He rubbed his palm repeatedly against his forehead, his eyelids shutting tight. She studied his face and saw trouble brewing in his eyes when he opened them. “Mia, about Chicago …”
Damn it, she thought, her heart sinking to the floor. Will anything ever go my way? “I’m not going to like this, am I?”
“The Championship game is in Phoenix that Saturday you’re in Chicago and if things go according to plan, I’ll be in Arizona that entire week.”
She scrunched up her face in frustration, scratching at her forehead. This pissed her off. Her goal, the one she had been struggling to even get to, was now pushed out until she got to Indy, two weeks later.
“So, two things. I won’t get to see you in the Championship game and I will now have to wait until my shows in Indy to see you again? So it will be almost three full months since I last saw you!”
“Don’t get upset,” he said, trying to pacify her.
“Why the fuck not? Should I smile?” she yelled, cocking her head with a fake smile. “Is that what you want?”
“Mia, no, come on. I just want you to calm down.”
She laughed sharply. Thanks to Todd, hopefully she’d be doing just that tomorrow. But right now, that wasn’t happening. Too many thoughts crowded her mind. In the forefront, him and Kristen.
Taking a few deep breaths, she tried her best to push herself away from the edge. But his next words pushed her right over.
“Just think about what we did just a few minutes ago.”
“What we just did doesn’t make anything better!” she shouted, grabbing her head in her hands. “It’s all still there.”
She didn’t stop the tears this time. Mia wanted him to see them—to see her pain. Her chest ached, the pain like a boulder crushing her heart. She rubbed her hand above her breasts. It hurt to breathe. When did their relationship come to this? Why was it like this more often than not?
“Ethan … I can’t do this right now. I can barely function.”
“What do you mean, Mia?”
She whimpered at the dread in his voice. God, she didn’t want to do this, but she saw no other option. She’d had enough.
“I think we need to take a break … from us. All we’re doing right now is hurting each other, over and over again. I am a mess and I can’t handle it anymore,” she spoke quietly, finally giving voice to the rapidly growing musing that had firmly planted itself in her sub-conscious lately.
“Mia, this is not a good idea—”
“No, it’s—”
The sound of knocking on her door stopped her. She glanced at it and then Ethan. She had nothing else to say. Her body was numb. “Ethan, I’ve got to go.”
“No, Mia! We’re not done.”
The panicked look in his eyes would haunt her for the rest of her life. Her wavering smile was all she could muster in response before she moved her finger over her track pad to end the video.
She wiped at the tears and took a couple cleansing breaths, trying to calm herself. With her chin still quivering, she closed her laptop and got out of bed, throwing on her pink robe as she made her way to the door. She peeked through the peep hole and was surprised to see Todd. Tying the robe tighter, she opened the door.
“Hi,” she said, hoping he would not comment on her red, puffy eyes.
“You look good,” he said, toying with the robe. She swatted at his hand and warned him with her eyes.
“I come bearing a gift.”
“Already?” she exclaimed, her eyes wide in surprise.
“Yes,” he said, presenting her with the plain brown paper bag. “Gift-wrapped too.”
“You’re such a guy,” she said, putting out her hand to take the sack from him.
“And I am very glad you are a girl,” he said boldly, placing the bag in her hand. His look was full of sex and he was doing nothing to hide it. She quickly glanced down, a tad uncomfortable for she had just found her temptation.
“Todd,” she said in warning.
“I’m just saying, Mia,” he said, his voice smooth.
“Thank you for this,” she spoke, gesturing with the bag.
“You’re welcome,” he replied, heading for the door, but then paused. “You know, what’s in there, it’s more fun when with people. So call me.”
“I will, Todd,” Mia said, touched by the thought. She decided to play with fire again. Rising up on her tip-toes, she kissed his cheek, the desire strong to move a few inches and touch his mouth. She held her lips to his face longer than necessary. “Thank you.”
