“I’m always here for you. If you ever get tired of being jerked around by him, I’m here.”
“Logan, I know. But it can’t be like that between us. You’ll always be one of my dearest friends, but I’m in love with Carter.”
“I know.”
Pushing my hair back, I rubbed my eyes. “I’m not trying to lead you on. I just need a friend.”
“You’re not, babe. I know you love him. I just keep hoping that one day you’ll see me as I see you.”
“I don’t think I can. I wish you’d find a nice girl, settle down.”
He chuckled. “Maybe one day, Brielle the beautiful. So have you been recording?”
I was grateful he changed the subject. “Yeah, I have been. Kirby has been coming Tuesday and Saturday nights, we’ve been working hard. I think I have something ready to send out to a couple of labels.”
“That’s exciting! I’m really proud of you. It’s good to see you excited about music again. Bri Harper who ate pizza on my couch and crashed into rehab wasn’t excited about music anymore. Brielle Harper is excited about it again.”
“Thank you. I am excited, and it feels good.”
“Keep writing and recording and before you know it, you’ll have enough for an album.”
“I will. I’m getting pretty tired. Thanks for listening to me, Logan. You’re a great friend.” I smiled and held the phone a little closer to my ear.
“I’m always here for you, babe,” Logan murmured roughly, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
“I know. ‘Night, Logan.”
“Sweet dreams, beautiful.”
Hanging up, I covered my eyes with my hand and flopped back on the pillows. I loved Logan, like a best friend. He was a great guy, and a part of me wished I could walk away from Carter and start a life with Logan. It would be a simple kind of love. It would be easy. It just wouldn’t be the turbulence and wildfire that it was with Carter.
I liked the wildness of our love, and I wasn’t sure I could ever live with a domesticated kind of romance. Curling up on my side, I breathed deeply. I wondered how much longer it would be before Carter and I worked things out. I needed him back in my life. Sooner rather than later.
***
Another week went by and I grew desperate. I considered sneaking into the garage wearing almost nothing and seducing him, but that wasn’t how I wanted Carter back. The words he’d said hurt, and I didn’t want to lure him in with my body. I wasn’t that girl anymore. So instead I worked on my music. My favorite song was still a work in progress, it was about how I felt after our argument.
“Write what you know, say what you feel,” Logan told me. “It’ll never come out wrong.”
I was lost in my music, singing the lyrics, trying to get a feel for how I wanted the music to go. Kirby would be at the studio in a couple of days, and I really needed to hammer out the words before he came to play.
“Give me freedom and give me home,
hold me close and let me go,
tie me up and let me loose,
remove your hands, they’re not my noose
love me, leave me, cut me deep
you’re not the only one losing sleep
all I wanted was you
all I needed was you
but it takes two to fall in love
it takes two to make a home
Chase me out say I’m running away
Don’t even give me the time of day
Scream my name and cuss me out
this ain’t what love’s all about
Romance novels don’t tell the story
they just give the sweet stuff all the glory
He’s too damn scared to hold me near
still just a little boy full of fear
all I wanted was you
all I needed was you
but it takes two to fall in love
it takes two to make a home
I can’t take you pulling me in and pushing me out
this ain’t what love’s supposed to be about…”
Groaning, I sighed, “No, that’s not it yet! Dammit!” The words just weren’t there and I was annoyed.
Suddenly, my headphones were ripped from my head, and I turned, swinging at the invisible person. I nearly connected with Carter’s hard stomach. “Holy shit, Carter, I almost hit you! Don’t sneak up on me!”
“I am not a little boy. I am not scared of you. I’m scared of losing you. If that song’s about me, you better change it because you’re wrong about me.”
Backing up slowly, I whispered, “That song is about you. It’s how you make me feel.”
“Want to know how you make me feel? You’re driving me crazy. I’m waiting for you to run. Holding on for the sky to fall isn’t fun. You can’t build a home on shaky ground. You’re twisting me up and turning me around, you’re tearing me up and I’m letting you drown.”
