Her mind was all over the place, but that was what came out of her mouth? Good lord, she was a mess.
“I hate to tell you this,” Aidan said, stroking up and down her arm as he held her, “but it’s like Niall said, and he hasn’t even been around for the last five years. A lot of people probably think we’re secretly together. Or just shagging, if nothing else.” A cheeky grin spread on his face. “It may be a surprise to people at first, but not a shock. You’ll see.” He kissed her temple, lingering. She leaned into him, the tenderness of his gesture giving her the comfort she craved. “Everything’s going to be fine,” he said. “And I’ll… well, I’ll give you whatever kind of wedding you want, Em. Anything you want, just name it.”
Her heart thumped against her chest, threatening to burst through. A wedding.
“And tomorrow, I’m going to come to your office and take you out to a long lunch,” he continued, “so we can go ring shopping. You can pick out whatever you like. Nothing but the best for you, I meant that.”
She pulled back from him to gape.
“Why the shock? My fiancée needs a ring.” He grinned wider, his blue eyes dancing.
“You don’t have to buy me a ring,” she stammered.
“Of course I do. We’re engaged.”
“Aidan. Stop. This is already getting out of hand.”
“Em… listen.” His gaze softened. “You said if we were going to do this, we’d have to act like a real couple. You’ll have a ring, and you’ll have a wedding. All of it. We have to, right? Unless you just want to elope? We could do that, too, but I think Chloe would be angry if we got married without her there. We could just have a small, simple wedding…”
Maura’s stomach lurched. Yup, she was going to throw up, or maybe pass out.
“Christ, you look terrified.” His hand lifted to cup her chin. “Sweetheart, it’s me. It’s just me. We’re going to play this out, and it’s going to work, and it’s going to be fine. Niall will never get to live out his twisted fantasy of an insta-family with Chloe.” His fingers brushed her cheek. “You’re so pale, you’re scaring me. Are you breathing?”
“Barely,” she choked out of her dry mouth.
He pulled her in, wrapping his arms around her. His hands swept up and down her back. “It’s going to work. Everything’s going to be fine. Know why?”
She shook her head, unable to speak. Guilt and doubt were strangling her.
“We’re best friends, that’s why. The very best.” His voice got thick, as if the emotions were finally rising in him, too. Did he truly realize what he was tying himself to here? “We’ve always been there for each other. I’ll keep you both safe. Now, you’re just going to have to deal with my dirty laundry and snoring too, that’s all.”
A giggle burst from her, but then she gasped. Snoring… they’d be sharing a bedroom if they were married. Surely he wouldn’t want to share a bed with her; that was going too far. And he shouldn’t have to; he’d sacrificed too much by agreeing to this half-baked scheme.
“Do you want separate beds?” she managed. “God, Aidan, I’m so sorry. It’d be so much easier if you were attracted to me, at least. But it’s just me, and you surely don’t…” She winced and shook her head, unable to finish that aching thought out loud. “I don’t want you to hate having to come home every night. I want you to at least have that bit of… privacy… your own space…”
His eyes darkened and a muscle jumped in his jaw. He said nothing, the tension between them building as he stared at her.
“You don’t have to play that part,” she blurted out. “The… physical part. I mean, sure, we’ve always been affectionate, we hug all the time. But I know you don’t think of me that way, so…” Good lord, she was mortified now.
And he was… she couldn’t tell what he was. His breathing was a little harder, a little shorter, and his eyes pinned hers. She wondered if the reality of the situation had finally set in, and now he was angry with her. Maybe he was about to really let her have it.
But he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. She jolted from the shock of it, but he didn’t break the kiss. His mouth was warm, delicious, and gentle as he tentatively sipped from her lips. Testing, with a low simmering urgency, he held her and kissed her, over and over. Aidan was kissing her… in a very not-just-friends way. Aidan was kissing her.
His hands lifted to sift through her hair as his mouth continued its sensual assault on her senses. It felt so strange, kissing him. But at the same time… it felt… right. Her lips parted instinctively, and when the tip of his tongue touched hers, something sparked low in her belly, spreading fire. She hadn’t been kissed in forever, and it felt wonderful. His tongue swept inside, tasting of dark stout, a blast of heat. Her arms lifted to slide around his neck and he moaned softly into her mouth. The low, raw sound, coupled with the feel of his warm lips moving against hers, made her entire body shudder. His embrace tightened and she pressed into him, her body seeking what her mind hadn’t caught up with yet.
His kisses were searching, scorching… his hands went to the back of her head to cradle it as he deepened the kiss, holding her in place, his mouth eager but sure, taking from hers. Her mind went blissfully blank as she kissed him back and melted into him. Who the hell knew he could kiss like this?!?
He pulled back slowly, looked into her eyes, and murmured, “Well hello.”
She was speechless. Unable to catch her breath, she stared at his mouth as if under a spell.
“Tell me something.” He moved in and kissed her again, long and sweet. His hands held her face, his thumbs caressing her skin as his mouth probed hers, a new blast of heat. Then he stopped, leaned his forehead against hers, and said, “Does that feel like I don’t think of you that way?”
