"Don't be hasty, we can still meet…still make love…"His hand moved to pull her dress up so he could show her exactly how much he wanted her, but she pushed him away again.
"No…this has to stop. This isn't love either, it's lust. I didn't want to say it, or feel it, but it's true and you know it. You want me. You always want me. And I can't lie, I want you too, but I gotta think of my future. I got a man who wants to marry me, John. And that's something you can't give me."
"Is he black?"
"Of course he is…"
For a long moment he studied her young and beautiful face. "You'll come back to me. I just know it. And I'll always want you Nadine. I'd never turn you away."
"Even if I did come back to you…it wouldn't be for the right reasons…"
She shook her head and backed away slowly. "I…want you every time I see you…" She cried as she glanced over her shoulder and the tears ran down her cheeks. "But this is goodbye."
Chapter Three
Gabe was sitting at the table the next morning, drinking coffee he'd made. He was dressed for the field work, in overalls and an undershirt. He had a flop hat on his head and a grim look on his face. He looked up as she came in.
"Good morning," She said huskily.
"Want some coffee?" He asked.
"Yes, that sounds good. How is Gerty?" She asked getting a coffee cup out of the cabinet.
"She's pretty weak. Have you got any more medicine we can give her?" He asked. "She wouldn't admit it, but I think she was in some pain last night."
"A little. But we'll have to use it sparingly." Nadine looked about the place. She sighed. "The doc is out of town for a while, someone down river is having a baby."
"Alright, but she needs some today." He looked at her.
"Do you need help in the fields?" She asked getting the medicine.
"Naw…I'd rather you stay with her. I don't think she's going to pull through this. And she needs someone with her…"He hung his head. "I don't want her to die…alone."
Nadine saw the sadness in his eyes and compassion over looked good sense as she put her arm around him.
She felt the tension in his shoulders as her arm fell against him. Automatically her hands kneaded the tight muscles.
"You're tense."
"Where did you learn that kind of thing?" He twisted his head and looked at her.
"From some of the girls I came here with."
She stopped and moved away, seeing he was uncomfortable being touched.
"At least you are here now, and Gerty knows it." Nadine whispered.
"If I'd a knowed sooner, I would have been here." He hung his head. "I moved around so much, the mail never caught up with me."
She was tempted to kiss his head, but she refrained. He wouldn't appreciate that.
After saying goodbye to John, she made a pact with herself. She was living her life the right way from now on, no more sneaking off with married men. No more men, she reckoned. Although that left a hollow within her, she was determined to make the best of this marriage, somehow.
No other man had ever asked her to marry before, and this man had been very honest with her and what he expected was her decency. Perhaps it wasn't perfect, but she could live with it.
"I sat with her a long while last night, until I knew she was resting easy. We talked about everything. I told her I was marrying you. She was pleased. She said you'd been her best friend all this time. She was glad to know you'd be taken care of." Gabe's voice wasn't steady this morning. He glanced at her with compassion. "She said you were the best friend she ever had."
Nadine sat opposite him and looked at him as she fingered her cup. "She's been a good friend to me too. I was hoping when she saw you she might perk up. Sometimes it makes the difference having someone they love with them."
"Naw…she wants to go. Said she's made peace with her maker and she wants to see her husband once more. In heaven. I told her I needed her, but that didn't change her attitude. She's ready to be with the Lord now. She's not even trying anymore." Gabe's frustration was in his face, his smooth satin skin was tight with tensions.
"I can understand that, in a way. There's comes a point when you just know you are ready…at least that's what a friend told me once. Although, I think I'd fight right up to the end to live. That's just me."
He looked up at her, studying her.
"I'll make us some eggs and bacon for breakfast. You like biscuits?" She asked, pulling the skillet onto the stove.
"Yes ma'am."
"If you are going to marry me, you really should call me Nadine…" She smiled.
"Alright."
In no time she had whipped up a breakfast and they sat at the table eating it and sipping their coffee quietly. Nadine didn't know why, but the strangest feeling came over her. A feeling of peace and tranquility that she'd never experienced. She could almost imagine being married to this man somehow. And a strong sense of belonging here swept her. The feeling pleased her.
She was probably just feeling melancholy, she shrugged silently.
"You are a good cook…" He said as he pushed his empty plate away. "Haven't had gravy like that since Gerty made it."
"Want some more?" She asked.
"No, that will do until mid-day." He said. He was a big eater, but not to excess.
"If you're pleased, why don't you smile?" She whispered. "A smile wouldn't hurt, would it? Gerty doesn't need to see a long face."
"Right now, there is little to smile about."
"But maybe if you smile, you won't think on the bad so much and she won't either."
He didn't say anything.
"I'll take her in some breakfast. Did she eat what I left yesterday?"
"No…she barely touched anything. She's getting pretty weak. She don't want to sit on the porch no more. Said that old rocker hurts her back."
Nadine nodded, her gaze falling to the floor. "She is givin' it up, then. When a body finds no joy in lookin' at nature, there's something else going on. Gabe, I don't mean to pry, but have you accepted her dyin'."