“Wait, what?” I pushed a button on the keyboard in front of me and his voice came through the speakers. “That’s…that’s good!”
“I’m not helping you write a fucking song. I’m telling you how I feel!”
“And it was good…I’m just saying. Why are you here and why are you manhandling me? I’m not your property.”
“I’m here to talk.”
“Then talk.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I stared him down.
“I feel like you’re going to leave, again,” he admitted.
“A bird has to leave the nest on occasion.” I shrugged.
“You’re not a bird.”
“I’m not going to stay locked up in Marysville the rest of my life. I do have Chronic Fatigue, but I’m not dead. I still have dreams. Singing is my life. I’m not going to give that up for you or anyone. So unless you can handle my gypsy feet and occasional need to run, then get out of here.”
“This is my damn house!” he roared.
Wincing, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “I don’t care. It’s mine too.”
“I-you…I help pay the bills here.”
“And I helped to pay off the mortgage. Do we want to keep going?”
He paused. “You did what?”
“I paid off the mortgage.”
“When?”
“Last month when the bill came.” It had come days before Christmas and I’d paid it. It was pocket change for me. I wanted to pay it off for Charlie, so he didn’t have to worry anymore.
“You had no right!” Carter yelled.
“Why? I can help.”
“I’m doing just fine without your help. Dad is too.”
“Funny, I remember Charlie drinking heavily when I came to visit back in December, and now he barely drinks a six pack a week and he’s working again. So…remind me again how you were doing just so great, Carter.”
“Fuck you,” he growled.
“You wish,” I snapped. Frowning, I sighed. “Stop.”
“What?”
“I can’t do this with you. You’re not going to drain me out. This petty, childish bullshit isn’t worth it. I’m here to stay, Carter Travis. I may come and go from time to time, but this is my home, too. It’s not just yours. I’ll write whatever I want to about you. If you don’t want me to write shitty things, don’t be a shitty human being.” I tried to get around him to go up the stairs. Suddenly, the basement felt mighty small and I needed out.
“If we want to write about shitty human beings, let me start up a novel about Brielle fucking Harper!”
I recoiled. It was like he sliced me with a knife, the words cut me open and blood gushed from my wounds. “Be my guest. You won’t be the first person in my life to turn on me and you won’t be the last. I’m done discussing this, or anything, with you.” I pushed past him and he grabbed my arms.
“I’m not done!” he hissed, pulling me in tight and kissing me. The kiss was my punishment, and I should’ve hated him but my body sparked to life and I was putty in his hands.
“I hate you,” I moaned between kisses.
“Good
, because I feel the same way.”
“Fuck me.”
“I plan on my dick and your pussy working things out for a long damn time today.”
“Good.”
He hauled me into his arms roughly and carried me upstairs. “Couch or bed?” he demanded.
“Bed,” I whispered, nibbling his ear. I was on fire for him. My panties were soaked, my nipples hard, and I needed him inside me, yesterday.
He carried me the rest of the way upstairs and dropped me on the bed. HIs fingers found the button on my jeans. “You are mine,” he informed me as he jerked my pants and panties off.
“I always have been, dumb ass, you just are being ridiculous, and ohhhhh…” his mouth lowered to my throbbing clit and he sucked me, hard. I would come in seconds if he didn’t stop. The torture was too much.
“What’s that?” he asked, releasing my sensitive nub for a moment.
“Shut up and fuck me,” I ordered.
“That’s one thing we can agree on.” He buried his face back in my pussy and licked me mercilessly. My orgasm took my breath and I arched up off the bed, gripping his shaggy hair in my fists firmly. He sucked me down from the high then muttered against my thigh, “I’d like to keep my hair, thanks.”
“Get on the bed.”
“Excuse me, I thought I was taking you,” Carter snapped.
“It can’t just be what you want all the time.” I reminded him.
