Need You, Need Me (The Need Series Book 1)

by Lewis, Meghan

  “He what?” I ask shocked.

  “Everything alright, y'all?” Kevin says, walking up next to us and kissing my cheek. I flinch.

  “Damn, babe,” I say, pulling away a little.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t remember which one it is. You actually covered it up pretty good.”

  I laugh.

  “May! Holy shit, I fucking forgot–” Paul starts.

  I stop him with my hand. “Relax. I had it,” I tell him.

  “So are y’all okay, or do I have to fuck off now and never look at May again?” he asks sarcastically.

  “No, man. Actually, I was trying to make May see why she should move here and marry you,” Paul says like it is no biggie.

  “Uhh . . .” is all that falls out of Kevin’s mouth.

  “Relax. Please take care of her. She can handle herself, of course, but you know what I mean,” Paul says and puts out his hand.

  “Yeah, man. I’ll take care of her . . . if she lets me.” He returns the shake and almost everything is right in the world.

  “Now, get her,” I point to Amber, “the fuck out of here,” I say very seriously. I don’t want to lay eyes on her again.

  “Amber. Let’s hit it,” Paul says, looking back at me and giving me a wink.

  Kevin and I settle back at our table with our chairs completely together and displaying what we have here between us. Seeing that it is just us again, everyone else has made their way back to the table, and our evening of bull shitting and laughing has gotten back on track. I hear stories about all of them camping, and the concerts they have all been to, complete with pictures as proof.

  As we carry on throughout the night, the group has, many times, stopped to watch Kevin fidget with me, tease me, or just flat out kiss me like no one is watching. He hasn’t noticed them, but I have. They smile back at me, but I can see their worry written all over their faces, even if they are smiling.

  When Kevin gets up to go to the bathroom, I prepare myself with what I know is about to come.

  “So are you and Kevin together?” Mike asks.

  “We are taking it day by day right now,” I say while cutting my eyes at Rose, who nods in agreement.

  “If something else happens, we will cross that bridge when we come to it,” I shrug trying not to make it seem like a big deal.

  “May, we like you, and Kevin hasn’t been like this in months. We just . . . We don’t want either one of you to get hurt,” Joe chimes in with his two cents.

  “Look, I know y’all are worried. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t too, but Kevin and I have to work this shit out on our own. Y’all telling me you like me and want us to work is . . . Well, it’s fucking killing me, if I can be honest with you,” I say to everyone, clearing the air.

  Just as we wrap up the conversation, Kevin walks back up to the table and takes his seat next to me.

  “Hey?” he asks, squeezing my knee. “You alright?”

  “I’m great, actually,” I lie. It has been in the back of my head ever since the first day at Kevin’s house, and now it’s up front and center in my brain.

  You are just going to hurt him, May. Why the fuck are you doing this?

  I try to push that thought out of my mind and carry on through the talking and laughing, but it keeps poking at my brain.

  As we are getting ready to wrap up the evening, I get hugs from all the girls, and they ask Kevin if they can steal me away for some girl time. I get their numbers and say that I will try to squeeze them in. When they wink at me, I know they understand what I mean. The guys, on the other hand, don’t really know how to say bye to me. Joe and Mike hug me and whisper in my ear, “Please don’t crush him again.” And my favorite, “I’ve never seen him so happy.”

  Well, I am so glad there is no pressure here. Jesus.

  Kevin holds the door open for me, naturally, and we walk out into the parking lot to the truck.

  “I had a great time, and it’s official, boys and girls, my friends fucking love you,” he says, picking me up and giving me one hell of a kiss.

  “I’m very relieved,” I say to him as he puts me back to the ground.

  He opens the door to the truck and helps me get into the passenger side. He closes it and makes his way over to the driver’s side and hops in. Starting the truck, he pulls out of the space and gets on the road back to his house. After he fiddles with the radio a little bit, he hooks up his phone, and instantly, Luke Bryant is singing his first love song. I reach over, grab Kevin’s hand, and bring it to my lips.