His head jerked up and he looked at her with foreboding. "Accept it, no, deal with it, yes. In the army, death is a common thing. You get to know someone, like 'em and then the next thing you know they are dead, in an Indian raid, or some loco outlaw, or just nature itself sometimes does them in. So I've had a lot of accepting. But when it's kin, it's different. I miss her already."
"I can understand that…" Her voice went husky. "I love Gerty too, and it's hard to accept. I know the day will come, but I'm not sure I'm ready for it, either."
As though the conversation bothered him, he rose and headed for Gerty's room.
"I'll see if I can get her up later…Fresh air is good for her." Nadine called to him at her door.
"Do you need help with her?"
"No…I can manage. She hardly weighs anything."
"Then I'll be going out to the field and working. If you need me for anything, come get me." He instructed.
"Alright…I will."
He went into the room for a minute and came back out.
He nodded and left.
Nadine felt disappointed that he hadn't wanted to get to know more about her. And she sure wanted to know more about him.
Gerty was awake when she went in to her. She blinked hard then seemed to focus on Nadine.
She couldn't get her out of the bed, she refused. Even after Nadine coaxed her. So Nadine opened the curtains for her so she could look out.
"How are you feeling?" She asked with a smile as she fluffed her pillows for her so she could sit up.
"Not too good. But that's okay. I'm ready to meet my maker now." She insisted. "I'm at peace at last. Being at peace is important. You must know that." Gerty slanted her a strange look.
Nadine brought her a tray of food and Gerty moved the food around with her fork, but none of it went into her mouth.
"Can't you eat a little, Gerty? You need to keep your strength up."
"I
'm not hungry, child."
"I thought once your brother arrived you'd perk up and want to be about more. You've got to try to get well now so you can visit. He's takin' over this farm and it's already looking better around here. You'd be proud of him. I wish you'd go out on the porch and look out at the fields, you'd see what a good job he's done with the place. You'd be proud."
Gerty shook her head, the intensity of her voice caught Nadine's attention. "I just wanted to see him one more time. That's all. And God heard my prayer and I did. He's a good man, Nadine. He'll make you a good husband. He's got character. Not many men have character. Don't let his silence and his not wanting to talk about things bother you. He'll be a good husband to you, I just know it."
Nadine smiled down at Gerty and pulled her covers up. "I think he is a good man, Gerty. How do you feel about us marrying?"
"I'm so happy for the two of you. I wanted someone to take care of you. Now all my worries are over. And I’m at peace…Gabe helped me find that peace, by comin' home, holdin' my hand, and carin' so much. He's got a good heart Nadine. Be good to him. "
Nadine stopped, holding the napkin in the air and stared down at Gerty. "Your brother doesn't talk much about himself. Maybe you could tell me a few things. Not that I want to pry, but he doesn't open up much. Do you feel up to talking a bit?"
Gerty nearly smiled as she reached for her hand. "Come and sit beside me and I'll tell you all I can."
Nadine sat on the bedside holding Gerty's hand and waiting.
"Forgive him, he's shy talking about himself. Gabe is fifteen years younger than me. I practically raised him myself. You see, our folks died early on. We were on a plantation at the time. Slaves. But as soon as he was old enough, we ran off together and never looked back. The master was about to take me, if you know what I mean, and I knew we had to leave. That was in Alabama, that's when we came to Texas. When I married, Gabe ran off again to join the army. I think for a while he thought I'd deserted him. But it was just bad timin' more than anything. I was young and in love. Gabe was a fightin' man. He fought for some time in the war, and then I didn't hear from him for a long while. I didn't know if he was alive or dead. He never answered my letters. But I felt in my heart his spirit was alive. When you are close to someone, you can almost feel if the life goes out of them.
"Now he's come home. He's taken over this place and I'm glad as someone needs to keep it going. It's a good farm and he can make it good again. You stay with him, be true to him and he'll make you a fine husband, and you'll have plenty of children to fill this old house with."
Nadine felt her cheeks grow warm. She'd dreamed of being married to a good man with lots of children about since she was little. The thought of having children with Gabe sent all kinds of thrills through her, but she was under no illusion, Gabe didn't love her. She wondered if she could change his mind of her.
"Why is he so angry?"
For a minute Gerty didn't answer, then she pulled on Nadine's arm to come closer." A man like him. He's been places, done things. And seen the way people do. But I reckon you can make him softer, if you treat him right. He barks a lot, but he's a teddy bear."
"He's not in love with me Gerty." Nadine hung her head, she didn't want to see Gerty's face when she said that.
"Men seldom are when they first take a wife. Love comes naturally, if you stay together long enough. You'll see. He's not the kind to stray to other women. He'll protect you. Why…from the time he was old enough to hold a gun, he tried to protect me, and he did a right good job of it too."
Nadine smiled at her, and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "He's quite handsome."
Gerty smiled and went back to sleep. The food wasn't touched, but there was a content smile on Gerty's face as she closed her eyes.
Nadine worried over her. She closed the door so she could sleep. Then she went outside and killed a chicken, brought it in, de-feathered it and made a big pot of chicken and dumplings. Gerty slept a long time and it gave Nadine some time to get things done.