“Fine. Do your worst.” He slowly unbuttoned his shirt, and my mouth went dry with each inch of bronzed, muscular skin he revealed. Tossing it to the side, he stripped off his boots and his jeans and underwear went next. His dick stood tall and proud and my pussy clenched involuntarily. I needed him inside me. “I’m not scared,” he smirked as he crawled up on the bed and put both hands behind his head.
Cocky prick! Straddling his lap, I impaled myself on him. I was soaked and he slipped deep inside me. My head fell back and I fought the urge to moan loudly. He filled me completely and I had missed it, desperately. “Shut up, asshole,” I growled instead.
Rocking up and down, I took the lead, guiding myself to the perfect orgasm. It didn’t take me long and I soaked his lap with my juices. He grabbed me and rolled, but he rolled too far, and we collapsed on the floor in a tangle of limbs, me still on top. “Oh, so this is what you want?” I crowed. “Fine.”
“No, this is what I want.” He flipped me again and drilled deep into me. Grabbing my legs, he pulled them over his shoulders and fucked me mercilessly. I loved every stroke. I needed them. The head of his dick slid against my g-spot and I came again and again as he took me. With a shudder, he came and my legs slid off his shoulders as he whispered, “Well, that was…”
“Great. I will regret it tomorrow, though,” I chuckled.
He stiffened and I realized I’d offended him. “Why?”
“Because I’ll be really sore. Post-exertional malaise. I’ll be tired. I don’t regret it, though.”
He withdrew and looked at me in horror. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think…”
“I don’t want you to think about me being ‘sick.’ I want you to think about what you just did. That’s how I want you to see me. Your partner. Giving and taking and loving and making love. Don’t apologize.” Cupping his cheek, I smiled.
He kissed my palm. “Okay. I like the sound of partners.”
“Me too. It’s obvious neither of us can live without each other. The sex is just too good…and you bring me calm.”
“You shake me up.”
“It’s scary for us both. I get that…but I don’t want to do this anymore. I need you to support me.”
He blew out a slow breath. “Just don’t run away again. I can’t…lose you again.”
“Do you honestly think I’d be that stupid? I can’t let you make love like that to another girl. My God! If we let that secret get out even nuns will be dropping their panties for you!”
“I don’t think I could even make love to someone else if I wanted to.” Using his index finger, he stroked my cheek and kissed my mouth. “I love you.”
“I know. I love you too. Now get off me. Charlie will be home soon.”
Just like that, we were good again. But that’s how we’d always been, he and I. I just hoped forever could bring us that kind of happiness. God knows I was ready for it.
Chapter Seventeen
He surprised me a couple weeks later with a slot at Jacoby Jones. Kirby and I would have a whole hour on to jam and sing our songs.
“Are you mad?” he asked, his eyes twinkling with excitement. “Kirby has known for a while…I just wanted to surprise you. You go on in two hours.”
“Two hours?” I shrieked, jumping off his bed. “I have to get ready. They aren’t expecting Bri Harper, are they? I hope not. Because none of my music is like that anymore.” I paced the floor naked, running my hands through my hair. “I can’t believe you just sprang this on me!”
“You’re unhappy?” Carter frowned. “I thought you’d be psyched I’m supporting you…”
“I am happy that you’re supporting me. However, I might kill you because you sprang this on me last minute. I have to do my hair and makeup and find some clothes to wear. Oh my God what songs will we sing?”
Carter pulled me into his arms and kissed me soundly. Every worry I had melted away and my knees quivered. He had that effect on me and it drove me insane. Easing back, he grinned. “Breathe. It will be great. I’ll leave you to get ready.”
I watched him get dressed and he darted downstairs to his office. I was frozen in place. I had never gotten ready for a show alone. I knew it was just a small bar in the middle of nowhere, but this was the first time I was singing music I’d written and that I truly loved. It was not what people would be expecting, and that really worried me.
What if they hated what I sang, or booed me off stage? What would I do then? Slink back to my bedroom in Charlie’s house and cry? Possibly.
