Her hand lifted toward him before dropping back to her side. "I want to touch you all the time," she whispered. "I'm scared though. I've just found out something I thought was only a legend is real, and my ex is trying to kill me. Even through all of that I want to touch you. I'd like nothing more than to have you hold me because I think that would make it all better, but I can't hide behind you. I have to face this, but no matter what happens you have to know, I will always want to touch you. No one has ever made me feel like you do, you're like a drug to me, and if I'm not careful I'm afraid you're going to burn me out and destroy me just like a drug would."
She hadn't realized she was actually crying until the first fat drop fell onto her hand. She hastily wiped it away and then wiped at her cheeks. Ethan was staring at her with a mixed look of awe and horror, the red had faded from his eyes and this time it was him that took a step toward her. It almost felt as if a ripple of static electricity was sliding over her skin as he came even closer to her. Oh yes, she wanted to touch him, just as badly as a heroin addict craved their next hit, and with just as much knowledge that the next hit might kill her.
"I have to go," she gushed out and turned and bolted from the room. She felt like a child as she fled into her bedroom and quietly closed the door. Her hands were shaking as fresh tears began to stream down her face. What an awful mess all of this was, what an awful heartbreaking mess.
And yes, as she stood there, leaning against the door and weeping uncontrollably, she realized that was exactly what this was. For the first time in her life, her heart was shattering.
***
Emma let her hair drop back down before plopping onto the bed beside Jill and Mandy. She couldn't do anything with it anyway, and right now she didn't care. Her eyes were still bloodshot and she felt as if someone had thrown sand into them. She'd barely gotten any sleep last night, she didn't look much better than she felt, and her hair was not cooperating with her at all.
She turned back to her friends, it was on the tip of her tongue to tell them what Ethan had revealed to her yesterday about mates, but she held back. Though she didn't understand it, she knew his revelation had been something extremely private, that he had spoken of a bond that went even deeper than human love, and that he wouldn't appreciate it being shared with others.
"I'd like to be able to get out of this house if only for an hour," she muttered.
"I don't see why we can't, there are still plenty of daylight hours left for us to enjoy," Jill said cheerfully.
Emma stared at the balcony doors as she thought over those words. "The humans they control can move about in the day time though."
"I'm not saying we go out there alone, I'd like to keep you alive, but our vampires are completely capable of moving about in the sunlight."
"Our vampires?" Mandy asked.
Jill tossed back her hair as she flashed a smile. "I wouldn't mind making one of them mine for at least a night or two."
"You're incorrigible," Emma told her.
"Have you seen his brothers, I'm only human after all."
Emma shook her head. "Yes you are, and you're annoyingly accepting of the fact that they could eat you in the middle of the night."
Jill waved her hand dismissively. "You're still alive so I'm sure I'll survive." Emma couldn't help but laugh at Jill's cavalier attitude as her friend fairly bounced on the bed. "But we have to get out of this house before we all start to go stir crazy and try to kill each other."
Emma had to agree as she walked over to the mirror and tugged her hair into a loose knot that hung against the nape of her neck. There was nothing she could do about her eyes so she grabbed a pair of tinted aviator sunglasses and slipped them on. It wasn't much of an improvement but at least she didn't look like she'd just been on a weeklong bender anymore.
"Let's go see if we can get an escort out of this place," Mandy said and climbed to her feet.
Emma took a deep breath and braced herself before opening the door. She felt like a kid trying to catch Santa but after the events of last night she wasn't sure how well she was going to be received by Ethan. She wasn't surprised to find all of them gathered on the patio. Ethan was leaning back in his chair, his legs out before him, and his arms crossed over his chest. A pair of black sunglasses covered his eyes and though she couldn't see them, she felt it the instant that they landed upon her.
Any words she'd been about to utter died. Thankfully, Jill wasn't as easily overwhelmed by a man as she was. "We were hoping to get out of this house for a bit."
Ethan remained silent as his gaze stayed locked upon Emma. It was taking everything he had not to fall apart, not to give into the spiraling pit of madness he could feel opening just beneath his feet. The sight of her helped to take away the edge of his impending insanity but like the whiskey, it was only a temporary fix, one that would only dull the agony until his mind splintered apart and he would finally have to be put down. It was a conversation he planned to have with Stefan and Brian, when Brian finally arrived; it was time to face the reality that he may have to be destroyed when all of this was over.
If not beforehand...
No, he would keep his sanity until he ensured her safety. He could keep control of himself long enough for that to happen, or at least he hoped he could. Even now he could feel the monster within him slithering through his mind, urging him to take her, to change her, to ease his own misery and screw the consequences. She would forgive him over time; she would have no other choice if he completed the bond. He would never forgive himself though and he loved her too much to violate her in such a way.
"I think that might actually be a good idea. I wouldn't mind checking out some things," Aiden said.
He loved his siblings but there were times when he would really like to choke them. His jaw locked as his gaze slid toward Aiden. "So would I," Ian said.
"It's too dangerous," Ethan grated out from between his teeth.