  “Good song,” I say against his skin.

  “Great song, love,” he corrects me as he pulls his hand from my lips, flips our hands, and kisses mine in return. Before I know it, he is turning on to the dirt driveway that leads up to his house. I secretly dread going in because I feel like, at some point, me staying is going to come up, and it will ruin a really great night out. Maybe I should just get it out of the way and be done with it already.

  He lets me out of the truck. I have learned that the door situation is a losing battle, so I just let him be the gentleman that he is, and we walk up the steps and into the house. We walk to his bedroom door, and again he holds it open for me. We make our way up in complete silence. When we are upstairs, Kevin lets go of my hand and heads off to the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. I, however, kick off my shoes and head out of the French doors and onto the patio. I pull one of the chairs out from under the table and sit down to admire the nighttime view of the property and of the mountains. A light breeze blows against me, and I shiver.

  I should’ve brought a coat out here, but then again, my mind is racing at a hundred miles an hour, and I can’t turn it off. I pull my feet up on to the chair and hug my knees, dying for some warmth. I keep thinking that maybe I should cut my trip short and go back home, so I don’t hurt Kevin more than I already have, or am going to, and then another part of me wants me to be selfish and soak up as much as I can, while I can. I look towards the stables where Levi and Lucy are probably in for the night. I can make out the barn with the moonlight being so bright and the property being so open. I think back to when I last really looked up at the night sky. The night Kevin and I were alone outside of my house at the hot tub. God, that was good shit. I close my eyes to remember everything about that night. I must’ve played it over and over again in my head thousands of times over these past few months.

  “You cold, love?” he asks against my shoulder.

  “I think you think you know the answer to that question, but yes. I am freezing actually,” I say, laughing and letting my teeth chatter to prove it.

  “I know you are,” he says to me while putting his coat around my shoulders. I know it’s his because I can smell him all over it.

  He pulls the other chair over, so he is almost directly next to me, and we scoot, so our bodies are touching. He puts his arm around me. I, in turn, settle my head in the crook of his shoulder and neck and commit it to memory.

  “You okay, love?” he asks while looking up at the moon.

  “Yeah . . . I haven’t been this okay in a very, very long time.” It is the truth, and I snuggle closer to him.

  “Well, I’m glad I get to witness it.” I know he’s thinking the same thing.

  “Shit, you should. You are the one that’s causing it,” I say, tilting my head to look at the moon as well.

  Something hits me out of nowhere, and I sit up straight in my chair and start to take some deep breaths.

  “You okay, May?”

  “Yeah. No. I’m trying to be . . . fuck,” is all I say.

  I turn my body to his.

  “Kevin, you know I love you. I know you love me because I see it in your eyes every time you return a look into my eyes or kiss me. I don’t want to hurt you again, and if I stay–Deep breath, May,–Well, if I stay, I’m just going to hurt both of us all over again, and we will be right where we were almost six months ago. I just don’t think I can go through that again, and I sure as hell
don’t want you to go through it again. So I think it would be best–”

  “Don’t say another word, May,” he says suddenly, but softly.

  “You aren’t leaving. You aren’t leaving me. We still have three days left. We will cross that bridge when we come to it, but right now, no. I am not letting you leave me. I won’t. I’m sorry. Actually, no I am not sorry. So just deal with the fact that over the next three days, you are going to very happy. Okay?”

  “What would you like to do tomorrow?” I need to change the subject.

  “I’ve got a couple of ideas, but there is one that sticks out in my mind, so I think we will do that one . . . all day long,” he says, pulling me up to walk back inside.

  “What are we doing?” I ask around a yawn.

  “Well, first we are going to go to bed, and then you will have to see when you wake up tomorrow.” Kevin eyes me as he gets into bed.

  I slouch my shoulders trying to display my disappointment that he won’t tell me.

  “I’m going to wash all this damn makeup off my face and get ready to join you in that incredible bed,” I lean over him and teasingly, lightly brush my lips over his. I let my tongue brush his bottom lip and then his top. “Stay put.” Then I stop.