Shaking the cobwebs from my head, I moved. In half an hour, I’d showered and blown my hair out. I was already exhausted, but I had to still get dressed and put my makeup on. Carter never came up to see me, and I was grateful. I needed the time to get my head in the game. This time was different, and I had a lot to prove. I had to make the world see that I was more than bubblegum pop and lip-syncing and slick dance moves. I was a serious artist and I loved to sing real music that came from the heart.
Looking through the clothes I’d brought with me to the garage, I found a fitted denim mini skirt and a pretty blue halter top that I’d always liked. Pairing that with my favorite strappy heels, I felt beautiful. In my purse I carried my makeup bag and I plopped down on the bed to cover my dark circles and make myself presentable. Opening a compact, I used it to see my reflection and make sure my eyeliner was straight. It was only slightly crooked, but I couldn’t help it, my hands shook too much to make it any better.
Carter called up the stairs, “Come on beautiful, we gotta go.”
My heart thumped painfully in my chest and I shoved my makeup into my bag. “Be right there,” I squeaked. Starting down the stairs, I had to grab the railing to keep my knees from going out from under me. Carter caught me up in his arms and carried me out of the garage.
“You look hot, woman,” he murmured in my ear as he slid me down his body so I could get in the car.
Blushing, I smiled. “Thank you. You look pretty hot yourself.”
“Maybe I’ll just take you back inside and show you how hot you make me…” he warned, and I giggled, opening the door and sliding into the seat.
“We can’t do that. Kirby’s waiting on us.”
“Damn him.” Carter groaned, closing my door and circling the car to get in his door. Starting the car, he pulled out onto the road.
I trembled in fear. What am I gonna do if they hate me? A plan brewed in my brain to get people on my side. They had to know I wasn’t the same person anymore. I had an idea and I hoped it would help. I hadn’t been the best person Ma
rysville had to offer, but I wanted to be.
“It’s gonna be fine,” Carter assured me, squeezing my knee.
I tossed him a feeble smile. “I know.” We pulled into Jacoby Jones and I paled at the cars in the parking lot. It was completely full. “Is it always this busy?”
His lips twitched, like he was trying not to smile. “Not always.” He stepped out of the car and raised his arm. “Kirbs!”
Kirby lumbered across the parking lot, resplendent in a hot pink polo shirt. Mindy sashayed along with him. She looked great, she’d lost most of the baby weight and her wrap dress really flattered her figure. “My main man!” Kirby called, slapping Carter on the back. I opened my door and stepped out. Mindy hugged me.
“Hey girl, are you ready?” she asked excitedly.
Swallowing the bile rising in my throat, I nodded. “Sure.” Not really, can I run away?
“Let’s do this, babe!” Kirby crowed, throwing his arm around my shoulder. I nearly fell down under the weight of the beefy appendage.
They ushered me inside and I nearly spewed as the crowd went wild as soon as they saw me.
A voice came over the loudspeaker. The woman cooed, “Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special guest. Marysville’s own Bri Harper and Kirby Lowell. It’s an unplugged jam session, just for Jacoby Jones patrons.”
The cheers were deafening. Kirby pulled me up on stage and I sat down awkwardly on a stool. Blushing, I smiled out at the crowd. I could barely breathe. Straightening the mic, I said, “Thanks for having me here tonight. First things first. I am making a donation to the Marysville school system in the amount of one million dollars for their music department. I want any kids in our community with a dream to have a chance to learn to play an instrument.” I paused as the crowd cheered and screamed my name. Flushing hotter, I continued. “I’m also going to invest in our police and fire department. They are our first responders. I’ll be donating five hundred thousand dollars to each of them. All of you know I lost my mom in a car accident five years ago. Without them, I know I wouldn’t be here.” After the crowd died down again, I cleared my throat and blinked back tears, “Let’s make some music, yeah? Kirby?”
Good Stepbrother (Love #2) Page 18