Ruining Me

by Nicole Reed

  Opening my eyes I wake from my dream. Sometimes people actually live real life nightmares and that day for me was one, but it’s over. I survived. It’s still dark outside so I close my eyes to go back to sleep.

  Chapter 10

  My alarm blares on the table beside me jarring me from sleep. It’s Friday and I am going to cheer JT on tonight. A smile spreads across my face and I jump out of bed to go shower. I dress in our school colors, with a red shirt and short black skirt because we are having a pep rally during last period today. Throwing together an overnight bag, I grab the dress to take with me for the party after the game.

  Downstairs, I start to fix my coffee when the doorbell rings. Seeing JT standing at the front door in his football jersey and jeans, takes my breath away. Could he be any cuter? I open the door and he is smiling at me.

  “I really like that skirt.” He says to me and grabs my hips and pulls me toward him. “Kiss me good morning Jay.”

  I lean in to him and kiss his lips. He has on the same cologne he used to wear when we dated before. The same smell that was on my sheets from last night. I try to pull him into my house, but he stops me.

  “Oh no Jay, don’t do that to me. We have to go to school. I am going to play my hardest at the game for you tonight and win. Afterwards, I’m going to show you off at Cal’s and then I’m going to lock you up in a room somewhere and we are not coming out for a long while.”

  Smiling at him I nod my head and say, “Sounds like a good plan to me.” I grab my bag and dress and head out the door. I notice him checking out my dress for tonight.

  “Please say you are wearing that for me.” His voice sounds so husky.

  Looking innocent, I shrug my shoulders and tell him, “No, it’s for Cal.” He swats my behind with his hand playfully.

  “I know you bought it for me because it’s my favorite color so don’t lie. Plus Cal wouldn’t know what to do with you in that dress, but I do.” He grins and slings my bag over his shoulder so that he can pick me up to carry me to his truck.

  We reach school and everyone is hyped up about the game. Red and black streamers cover the parking lot on most of the cars. After we park many of the players come over with their girlfriends to talk to us. It’s like JT and I have never been apart. Cal, Molly and Reed along with some other people join us and we all talk about the game and the party tonight. The only person I see standing away and not looking happy for us is Stacie, JT’s ex-girlfriend. I hadn’t thought about her since the day in the cafeteria.

  Molly says something to me so I turn back to her. We decide that I will catch a lift to her house to get ready for the game and then ride to the party with JT. The gathering breaks up and everyone heads inside. JT places his arm around me proudly as we walk to class. At the door he starts to kiss me when a voice interrupts us.

  “Mr. Higgins, I need to see you in my office.” Coach Branch glares at JT. It’s almost like he was waiting for us. JT turns back to me and starts to say something. “Now JT! Go on into class James.” He nods for me to move. I do as he says and walk into class.

  “What happened with JT? I could see you both talking to Coach B outside the door,” Cal ask.

  I shrug my shoulders and sit at the desk. Mrs. Davis starts class as soon as the bell rings. My thoughts run wild about why Coach Branch looked so angry outside the classroom. I can’t figure out what he wants from me. My mind drifts and before I know it the bell rings. JT is waiting outside the door.

  “What did he want JT?”

  “I don’t know any more Jay. Lately all he does is ride my ass about you and threaten my scholarship chances if I don’t leave you alone. I swear he acts like he’s your Dad or something.” JT looks upset.

  “Can he really take away your scholarships?”

  “Hell no, I’ll earn them for my athletic ability alone. There are some guys that he will be the only reason they get a full ride to college, but not me. I just don’t understand what his problem is.”

  I swallow hard and turn away walking to my next class. He catches up to me and slides his hand into mine. Glancing down at our intertwined fingers I watch as he lifts our joined hands and kisses them.

  “It’s you and me against the world Jay. The way it always should have been.” He looks at me.

  Smiling at him we arrive to my next class, but before we go in I look up to see Rhye walking into class. JT looks at him and actually smiles.

  “Hey Rhye.” He lifts his head in greeting. Rhye nods his head back and looks at me.

  “Morning Jay.” He smiles at me and walks into class, not waiting for me to respond.

  JT surprises me because I didn’t expect him to be so friendly to Rhye. I give him a puzzled look on my face. He shrugs his shoulders at me.

  “He called me to come get you. I would almost say other than you right now, he’s my favorite person. Believe me, I never thought I’d ever say that,” he comments with a laugh as I walk into class shaking my head.

  When lunch period finally arrives, I walk down to the cafeteria with JT. Molly and Reed were already sitting at our table when we sit down. More people join us, just like this morning in the parking lot. Most of the guys are talking about the game tonight and the other half are talking about the party.

  “Did you bring that hot dress for tonight Jay?” Molly asked.

  “Yeah, it’s in JT’s truck. I’ll get it this afternoon.” My conversation must have caught JT’s attention because he stopped talking to one of his players and turned to me.

  “Don’t let me forget to get my phone out of my truck. I could have sworn I brought in with me this morning, but it’s not in my pocket.”

