by Kenna Bardot
“Miss Shaw, can you tell me when you last slept?”
“Just after the Loyalty Trial,” I admitted.
“That night?” She wrote on her pad, but I saw no judgment on her face, heard none of it in her voice.
I nodded, feeling Cel go rigid beside me.
“And you’ve not slept since, I presume?”
A shake of my head. “I-I see it,” I whispered. “Over. Over and over. I don’t want to anymore.”
She nodded, matter-of-factly. “If I gave you a draught that would propel you to a sleep free from those dreams, would you sleep then?”
I nodded, eyes wide.
“Good. That’s good.” She stood, gathering a vial from the supply cupboard, and turned to Cel. “Do you stay with her at night?”
Cel chuckled and rubbed a hand over his hair. “I’d be murdered if I even attempted to knock on her door.”
She threw me a meaningful glance but smiled. “But she does have someone who stays with her at night, I presume?”
I did not bristle at the way they talked about me like I wasn’t there. Like I couldn’t hear.
“I suspect, yes. One of her boyfriends,” Cel returned.
“Give this to him. She should only take a small sip before bed. It acts at the proper time and too much is harmful so a careful hand is necessary to ensure proper dosage,” she explained, handing him the small vial full of a cloudy blue liquid that shimmered green in the light. “Seeing how she hasn’t slept for a while, she can take up to two doses today. One as soon as she is in her room so she can sleep as I’m ordering her not to return to class, and the second tonight should she wake up so she can sleep well until tomorrow.”
She turned to me. “I know you hear me as well, Miss Shaw, so be sure that I will be checking on you. That being said, it is best if you follow my orders. And you, Mr. Castelo I trust you will follow mine,” she addressed Cel.
Cel nodded and tucked the vial into his pants pockets. He took my hand and guided me from the ward without another word. We reached my room quickly, it was nearer to the ward than the classroom had been. It also helped that I wanted to be there as soon as possible.
Closing the door behind him, Cel ordered, “Change for bed.”
I nodded and walked towards the bathroom where I changed into my cami and shorts before snuggling into Emerson’s sweatshirt.
When I walked out, he pulled the vial from his pocket and pulled out the stopper. I stepped up to him, motioning for the vial, but he slipped it away.
“Just a small sip,” he said, pressing the vial to my lips. I tipped my head back, allowing him to pour the sweet syrup between my lips. I swallowed eagerly, content in the knowledge that I’d be able to sleep safely.
Sitting down on my bed, Cel put my pillow on his lap and pulled me to rest my head there. I hesitated, but when he pulled my hair free from it’s confining ponytail and stroked it with his fingers, I settled in to the feeling of it. Barely a whisper of a touch. I was so numb, I hardly felt it, but I took comfort knowing it was being done. This time, the medicine worked quickly, and I felt my eyes drift close.
“Sleep, Little One. I’ll keep you safe until your guard appears.”
I let out one last sigh, and found peace in the nothing of a dreamless sleep.
Seven
Kaia
I woke, eyes flung open, and I felt truly aware for the first time in days. I breathed deep and felt the world somewhat align. Something was still off, but I felt it, recognized it, instead of just hovering in an insubstantial fog.
Somehow, Cel had maneuvered me off his lap and onto the bed while I’d been sleeping. He now stood in the middle of the room with his arm around Emersom, rubbing his arms up and down.
“I just want to help her,” Emerson spoke in hushed tones, likely so as not to wake me, and I could hear the emotion clogging his throat. From my viewpoint, it was obvious his eyes were wet, though no tears touched his cheeks. “I just wish I knew how.”
“The sleep helps, so you can start there. I already told you about the doses. You make sure she takes them and sleeps,” Cel said softly, taking a deep breath and saying hesitantly, “Did you know she was avoiding nightmares?”
Emerson shook his head with a pained expression. “No, I was so worried I couldn’t think clearly, but I should have known. She just never talked about them. She doesn’t-she doesn’t talk, period. She doesn’t want to be touched, it’s like she isn’t even really here most of the time.”