More stunned than she’d ever been in her life, she had no answer.
He kissed her once more, his tongue tangling with hers as her fingers clutched at his shoulders. Then, again, he slowly pulled away and looked into her eyes.
At a total loss for words, she blushed and laughed softly.
He grinned back and cleared his throat. “So maybe we’ll have to practice. You’re tense, love. Ya need to be more comfortable with me, physically, or it’ll never play to the public.” The corner of his full mouth lifted as he winked. “Aye, we’ve got to get ya used to kissing me, Em. I know it’s a hardship, but—”
“It’s not a hardship,” she found herself whispering.
He’d pulled back from her, and already she missed the heat of his body, the feel of his mouth on hers. Her insides felt like molten lava, all gooey and red-hot. Oh, good lord. What the hell was going on?
They stared into each other’s eyes, a new kind of energy crackling and unfurling between them. She sensed something had changed, something big, but she couldn’t put words to it. Everything was changing so quickly now… her head was spinning.
“Em,” he said quietly, brushing her hair back from her face. “We have a lot to talk about. We’ll work everything out, I’m confident of that. But I have to say one thing… I don’t know why you thought I never thought of you that way. You couldn’t be more wrong. I hope those kisses just proved it. It’s a start, anyway…”
She couldn’t help but snort out a laugh. “You’ve never hit on me once!” she said. “All the girls, all the women, all these years… I’m the only woman you’ve never hit on.”
He blinked, and she saw only now did he realize why she thought as she did.
He chuckled low, shaking his head. “I don’t know about hitting on every woman. Really?”
“I might be exaggerating a wee bit,” she said.
“Ya think?” A hint of a grin flashed across his face. “Yes, with you, I didn’t, but… it was out of respect, Em. Deep respect for our friendship, and for you.”
“I appreciate that. I’m just explaining why I thought you weren’t attracted to me in the slightest.” She shrugged. “I thought you thought of me almost like a sister.”
“What?
God, no.” He laughed wryly, scrubbing a hand over his face. “If you only knew! The truth is… I’ve always been attracted to you. Always.” He paused, staring, before he said, “To me, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.”
Damn, he was smooth with words. And that smoldering look as he said it. No wonder half the women in Dublin had thrown themselves at his feet.
“Oh, stop it. You don’t have to say things like that to make this situation work,” she said calmly. “Save the lines, okay? It’s just me.”
“Excuse me?” He gaped at her, ire sparking in his blue gaze. “You think I’m feeding you lines? Are you joking?”
“‘The most beautiful girl in the world’? Oh please. Away with ye!” She squirmed a bit and tried to turn away.
“Hey. Wait a second. I’ve never fed a line to you, not ever.”
“Um, you just did. I was sittin’ right here.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face again, and she realized it was in frustration. “I don’t lie to you, Em. I don’t say things you want to hear just because, and you know it.”
“I know,” she said, her voice small in her throat. “But—”
“But nothing. I mean, did those kisses feel purely platonic to you?” He pressed, his temper clearly rising. “ ’Cause they sure as hell didn’t to me. I can’t make up that kind of passion on my own. That was hot, that was very mutual, and that was real.”
Embarrassed, she blushed and bit down on her lip. “Well, you’re a good kisser, and I haven’t been kissed in a long time.”
“So?”
“So…” She shrugged and said, “You’d probably have chemistry with a lamp post. You’re… well… you could make any woman melt in your arms. I’m no different.”
He stared at her in disbelief. “You—I—what?”
“I’m only human. You just laid a hell of a kiss on me. I can’t think straight.”
“Neither can I.” He growled.
Raking both hands through his hair, he huffed out a puff of air, clearly frustrated. “We need to get out of here. I need some air. Let’s go.”
Her face flamed. Without hesitation, she slid out of the booth.
Chapter Six
‡
The seven blocks between the pub and Maura’s house felt like seven miles. The air had cooled some, and she clutched her sweater around her as they walked in tense silence. Thoughts crashed around in Aidan’s head, almost as fiercely as the pounding of his heart. So much had happened in such a short time. And he…
He was angry at her.
He didn’t want to be. But after ten long years, he’d finally kissed the girl of his dreams… it was even more amazing than he’d ever dared to hope, the chemistry off the charts… and she wanted to brush him off and accuse him of feeding her lines?
He huffed out a frustrated breath and shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. She was scared. He knew that. But, dammit, it stung that she didn’t believe him when he tried to tell her how he felt about her.
“You’re pissed off at me,” she said quietly. “I’m not sure why, but I’m sorry.”
“If you’re not sure why,” he asked, “why are you apologizing?”
“Because you’re now roped into an impossible situation, and you did it to help Chloe and me, and I said some… maybe not so nice things. I didn’t mean to insult you.”
He glanced at her. Her sweet mouth was twisted into a frown, and tiny lines puckered her brow.
He sighed and stopped, grabbing her hand to make her stop with him. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. You’ve got enough to deal with that you don’t need me throwing a tantrum.”