"No more dangerous than in here. You said yourself they're not able to move around in the daylight," Ian reminded him.
"There are more humans out there; any one of them could be under Tristan's influence."
"And any one of them could try and get in here," Jill pointed out. "As long as we stay together we'll be fine."
Ethan's teeth ground together, his fingers dug into his biceps as he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. They couldn't possibly know that every part of him hurt, even his hair. They didn't understand that all he wanted was to tear the throat out of someone, feast upon their blood, and give into the relief he knew the insanity would offer him.
"It would be good to get out," Emma agreed.
Ethan could feel their gazes burning into him as they all turned toward him. He felt the force of the no burning in his throat, but the hope in her voice kept his tongue nailed to the roof of his mouth. The only thing she'd asked from him since all of this had started was time, she didn't hate him for keeping this from her; she hadn't run screaming from him even when he'd been trying to get her to do so. How could he deny her something so simple?
"I don't think it's a good idea," Isabelle said.
His arms dropped down to his side as he sat up in his chair and focused on Emma. "If you agree to stay by my side I'll take you wherever you want to go."
"I'm not sure about that Ethan," Stefan cautioned.
Ethan rose to his feet and stepped closer to Emma, the closer he got to her the less the bloodlust building within him tore at his insides. Unable to stop himself, he rested his hand against her elbow. A breath of relief escaped him as the feel of her skin soothed him even more. It took all he had not to crush her against him and ease the burning, but her words from last night still echoed in his mind and he'd be damned if he was the one that destroyed her.
Her head tipped back to look up at him. Through the shaded lenses of her glasses, he could see the beauty of her bloodshot and swollen eyes. The sound of her crying had drifted to him last night and had torn at his soul. There was nothing h
e could do to make it better for her though, not while she was still trying to figure out what path she was going to take.
"You have to stay by me though Emma," he reiterated.
His words probably should have reminded her of Tristan's overbearing demeanor, maybe they should have even been some kind of a warning, but she didn't take them as such. Tristan would never walk away from her. No matter what this did to him though, Ethan would let her go.
"I will," she promised.
He forced a smile as he bowed his head in acknowledgement of her words. The last thing he wanted was to be out around other humans, to have her out around other humans, but she'd already been caged by someone else once, he wasn't about to do that to her too. "Where do you want to go?"
She looked to Mandy and Jill who shrugged in response. "The beach," Mandy suggested.
"Volleyball," Jill said with a grin.
"Is that ok?" Emma whispered to him.
He squeezed her elbow. "It's fine. We just have to change."
"So do we." Emma turned and hurried away with her friends.
Stefan waited until Isabelle and his brothers had gone inside before stepping next to him. "Are you sure about this?"
Ethan barely glanced at him before nodding. "It's what she wants."
"And what about you? Are you going to be able to control yourself?"
"I'm going to have to."
He said the words but he wasn't entirely sure what he was going to be able to do when they got around all of those people, and all of those blood pumping, painfully tempting heartbeats.
CHAPTER 23
Emma settled onto one of the lounge chairs and dropped her feet down on either side of it. Ethan sat beside her; he was holding himself as carefully as someone holding the most priceless vase, on a ship, in the middle of the Bering Sea. It was excruciating to watch his almost mechanical movements.
This had been an incredibly bad idea, she realized as she studied his rigid profile. He'd barely said two words since they'd left the house and now his nostrils were flaring as if he'd just run a marathon. Unable to resist touching him, she rested her hand on his arm. Emma marveled over the fact that he relaxed visibly at her touch. He was the most powerful man she'd ever met and yet she had this amazing effect upon him, she was weak and small and he needed her. A lump formed in her throat, her hand curled around his forearm as she tried to give him even more comfort.
"We can leave," she offered.
He didn't even turn his head to look at her. "No."
Emma frowned at him before turning to search the crowd around them. Isabelle was sitting in the lounge chair beside her, but strangely enough Stefan had settled beside Ethan. It was the first time she'd ever seen the two of them sit separately. Aiden and Ian had joined Jill over by the volleyball game that was going on, and Mandy sat on the other side of Isabelle. The dull thud of the volleyball bouncing back and forth and the grunts of the people playing filled the air.
Ian looked up and frowned when he spotted Stefan sitting beside Ethan. He elbowed his brother and said something before breaking away from the game and coming over to join them. Yes, this most definitely had been a mistake, if Ethan's actions weren't a big indication of that, the reactions of his family members definitely were.
"I'm fine." Emma stared at Ethan as his head finally swiveled toward her. His eyes were still covered but she knew they wouldn't be green even if she could see him. "Relax."
She couldn't relax though, not when he looked as if he were going to fracture at any second. Emma squeezed his arm again and released him. A shudder went through him but when she went to touch him again he shook his head. "Don't Emma."
Her hand hovered in the space in between them; frustration filled her before she dropped it back to her side. She folded her hands before her as Aiden and Jill jumped into the game and began to play. Though she enjoyed watching them, she couldn't get herself to sit back in the chair, not when Ethan was in such obvious discomfort. Ethan stiffened suddenly, his head turned as he seemed to catch the sight or smell of something.
