Church Whore

by Faith

  During the PUSH service Deacon Watkins got up to sing. Everybody looked over at each other because Deacon Watkins couldn’t carry a tune even if it was strapped to his back.

  I’ve had some good days

  I've had some hills to climb

  I've had some weary days

  I've had some sleepless

  Nights

  But when I look around

  And I think things over

  All of my good days

  Outweigh my bad days

  So I won’t complain

  The members of the church tried their best not to chuckle as Deacon Watkins butchered the song I won’t complain. He closed his eyes as he strained singing the lyrics. He tried doing runs with his voice but it was so horrible that Mama Eloise gave her dear friend Bernice Watkins, Deacon’s sister a look. That meant shut your brother up. So Bernice stood up and started singing the classic “There’s a leak in this old building.” The congregation immediately joined in and sung along with her.

  There's a leak in this old building and my soul

  has got to move

  My soul

  has got to move

  My soul

  has got to move

  There's a leak in this old building and my soul

  has got to move

  to another building

  A building not made by man's hands

  By the time they finished singing the church was all in the spirit. Unlike her brother, Sister Bernice had a lovely voice. The church was a nice combination of young and older people. The older people in the church always came to the PUSH services.

  People got up to give testimonies of how God had moved in their lives while others sang a song that was on their heart. Mama Eloise stood up and gave a testimony on how God is still moving. Then she started to sing the old Albertina Walker classic Lord Keep Me Day by Day.

  Lord, keep me day by day,

  in a pure and perfect way.

  I want to live, I want to live on

  in a building not made by hand.

  Lord keep my body strong

  so that I can do no wrong.

  Lord, give me grace just to run this

  Christian race

  to a building not made by hand.

  I’m just a stranger here,

  Traveling through this barren land.

  Lord, I know there’s a building somewhere,

  A building not made by hand.

  Mama Eloise had a strong voice, much like Elisea’s, and she put a hurting on that song. As the spirit filled the church people began to shout and speak in tongues. Lizzie found the PUSH services to be a little boring but this time the church was on fire. Even Elisea seemed to be enjoying herself and the only reason she was there was because her mother told her to be.

  Mama Eloise looked at her boys sitting on stage in their respective seats and she was pleased as to how the service went. Mama Eloise got up to speak. She said she felt like she needed to remind her children that sometimes all you have to do is PUSH! Pray until something happens, pray until God moves, pray until your heart is no longer heavy. She said she knew her children found these PUSH services to be redundant but Mama Eloise said she had been there and done that. She had seen a lot and lived through even more. Mama Eloise told them that knew the power of prayer. She knew about spiritual warfare and covering herself with a prayer shawl for hours waiting on God to move in a particular situation. She said these young folks have moved away from the praying heart. They don’t know about the power of a praying mother because life has been too easy for them. They don’t know about prayer being the ONLY thing that you can do because you have shackles on your feet so you can’t move. They don’t know about being so stuck you feel like you’re in quick sand.

  The congregation stood up and clapped as Mama Eloise spoke. All the Blanks clan looked at each other as they saw the congregation’s response to what their mother had to say.

  Someone in the congregation hollered out “Tell it!”

  Bernice hollered out “Whamp!”

  Lizzie and Elisea had to cover their mouths because they could no longer hold in their laughter at Miss Bernice busting out with her “Whamp.”

  The PUSH service ended up being a success and Mama Eloise was pleased.

  ________

  Edward came out of the grocery store and was getting into his 2015 Land Rover Range Rover Sport and he saw a picture on his windshield. It was a picture of him and Felicia coming out of a restaurant a few days earlier. Edward studied the photograph and looked around to see if anyone looked suspicious.

  Edward got in his car and drove off when a text alert came up on his phone.

  DID YOU LIKE YOUR PICS?

  Edward didn’t recognize the number. Who could be playing silly games like this? Edward tried to shake it off. He headed home because tonight was his night to cook dinner.

  Since Felicia had become pregnant she craved greasy foods, spicy food and soul food. Edward fried up some pork chops, fried okra, macaroni and cheese with pepper jack cheese, which has been one of her favorites. Edward was cooking away when Felicia burst through the door.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” Eddie took the macaroni and cheese out the oven and wiped his hands on his apron.

  “Somebody keyed my car!” Felicia threw her briefcase on the couch and plopped down next to it.

  “What you mean someone keyed your car?” Eddie immediately thought the text and photograph that was left on his car.

  “Just what I said, Eddie… somebody keyed my damn car!” Felicia shouted.

  “Well I didn’t do it so don’t holler at me!” Eddie shot back.

  “Babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” Felicia got up and walked over to Eddie and kissed him on the cheek.

  “I hope you’re hungry, Babe, I cooked it up!” Eddie washed his hands and fixed Felicia’s plate.

  Felicia went to the restroom. The baby had her bladder on swole. She washed her hands and sat down at the table to eat.

  “Babe, this looks so good, I’m hungry as a hostage.”

