Mia nodded at him, the older brother she never had, but always dreamed about. Placing the drink on the table, she exhaled loudly, the disappointment in herself overwhelming. Marty was right. She needed his help because she had no idea how to bring herself out of this downward spiral. Right now, she was hanging on to a frayed rope and each time she tried to pull herself up, the rope fell apart even more.
“Go back to your dressing room. Breathe. Relax. Then when we get out on stage, kick ass. Let’s start this leg of the tour off on the right foot.”
With a nod, she walked over to the door. “Thanks, Marty.”
“Anytime.”
She returned to her dressing room. Once inside, Mia rested against the door and closed her eyes.
“Breathe,” she chanted to herself, pushing all the thoughts out of her mind with each breath until she was visualizing the stage, standing at the mike and performing in front of the fans. She heard the music; felt the beat. Mia took her body through some of her moves and was so focused on her thoughts that it took a few tries for Allie to grab her attention.
“It’s time,” came Allie’s voice from the other side of the door.
Normally Mia would give a big speech before the show but wasn’t in the mood for one tonight. What she needed was a big group hug. She let her three bandmates pull her into their fold and felt the support they tried to give her. Even though it hadn’t been discussed amongst them, they knew she was in trouble—that she was upset about something. And, right now, they were there for her, giving her that much-needed support.
The lights went off on stage. Mia put her ear piece in while the band made their way on stage. She listened mindlessly to the soundboard operator’s chatter while she impatiently waited for her signal—the beginning of the song.
The music started with Marty’s guitar. Then the lights came on, dimly at first, giving her an opportunity to get to the center of the stage and her microphone stand without being seen. Then Todd’s beat joined the guitar. The moment Mia opened her mouth to sing, all the lights burst on and then flashed for a few notes of Clark’s steady deep beat. The drums and guitar were electrifying. She felt the adrenaline flow through her blood. She had a good feeling already about this show.
And she was right. Earlier, she’d been nervous about her energy levels after her run but thankfully that was a non-issue. She was on tonight and so was the band for each and every song.
Now that the show was over, Mia wanted to celebrate. She headed to her dressing room to hurriedly clean up so she could party, just like Marty promised. Whatever got her through that show was now gone. She didn’t want to be alone tonight.
Luckily for her, Todd came by while she got dressed. The guys didn’t really give her all that much privacy. Being walked in on was pretty common.
“Marty said we were going to party tonight?” Todd asked as Mia pulled on her jeans.
She laughed at his enthusiasm. Throwing on a see-thru button up blouse over a flesh-colored tank, she replied. “Yes. I heard that too.”
“Want to start early?” he asked, pulling a joint from his front pocket.
She smiled happily. “That is exactly what I needed today! Light that up!”
Mia watched him put the joint in his mouth and pull out his lighter. She was excited that tonight she would be feeling very good. After he took his first hit, she breathed in and smiled at the comforting smell of the marijuana.
“My turn, please?”
Todd handed the joint to her and with practiced ease, Mia placed it between her lips, tasting the bland paper and breathed in, filling her lungs and holding it for as long as she could. Then finally she exhaled, slowly, the smoke clouding her vision.
The first time she smoked pot she’d been sixteen. She used it to cope with the loneliness she felt and continued using right through high school and college and really didn’t stop after she graduated.
But then she met Ethan and hadn’t done any drugs at all. She did very well too, until this tour. Now she did it to curb the loneliness; the heartache she felt not being with Ethan. She also did it to stop herself from doing something even more stupid—like having sex with someone other than Ethan.
Todd and Mia each took one more hit before he extinguished the joint and slid it in his pocket. Mia snickered and lightly lowered her shoulder into his side. “Thank you.”
“Not a problem,” he said, smiling down at her. “Let’s go.”
They walked down the corridor to the green room when Mia realized something important. “Shit! We have to meet people tonight! Fuck! I didn’t think of that.”
“This is a time I’m so glad you’re the lead singer,” he laughed. She rolled her eyes at him and then burst into the green room.
“Hi everyone! Salut tout le monde! Comment allez-vous?”
“More French, please?” Marty asked after everyone shouted their greetings to Mia.
“Pas maintenant,” she replied.
“What’s that mean?” Todd asked.
“Not now,” she laughed heartily at poor Todd’s confusion.
Sitting down, Mia observed the room, her eyes trained on Todd. He seemed so relaxed already. He must have taken something else before the pot, she mused.
She’d been mingling for a little bit when she started to feel the familiar buzz she got from the pot, the tingling that felt like a thousand people touching her. She really liked the lights and how they moved. It should freak her out. Maybe at a time it had, but she’d been smoking pot for so long it no longer did. She knew they actually didn’t move. It only appeared that way.
Whatever.
It was cool as shit.
She smiled. Carefree and happy here she came. Well, not so carefree, but definitely happy and relaxed, and very hungry.
“I really want some poutine,” she announced to everyone.
“Why am I getting visions of you and another girl in my head?” Todd piped in.
“You’re such a perv! That’s not what poutine is. It’s food! Fries, gravy and cheese curds and I need it!”