“Just give her time. She needs you to be patient with her.”
“I wish somebody would tell me what happened. What the Hell is going on-” Emerson’s voice grew louder, and he ran a hand through his curls, which made them flop about his forehead.
“You know we can’t tell you, Ems. You’ll find out soon enough,” Cel cut in.
“If she could just talk about it-”
“I’m sure Docent Porter will talk to her when she’s ready, and she can always speak to me about what happened. We were both there, Emerson. We both saw what happened. Trust me when I tell you that you should never see her like that. As hard as it is to believe, this is a huge improvement,” Cel returned softly.
Emerson sighed with a nod, his breath making his bangs fly up as he blew out.
“Hello, Little One,” Cel said, turning to me. “Are you feeling better?”
I didn’t really know how he knew I was awake, but I nodded slightly, trying my best, though my head never left my pillow. I was still tired but no longer as numb. My sleep had been peaceful, and for the first time in what felt like forever I was looking forward to going back to sleep.
“Docent Porter is asking to see you when you’re ready,” Emerson spoke up as he stepped away from Cel’s hold with a guilty flush to his cheeks. “He said it was something about preparations for the next part of your individual Trial.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. In my trance I’d forgotten the passage of days.
I’d forgotten what tomorrow was.
“Out you go.” Emerson pointed towards the door, and Cel gave me a quick smile and salute and then left us in peace. “Later, then.”
“Do you want a shower?”
I shook my head no; I’d rather save it for when I was going to bed. I stood and Emerson helped me into my school uniform. The little touches and smiles he gave me were a better balm to the soul than any words he could have said.
“I can’t go with you,” he stated the obvious. “Gale said I can’t hear whatever it is that needs to be said.” He scowled at that, and I reached a hand up to cup his cheek in support.
“Thank you for being there for me anyway. As in the dark as you are. As much as I haven’t really been here, I really appreciate it, appreciate you,” I barely managed to croak out, my voice slightly rough from not being used. I let Emerson walk me to Gale’s room, even knowing he couldn’t stay.
I did it for him. I knew that he needed the time to be with me even when I didn’t say anything.
Giving me a quick kiss, he opened the door for me. I knew he would be staying to wait until I was done. I wrapped my arms around myself, taking a deep breath before walking in.
“Kaia,” Gale gave me his best smile, and I nearly winced from the falseness of it. I wished he’d just been his normal self, the somber and serious man I knew and loved - it was the truth I needed. But we both knew what we needed to discuss, because the next day I would need to sacrifice my father, after having only just lost my best friend. He came my way, taking my hands and guiding me to sit next to him on the bench in the corner.
“I know you’re in no state to do this. You have to know that I tried to push for an allowance of some kind, but the rules are clear. Especially with the golden Ink in you, contracting you.”
I nodded, because I did understand. Really. It didn’t make anything easier, but I knew there couldn’t be exceptions. “I understand.”
“What you missed after the Loyalty Trial ceremony, after that,” he tripped over
his words before he continued, “after all the students is that Zeevar appreciates when things come full circle. You each survived your intended death, which you were of course fated to do, and he enjoys when your first sacrifice is made in that same way. It doesn’t need to be, as sometimes circumstances make it impossible, but given the Headmaster’s intolerance of you, it would be a good idea to cater to that interest. There is a beauty in that balance, so it is something I strongly urge you to strive for. You were meant to drown by Alec Gaius’ Air and that would be the best route for your father but using yours.”
I closed my eyes on a grimace, wincing like I’d been struck a physical blow. “My father.” I buried my face in my hands. Hearing it spoken was jarring, a harsh truth.
“I know, sweetheart. I know.”
“How do I-” I paused, and took in a deep breath. “I want to make it as painless as possible.”
“Normally, I would advise those on a rebirth to remain unseen as most would not like knowing that the person responsible for their death is someone they knew, and perhaps loved, but given that he is your father, I think the opposite is in order.”
“What do you mean?” I drew an unsteady breath at what he was suggesting.
