Something I wanted to do alone.
Alex
Golden rays of the morning sun peeked through the window, offering warmth to an otherwise cold room. The temperature outside was dropping daily. Soon, snow would fall and coat everything with white and our busiest season here at BearPaw would begin.
My body was languid this morning, a feeling I’d almost forgotten. Tension and worry had been so constant as of late it was foreign to feel it taking a back seat.
It was the first time she reached for me. The first time since news of Daniel arrived that she finally accepted any kind of comfort. The relief of that was so great I’d passed out with her in my arms, finally succumbing to the rest my body had been begging for but had been denied.
Feeling the cold draft, I shifted, too lazy to get out of bed and start a fire yet but more than willing to use our body heat to keep us warm.
The space where she normally lay was empty. Any warmth that might have lingered on the sheets from her body had long since turned cold.
Springing up, I glanced around the bedroom, calling out her name.
Silence was my only answer.
Kicking off the covers, I pushed open the bathroom door, expecting to hear her fuss about the fact that I never knocked.
She wasn’t there either.
“Brina!” I hollered, snagging a hoodie off the dresser on my way through the room.
Curb your anger, man. She’s probably in the kitchen, maybe finally willing to eat. Don’t make her upset by acting like a caveman.
The interior warning was hard to yield to. In truth, panic seized my chest and tingled my limbs with the urge to rush. “Brina, honey, you finally feel up to eating?” I called out, keeping the edge out of my voice.
She wasn’t in the kitchen.
Or the living room.
Sabrina wasn’t anywhere inside this house.
“Sabrina!” I yelled out the back door, panic making my voice husky.
When she didn’t answer, I slammed the door, making the entire wall shudder, and stomped back into the kitchen. The force of my movements sent a gust of air across the counter, and a note I hadn’t seen before fluttered to the ground.
Snatching it up, I read.
I have to go. I’m sorry.
She had to go? Go where?
The paper collapsed under the pressure of my fist. Fuming, I paced the length of the kitchen and back again. “Stupid woman!” I roared, chest heaving.
How could she just walk out like that?
I rushed to the window over the sink and gazed out. The rental I was using while my Hummer was being fixed was gone.
Red-hot anger exploded within me, and a growl burst out of my throat. With the force of it, I swung my fist, punching the first thing it came into contact with.
The cardboard box that stupid bear came in went flying across the kitchen, hitting the wall, and smacked onto the ground.
Shame burned through me, and a little bit of reality rushed back in. Sabrina wanted that box. Even though it represented nothing but pain, she begged me to keep it. It was the last thing she would ever receive from her brother.
Cursing, I stalked forward and snatched the stupid thing off the ground. The force of my movements sent something flinging out from the inside. It made a small sound when it hit the floor and rolled all the way into the living room and beneath the sofa.
“What the fuck?” I muttered, setting the box carefully on the kitchen table.
Feeling around beneath the sofa, my hand closed over the object, and I picked it up. It seemed familiar to me even before I opened my fist to look at it. Straightening from the floor, I gazed down at the coin lying in the center of my palm.
Flashes of my army days hit me full force. Sights, sounds, and memories passed through my head like a movie.
Blinking, I gazed down at the special coin that was significant to our secret elite team. No one outside of us knew this coin even existed. They weren’t sold like all the other collector military coins. These were only earned…
So few of us had one.
Clutching the cool metal in my palm, I turned back to look at the box. Why hadn’t I seen this before? Snatching the box, I searched it over painstakingly to make sure there was nothing else I’d missed. Upon inspection, I was pretty sure the coin had been stuck between one of the flaps, and through the trauma of realizing what his gift and note meant, no one bothered looking for anything else.
I glanced back at the coin again, realization dawning.
This hadn’t been a gift for Sabrina.
This coin was for me. It was a warning. Daniel was telling me that even though he was dead, this might not be completely over.
Every filthy curse I knew dropped out of my mouth like a bomb as fear unlike anything I’d felt before terrorized my heart.
Snatching my cell up, I dialed Sabrina, praying to God she would be smart and answer.
When the automated message came on, signaling her phone wasn’t even powered on, I put my hand through the closest wall.
“Sabrina!” I screamed and ran back into the bedroom. Ignoring the blood dripping from my knuckles, I called Liam.
“Alex?”
“I need a car. I need a car right the fuck now.”
Holy shit, please, God, don’t let me be too late.
Sabrina
I had to get the landlord to let me into my apartment. The second I walked through the door, I felt like I was stepping into the home of a stranger.
These weren’t my things anymore. This wasn’t my safe haven or anywhere I wanted to be.
This place was now just four walls, an empty shell. All that existed here was memories from the past, things I no longer wanted or needed. I cried, walking through, mourning what would never be again and the girl I used to be.
The flight from Colorado had been long and restless. More than once, I caught the wary looks from the flight attendants and even other passengers. I ignored them, pretending instead to be asleep. Every once in a while, a tear would leak from beneath my lids, and I’d use the sleeve of the hoodie I’d stolen from Alex to soak it up.
He’d be awake by now. He’d tried to call. My phone rested, turned off, in my pocket because I knew if I heard it ring and saw Alex’s name on the screen, I would have answered.