“My parents own a poutine place,” a younger man offered hesitantly.
“Is it open? Is it close by?” Mia asked excitedly. It had been ages since she last had some of this Canadian delicacy.
“Yes and yes.”
“Let’s go!” Mia said, jumping off the couch.
Allie stepped forward, looking all stern. The past few months Allie had started to become more protective of her, like her very own Mother Bear. Mia really did appreciate it, but this month it had been too much. Like now. She knew Allie didn’t want her going out. Her eyes darted next to Allie and Mia saw Marty standing by her side, looking just as protective as Allie.
Ma and Pa of the 2008 Last Star World Tour.
“Can I, Allie? Please? I’m a French girl without French food!” she begged. Allie conferred with Marty for a few moments before finally agreeing.
“Yay! Thank you, Allie!” She was as happy as a girl whose father let her go on her first date.
“You better be ready for tomorrow,” Allie warned.
“Leave my schedule in my room.”
Then a group of about fifteen headed out in a few taxis and made their way to the fan’s poutine shop. Mia stuck with Todd and tried to stay away from Marty. He’d know if she’d been using. She followed close behind the fan, Noel, who mentioned the poutine shop.
“Hey Dad! You still here?” Noel called out.
“Yeah, have you brought me some hungry friends?” A rather tall, stocky man called out from the kitchen.
“Very hungry, sir!” Mia answered. Everyone laughed and then went to place their orders. Mia decided if she was going to have this, she was going to have bacon on it as well. What the hell! That could be the pot talking, too.
Mia sat down in a booth, truly enjoying herself. Everyone was laughing and joking around, but hanging around her was a cloud of discontent. She wasn’t that high that she didn’t see (and note) the words said between Allie and Marty.
The talking behind her back had been happening too long. No one said anything to her, well, except Marty tonight. She felt his eyes on her the entire time at the restaurant. On the way back to the hotel, he somehow managed to get her alone. She kept quiet on the ride back to the hotel and finally spoke as they waited in the elevator.
“That was so good, right?”
“Fabulous. That was a great craving you had,” he paused and turned towards her. “So, what are you high on, Mia?”
Goddamn it!
He knew.
Her eyes grew wide. Before she answered him, she took a deep breath to regroup.
“I am not high, Marty. I am merely buzzed,” she replied and when his eyebrows rose in the air, she added, “Marty, I’m fine.”
“It just seems like more and more days are like this,” he observed, guiding her out of the elevator.
“Have my performances suffered?”
“No, but …”
She cut him off. “But what? I’m coping the best I can.”
“You don’t need the drugs.”
“Says the man who sat by my side in New York and got wasted with me. Who has gotten high with me so often in the past.”
“Mia, what’s going on?” Marty asked, completely ignoring what she had just said.
She glanced down the hall and saw the safety of her room. She slipped her key out of her pocket and waited to speak until they reached her room. She unlocked the door and looked at him. “Nothing’s going on. Now I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow. I’ve got a busy day, according to Allie,” she said, opening the door.
He stopped her. “Mia.”
She shook his hand off her. “No, Marty. I’m fine. I just want to go to sleep.”
She could tell he didn’t want to, but he backed off anyway. “Good night, Mia.”
“Good night, Marty.”
Mia checked out of the hotel at noon and took a taxi to the arena. She wheeled her luggage to the tour bus and loaded it up. She chatted with the driver for a bit before he went to sleep so he’d be rested for the drive to New York overnight.
It was a cold but sunny day in Toronto so she decided to walk around, explore and, of course, shop. She had all her purchases shipped to Luke’s since most of it was for Kaitlyn anyway. The stuff that wasn’t, she’d pick up when the tour was over.
She checked her watch—quarter after three. She had interviews at four-thirty. Mia still had time to explore more, but she decided to just head back to the arena. Might as well be early for something. Making her way to the dressing room, she found Allie waiting.
“You’re early!” Allie observed happily.
“Shocking, right?”
“A little bit,” she admitted. She held up Mia’s phone in the air. “You forgot this here last night.”
“Shit!” she swore, reaching for it. “Thank you!”
“You received a message right before you arrived,” Allie said, giving her the phone. “Come on. Get in the chair. I’ll do your hair and makeup while you check your messages.”
“I love you!” she said as she sat down in front of the mirror. She loved when Allie did her hair. It always looked better.
Mia turned on the phone and quietly swore when saw all the missed messages. She hadn’t checked her phone since before yesterday’s show. There were a couple texts from Luke. Way too many messages, but she scrolled through them all, looking for only one name—Ethan. She kept going and there it was, at the top. Despite being mad at him for his lack of contact, a smile covered her face when she saw his name. She clicked on the message to read it.
Ethan
January 31, 2008, 345 PM
Tried to skype you last night. But you weren’t on.
She scrunched up her face in frustration. Why couldn’t he have tried texting or calling her before that? Especially after almost two weeks without any contact, she thought as she typed out a reply.
I was busy. Show last night. Maybe you should have, I don’t know, texted me to let me know so I could have been available.