  I laugh a little to myself at the face I have left on Kevin. I think he wanted a little more than what I just gave him, but he’s going to have to wait. When I walk into the bathroom, a couple of steps, I look towards the sink I used earlier to get ready and stop. When I finished getting ready, I made sure that I packed all my stuff back in my travel bag and set it out of the way, against the wall. However, Kevin didn’t like that too much, I guess, because there is all my stuff, laying out like I had laid it out hours ago.

  My toothbrush and toothpaste are sitting up in their own holder. My perfume and deodorant are sitting side by side behind the sink along with my hair conditioner and lotion. He left all my makeup in the bag, and that is still in the same place. There is now a small bath mat laying on the floor in front of the sink and a small hand towel hanging from the rack on the wall above my small bag. I am a little surprised because these little things were not there when I got ready.

  He is giving you your own space . . . in his bathroom.

  The thought dances a smile across my face. Then, the moment is ruined with how hard it will be when he walks in here when I am gone, and he doesn’t see all this stuff here. Just another reminder.

  “You okay, love?” Kevin calls from bed.

  “Yeah . . . Just being careful is all,” I call back to him. Yeah, I definitely need to be careful here.

  After I get all the gunk off my face and my teeth brushed, I take a long hard look in the mirror. The bruise is starting to lighten up, which is good. I don’t want that reminder looking me back in my face every time I look in the mirror. I have enough of those. Thank you very much.

  I put on my t-shirt and turn the light off before I step out of the bathroom. When I do walk out, Kevin sits upright at the site of me. I am wearing his favorite shirt that he gave me when he came to meet me.

  “As much as I like your white t-shirts, I like this one better. I hope you don’t mind,” I ask, playing with the edge of the bottom hem. Why do I feel shy all of a sudden? If I am anything, shy isn’t one of them. Kevin just looks at me as I make my way over to my side of the bed. Never taking his eyes off me, he follows every movement I make when I dip my legs under the covers and start to get situated.

  He pushes his covers back, walks over on his knees, and sits there while he grabs the hem of the shirt and pulls it off of me.

  “I was planning on sleeping in that,” I say confused.

  “Are you kidding me with this? This is my favorite shirt, one I never thought I would see again, and it now smells nothing like me, but only of you,” he says, bringing the shirt up to his nose and taking a small inhale of it.

  “I’m sorry?” I am confused.

  “Don’t be. Now it really is my favorite shirt. Did you sleep in it every night? And how in the world do you still have this?” he asks, folding it up neatly and putting it into the bedside table drawer.

  “When we were together. Yes, but when I never heard from you again, I packed it up into the closet. I was going to send it to you, but I didn’t know your address, and I couldn’t bring myself to email you, so I just left it alone. I don’t know what made me dig it out and bring it with me. Maybe it’s a security thing. I don’t know. As for keeping it, well, it wasn‘t mine to throw away,” I say, settling back against the pillows now butt naked.

  He settles back into bed as well, although, now his body is pressed firmly against mine, and I feel that Kevin isn’t wearing any pajamas either. Fine with me. I wiggle my butt, acting like I am getting comfortable, but I know I am just teasing him.

  “I know what you are doing, and as much as I would like to fall for it, we are getting up early for what I have planned. So stop it,” he says, grabbing my hip with one hand and stopping my wiggling.

  “Fine,” I breathe and actually do settle in for bed.

  He takes a pillow and shoves it in between us.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, not moving.

  “Security barrier.” He sounds completely serious.

  I roll my eyes and lay into my pillow farther. We are getting up early for what he has planned. Wondering what it is, I look at the clock. As I read its big numbers looking back at me–3 a.m.–I go back to thinking about what we are going to do tomorrow, and I almost slip off to sleep when I feel an arm make its way over the pillow and rest its hand on my waist.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  5 a.m. FIVE FUCKING A.M. He has me up and out of my spot in that bed. I don’t think Kevin realizes that most days, I am just going to bed at 5 a.m. He slaps my ass once more for good measure, making sure I am awake and not sleeping standing up at my–I mean–the sink where all my stuff is. The toothbrush, which was hanging out of my mouth, is now in the sink after his little slap.

