another kind of eruv is prepared. This one is called eruv tavshilin, an eruv of cooked foods. This is a symbolic meal, just as the eruv of boundaries is a symbolic wall. We hard-boil an egg and set it on a plate alongside a square of matzah or a roll and say over it the following words:

  Baruch ata Adonai Elohainu melech ha’olam asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al mitzvat eruv.

  Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us concerning the mitzvah of eruv.

  Following that blessing, we recite a formula in Aramaic, the language of the Talmud:

  By means of this eruv may we be permitted to bake, cook, keep dishes warm, light Sabbath lights, and prepare during the festival all we need for the Sabbath—we and all the inhabitants of this city.

  It is as if we had already done the cooking for Shabbat in advance and any further cooking is considered insignificant. This symbolic meal will be kept intact until the Sabbath. The rabbi of the community will generally make an eruv tavshilin, keeping the entire community in mind. However, in most homes, the wife or husband will do it as well. By means of this legal formula, we are permitted to cook on the holiday the foods that will be eaten on Shabbat. A sham? No. By means of this legal fiction, halacha manages to reconcile two valid conflicting claims.

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p; SPECIAL FOODS

  Among the special foods for Rosh Hashanah are round challot, instead of the usual long braided ones. These symbolize the continuous and, hopefully, unending cycle of life. Often raisins are added as an extra touch of sweetness for the sweet year. Honey cakes and nullent, a syrupy honey pastry with dried fruit and maraschino cherries, are baked for Rosh Hashanah. Fresh apples are set aside for a special honey-dipping ceremony at the table.

  In addition, many households observe the following food customs: the head of a fish is cooked for the first course. Why? “May you be a head instead of a tail”; tzimmes, a sweet carrot dish, because carrots in Yiddish are called merin, but merin also means increase as in “May you increase” (fortune and children).

  NEW CLOTHING

  One wears new clothes on Rosh Hashanah, which never hurt anyone’s holiday pleasure. It is a day of spirit and soul, but in no way is it dreary. On the contrary, it is a day of sweetness and optimism. The special prayers for new clothing are recited (see p. 188).

  CELEBRATION

  Before candlelighting, parents bless their children for a good year. This blessing can take the form of the Shabbat blessing (p. 65) and/or it can have its special personalized accretions at this special time of year.

  CANDLELIGHTING

  Candlelighting by the woman (or women) of the household is recited over the same number of candles that one usually lights for Shabbat. The blessing, however, is a bit different. This blessing is also recited for candlelighting of the three festivals:

  Baruch ata Adonai Elohainu melech ha’olam asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu l’hadlik ner shel (shabbat v’shel) yom tov.

  Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, Who has sanctified us with His commandments and has commanded us concerning the lighting of (the Sabbath and) the holiday candles.

  On both nights of Rosh Hashanah, as on the first and second days of the festivals, at candlelighting we add a second blessing: the Shehecheyanu:

  Baruch ata Adonai Elohainu melech ha’olam sheh’heh’cheyanu vekiye’manu vehigi’ya’nu lazman hazeh.

  Blessed be the Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, Who has given us life, and sustained us, and has brought us to this day.

  The Yehi Ratzon prayer (see p. 60) may also be recited, as well as any other individual prayer a woman wishes to add.

  Unlike Shabbat, one may light the candles after the start of the holiday. However, the flame must be taken from an existing flame, such as the stove pilot. It is proper to light candles before the holiday starts. On the second night, however, the candles may not be lit until an hour after sunset, or until three stars have appeared, signifying the end of the first day. The reason, you will recall, is that one may not do anything on day one that is intended for the next day.

  THE MEAL

  After Maariv is completed, we are ready to eat. A special Rosh Hashanah Kiddush, which can be found in a siddur or machzor is recited. Kiddush is followed by ritual handwashing and hamotzi. A number of food rituals have been developed to express hopes for a good new year. For example, immediately after the hamotzi, we dip the challah into honey instead of salt. We dip a slice of apple into the honey and say:

  Yehi ratzon she-t’hadesh alenu shanah tovah um’tukah.

  May it be the Lord’s will to renew for us a year that will be good and sweet.

  In our family, as in many others, this honey ritual with challah is continued for three weeks right through the holiday of Sukkot.

  If a fish head has been prepared, the head of household will taste a bit and pass it around to whoever wants to partake. (Usually, one fish head is cooked for the entire group; it would look somewhat ghoulish to have twenty fish eyes staring up at you from around the table.) Then all say:

  May it be Thy will that we be the head and not the tail.

  At dinner, we spend a few minutes reviewing with our children the order of the morrow’s service, so that they get a sense of its organization. Much of it they already know, having studied it in school the previous weeks.

  THEMES AND LITURGY

  Rosh Hashanah is referred to in the Bible as the day of remembrance (of creation). Tradition has it, by way of detailed calculation, that Rosh Hashanah is the anniversary of creation. The Torah refers to it also as Yom Teruah, the day of shofar sounding, and the Rabbis called it Yom Hadin, the day of judgment. You can see how it has taken on all three meanings—the renewal of life, the shofar, Judgment Day.