  Eddie fixed his plate, grabbed two ice cold waters out of the freezer and he sat down at the table. He reached out for Felicia’s hands and he blessed the food. They talked about their day. Eddie left out the incident with the texts and the picture. Felicia talked about finding her car all keyed up. Eddie wanted to tell her but he didn’t want to upset her any further since she was pregnant.

  Eddie told Felicia that she could drive his car the next day and he would take her car to get fixed and not to worry about it. He told her it was probably just some kids playing around. Felicia took his word for it and tried to dismiss the incident.

  Chapter 11

  Deacon Watkins was hitting Dee up doggy style. She was ready for him to bust a nut but for some reason he was taking forever. Dee was thinking about what she was going to buy with the money he had given her.

  “Oh Dee, you feel so good baby.”

  Dee rolled her eyes up in her head. She grabbed her phone to check the time. Dee backed it up on Deacon Watkins hoping that he would hurry up and cum. Dee could tell Deacons old ass breathing had changed. So she really worked that ass on him and in seconds he screamed out.

  “Chee Chee Chee Chee Chee.” Deacon Watkins let out his mating call and Dee shook her head at the silliness of it. If she wasn’t so disgusted by him she would find the humor in it all. Deacon Watkins fell out across the bed from exhaustion.

  Dee got up and went into the bathroom to freshen up. They had a date at the bank and Dee wasn’t going to waste another minute.

  “Come on, let’s go.” Dee commanded as she came out of the bathroom.

  “Hold up baby, let me catch my breath.”

  “Look, I have things to do today, we need to go now, and I don’t have all day!”

  “Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you always so grumpy? I try to please you in every way. I bought you a new cover for your sterning wheel with the matching seat covers a
nd floor mats.”

  “First of all, I didn’t ask you for that and what the hell is a sterning wheel? You mean a steering wheel?”

  “That’s what I said, a sterning wheel.”

  “Jesus!” Dee rolled her eyes at Deacon Watkins.

  “I’m getting up since you won’t let an old man rest a bit.” Deacon Watkins got up and went into the bathroom.

  Dee stared at her phone every two minutes until he came out of the bathroom. She huffed and puffed while Deacon seemed to take forever to get dressed. After he finally dressed they left out and went straight to the bank. Deacon Watkins withdrew the bulk of his check and handed the money over to Dee. Dee quickly dropped him back off at his house and she couldn’t wait to hit the mall up before going home.

  ________

  Jezebel had made herself comfortable in Edmund and Tricia’s bed. She had been spending the night over there a few times a week. Jezebel heard the front door open.

  “Edmund baby, come on and get this good pussy. I’ve been waiting all morning.” Jezebel laid out spread eagle and butthole naked on the bed.

  Jezebel almost fainted when she saw Mama Eloise standing in the doorway of the bedroom. “Jesus!”

  “Call on someone you know chile! And what the hell are you doing in my son’s marital bed?”

  Jezebel grabbed the covers to cover up her nakedness.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I was expecting Edmund.”

  “I see, but you’ve got to go and I mean now. My son is a married man and you know that, so shame on you. You young girls need to realize that being a Church Whore doesn’t get you anywhere but a trip to the clinic. My son does not love you, he has a wife for that. You will only be whore material to him. Now get the hell out of my son’s house.”

  Jezebel jumped up with the quickness. Men she had no problem handling but a woman, and a strong woman like Eloise Blanks, could see right through her. Jezebel got dressed and headed towards the door with Mama Eloise right on her heels.

  When Jezebel opened the door Edmund was standing there with his key in hand about to unlock the door. Edmund eyes became huge as he saw Jezebel shoot past him and his mother standing behind her.

  “Boy, get your ass in here!” Mama Eloise said pulling him inside.

  Mud knew his mama was mad when she cursed. He let out a sigh because he knew he was about to get the business.

  “Mama, I can explain.”

  Mama Eloise slapped the Holy Ghost out of Mud. “Mud, what the hell are you doing son? You have a whole wife back at my house that is pregnant with your child and you are laid up with a church whore? I wish I could take you over my knee but don’t get it twisted I will still get my belt. I don’t care how old you get if you screw up there will be consequences with me. Now I have tried to stay out of y’alls mess. I was hoping you would see things clearly and at least attempt to put your marriage back together but no, you’re out here frolicking around with this hussie! I raised you better than this boy! And your Daddy, God rest his soul, my dear husband would be so disappointed in you.”

  Mama Eloise stood there with her hands on her hips. Mud stood there with a dumb look on his face. His face was still stinging from the slap he just received.

  “Mama, I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, you’re sorry alright. If you don’t get it together I will kick you out of First Assembly MYSELF!”

  “Mama, you can’t do that.”

  “You wanna bet? I won’t have this I tell you! I won’t have this! Keep this mess up and you won’t preach another sermon at church.”

  “Mama!” Mud was hurt that his mother would kick him out.

  “Don’t Mama me. I will give you twenty four hours to make up your mind. Twenty four hours.”

  Mama Eloise grabbed her Michael Kors bag and hit him over the head with it before walking out and slamming the door.

  Mud sat there pissed off at his mother. He was sick of everybody. He thought about what Jezebel told him about how he needed to start his own church. He was a lot bigger than First Assembly. Jezebel was right, he needed to break away from his family in order to grow.