When she stepped back from him, she felt his eyes on her mouth. “Good night, Mia,” he said, taking a tendril of her hair between his fingers before slowly letting it go. She swallowed the budding desire down hard. How did she go from coming on her bed in front of Ethan to wanting something she shouldn’t in a matter of ten minutes? She needed him to leave.
“Good night, Todd.”
The smile he gave her was oddly soft and made her feel like he just touched her. Then he was gone.
She closed the door and sagged back against it. “Fuck!” she exclaimed. This was going to make the next five weeks pretty damn difficult. Seriously, why, after all these years, was she noticing Todd now?
Was it just the lack of sex or was it because of what didn’t happen in New York with Ethan and what almost happened between him and Kristen in Indianapolis? There would not have been a lack of sex to speak of if he had visited her this past weekend. He would not have had thoughts about Kristen; he would not have had dinner with her and entertained acting on those thoughts. God, she still couldn’t think the words. Ethan had thought about cheating on her. He planned on it. If he had come to New York, she wouldn’t be holding this heavy bag of drugs in her hands. She wouldn’t be finding Todd the least bit attractive.
“Stop thinking about Todd,” Mia muttered, pushing herself off the door. She placed the brown bag on the desk with one last look before heading back to the bedroom. Tomorrow. Tonight she would try to get the rest she needed … if her mind let her.
“No, no, no!” Mia screamed. She woke with a start, springing up into a seated position. Her eyes darted around the room, trying to figure out where she was. It all came back to her in a rush. Hotel. St. Paul. Not in the bedroom she shared with Ethan in Indianapolis. She really hadn’t found Ethan in bed with Kristen. It was just a dream. Hopefully it stayed that way.
She glanced at the alarm clock and the glare of the red four in the morning had her laying back down, burrowing into the bed with the comforter tight around her. She tried going back to sleep but Ethan’s words about his dinner with Kristen kept her awake.
How do you not know why you’re going to dinner with someone of the opposite sex? Ethan had thought about it and those thoughts intrigued him. He knew exactly why he went; he just didn’t know whether he would be able to go through with it. How far did he go? All he said was that he didn’t sleep with her. That could mean anything. He could have kissed her, made out with her to the point where sex would be next, but he stopped it.
Okay, so maybe he didn’t physically have sex with her, but the intent was there. He chose going out with that woman over seeing his own fiancée for the first time in weeks. That fact scared her. It also angered her.
Mia finally fell asleep a little before six and then slept on and off until noon when she finally gave up. She decided to go for a run. Maybe that would help her feel better; clear her mind. Pulling open the curtains, she turned up her nose at the snow that had indeed fallen overnight. But the skies were bright blue and the sun was out. The sidewalks were shoveled.
It shouldn’t be that bad.
The moment she stepped outside, she was shocked at how deceiving Mother Nature was. The wind ate through her clothing. The cold air nipped at any exposed skin. She ran about two miles before deciding to turn around. On her walk back, she spotted a nightclub. Maybe she’d have somewhere to go this evening. She felt like dancing. Maybe the guys would come with her. Maybe not, she thought
picturing Todd’s disarming smile. That could be trouble.
When she got back to her room, Mia quickly showered and then ordered herself a large lunch. While she waited for the food to arrive, she took one of the joints out of the bag and lit it up, taking a couple big hits off it.
A few hours later her high wore off and she found herself staring at the TV, thinking about the mess of her relationship. She kept mulling it over in her head.
Ethan had wanted to cheat on her.
Despite finding out about Kristen, they had a pretty nice time on Skype at first. It was a pleasant change of pace to just talk about normal things in their lives and not talk about their problems—to forget them, even for a short time.
Mia especially liked being intimate like that with him, having him tell her what he wanted to do to her, where he wanted to touch her. Better to masturbate with someone in her ear than by herself. But she had to be honest, it wasn’t enough. The whole thing left her wanting him even more, wanting the real thing. She wanted sex badly. To be touched. To feel him inside of her, making her scream in pleasure. She so badly wanted him to visit last week while she was in New York. She needed it, needed him to reassure her, to affirm his feelings for her.