“Let him see you. If he loves you the way you say he does, and I believe he does, he will find peace in the fact that he is dying so his child can keep on living.”
I shook my head, standing and physically separating myself from Gale. He stared up at me, pity in his eyes.
“And you expect me to look at him in the eye when I kill him? Speak his name and tell him that I love him?” I trembled as anger pulsed through me.
“Yes. You need the closure that you’ll find in his acceptance,” Gale said simply. “The guilt will eat you alive if you don’t get it.”
“Maybe it should!” I hissed, my hand touching my aching throat. “Don’t I deserve to live with that guilt after I do what I’ve been tasked to do?”
“No, Kaia, you don’t. This is the way of things. As he is an adult, he will be sacrificed one way or another, and there’s no changing that, even if you were to make a stand. You will have done nothing that is worth feeling guilty about, and seeing your father one last time will show you that.”
“I can’t do it. How could I?”
“With a great deal of strength, Kaia. You have to and I’ll be with you. You won’t have to worry about being alone, okay?”
I nodded, letting my face crumple as Gale drew me into his arms and held me as tight as I needed him to, but still no tears fell even as my body shook. They hadn’t since I’d awoken after Lottie’s death.
I was certain they never would again.
✽✽✽
Emerson
Kaia and I returned to her room after dinner, - a dinner she hardly touched. She’d needed me to remind her to eat since Lottie died, but the outright refusal like she gave me tonight was new. After finding herself last year, precious Kaia had discovered a love for food despite remaining tiny.
As soon as the door closed behind us, she pulled her pajamas from the drawer.
“Not going to train tonight?” I asked, sitting on the bed.
She shook her head with a grimace. “Not tonight. Tonight I’d rather take another dose of that potion and just succumb to oblivion until tomorrow comes.”
“Ok then.” I walked over and took the vial, unstoppering it so she can take her sip. I tipped it up to her when she turned to face me and allowed her to take her dose.
“Do you want me to leave after I see you settled, since you’ve taken your dose?” I hated having to ask, but I’d do anything for her. Even something I didn’t want to do.
She turned startled eyes to me, and that pretty face shook as she stared with wide, panicked eyes. She didn’t speak, she didn’t have to.
“Okay. Okay, Kai. I won’t go anywhere,” I soothed her. She stepped into my arms, letting me wrap myself around her as she trembled. “Talk to me, Precious. What do you need from me?”
Her face contorted in pain, burrowing into my shoulder. “Just this,” she whispered. “Just you. Before the potion takes over, let me feel.” I squeezed her tighter.
“I’m sorry you got stuck with taking care of me. You of all people shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” I retorted. It was true.
She chuckled, it was a dark, mirthless sound. “You deserve better. You deserve the truth. I want to give you the truth.” Her voice, laced with so much guilt and pain, made my heart clench.
I turned my eyes down to her pale face. “Are you talking about the Trial?” She nodded wordlessly, and I blew out a ragged breath. “It’s really bad, isn’t it?”
“The worst.” She blew out a breath.
I shoved down the twinge of terror I felt, focusing only on the woman in my arms. “Are you coming back to me tomorrow?” I shouldn’t have asked. Shouldn’t have needed that answer, because knowing the truth wouldn’t change a thing. But I needed to know that she was coming back to me.
She stared up at me and gave me a sad smile with wet eyes. “I don’t know,” she admitted. It shouldn’t have mattered. She’d thought she would die time and time again in InkHaven Academy and surprised herself by surviving, but something in the quiet admission seemed more resigned - more vulnerable than I’d ever seen her.
And, in that vulnerability, she was never more beautiful.
“I know you would tell me the truth if you could, Precious. I don’t hold it against you.” I pressed my lips to hers gently, and she returned the action for the first time since she’d lost Lottie.
“I know you don’t, but I do,” she stressed, staring up at me with those heartbreakingly sad brown eyes.
“What can I do?” I stroked the delicate skin at her jaw and a shiver ran through her.