  ________

  Mama Eloise met up at Bernice Watkins house for their weekly gossip session. When Eloise arrived, Bernice and Madear were already sitting on Bernice’s wrap around porch, drinking fresh lemonade.

  “Y’all, I need more than lemonade today ladies. I need a shot of vodka in mine.” Eloise said coming up on the porch.

  “You ain’t said nothing but a word sister, I’ll be right back.” Bernice disappeared inside of the house and came back with a glass half filled with vodka and ice.

  Eloise sat in the rocking chair on the porch.

  “What’s got you all troubled, Eloise?” Madear asked her.

  “I swear my kids are going to be the death of me. I really think they’re trying to kill me.” Eloise explained.

  “Calm down sister!” Madear said.

  “Whamp!” Bernice shouted out.

  “Tell us, what’s wrong, sister?” Madear took a sip of her lemonade as she waited for Eloise to speak.

  Eloise went through what she just witnessed at Mud’s house and she shared with them about Tricia living with her.

  “Those damn Harlot sisters are something else let me tell you. That one with the glasses, Delilah, has her hooks so deep into my brother, you wouldn’t believe it, and this fool is giving her all his damn money.” Bernice shook her head thinking about it.

  “Get out!” Eloise said pouring some lemonade into her vodka.”

  “These women seem to have spirits on them and not the good kind either.” Madear added.

  “Madear, I’m sorry, I’ve only been thinking about myself. How are you holding up since the accident?”

  “I take it one day at a time. I’ll be alright though. How’s Edem doing?”

  “I wish I knew, he’s pretty much shut most of us out. I don’t want to push the issue so I’m trying to give him some space, but I worry about him so much. I know he’s probably not eating or sleeping well. Then I heard he got a motorcycle. Like I said, I think these kids are trying to kill me.”

  “Eloise, you can’t let ya’ babies drive you crazy. Whamp!

  “Eloise, you know I know what you’re going through but sometimes you have to let them fall and bump their heads a few times. All the mess my grandbaby Tyreke and his wife Memory went through when all they had to do was give up some names. They wanted to do things their way, and all I could do was be there for them.” Madear told her.

  “I know, but it’s hard when you see your children going the wrong path.”

  “All you can do is pray about it because intervening may not help at all.” Bernice knew how controlling Eloise was and she didn’t want her trying to help backfire in her face.

  “So what are we going to do with The Harlot sisters?” Madear asked.

  “I’m going to do some investigating because they just popped out of nowhere. Nobody knows much about them… Whamp! So I’m gonna do some digging then we can take it for there.” Bernice was so into what she was saying she didn’t catch the looks between Eloise and Madear trying not to laugh at her saying Whamp.

  “Sounds good to me.” Eloise said as she shook her glass to get the very last drop of her drink.

  The ladies sat and talked for close to three hours. Eloise decided that she would try not to interfere as much but her friends knew that she was lying. Eloise even started to think about going to The Harlots house and having a talk with their mother. She wasn’t sure if that was the route that she wanted to go or not.

  ________

  Tamar sat in her car snapping pictures of Felicia as she arrived at work. In Edwards car none the less. What did he see in her anyway? Tamar thought about running her over but decided not to. After Felicia disappeared into the building, Tamar left to go get some supplies.

  She went to the closest Walmart and got plenty of snacks to eat and drink, Depends adult diapers and when she left out of the store she filled three g
as cans up and put them in her trunk. Tamar was prepared. She had a portable printer in her car so he could easily make flyers to taunt them with. She went back and kept vigil of her target. Damn, Tamar regretted not taking any sexual pictures of Edwards that she could blast over everywhere.

  Felicia left work and as soon as she got to Edwards car she saw the flyer on the windshield. It was a picture; one of their wedding pictures, and under it said it should’ve been me instead. Felicia examined the flyer and looked around the parking lot. She got in Edwards car, pulled her cellphone out of her purse, called him and told him about the flyer on her windshield.

  “It’s evident that someone is following me because this being your car that I never drive, they had to see me in it.” Felicia was now becoming frantic.

  “Baby, calm down, just come on home. Everything will be alright I promise.” Edward started passing the floor trying to think of how he wanted to handle it. He had a feeling it was Tamar but he needed proof.

  Felicia drove off in the direction of their home. She was in a paranoid state so she thought that every vehicle behind her was out to get her. She didn’t want to jump on the E-way so she took the side streets. She figured that way she could see if anybody was following her. Edward stayed on the phone with Felicia so she would calm down some. A block away from their home Felicia felt a big jolt. Someone hit her from behind.

  “Aaah!” Felicia screamed. She checked her rearview mirror and didn’t see a set of headlights.

  “What happened?” Edward grabbed his keys and slipped his Nike sandals on.

  “Somebody just rear-ended me.”

  The car behind her rammed into her again.

  “Where are you, Fee?”

  “They did it again. They’re trying to kill me. Ahhh! They hit me again.” Felicia screamed.

  “Baby, where are you?”

  Felicia was crying hysterically at this point. She just wanted to get away from the driver so she ran through the red light and was able to get away.