But he didn’t show.
And now, Mia had doubt. Not a good thing to have.
Around seven, after she’d eaten dinner, she was sick of wallowing in all her crap. Time to go out and have some fun.
Changing out of her yoga pants and sweatshirt, she put on a pair of tight beat-up black jeans with holes above the knees, a baggy white scoop neck T-shirt with a rock and roll skull on it. On her feet, she wore a pair of black leather ankle booties with hot pink accents, studded with bold spikes.
Grabbing a couple of ecstasy pills, she put them in her back pocket and decided to go to Todd’s room. She remembered him saying that what he gave her was better with company and she needed that. She took her ID, a credit card, and some cash and stuffed that in her other back pocket. Mia headed to the door, but turned back, remembering her jacket. She slid it on and then walked out of her room to get Todd.
Rapping her knuckles on his door, she called out his name. Todd answered almost immediately, like he had been expecting her.
“Going somewhere?” he asked in lieu of a greeting.
“Remember how you said what was in that bag was better with company? I need company tonight.”
“What do you want, Mia?”
“Come dancing with me. Please? I need fun, and I need to feel good.”
She tried hard not to squirm while he studied her. “Okay. Give me a few minutes to change.”
After she entered his room, Mia paced around, full of nervous energy. “Hurry up and get ready because I’m taking this now,” she said, showing him the ecstasy pills. He stopped rummaging around his bag and regarded her, concern written all over his face.
“Mia, are you okay?”
“No. This is why I need this. I need to make that,” she said, pointing her arm down at her room, “go away.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Mia shook her head repeatedly, fighting the tears that threatened to fall, that she didn’t want. She had cried enough over the past few months. Tonight, she was moving past that.
Todd nodded before taking a pill from her hand and placing it in his mouth. She popped the remaining pill as he walked to the bathroom to finish getting ready. Time to forget, she thought as she swallowed, feeling the pill travel down her throat.
“Ready,” Todd called out a few minutes later.
They made their way out of the hotel undetected. All she needed was Allie or Marty to be out there, stopping them. She did not want that tonight. She needed to be social, to feel good.
She needed to forget.
Walking down the busy, snow-lined streets with Todd at her side, Mia did her best to retrace her run and remember the location of the club she’d seen. Maybe she’d thought she had seen it. Her eyes had been frozen from the cold and wind this morning. She decided to head a little further, even though her feet were starting to get super cold.
“I hate winter,” she muttered to herself.
“Mia, are you sure about this club?” Todd asked, his face red from the wind and cold.
“Just a little further,” she responded, trying to keep the uncertainty from her voice. Then a few minutes later, she saw the lights and smiled. She quickened her step, wanting to get into the warmth.
“There it is!”
Todd checked their coats while she headed to the crowded bar. She maneuvered her way into a small opening, near the bartender who smiled when he saw her. Not a good night to be a man at this bar, far too many men and too few ladies.
“Hi. What can I get you?”
“Hi,” she said, smiling back. “I’m going to be boring and order a cola.”
“Just a cola?”
“Yeah. It’s still early. I have plenty of time for the fun drinks later.”
Mia had been talking to the bartender for a few minutes when the rush finally coursed through her. Her mood changed. She felt joy. Relaxed. She smiled and enjoyed it while she people watched. The light in the club fascinated her. Heck, she needed to dance and to do that she needed a partner. Where the hell was Todd?
Mia didn’t flinch when she felt strong hands on her waist and warm breath against her ear. It felt wonderful.
“Gonna dance with me?”
She smiled as she recognized Todd’s mellow voice and nodded. “It would be my pleasure.”
