All the Difference

by Leah Ferguson

  Molly ran her fingers over her daughter’s fine red-brown hair, soaking in the warmth of her little body against her chest, the quiet of the peaceful room, the laughter on the other side of the door. She hoped this wouldn’t be the last New Year’s Eve party Jenny and Dan hosted. Molly wanted to be back in this house, with these people, this time next year.

  After all, a lot could happen between now and then.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  When people ask how I write with three small kids at home, my best, most honest, and not at all graceful answer is this: by the seat of my pants. But there’ve also been two groups of people who’ve woven a support system for me over these last few years. The first group, my safety net, is widespread: my extended family and friends, my dear writer pals and fellow mamas. They’ve kept me buoyed with their encouragement and questions, from back when I first started writing One Vignette to now. In addition, Orly Konig-Lopez and Kerry Lonsdale had the brilliant idea to found the Women’s Fiction Writer’s Association—what an amazing group of writers—and the tenacity to keep with it as it grew. I don’t think they know yet that WFWA was integral to this book getting to print (well, now they do!). I am so thankful for them.

  And then—then!—there is the smaller group, my core, the ones who jumped in and really got their hands (eyes?) dirty and stuck with this book—and with me—as it took shape:

  Julie Mianecki, my editor at Berkley. She has an amazing eye for detail, a readiness to listen, and not least of all, treated Molly as gently as I’d hoped she would on the last steps of this journey. I have loved working with her, as well as with the rest of the team at Berkley/Penguin. What a group.

  My agent, Katie Shea Boutillier of Donald Maass Literary Agency, has been my champion, my friend, and my ass-kicker in equal measures. She saw something shiny in that lump of optimistic coal I sent her way years ago, and pushed me to keep polishing until I got out of my own way and saw it, too. I’m grateful that she believed in me.

  My brother, Paul Ferguson, was one of my first readers, and definitely my most gung ho. His honesty kept me focused, his encouragement kept me going, and his hatred of Scott’s character kept me laughing. Thanks so much to him and his wife, Sarah, for cheering me on, and for proving that a lawyer can actually be a really good proofreader.

  My mom, Suzanne Ferguson, and my late father, Donald Ferguson, who mean more to me than I’ve ever been able to show them. My mom, who’s been waiting for me to do this for years, has been both my security blanket and confidant. And my dad, who was in my head the whole time I wrote this (he would’ve hated Scott, too), and whose love for his family was fiercer than life; he taught me to write, and it’s because of him that I do it now. How I wish I could place this book in his hands.

  Molly Lynch is my friend and my second-draft reader and the best photographer this side of, well, anywhere. She’s one of the funniest people I know, definitely the most sarcastic, and I seriously don’t know what I’d do if she ever decided to phase me out. She makes life a lot happier.

  Mary and Tim McGettigan, my aunt and uncle, for reading, for feedback (excellent work, Uncle Tim!), and, with Mark McGettigan, for keeping at the ready the Tröegs on tap. I’m especially thankful for that last one.

  Donna Woodruff is the proudest mother-in-law a woman could have. She tore through one of my earlier drafts and refused to give me an ounce of criticism, even though I begged. And the genuine encouragement of Mark Woodruff, her husband, has meant the world.

  I want to mention, too, Thomas Bilodeau, my late father-in-law, who pretty much just made me feel like I could do anything I wanted. His son is a lot like him that way.

  Annie Livingstone, whom I think of as “my” Annie. Everyone should have an Annie in her life, and I am so, so fortunate to have her in mine.

  My husband, and my first reader, David Bilodeau. He’s the love of my life, the brewer of my coffee, the giver of time, and quite truly the best decision I have ever made. I would not be doing this—writing, chasing my dreams, staying up way too late—if it weren’t for his (gentle, constant, nagging) belief that I should. He makes me brave.

  And finally, but at the root of it all, are my children. They never asked to have a writer as a mother, but seem to love me all the same. Saoirse Kate, Quinlan, and Cian, you are more than I ever hoped for in the world. Thank you for being the most loving, dynamic, endearing people I could ever have the joy to know and raise. I love you so.

  READERS GUIDE FOR

  All the Difference

  by Leah Ferguson

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  All the Difference is a novel that follows one woman along two very different paths, which diverge when she must make an important decision. At the beginning of the novel, did you believe that Molly was going to say yes or no? Do you think she made the right choice?

  Hindsight is something that we are privy to only after our choices have been made. How often do you side with yourself even in hindsight? How has hindsight led you to make stronger choices in the future?

  Throughout the novel, Molly and Scott’s relationship shifts from emotional and carefree to focused on the baby and barely functional. Would it have made sense for them to stay together for the baby’s sake?

  Molly refers to the songs and lyrics of Fleetwood Mac throughout the novel. Are you familiar with their music? How did it shape your imagination while reading?

  Scott’s immaturity in both paths of Molly’s life is prevalent. Did you feel that Molly had unrealistic expectations of him or that he wouldn’t have been capable of change?

  Under stress, Molly compulsively cleans to control her environment and calm her emotions. What tricks do you use to soothe yourself during stressful times? Are yours as helpful as Molly’s?

  Jenny’s difficulty in getting pregnant made Molly feel guilty about her unplanned pregnancy. Have you ever been handed something another person was working hard to achieve? How did you deal with their feelings? Has the opposite ever occurred?

  When Liam decides to give his relationship with an ex-girlfriend another chance, Molly lets him go. Were you proud of her for this? Do you believe in second chances when it comes to relationships?

  Oftentimes people seek safety and comfort in the familiar. Describe some of the ways the characters in the novel fall into their comfort zones.

  Toward the end of the novel, Scott pleads: “You’re in my head when I go to bed at night, and you’re the first thing I think about when I wake up. It’s like, I didn’t need you when I had you, but now I can’t live without you. I’m obsessed.” Did you believe him or do you think he was upset for not getting what he wanted? What does this statement suggest a relationship with Scott would be like for Molly?

  In Chapter 12, Molly observes: “Emily and Jack’s home, in this rambling neighborhood in West Chester, with the old stone houses and whitewashed fences and spacious, landscaped backyards, wasn’t real, even in comparison to Monica and Edward’s. This wasn’t authentic life, at least to Molly. Not right now, anyway. It was too perfect, and separate, and took a lot of work to maintain. Molly’s life was grittier, her path still filled with gravel and potholes. She wasn’t ready for an easy road yet, especially one already laid out for her. She was still content to keep walking and get to where she was supposed to go, eventually.” How is the comparison between her parents’ home and Molly’s life symbolic? How can seeking solace in chaos work to Molly’s benefit?

  In Chapter 12, Molly recalls her skydiving experience: “But when she’d finally landed on the ground on weak legs and saw Scott rushing toward her, exhilarated, to wrap his muscular arms around her and lift her off the ground once again, she’d been grateful. To him, for pushing her—because he did have to shove her out of the plane—and to herself, for letting herself trust that it would be okay.” How has Molly grown throughout the novel? Do you think the Molly at the beginning of the book would have the same outlook?

  When considering
the two possible paths of Molly’s life, did you think she could end up without Scott in either? Are our destinies predetermined? How much control do we have over them?

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