What about tonight?
Can’t. On the road right after the show.
Tomorrow?
We can try. Let’s play it by ear.
Why did she type that? It sounded like she didn’t really care if they Skyped or not when that definitely was not the case. As she debated sending another text, his reply showed up on the small screen.
Send me a picture of you.
Mia regarded herself in the mirror. She looked ridiculous at the moment with her crazy hair and no makeup.
No.
Why not?
In makeup chair. Not a pleasant look going on right now. I look rather silly.
All the better.
She shook her head and laughed, then asked Allie to take her picture.
“Oh, God!” Mia remarked at her image on the phone before she hit send.
You look beautiful. I miss you so much.
A sad smile crossed her face. Then why didn’t he contact her? Each day his lack of communication hurt her more and more, chipping at her already fragile self and after all that, he just says he misses her. She just didn’t get it.
You know I was mad at you.
What? Why?
Because you haven’t responded to any of my texts in the past couple weeks. Because you didn’t text me when I arrived in Toronto. You always text me whenever I arrive in a new city. :(
Shit! I’m sorry, suga :(
You should be. I ran 8 miles yesterday to help rid myself of all this anger.
8? Wow! Way to go!
Yeah … well, I missed you.
I was wondering about that.
I miss you every single minute of every single day. I can’t wait until I can see you next.
Soon, suga.
I wish it was sooner. I need to see you.
Same here.
Sorry but I’m rooting for the other team Friday.
That’s not very nice.
Yeah, well, I’m being selfish. :( I want you with me.
I want to be with you too. But I don’t want to lose that game tomorrow.
:(((
It always led back to this – not seeing each other and Mia being sad and all alone. She had enough. Maybe he could come to New York this weekend. He normally didn’t have practice the couple days after a game, especially if they won. It was worth a try.
Could you try to come to NYC this weekend?
If I lose, I’ll be there, but I don’t plan on losing.
A sigh escaped between her pursed lips. In other words, don’t count on it. He didn’t plan on coming. Mia felt like she was begging and hated doing that. Wanting to cry, but not being able to, not with Allie here to tell him, she chose to not respond to him and checked her other messages. Then she finally returned to the messages from Luke.
Luke Stapleton
January 31, 2008 330 PM
Are you still mad?
Not at you.
He’s right here, wondering why you’re not replying to him, yet texting me.
“Fuck,” she said to herself.
“What?” Allie asked, curling another long strand of hair.
“I hate playing games.”
“Games are fun!”
“Not this one,” Mia said, looking at her phone. She purposely ignored Luke’s previous text.
So how’s your love life lately?
You know, you excel in avoiding difficult subjects.
Don’t I know that, Luke, she thought bitterly.
Have you gotten laid in Denver yet?
There you go again. And yes, I have. A few times.
Damn! I am very jealous. I want to have sex.
How’s that working out for you?
Ass.
Sorry.
I could have lots of sex too …
Mia …
I said could. I am not. That’s why it’s been 5 fucking weeks without it.
She heard the buzz of another message. Ethan. She closed out of her chat w
ith her best friend to see what her fiancé wanted.
Ethan
January 31, 2008 415 PM
Mia. Why are you ignoring me?
I am not ignoring you. I just have nothing left to say. You know how I feel. You know what I want. I can’t keep saying it anymore.
When he didn’t reply to her message, Mia turned off her phone. She placed it in her lap then closed her eyes.
That was not good. Not good at all.
The rest of the time until their arrival in New York was a blur. Mia couldn’t sleep on the bus so she wrote. She had been doing that a lot lately, trying to figure things out. Many of her thoughts, though, concerned her relationship with Ethan and they weren’t good. She truly was miserable. She couldn’t remember a time when she had ever felt this bad. Doubts flooded her mind. Did he still love her? Did he still want her? Things seemed so strange since she went overseas, even more so since she returned. Mia didn’t understand his distance. She appeared to be a second thought. Hell, that was being generous. More like the last thought. She didn’t feel a part of his life anymore. They talked, but they didn’t. It always went to the same thing lately—not seeing each other. They didn’t talk about what was going on in their lives.
Thoughts of her mother weaved their way into her mind. Dear mother had a habit of creeping into Mia’s thoughts when she was down. And was she ever down. The thought that Ethan would leave her just like her mother, her father, and Luke terrified her.
After their show in Rochester, the band boarded the bus and Mia checked the score for Ethan’s playoff game on her phone. The Flash won. She slumped down on the sofa and let the tears fall. She didn’t care who saw her break down like this. She was done.
That night, she fell asleep curled up on the sofa, a blanket tucked around her. Probably Clark’s doing.
When they arrived in New York City, Mia instructed Allie to wake her when she was needed. Mia laughed when she stepped off the bus and noticed it was the same hotel she stayed in the last time in New York. At least her suite was different this time. She dropped her bag beside her bed and crashed onto the mattress.
She woke to the sound of someone entering her room. Glancing at her watch, she saw that it was three in the afternoon.
Bring Me You Page 30