  “Ok.” He leans down and kisses my mouth sweetly and everyone at the table groans. All the sudden we are hit with a battalion of French Fries.

  Reed yells, “Get a room!”

  JT just smiles at me and whispers, “I plan to.”

  After lunch, I walk with Molly and Reed to Art class because JT has to go get ready for the pep rally. We are getting ready to start a new project so we all are in the same group. Molly asked me about last night and I share with her. Reed just ignores us. It’s nice to have her back to talk to.

  Before class is over my phone buzzes with a text message.

  JT – Need to talk to you. Meet me in science lab after class during pep rally. Don’t tell anyone.

  He must have found his phone. I wonder why he wants to talk with me. Hearing my name I turn around when the bell rings.

  “Jay are you coming to the pep rally with us?” Molly asked.

  “I forgot to get something out of my locker. Go ahead, I’ll meet you guys there. Okay?”

  Molly nods her head and I head over to the silence lab. Everyone around me is heading towards the gym for the pep rally. I walk directly to my locker to waste some time and arrange the contents. When the final bell rings and the hallways are vacant, I walk towards the silence lab.

  I open the door to the lab and it closes behind me. They’re several exit doors propped open leading into the room. It’s not that private, but I’m guessing JT is figuring that all the students and staff will be in the gym. Walking into the room, I lay my book bag down on a work station.

  Hearing footsteps, I turn around thinking I’ll see JT, but it’s not him. Coach Branch stands behind me. I guess I now know who has JT’s phone, because it’s in his hand. His face is contorted with anger.

  “You stupid whore. Really Jay, you think I’m going to let him have what’s mine? I don’t think so.” He walks toward me and I back up.

  Hysteria rises in me, but I know I can’t panic right now. “What’s yours?” I look at him.

  “You Jay. You might have shared yourself all over town these last two years, but at least you weren’t giving it to him. I’ve never liked that little shit. Actually, you being a little loose has really helped me out Jay. I mean who would ever believe a drug addict whore over this school’s star coach, loving husband and father? No one Jay. No one would ever bel
ieve you.” He laughs and looks down at my body.

  “I’ve never told anyone. I never plan to.” My voice shook with tears and terror.

  “Oh, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about how I’m going to take that little body again and again. I’ve been missing you Jay. You throw my notes away and ignore me. That hurts me and it makes me angry. I’m already going to have to punish you for your sins.”

  My head jerked up at his comment. “Punish me?” I step further away from him and he advances on me.

  “Yes Jay. Maybe you think I’m stupid, but I assure you I’ve been one step ahead of you this whole time. I guessed right away why you weren’t in school that month after we were together. Did you kill my baby Jay?”

  The color left my face and I almost fainted. He rushed forward and grabbed me toward him. I knew better than to fight him off. He enjoyed it too much.

  “You did, didn’t you? Why you little murderer. What would your perfect boyfriend JT think about that?”

  “Let me go,” I said in a whisper. “I’ll tell everyone. If you don’t let me go, I promise that I will.”

  He chuckle is evil. “Go ahead. I really don’t think anyone would believe you. I’ll just tell them how you threw yourself at me for years. I’ve already mentioned to my wife how you constantly flirt with me. She will share that with anyone I tell her to. Really Jay, you should have told when it happened. You didn’t tell though did you? Maybe you liked it.”

  Something in me snapped and I push his chest back with all my strength. Slapping his face hard, I can see the surprise. I scream in his face and push him hard again.

  “You Bastard, what do you think I liked? That you raped me in a gym closet and then got me pregnant so that I had to have an abortion. That you ruined me for my boyfriend and my friends? You took it all away from me and then you continue to harass me for years. What the fuck do you think I liked about any of that? I swear to all that’s holy that if you come near me again I will tell everyone. I don’t care if anyone believes me. I will not stop talking about it until your own kids grow up.”

  I push him one more time away from me for good. “Do not come near me.” Grabbing JT’s phone out of his hand, I pick up my book bag to walk out. I’m breathing hard and I walk toward the gym. It’s over with him. Please God let it be over.

  The noise from the pep rally is loud and I can hear the cheers when they call JT to the stage. Miss Kell runs into me as soon as I walk into the gym door. “James, where have you been? When I didn’t see you or him in the gym I started to panic.”

  “I’m okay Miss Kell.”

  She looked at my face and frowned. “You don’t look okay.”

  “I am now. Trust me.” I walk around her and into the gym just in time to see JT walk onto the stage.

  Finding a seat on the front bleacher, I try to calm myself. JT is looking over the crowd for me. When he finally spots me he smiles and starts talking into the microphone.

  “Who wants to beat some Jaguars tonight?” Everyone goes crazy yelling, “YES!” “For those of us who are seniors, this will be our last year playing high school football. We need to take it as far as we can and I believe that’s all the way to State!” Again everyone claps and yells.

