Chapter Nine
They sat at the kitchen table, facing each other. She took his hand and held it steady.
"You got big hands," She said softly.
He stared at her. "What did you want to tell me?"
She looked into her eyes.
"John came by again." She said lowly, watching his expression for censure. Her fear of rejection asserted itself, as she waited for his reaction. She was practically holding her breath.
"Go on." He encouraged his face unreadable.
She folded and refolded her hands, in his.
She wished she knew what he was thinking. She wondered if somehow she hadn't created a trust between them when he was injured. But this was an ultimate test of that trust.
"I told him to leave." She wound a string of hair around her finger. As she waited for his reaction. "I told him that Martina's child was his and that he should claim it. And that I wanted no part of him now." She admitted, not daring to look straight at him yet.
Gabe studied her for a long silent moment. She could feel his eyes on her. Afraid of what she might see she didn't look up at him.
"How do you know that Martina's child is his?" He asked throatily.
Startled by his question, her eyes sought his now.
"She told me at the dance that they had…been together. I knew you hadn't been with her…so I assumed it was his. Perhaps I'm wrong."
"You believed me when I told you I hadn't been wither?" Gabe stared at the floor.
"Yes of course. You aren't the kind of man to take a woman in a field."
He rubbed the back of his neck and twisted in his chair. His brows knitted, his hands stretched over his kneecaps of his overalls. "I didn't know, but I'm glad you figured it out. And I'm glad you told me. I'm also glad you trust me enough to know it is not mine."
She touched his hand once more, her fingers looping in his once more. "I wasn't going to say anything about it, but you have a right to know. I'm sorry to tell you this way…but it is the truth. Martina does have feelings for you, but she obviously has feelings for more than one."
"I don't doubt it." He said casually. "I guess they are both alike in some ways. They are both very physical people. Martina never knew me. Not like you do. For if she did, she'd have realized that I would never compromise my marriage."
Nadine took a breath, her heart pumping madly.
"That's what I told him. I also told him to never come here again. That I didn't want to see him anymore." She moved her hand away from his now. "I meant it. I think he finally realized I was telling the truth."
"Are you sure about that?" He asked as his thumb moved her chin so she had to look at him.
"Yes." She said breathlessly. "When Martina told me, it was like someone opened my eyes. I realized that everything you had said was true. And I was ashamed. Very ashamed. So ashamed that I've prayed for forgiveness from God, now I ask your forgiveness. But I want you to know, I did not betray our vows either. John has been here, twice that I know of. He kissed me, he even touched me, but he did not take me."
She came to squat in front of him and looked into his eyes.
"Please forgive me…"
His hand cupped her chin now.
"We all sin, Nadine. Don't be ashamed. I'm glad you ask God for forgiveness, it means you are sincere. As far as Martina is concerned, I didn't know her and John had been together. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is you figured out who the real father was. And I have to thank you for that. Somehow her father must know."
"I doubt he'd believe it, even if you told him. I'd hoped John was a big enough man, to admit it, but I have my doubts on that too. You're not angry?" She asked staring at him.
He stood up and picked her up in his arms, whirling her around the room and smiling. "Nadine I am not an angry man." He said lowering her so she was staring into his eyes once more. "I don't want you to think I am. Just like you I want your approval too. You are my wife. No matter what happens, that is fact."
She smiled shyly at him. "It's a fact. But…you haven't made me your wife. You've treated me with distance. I don't feel like I belong to you, Gabe. And I want to…belong…to you!"
Her admission sparked something inside him, she saw the reaction, even though he hid it quickly.
"Why do you want a child?" He asked softly.
"To fill this house with love…" She blurted not daring to look straight at him.
"I see. Okay. But first we need to do something." He pulled her up and into the chair beside him.
"We are married that's a fact. And we have spent some time together. You are showing a lot of signs that you not only trust me, but that there could be feelings developing. Now, I know this isn't exactly what you want to hear, but I want us to get to know each other better, first. Before we consummate this marriage. I don't want doubts lingering in your mind. I want us both to be sure that's exactly what we want. Raising a child takes two people, not one. And if you have my child, it will be because you love me. And I will love both you and the child. If you don't want this, just say so."
She glanced up at him in surprise, "But I…."
"Please, hear me out on this. Every night after supper I want us to spend some time, talking about how we were raised, what we believe in, what we really want out of life. In other words. I want us to get to know each other. And…I think I should court you a bit before we make everything official."
She frowned, but he went on.
He raised a finger to her pouting lip. "We need to be together like a man and a woman who like each other first. A man and a woman getting to know each other. A man and a woman falling in love. It can be exciting, fun, and in the end, we can be happy. I'll bring you flowers, and presents. I'll take you out, show you off to everyone. I don't want to see you bitter in your old age because you settled for me. And I don't want to feel as though I married a woman that didn't love me. It's fair, isn't it?"
"You don't think we know each other by now?" She protested, her brows knitting in one fine line.