There would be time for me and Alex later.
Right now, this was Daniel’s time.
I took a shower in my old bathroom, using familiar products that only reminded me they weren’t familiar anymore. The jeans I pulled on from my closet were looser than they used to be, further proving the things here weren’t mine anymore. Even though Alex’s sweatshirt was too big and less than fresh from the plane ride, I put it back on anyway.
I moved, woodenly placing some belongings into a large bag. Mostly photos, gifts from Daniel, and the purse I’d left behind. The landlord could deal with the rest of this stuff. I didn’t care where it went.
Once I was done, I left the final month’s rent on the kitchen counter and walked out without looking back or locking the door.
Going to Daniel’s apartment made me far more emotional than my own. The pain was so sharp it was hard to stand upright as it stabbed at me over and over again.
Everything I looked at reminded me of him. Even the scent still lingering in the air was his. In some ways, it was comforting because it was as if there were still a piece of him here with me. But then harsh reality would overcome that little bit of hope to remind me this was all just a giant scene of what would never be again.
Scents faded. This apartment would be rented to someone new. Memories would stick with me, but in the headspace I occupied right now, that wasn’t comforting at all.
After wandering around aimlessly for a while, I went to the hall closet where my brother kept a bunch of empty boxes. He moved so often he stopped getting rid of them, instead just storing them for next time.
I thought you said you were staying here for a while, I said the day he moved in and
placed them inside.
Don’t you worry, Brin-Brin. I’ll never go too far from you.
Tears dripped onto the cardboard when I lined them up on the table. I didn’t want much from my apartment, but I wanted everything that had been Daniel’s.
My stomach grumbled, a sound I was used to but growing tired of. My body felt weak, my eyes strained and grainy. Going into the kitchen, I put on some coffee and found a box of crackers in the cupboard.
I forced down the crackers and drank the coffee while I painstakingly packed up what was left of my brother’s life.
I was so angry with him for doing this, for thinking my life was somehow more valuable than his. The anger that should have propelled me forward exhausted me, leaving me drained and unable to even feel pissed.
I just wanted him back.
The coffee and crackers didn’t do a good enough job sustaining me, and I stumbled and nearly fainted, catching myself on a box and spilling everything I’d packed inside.
Defeated, I shuffled to the couch and lay down. I was drifting off to sleep when there was a knock on the front door. My first thought was of Alex, that maybe he’d somehow figured out where I went. Then I thought perhaps it was the landlord because someone notified him there was someone finally here.
I went to the door, legs wobbling and stomach jittery, not even considering how shitty I would appear to my brother’s landlord. What did it matter anyway?
It wasn’t the landlord. It wasn’t Alex either.
I gasped a little when I saw the large man standing there on the threshold. “Rush,” I said, surprise clear in my tone.
“Sabrina.” The look in his eyes was tender and sorrowful. “As soon as I heard about Daniel, I had to come.”
The grief in his tone reminded me of my own. My lower lip wobbled, and tears welled.
He made a pity-filled sound and came forward, wrapping me in a tight hug. Against my ear, he whispered, “Mercer was a damn fine man. It was an honor to be at his side during our time in the army. He wasn’t just my friend. He was my brother.”
I cried into my brother’s friend’s shoulder, clinging to his jacket for support. I hadn’t seen Rush in almost a year, but the bond their elite team had was such that it didn’t surprise me he came.
“Come on now,” he murmured, lifting me off my feet and walking into the apartment to shut the door. After another brief hug, I pulled back, swiping at the tears on my cheeks.
“You look awful,” he said, eyes moving over my face.
“Yeah, well, it’s justified.”
He reached out to grasp my hand. “What can I do for you? What do you need?”
I shook my head. “Unless you can bring my brother back to me, nothing.”
“I’m so sorry, Sabrina.”
“Did you want some coffee?” I asked, going ahead into the kitchen to get him some anyway. “I don’t have cream, but I remember you drink it black anyway.”
“You remembered,” he said, coming into the doorway of the small galley-style kitchen.
“Of course.” Back when the team was still together, I saw the three men my brother practically lived with often.
After pouring the brew, I handed the cup over, trying to ignore the way the liquid sloshed around in the mug beneath my shaking hand.
Rush accepted the cup and took a drink. His dark hair was much longer than it used to be. It fell around his face, waving to just below his chin. The back was even longer, the ends flipping up around the collar of his jacket.
His eyes were also dark, there was stubble on his usually shaven face, and there were dark circles beneath his eyes.
Even when they’d all just come home from a hell mission, Rush never looked this bad.
“How are you?” I asked.
Lowering the mug from his mouth, his lips pulled up slightly. “Guess I don’t look much better than you, eh?” He sighed, setting aside the mug. “Mercer’s death hit me pretty hard.”
I swallowed.
“I always thought the four of us were invincible.”
“Until Wells died,” I whispered, remembering the fourth man on their team. His death was the beginning of the end for Mercer’s team. Shortly after, Alex resigned, leaving behind just Daniel and Rush. Nothing was ever the same again.