  On Rosh Hashanah morning, the Shacharit service begins very early. Most Orthodox services begin sometime between 7:00 and 8:00 A.M., and conclude by 12:30 or 1:00 P.M.

  The Shacharit service starts with the chazzan calling out in a very loud voice: HA’MELECH—THE KING, as if to announce the entry of the King, seated on His throne in the heavenly court.

  One of the special features of Shacharit is the Avinu Malkenu prayer, Our Father, Our King. The first Avinu Malkenu is a confession. We clap our right hand over our left breast as a sign of remorse and guilt and say, “Our Father, we have sinned before You.” Having made that blanket confession, we proceed with a series of Avinu Malkenu prayers, which are simple, direct, and earthy pleas for God’s saving grace.

  TORAH READING

  The Torah portion tells the tale of the binding of Isaac. One tradition suggests that Isaac was conceived on Rosh Hashanah. Most sources, however, connect this reading to the shofar, the horn of a ram, the animal that was sacrificed at the last minute as substitute for Isaac. Thus, as a kind of mercy plea before God, we summon up the readiness to sacrifice which Jews have shown in every generation.

  Some scholars believe that the liturgical use of Isaac’s binding was intended to provide a Jewish equivalent to the Christian sacrificial mystery story. Christians claim that through the Crucifixion, humanity is forgiven. Jews claim that sacrifices made by human beings in the course of their lives are sufficient. Starting with Abraham, the first Jew, the sacrifices of the living constitute a fund of merit upon which all Jews can draw.

  The prophetic portion for the first day tells the story of Hannah, a barren woman, who prayed for a child. Her prayers were answered and her son, Samuel, grew to become a great prophet in Israel. (See Book of Samuel, Chapter 1.) According to tradition, on Rosh Hashanah all things are remembered and our prayers are answered. Interestingly, Hannah’s prayer, recited in this prophetic portion, became the model for prayer: Hannah prayed silently; thus, the Rabbis determined that the central prayer of the service be a silent one. So although women are not formally counted as members of the spiritual congregation, the prayer of a woman is the classic paradigm for Jewish prayer.

  The Rosh Hashanah readings are suffused with the themes of a mother’s love. In addition to stories of Sarah and Hannah, we read of Rachel’s love for her descendants. The Haftorah reading for the second day of Rosh Hashanah is from Jeremiah, chapter 31, with the promise of redemption and return to the land. In its most moving passage, the prophet envisions Rachel weeping and mourning for her exiled children, the people of Israel. She weeps until God finally yields to her tears and promises to restore the Jews to the land of Israel.

  THE BLOWING OF THE SHOFAR

  Before the Torah is returned to the ark, the shofar is sounded (thirty blasts). Shortly thereafter, during Mussaf, we hear the shofar again; ten blasts accompany each of the three sections of Mussaf: (1) Malchuyot, the kingship section, celebrating God’s rule over the world; (2) Zichronot, remembering the good deeds of our ancestors; and (3) Shofarot, the sounds of Revelation and Redemption. And before the service is altogether finished, another forty sounds are emitted (so the very latecomers will hear it). This totals one hundred shofar sounds, which is the most widespread tradition in Orthodox synagogues today.

  A good shofar blower is worth his weight in gold. I can take a weak sermon, I can cope with an off key chazzan, but I find I get knots in my stomach if the shofar blower fails. I always feel sorry for his wife and his children. Shofar blowing is a real skill, the temp
erature has to be just so, the humidity, the pursing of the lips, the force of breath … It is a special combination that only a seasoned shofar blower can put together successfully. On the other hand, a good shofar blower can lift the entire congregation.

  One tradition has it that the shofar was originally sounded during Shacharit, the morning service. During the persecutions when a hostile Diaspora government proscribed sounding the shofar, spies were stationed in synagogues to report any breach. So the Jews switched the shofar blowing to Mussaf. Why did the spies leave after Shacharit? They just don’t make spies like they used to.

  If one is confined to the home, or to a hospital, some member of the community will come to blow the shofar, for it is a mitzvah, an obligation, for one to hear the shofar blown. All it takes to arrange this “private blowing” is a phone call to the shul a day or two before Rosh Hashanah.

  MUSSAF

  Easily the most moving prayer of Rosh Hashanah Mussaf—and of the entire day’s liturgy, for that matter—is the Netaneh Tokef. It’s not true that only older women cry or sigh in shul. Whatever it is that people carry heavily in their hearts comes right to the surface with this prayer. Partly its content, partly the tragic story of its composer, partly the cathexis the prayer has taken on for a dozen centuries since it was written, partly that your neighbor wipes his/her eyes....

  “The great shofar is sounded. A still small voice is heard. Even the angels are frightened … the day of judgment is here … Who shall live and who shall die? Who shall have a full life-span, who shall not … Who shall find rest and who shall be restless? … Who shall be free from sorrow and who shall be tormented? … Who shall be raised up and who shall be humbled? … Who shall be rich and who shall be poor? But Redemption, Prayer, and Good Deeds lift the harsh decree...