"Nadine, I know your past. And if you think on it, you have to admit, you became a whore and started making love without any form of courtship. You've never been courted, like a lady should be. I don't want you to miss that. I want to get goose bumps knowing how pretty you will love for me when I call. I want to hold your hand, I want to kiss you until you can hardly stand it any longer. I want you to dream about me…'cause I'll sure dream about you. But how could you have known about love, if you never found it? You had men, but you didn't love them. And John…that was lust. And I'm as guilty as you are about lust. I've had my fair share of them. I'm not ashamed of it, because now I can court you like you should be courted. I don't want to be in lust with you. I've been in lust before too. It isn't good. It isn't right. What I want more than anything is a relationship based on something less physical, but yet more meaningful. So I want to court you."
"You don't want to make love to me…I understand…" She nearly cried out.
But he touched her chin, and pulled her glance up.
"I want to make love to you more than anything in the world right now. Just because you've told me all the things you've done while I was gone. I want to love you because you are beautiful and I do lust after you a bit. But…first I want the pleasure of courting you like the lady you are…" He said in a soft voice. "Give me the pleasure of courting you like a woman should be. Then if you want to consummate the marriage I'll be more than happy to."
"How do you court your wife?" She huffed, her lip pouting.
"You take her places where you can be alone and talk. You call for her, you build a relationship based on trust, respect and love. I've had frivolous affairs throughout my life too. It's not that hard to get a woman to go to bed with you, Nadine, nor vice versa. But if a woman is happy just holding your hand, just walking at sunset, just dancing with you, then you are building a relationship that will last forever. That's what I want with you, and I hope you want with me."
&nbs
p; Nadine was quiet for a while, considering his words. "So we try courting for a while. How long?"
His smile spread across his face like nothing she'd ever seen. "Normally, it might take as long as two years. But we are already married and we already know a lot about each other. So I think three months ought to do it."
"Three months," she murmured.
"Three months." He reached for her hand and kissed it. It was the way he kissed it, slowly, as though he were making love to it, that had her staring. She felt his sinuous lips caressing her there and she stared in wonder. "And if we do this, and we decide we still want to stay married, then we will have a child." He declared. "Or many, if you like."
She nodded slowly, her eyes following him now. There was one tear in her eye, but she never let it fall. "Alright, Gabe, three months. But what happens if we fail?"
"Then we will have to do some talking about that." He frowned.
She nodded. "I'm willing to try. I do want babies. I want a houseful really. But…I know we sort of rushed into this marriage and neither of us was ready for it."
"No ma'am we weren't." He agreed, sitting down beside her now, his eyes sparkling into hers. "But we are getting ready. That much I already know."
"You're excited about this, aren't you?" She smiled thinking about it.
"Yes, I am. I feel like we both think it's important enough to do right. We both want things from each other, and we need to talk some things out between us. So…we'll start tomorrow, if that's alright with you."
She shrugged, still not convinced but seeing his enthusiasm did inspire her. "Why not?" She finally agreed.
"Let's shake on it, then." He held out his hand.
She took it, but he put her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.
"I thought we were gonna start tomorrow." Her voice went throaty.
"We are, just wanted to seal the bargain. With a man you shake hands, but not with a woman." He cast her a grin.
She chuckled. She liked the thought of being courted. It would be interesting to see where things led. And if that kiss on the hand was anything, the anticipation would be worth it.
Chapter Ten
The next morning, Nadine got up and prepared breakfast as usual. She wore a thin cotton dress that she liked doing chores in. Confidence licked her senses. Relaxed, she had fixed her hair with a ribbon, and looked at herself in the mirror. Her heart pounded when she saw Gabe taking his shirt off to shave. Looking at him, his hard, muscled body made her weak in the knees. Gabe was a well-proportioned man, and he had a walk that encouraged lustfulness. He was such a good looking man, she smiled to herself.
She found herself humming and in a good mood. The very fact that she and Gabe could talk like normal folks encouraged her.
Gabe came out of the bedroom with a smile on his face and hurriedly kissed her on the nose as he walked by. The kiss was a surprise and Nadine felt her heart jump at his actions. She grabbed her chest and smiled.
"Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes," She promised as she poured him a hot cup of coffee. Funny how a small peck on the nose could arouse interest, she mused.
"Sounds great." He nodded then glanced at her over his shoulder. "You sure look pretty in the mornin'."
She burst into a smile at his words. A kiss and an compliment had her anticipation growing. "Thank you," She set his coffee down in front of him.
He took a sip. "Have I got time to feed the chickens and slop the hogs?"
"If you want, sure." She nodded as she stirred the gravy.
"I'll be back soon, then." He left went about his morning routine.
"I'll keep it warm for you." She promised.
She turned to watch him leave and smiled to herself. She wasn't at all sure why she was so happy this morning, but it felt nice to finally talk to Gabe about their situation. She was flattered that he wanted to court her too. She'd never been courted. It was all new to her.
She finished breakfast and heard his footsteps on the porch. He cleaned his shoes off before he came inside, he had such clean habits she never had to scold him about it like she had her brothers growing up.
"I'm gonna butcher us a pig today and set him in the smokehouse. How does that sound?"