Rush nodded glumly. “Now there’s only two of us left.”
Pain pierced my chest as I wondered where Alex was and how angry I’d made him.
“Have you seen Ice lately?” Rush asked, glancing around. “Is he here, too?”
Prickles of warning raised all the hairs on my neck and arms. “Why would Alex be here?”
Why would he ask me about Alex? No one knew I’d been staying with him all this time.
Rush shrugged nonchalantly. “Figured he would come, too. Pay his respects.”
“He isn’t here,” I said, picking up the coffee I’d abandoned a while ago. It had since gone cold, so I dumped it out and got some fresh.
“How did you find out about Daniel’s death?” I asked, keeping my voice conversational. I hadn’t told anyone. As far as I knew, no one else would know that Daniel was gone. Especially not a man that hadn’t been around for at least a year.
“I got a call from someone in the chain of command. Someone we used to work with. He said a contracted job went bad, and Mercer…” He cleared his throat and shook his head. “I couldn’t believe it. I thought that bastard would outlive us all.” He smiled, but I didn’t return it.
“It’s not like the army to give out that kind of information.”
Rush straightened. “Of course not. But he knew how close Merc and me were.”
I nodded. His answer made sense. Still, something didn’t feel right.
“Thank you for coming,” I said, trying to move through the kitchen and out into the living room. Rush stepped in front of me, blocking my path. Swallowing back the sudden fear slamming against my ribcage, I forced myself to smile up to him. “Maybe you can help me carry some of these boxes down to my car.”
Rush’s eyes bounced between mine, searching for something… something I knew damn well not to let him see.
I held his gaze until he looked away first.
“Of course. Anything for Merc’s sister.”
I brushed past him, and this time he let me by. “So what have you been up to lately?” I asked. “Are you still doing contract work for the government?”
“I stepped away from that,” he answered. “Too many rules to follow. Too much red tape.”
My eyes snapped up, focusing on the wall across the room. Get out. Get out of this house right now.
Urgency screamed in my bones. Adrenaline poured through my limbs, making me even shakier than I already was.
“Oh well,” I said, forcing lightness into my tone. “I hope whatever you’re doing now is a better fit.”
His hand clamped around my wrist, and I gasped loudly. I hadn’t even heard him move. I didn’t know he’d gotten so close.
“Cut the crap, Sabrina,” Rush said, yanking me around. I stumbled and pitched to the side. He yanked me up, shoving me back to my feet. “You know, don’t you?”
“Kn-know?” I stuttered.
He laughed, his face twisted into a vile expression. “I know you aren’t stupid. Daniel made sure of that. He thought he was teaching you to protect yourself. Instead, he just made you more of a target.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, my voice weak.
“He just couldn’t mind his own goddamn business. I warned him, but he kept poking around. Hell, I even offered him a generous cut.”
My brows furrowed, and Rush pulled my wrist, making me tumble closer to him. “He could have retired off what I would have paid him. He could have spent the rest of his life fawning over his baby sister. Instead, what’s left of him is rotting away in some hole-in-the-wall country where no one gives a damn.”
His words shocked me and conjured up an image I would be haunted by forever. Anger burned through my veins, fightin
g some of the weakness I felt. I wrenched free of his grip, ignoring the pain burning through my wrist.
“How dare you?” I yelled. “What have you done to my brother?”
“I only gave him everything he deserved.” Rush fumed, his nostrils flaring. “That stupid son of a bitch dug around until he had enough evidence to not only shut down my operation, but bury me in a jail cell for the rest of my life. He was such a fucking Boy Scout, refusing to look the other way.”
My head was spinning. Disbelief clung to me like a second skin, making it hard to wade through what I was hearing. “You mean you killed my brother?”
Rush clicked his tongue. “Not me, but I was the one who ordered it.”
The confession robbed me of thought for a few moments. Then blinding anger took over. With a yell, I lunged at him, my open palm connecting with his face. “You son of a bitch!” I screamed, lunging for him again.
He caught my arm and twisted it around behind me, but I continued to struggle. Rush wrapped around me from behind, locking his arms in place. “That wasn’t very smart,” he intoned against my cheek.
I turned and spit on him.
He shoved me away, and I fell into the couch. Before I could stand up, he grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me around. He backhanded me across the face, making my head snap back on my shoulders.
The stitches I had before were gone, but the wound was still healing. Feeling the warm trickle of blood run down my face, I knew it reopened.
I lunged at him again, and he shoved me back. “I will hit you again.”
“How could you betray my brother that way?” I yelled. “Your country!”
“They betrayed me!” he screamed, the first real sign he was unhinged revealed. “I gave them everything when I was enlisted, and all I get is a measly twelve hundred dollars a month for keeping this country from falling apart!”
“This is about money?” I asked. “Have you no loyalty?”
“Loyalty is for cowards. Look where it got your brother.”
I gasped, picked up the mug of coffee nearby, and threw it at him. The ceramic hit him in the cheek, hot liquid splashing all over his face and chest. The mug hit the coffee table when he batted it away, and it cracked almost perfectly in half.
Subzero (BearPaw Resort Book 4) Page 24