“Remind me what I have to come home to,” she murmured, keeping those big doe eyes trained on me. My lips found hers again, and I coaxed her to open for me. She did on a contented sigh, and as my hands ran over her arms I felt her Air reluctantly come out in trickles.
Connected.
I let my own Air out, meeting hers and allowing our magic to intertwine and twine around us. It drifted over my skin like a warm breeze, simultaneously comforting and exciting.
Her hands went to my shirt, breaking from my kiss only long enough to strip it over my head. Her tunic was next, but she made no move to remove her whip. She never parted from it anymore, it had become so fused to her that I imagined she didn’t even really feel its presence.
She tore her own sports bra off, pressing her naked breasts to my chest, and I groaned at the contact. The Air pushed me against her, quick and aggressive. It was a bit crude but effective - I met it head on.
I smiled even as I moaned. It had been so long since she’d let me touch her, and all I wanted was to wrap her in my arms and make her forget everything. The knock at the door made her jump, and I chuckled. A sheet flew around her awkwardly, swirling in the Air she produced from her fingertips and wrapping her up snugly. She sat in the middle of the bed; I shook my head at her before opening the door and found a welcome visitor. Gale’s arms were clasped behind his back and the hallway behind him was empty.
“How is she?” he asked, revealing just how concerned he was. I stepped aside, letting him into the room. His eyes widened when they landed on Kaia, and she gave him a small smile. “You’re just in time, Gaylord.” She smirked, the faintest taste of the Kaia I knew so well peeking through the grief that she’d been drowning in.
I missed her.
“Kaia,” Gale whispered, and the sheet flew off with a snap of red light from him.
She cast an amused glance over to where it had fallen and reached up before pulling his head down for a kiss. I locked the door, my eyes not leaving the two of them. Gale was particularly gifted with his mouth, his tongue capable of all sorts of wicked tricks. Kaia moaned her appreciation into him, and he wrapped his hands around her as he moved t
o sit. She tugged back, shucking her pants down her legs and reclining into the pillows. Gale grinned at her, spreading her legs to stare at the delicate pink flesh that drove us all crazy. She shut her legs when he leaned forward, and shook her head. Her hand slid between those thighs, and I watched her fingers circle her clit slowly as her eyes darted back and forth between us.
“I want to watch the two of you.” She nibbled her lip and in that instance, I would have given her anything.
“Dirty girl.” Gale chuckled at her. Stepping up to Gale, I helped him unbutton his shirt, and slide it off his shoulders. My lips found his neck, peppering light, teasing kisses all the way down and over his chest.
✽✽✽
Kaia
“Spread your legs, Thief. We want to see what you’re doing.” Gale’s voice deepened to that sexy, rough quality it always took as Emerson unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down his legs. Gale struggled to kick his pants off quickly when they got caught on his boots, and Emerson gave him a commiserating chuckle. His hand wrapped around Gale’s length, the biggest of all my men, and tugged on it, already rock hard in his hand.
My fingers played with my clit slowly, delicately, mostly enjoying the show as Gale helped Emerson out of his pants and returned the favor. The sensation shot through me, something different from the empty numbness that had dominated my existence lately.
Their lips met for a slow, easy but sensual kiss as they enjoyed each other at a more peaceful pace in the absence of our more dominant men. Watching them jerk each other off while they kissed made a fresh surge of want tease through me, and I wiggled on the bed. Gale gave me a knowing smile and dropped to his knees in front of Emerson. Emerson groaned before Gale’s mouth even touched him, and I knew that feeling - the anticipation just before the euphoria that was Gale’s mouth.
I was glad to know that I could still want like that.
Need like that.
Emerson’s head flew back when Gale finally worked him with his tongue - dipping into the slit at the tip to collect Emerson’s pleasure for himself. Wrapping his lips around him, Gale took him deep on the first stroke, his face pressing against Emerson’s groin in a way that always made me jealous. Emerson buried his hand in Gale’s hair, but let him work at his own pace. Gale stared up at him in adoration, and I knew the two men truly appreciated the circumstances they got to call their own shots when it was just the three of us, just as much as they loved the dominance of Alec Gaius and Ronan.