  “Do you do this often?” I ask with a mouth full of toothpaste.

  “What?” He asks around his own toothbrush.

  “5 a.m.? Do you get up at 5 a.m. every day?” I say, rinsing my brush off and putting it back in its holder.

  “Pretty much, yeah. Do you want some coffee?” he asks, rinsing his mouth.

  “Yuck. No, you know I don’t drink coffee. Tell me there is a Pepsi somewhere in the fridge with my name on it,” I grumble with my eyes closed again.

  He wipes his mouth, walks over to me, hugs me on my side, and says,

  “Just for you, love.”

  Eyes still closed, the smile on my face says my answer for me. Thank you, God.

  “So, how do I need to dress for our outing today?” I say, standing next to my bags with my hands on my hips.

  “With layers that you can take off as the day gets warm,” he says, his voice fading down the stairs.

  After I am dressed with my tennis shoes on, I head downstairs and walk into the kitchen. Kevin is leaning against the counter, sipping on a coffee mug full of coffee, black. Yeah, I know how he likes his coffee. When I look at the coffee maker, I notice that it’s gone.

  “Where’s the coffee maker?” I ask him.

  “Don’t want to drink coffee anymore. Just a little snuff, and I am good to go,” he answers, taking a sip out of his mug.

  “Then what’s in your cup, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  “Pepsi,” he says, holding a mug out to me.

  “Well, why did you ask if I wanted some coffee earlier?” I ask him.

  He takes a couple of steps towards me and hands me my mug. I see bubbles! That means Pepsi!

  I say a small prayer of thanks and take it from his hand.

  “Thank you.” I take a sip. “So are you going to tell me what we are doing today, and am I dressed to your approval?” I say with another sip.

  “I would prefer you naked, but yes, you are dressed fine,” he says, smiling into his cup.

  “Hey, befor
e I forget. Do you know where there is a gym nearby? I’ve been neglecting my workouts. Granted, I’ve replaced them with equally effective workouts, but still.” I mirror his smile behind my drink.

  “No. You are just going to have to wing it, babe. Sorry,” he says, finishing his Pepsi and putting the mug in the sink. “You ready?”

  “Yeah, man.” I slam the rest of my Pepsi and put my mug in the sink next to his. “Let’s do this,” I say, grabbing my purse off the counter.

  “You won’t need that, love,” he says quietly as he passes by me, smacking me on the ass and heading for the front door. He stops and grabs a duffel bag and pulls the door open. “Let’s go!”

  I squint my eyes at him as if I’m trying to see what he’s thinking. I walk out of the door first, and he follows.

  Kevin takes my hand, and instead of walking down the front steps, we are walking along the porch around to the back. We go down the back steps and towards the gate in the fence.

  That’s when it hits me, and I stop, effectively stopping Kevin as well.

  “Are we going horseback riding today?” I don’t know about this.

  “Yeah, I’m going to take you to my spot in the woods.”

  “How far is it? Can we do a ride–if it’s a long one–on just one horse?” I’m scared.

  “We are taking both horses, love. You are going to be on Levi, and I will have Lucy. We are going to spend the first half of the morning getting you ready to ride yourself, and if you are ready, then we will go out. It’s not that far, a few miles, maybe.”

  “Uh . . . I have never ridden a horse by myself before, Kev. I really don’t feel comfortable with this.”

  He puts his arms around my waist. “Will you try it at least? If you don’t like it, or if you aren’t comfortable, then we will figure it out. I’m asking you to trust me,” he says, holding his hand out.

  “Well, shit. I can’t say no to that, can I?” I say, taking it tightly.

  “That’s my girl,” he says, and we continue our way out to where the horses are.

  Once he has them both saddled, their bridles on, and bits in, he asks me to come into the pen.