  “You know I’m going to play my heart out for you guys tonight especially for my girl Jay.” He looks directly at me and smiles. “So let’s go out there and leave it all on the field. Let’s go Bulldogs!” Everyone stands up to cheer. He walks off the stage and heads directly to me. I see that Cal is getting up to speak now, but I don’t get to hear him because of JT.

  “What is wrong Jay? Your face is white as snow. I know when something is wrong, so please just tell me.”

  “If I tell you that everything is fine, would you please just drop it? I swear that if you’ll do that, tomorrow I will tell you everything I can.”

  He looked at me and asked, “Everything Jay?”

  I nod back to him. “Everything I possibly can without hurting too many people. Okay?” Nodding he moves to sit beside me on the bleacher. “Are you not going back to sit with your team?”

  He turns to me. “You’re my most important teammate. We are my most important team. Forever, Jay.”

  I lean in and kiss him, “You’re my M.V.P.” He laughs and kisses me back.

  When the pep rally ends, JT has to go back to get ready for the game, but first he walks me to his truck to get my things. I place his phone inside his truck without saying anything.

  “After the game I’ll meet you outside the locker room. We’ll ride to the party together. Okay?” He asked.

  “Sounds good to me,” I say as I lean up and kiss his cheek. “I’m going to Molly’s house so that I can change into Cal’s dress.” I bat my eyes at him trying to be funny.

  “You can say that you’re putting on that dress for Cal baby, but I’m going to be the only one that takes it off.” I laugh at him.

  “It’s yours,” I say to him and wink.

  “I know,” he says and winks back. “Wish me luck tonight.” I tug him down to me and kiss him hard.

  “Luck, baby.” At that he smiles again.

  Molly and I drive to her house to get ready. I don’t talk about what happened today, but I know tomorrow I am going to have to tell JT something. Could I tell him that yes I was raped, but not tell him by whom? That would not be a good idea for anyone.

  “Do you want to stop off and get our nails done?” Molly asked me.

  “Sure Mols, that sounds fun.”

  We get our nails done and back to her house by dinner. Eating something light, we go upstairs to shower and get ready. Pulling on my new dress, I look in the mirror and know JT will love it. The color is candy apple red and it’s short and sleeveless. I had brought a light black jacket to wear over it for the game to tone it down. I slide on a pair of black ankle boots. Curling my hair I leave it loose around me.

  Molly wears a navy dress she bought yesterday. It looks good with her coloring. When she spies me she stops and her jaw drops.

  “Damn Jay. You look hot. Don’t let JT see you in that dress until after the game. He won’t be able to throw anything.” We don’t laugh because we both know it’s true.

  “Thanks. You look pretty spectacular yourself. Reed is going to have a fit.”

  We head downstairs and get into Molly’s car to head to the game. “Can I tell you something crazy?” I look at her and she nods her head yes. “JT asked me to marry him and he meant like now.”

  “Are you kidding me Jay?”

  “No, I really wish I was. Part of me still thinks he’s not serious, but another part knows that he is.”

  “What do you want?”

  “I want JT to be happy. Whatever that is, that is what I want.”

  She smiles at me then. “You both will figure it out. You’ll know when you both are ready.”

  I process her words and know they are correct. My mind just needs to slow down and process everything that has happened these last two weeks. Tonight though, I’m just going to enjoy my friends and boyfriend.

  We arrive at the football stadium just as our players run out on the field. The night is electric with the anticipation of the game. Every space in the bleachers is packed in tight with people. Molly and I find Reed in the student section and we squeeze in.

  Below us on the field, the cheerleaders try to get the crowd pumped excited while the football players warm up for the big game. All the coaches are getting ready on the sidelines when I notice Coach Branch looking up at me. Looking away, I just happen to look right into his wife’s face as she holds their children on her lap and she is looking from me to him. In that moment I feel sorry for her. She is the one that has to live with that monster and thank God not me anymore. Turning my head, I look away and promise myself never to look back.

  The hair on the back of my neck stands up. Glancing around I see Stacie, JT’s ex-girlfriend, standing with a group of students staring at me. Some of the looks hold a depth of pity i
n their eyes and others are hostile. Turning my back on them, I turn to Molly to see if she also saw them staring, but she is talking with Reed. When I turn back they are gone.

  A loud horn blows and the game starts with the kick-off. When JT goes out on the field for the first time he stops and turns around to look right up at me in the stands. He brings his hand to his heart and then he points right at me. My smile is from one side of my face to the other. Molly nudges my knee with hers and grins at me.

  “That boy has always had it bad for you.”

  “I love him,” I sigh.

  The first possession we have of the ball, JT drives it all the way down the field and scores the first touchdown. We jump up and the entire crowd screams for him. The game progresses fast from that point. During the second quarter, I look to the students sitting a couple of rows in front of us and notice that they are all looking at their phones. A couple of them glance back directly at me. One freshman girl has a tear fall down her face while she stares at me. I grab Molly’s arm again to see if she notices when at the same time, JT throws a pass for another touchdown, so she and I both jump up to cheer and I forget to ask her.