Emma almost jumped to her feet when she spotted the three men in the bar walking toward them from across the beach. Ethan was already up and moving though, his hand went in front of her like her mother's used to when she was forced to hit the brakes too hard in the car. A low growl escaped him as he stepped in front of her.
"Grab him!" Isabelle hissed at her.
Emma glanced at Isabelle as Ethan's sister rose to her feet. Her eyes were intense upon Emma as she gestured toward Ethan's extended hand. His rigid posture made her realize that he was about to launch himself at the men, something that couldn't happen in public. She didn't understand what it was about these men that set Ethan and Stefan off so bad, but even Ian had risen to his feet as they continued to approach.
He'd just told her not to touch him but the instinct to keep him safe caused her to grab hold of his hand. It clenched around hers as he visibly relaxed a little again but she could feel the hostility still running through his body. The men's eyes were wary as they stopped before the group gathered around her.
"Can we talk to you?" the shortest one asked Stefan.
"You can say whatever it is that you have to say here," Stefan told him.
Ethan stepped further in front of Emma as the red head's eyes landed upon her. Ethan glanced at Emma and then back at the men, they couldn't know that they could speak freely in front of her. They couldn't have any idea that she knew about their species while she was still human. "Stefan go and speak with them," he said gruffly.
"Ethan..."
"It's fine," Stefan interrupted Isabelle. "I'll be right back."
"I'm coming with you," Isabelle said.
Stefan shook his head at her as he stepped away from the crowd. "Nothing is going to happen," he assured her.
Isabelle stood uneasily in front of the chairs but when Emma went to rise, Ethan shook his head. "Stay here," he said.
Ethan kept his eyes on Stefan as he made his way across the sand and toward the ocean with the others. "Why would you let him go alone?" Isabelle demanded.
"They're not killers Isabelle, but they can't know that Emma has any knowledge of our existence," Ethan answered. "Even if they're not killers, they will still do whatever is necessary to protect themselves, and our kind, from being exposed. Besides nothing is going to happen in broad daylight."
"They're vampires," Emma breathed.
"They are," Ethan confirmed.
How many of them were there? She wondered as she finally understood why they had always acted so strange around those men. Isabelle moved closer as Stefan turned away. The three men watched as Stefan walked back toward them before they disappeared into the crowd. "What did they want?" Isabelle asked when Stefan was close to them.
"They're leaving the island," Stefan answered. "They're catching their plane in a few hours."
Ian frowned as he folded his arms over his chest. "And they had to tell us this why?"
"Because they saw us sitting here and thought they should warn us that there is another group of vampires on the island. Apparently, they had a run in with some of them last night and it didn't go well. They're leaving before the heat of the local authorities is felt, or hunters are alerted due to the increase in murders and disappearances on the island."
"And you believe them?" Ethan asked.
"I do," Stefan confirmed. "They're frightened and they plan to escape while they still can."
"That's wise of them," Isabelle muttered. "Maybe we should consider it too."
"Where would we go?" Ethan inquired. "Tristan will follow Emma and I'm not luring a group of volatile vampires near our family."
"He might not be able to find her if we take her to our house and if he does find her I can guarantee he'll rethink his actions when he encounters all of us," Ian said.
"Or he'll make even more vampires to come at us with and we will be putting everyone at risk," Ethan countered.
"What about my family?" Em
ma inquired. "He's never been to my house, but he knows where I'm from and he knows my parent's names. He'd be able to find them without a problem. I'm not going anywhere without them, or my friends, if we leave this island."
"No one is leaving the island," Stefan said. "Not yet anyway. For now, we are all still safe here and it's only a matter of time before they slip up and we're able to get them. If it becomes too dangerous, we'll leave and figure out what we're going to do after that. Brian is coming, we'll have a better chance of taking them down then and we can think of a plan when he arrives."
"Who's Brian?" Emma inquired.
"Someone we know," Ethan answered.
From the tone of his voice she didn't think it was someone he liked, or was excited about seeing. "We should stay until he arrives," Isabelle reluctantly agreed.
Emma had been so focused on the conversation that she didn't notice the rain clouds rolling in until the sun was completely blacked out. Her head tilted back just in time for a raindrop to fall onto her nose. A small laugh escaped her but judging by the look of the clouds, there would be many more to follow.
"We should probably..." Isabelle's words were drowned out by the deluge of rain that suddenly unleashed upon them. The force of the rain stung her skin, Emma threw her arms over her head but it did nothing to block the water pelting against her. Ethan's arms encircled her and lifted her against him. "Go to the mall!"
"Make sure Jill and Mandy are safe!" Ethan yelled at her over the sound of the rain and the people squealing around them as they scrambled for cover. "I have to get Emma out of here!"
Terror trickled through her as she realized that more than rain may have come in with the clouds. Ethan kept one arm around her waist and one over her head in an attempt to keep her sheltered as he ran with her toward the road and the group of buildings across the way. She was soaked through by the time they even made it to the street.
Untamed (Vampire Awakenings, Book 3) Page 23