She poured the gravy into a bowl. "Sounds just fine. We can have some ham and bacon and pork ribs. I can do wonders with a pork roast too."
"Where'd you learn to cook so good?" He asked.
"Mama taught me. She started me young. I was settin' the table by the time I could carry the dishes. I always pulled up a chair beside her at the stove when I was little. She let me stir things. I would hand her stuff, like salt and sugar and seasonings. She could make a feast out of nothin'. Daddy always bragged that she could cook."
"So you and your mama did have some good times." He suggested.
Rethinking it, Nadine nodded, folded her lips together. "Until I started growin' up at least."
"Sometimes," Gabe bowed his head and ran his finger over the top of his coffee cup, "It's best to remember the good things, and forget the bad. The bible says you should forgive others. We all make mistakes."
She put the bacon and eggs on the table and hurriedly sliced some fresh tomatoes from her garden out back. She made it look nice and set it on the table for him as she brought the gravy.
"Good. I'd like to take you for a noon day ride in the wagon, if you can spare the time today."
"You would?" She asked surprised. "That sounds right nice."
"You need to know where our boundaries are and how much of this land is ours. You own half of it now."
"I do?"
"You do." He smiled pleasantly. "If you like you could pack us up a lunch and we could picnic"
Her eyes rounded warmly on his. "I would like that very much," She agreed.
"Fine, I'll pick you up at twelve then." He said and waited for her to join him at the table.
He glanced at all the food. "This looks good." He smiled sniffing.
She chuckled.
"You want to say grace?" he asked suddenly.
She fiddled with her napkin. "Grace? I don't think we ever said grace."
"Then it's time you did. A prayer for the food. It makes it go down better." He gestured with his hands.
"Well, I don't really know…any…."
"Then just say what is in your heart. God listens you know."
She nodded. "Alright." He took her hand in his and she closed her eyes.
"God, thank you for this food, and for keepin' us healthy enough to grow it. May it nourish our bodies. Amen."
"See, that was right nice." He said and squeezed her hand.
"Did I do alright?"
"Of course you did. You said what was in your heart, and God always hears what comes from the heart."
"Did you use to say 'grace'?" She asked curiously.
"My Ma did. She let me once, but I went on and on and she had to stop me. I wouldn't shut up." He laughed aloud. "I was thanking him for the hens, and the hen house and the fine huntin' dog we had and everything I could think of. She laughed and then shushed me. She never asked me to say it again."
Nadine giggled. "That had to be cute."
"Prayin' over the food makes it go down better." He encouraged her.
"Then we should make a habit of it." She agreed. "What happened to your folks Gabe? I mean I know you lost them when you were small, but what actually happened."
"It was one of those strange kinda things. Daddy was drunk that particular evening. It was late, he was celebrating getting his crop in. Mama didn't like how he celebrated and fussed at him a lot. He got it into his head he was gonna go for a ride and get out of the house. He said she fussed at him too much. Now normally he was a good horseman, but when he drank, Mama said he wasn't much good at anything. Daddy got his leg caught in the stirrups, the horse ran off with him before he could correct it. He must have drug him for a couple miles before he stopped. Daddy was gone by then, hit his head on a rock it looked like. He'd just bought the
sorrel from a neighbor. He hadn't ridden it much, and the horse didn't take to daddy too well as it were, especially when he was drinkin'. It took all night to find that horse, I was just a kid. Gerty was the one that found it. She could ride in her day. My Ma died of the fever a few years later. She missed my daddy I think. She might have yelled at him a lot, but she sure did miss him when he was gone. Gerty practically raised me. Guess that's why we were always so close." He folded his napkin in his lap.
"How old were you?"
"Pa died when I was five, and Ma when I was eight." He said as though he missed them.
"No wonder you and Gerty were so close." Nadine put her hand over his. "She was more a mother than a sister to you."
"That's true."
He looked at their hands and said nothing, just looked.
He finished his meal then cleared his throat, "Better get my work done if I'm takin' you on a picnic."
Nadine gathered the dishes and drew some water to wash them. "If you don't have time, it's alright."
"I'm takin' the time Nadine. Some things are important. Wear that pretty dress you made…" He leaned over her shoulder and whispered.
The act was intimate and encouraged a kiss, but he didn't kiss her. He merely stirred her senses. She shivered from anticipation of what might come.
Chapter Eleven
At noon, Gabe came inside, washed himself and waited for Nadine to come out of the bedroom. He had an old bottle of cologne that Gerty gave him the first time he went to church with her, and he sprinkled it around his ears. He had a bolero tie and white shirt with a brown jacket. He hadn't looked this good in a while, he decided.
When Nadine came out of the bedroom, she was wearing her new dress and his eyes drifted slowly over her with approval. It had a wide flaring skirt that dangled at her ankles and the bodice was tight and low. Her breast rose beautifully against its edge. As she moved, the skirt swirled about her. Her hair was done up on top her head, like when they married. She looked almost elegant.
Last Bride, Last Man (Book Three of the Red River Valley Brides Series) Page 10