Before Gabe came back in, she tried once more to feed Gerty.
"Did you make this?" Gerty asked.
"Yes, do you like it?"
"It's very good. You’re a good cook." Gerty smiled. "One of my favorite meals."
"Let's eat some more of it, then, okay?" Nadine encouraged her. Perhaps if she could get her to eat better she'd gain her strength back.
Gerty took a couple of sips, wiped her mouth and laid her head back on the pillow. "I'm pretty tired. I think I need a nap."
"But honey, you just had a nap."
"I guess I'm just more tired today." She glanced up at Nadine and smiled.
"Alright, want me to pull the curtains?" Nadine asked moving toward them.
"No…" Gerty nearly shouted. "I want to look outside."
"Okay." Nadine smiled. "I'll just get your medicine then."
"You do that…" Gerty said and stared out the window.
Nadine went to get her bag that she kept the medicine in and a spoon, then she went back inside the bedroom. But she dropped the bottle on the floor when she saw Gerty's expression, and her hand hanging over the bedside. Just from those unseeing eyes, she knew she was dead.
She screamed. Her heart pounded like a hammer. She just stood there and stared, screaming.
Gabe came running inside.
Gabe looked from her to Gerty. Instinctively, he turned and took Nadine in his arms. Nadine found comfort there.
"She's…gone!" Nadine exclaimed, shaking with tears.
Gabe moved to look at his sister. He moved into the bedroom, walked up to her bed. He closed her eyelids and covered her head. He stood beside her bed a long time, not saying anything, just holding Gerty's hand.
Nadine stared at him, as tears ran down her cheek.
When he moved away and came into the kitchen where Nadine sat at the table trying to compose herself, he put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.
"We knew this was coming. She's with the Lord now. Let's eat, and then we'll bury her."
"Don't you want her friends to come see her?" She asked softly. "Don't you want a funeral for her?"
"No…Gerty didn't want anyone seeing her dead. She wanted them to remember her alive. Said she couldn't help how she felt about it. When she was a kid, one of her favorite friends died and she saw her in the casket and it scared her witless. So that's how it will be. We done talked it out last night. It was almost…" He glanced at Nadine now. "Like she knew she was fixing to die. I sat there for hours, holding her hand, listening to her talk about our youth."
"How late were you up?" Nadine asked.
"Very late. But I'm glad now. I had some good times with her, last night. We talked about all the good times we had when we were kids. I even got her to laughing a time or two. It was a good visit. All the troubles we had as we got older. Then she told me how she wanted things. At first I tried to argue with her, but she made so much sense, I couldn't. We'll let her friends know she died and they can come to the grave to visit her if they want. But she wants singing and praising the Lord. That's what she said she wanted. She was going to Glory Land. And she was ready."
Nadine reached for his hand and covered it with her own. "I'm so sorry…and yet I'm happy for Gerty."
Gabe nodded and glanced at her hand over his. "I'm glad I made it home to talk to her. It sets my mind at rest about it. And it eased her pain…I think."
"I know it did. We actually prayed you'd return."
He glanced at her. "Both of you?"
"Yes, both of us. Gerty and I were good friends, and what she wanted, I wanted." she remarked.
"She told me about how good you'd been to her. How you walked out from town everyday to be with her. According to her, you've doctored half the people out this way. She bragged about you, every day."
"I did what I could. But sometimes it's just not enough."
This was the most Gabe had talked to her since she came and she needed his words today, because d
eep inside she already missed Gerty terribly.
Then Nadine fixed him a heaping bowl of dumplings. Gabe picked at his meal. Not knowing what to say to him, she remained quiet.
That evening Gabe dug the grave, he had already made the coffin but Nadine didn't know it.
"When did you make it?" She asked looking at the intricate work on the front of it.
"A few days ago. I knew it was coming, we both did. She told me what she wanted, so I made it just like she said. It was just hard to take. But this was made with love, Nadine." He explained as he lowered her into the ground.
After he covered the gravesite, he took Nadine's hand and he began to sing. His beautiful base voice shocked Nadine and she felt tears run down her face. He sang, "Shall We Gather at the River".
She put flowers on top of her grave and they stood there for a long time.
"I'm gonna miss her." Nadine said lowly.
"Me too." He cleared his throat.
They walked back to the house quietly together, holding hands and trying to reassure each other.
Chapter Four
Sunday came too soon for Nadine. She was nervous as a cat. Although she wanted marriage and children, she feared Gabe might never come to love her and she wondered if she was doing the right thing. But like Jo Ella pointed out, it could be the last hope for a husband, so she had to marry him. Besides, since Gerty's death she felt a bond growing between them. Perhaps it was only the sadness they shared, but it was something.
So she stood in the parlor, fretting over her decision to marry, glancing down at the beautiful dress, thinking of the last few days.
Black men were not too prevalent in Vada, what chance did she have of finding someone who would love her? Besides, in the back of her mind, she thought of John. Maybe she could…
Last Bride, Last Man (Book Three of the Red River Valley Brides Series) Page 4