He took her hand, the contact sending jolts of pleasure to her brain as he led her through the mass of people to a spot on the floor. Todd pulled her to him, her body colliding with his, her chest against his, her hips touching his. Lifting her hands in the air, Mia swayed to the music.
She’d been dancing with Todd plenty of times, but never on E. It was intense, beautiful. He made her feel alive. Mia didn’t feel like a second thought. She felt like his only thought.
His eyes were on her as were his hands. Those beautiful hands that made the beat for her music. His almost touches were driving her crazy. She wanted his hands on her breasts. She missed that intimate touch. She craved it.
When his hands trailed their way up from her waist to the curve of her breasts, where he boldly lingered, Mia moaned loudly. It felt way too good.
Todd eventually moved his hands away from her breasts and traveled up her arms to join her hands in the air. Her body hadn’t felt this alive in a long time. Todd liked to use his hands and Mia enjoyed how they made her feel.
They continued to dance, enjoying each other’s company, each other’s touch. They probably danced to a dozen or more songs when he took her hand and led them back to the bar. “Break time,” he said, smiling at her.
He ordered them some drinks and they talked. They discussed lots of little things, especially their time in Australia, both missing the warm weather and sandy beaches. There was also a lot of flirting and touching happening between them. She wasn’t thinking about what was right or wrong. The social rules were out the door along with her inhibitions. She felt elated, happy and very turned on thanks to a little white pill.
Todd sat on a stool and Mia stood between his legs, resting her hands on his thighs. She looked up at him and smiled, so thankful that he came with her tonight. Raising herself up on her tip-toes, she placed her mouth near his ear. “Thanks for coming with me tonight.”
“Night’s not over yet,” he replied, his hot breath making her wet.
She pulled back. “No. It’s not,” she agreed as he regarded her mouth. Todd wanted to kiss her and she wanted to make sure it happened.
Her hands moved to his smooth cheek, her thumb tracing his lips. His gaze traveled over her face and settled on her eyes. She wanted to taste him. Without a care, Mia did. She rose up and placed her lips on his. A faint taste of his favorite sugary lime soda greeted her when her tongue licked his lower lip.
Pulling her closer to him, he kissed her in r
eturn. His tongue darted into her mouth, playing with hers, engaging it in another kind of dance. She was kissing Todd and it wasn’t strange. It felt amazing.
Her hands traveled from his face to his hair. She couldn’t miss the unmistakable bulge straining against his jeans. She ground her hips against his hard cock, causing him to moan in her mouth.
His lips traveled to her ear. “Do you want to get out of here?”
She didn’t think of whether she should do this. She wanted it. “Yes.”
Ethan
St. Paul, February 2008
Ethan walked off the plane and made his way out of the St. Paul airport to the promised limo. Thank you, Allie, he thought, hurrying out of the cold. After his talk with Mia, he quickly made plans to get to her so they could talk in person. He had made a terrible mistake not visiting her in New York. A huge mistake.
How could he have even considered doing something like that to her? What the hell had he been thinking? He hadn’t. He’d been an ass. He’d been mad. She’d been acting like she hadn’t cared one way or another that they were apart—partying, clubbing, being photographed with random men.
Yes. He’d been jealous, but the anger. That surprised him.
As he saw more and more of the news coming from Australia, Ethan couldn’t bear to talk to her. He did not have a good hold of that anger and didn’t want to direct it towards her.
Not all his anger was because of Mia. He had been frustrated with not being with her, with his far from great season. He did his best to focus his anger towards his game but there was just so much of it. So he stayed away from her. He became distant until he could cool himself down.
He focused on practicing; preparing for each week’s game. Now the Flash were at the point that if they won all of their remaining games, they would be in the championship game. After his horrendous start, the possibility of that happening amazed him.
Time got away from Ethan … and from Mia it appeared. When she finally tried to contact him, it was through Luke and man, did that piss him off. When he tried to Skype her later, she had been out, partying. That brought back all the anger that he had worked so hard to tamp down.
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