Her pale blue eyes searched his as a light breeze lifted her hair, making the rose gold strands dance around her freckled face. She was so beautiful in the moonlight. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her again. To kiss her senseless. So many times he’d been tempted to kiss her, but had always held himself in check. He’d told himself he was afraid of rejection. But now he knew the full truth he’d refused to admit to himself. Now that he’d had a taste, he knew if he kissed her again, he wouldn’t ever want to stop. Kissing her once wasn’t enough, and never would be again.
“You don’t have to do this, you know,” she murmured. “We can tell everyone we’re getting married and not actually go through with it.”
Something in his chest tightened and he shook his head. “I can’t legally adopt Chloe unless we’re married. That’s the reason for doing it, remember? And I’m not going to lie to her; if we say we’re getting married, we’re getting married.”
“But Aidan—”
“You have to be on board with this one hundred percent, Em,” he said sternly. “There’s no halfway with a plan like this. We’re in, or we’re not.” He reached up and held her shoulders. “I’m in.”
She stared at him for a long time.
“We’ve always said—known—that we’d do anything for each other,” he said, low and somber. “And we have. Do you remember when I broke my arm?”
She grinned wryly. “Of course.”
“I was useless. Few things more pathetic than a twenty-five-year-old man who can’t do simple things all of a sudden.” The corner of his mouth ticked up. “So what’d you do?”
“I looked after ya some,” she said off-handedly. “Like any good friend would.”
“Really? Baz is my other good friend, and he didn’t come over every single night. You did. Without fail. You had a wee babe at home, and you still made time to help me. Because we mean that much to one another.” His hands lifted to hold her face, and she stilled beneath his touch. “Now it’s my turn to help you.”
“Aidan, that was for six weeks. This would be for the rest of your life.”
“I know that.”
“Do ya? Because I don’t think you’ve really thought this through.” She sighed as she added, “I know you’ve always had a thing for riding to my rescue, and I won’t lie, it’s been a comfort. But this is a whole new level. It’s life changing. Why are you willing to do this?”
“Em, the truth is…” He drew a deep breath.
He couldn’t tell her he was so in love with her that the very thought of Niall possibly hurting her and Chloe made his insides seize up, had him scrambling to protect them. He didn’t want to feed into her fear, but he had to tell her some of it, or she wouldn’t understand why he was so willing.
“The thought of Niall coming around you and Chloe… it makes my stomach clench. He just… honest to God, he scares me some. I don’t trust him. The way he glares at you… there’s nothing more frightening than a man who doesn’t think rules apply to him, and has nothing left to lose.” His hands dropped from her face to grip her upper arms. “I want to protect you both. It’s like… a primal thing, almost. I’ve gone full caveman.”
Maura’s eyes were wider now. “You really think he’s that much of a threat?”
“My gut’s sirens are going off like blazes,” Aidan murmured solemnly.
She shivered. “Mine, too, but I thought I was overreacting…”
“I don’t think you are. He’s… something’s off there.” He pulled her in and held her close. “We can keep her safe from him if we do this. It’s so simple, really.”
“There’s nothing simple about you tying yourself to a loveless marriage for the rest of your life,” she said against his chest.
His eyes slipped closed. He wanted to tell her so bad, but he couldn’t, not yet. She didn’t even believe he was truly attracted to her, even after that snog session at the pub nearly had him climbing on her in the booth. One day, he’d find a way to tell her how much he loved her so she’d believe it; but right now, he had to take this one step at a time. She was so scared, it had fried her brain. This wasn’t the capable, level-headed woman he knew.
“Em… Maura.” He drew back and tipped her chin up to hold her gaze. “It wouldn’t be a loveless marriage. I do love you. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. There are a lot of marriages
built on a hell of a lot less than that.”
Her breath hitched and her eyes flew wide. But she said, “That’s… true.”
“I’ve never found anyone who…” Who compares to you. Dammit, no. “I’m afraid of a loveless marriage, too, you know. My parents set the bar pretty high, loving each other the way they do. And I’ve watched my oldest brother Colin get shafted, living the lie of a loveless marriage for years now. But this wouldn’t be one. Aye, we’re friends, but I do love you.” And maybe, as time goes on, I’ll be able to show you just how much. When you’re ready, when you’re not scared and scattered. “If I’m going to be married, I can’t think of a better person to venture in with, or a more logical situation, really. Look, we’re already the best kind of partners possible. We’re an awesome team. It’ll just be legal now, is all.”
He realized her eyes had gone glassy again. She looked stricken. “How long do you think our unique friendship will last if you end up resenting me for this?”
“I volunteered,” he said firmly. “It was my idea. And it’s a good one.”
“Yes, on paper, it is. I admit that, I agree. But Aidan… if you end up resenting me and our friendship ended… I couldn’t take that. I couldn’t take losing you. Do you understand me?”
Warmth and affection flooded him.
He cupped her face with both hands and swore, “You will never lose me. Because I couldn’t take losing you either.” That’s why I’ve never told you how I really feel. “So it’s just not going to happen.” His thumbs swiped the tears from her cheeks.
His heart ached. He wished he’d timed this better, and told her how he felt before now. Maybe she wouldn’t be so scared, or so unsure. He sighed as she sniffled. She loved him deeply, he knew that. Was it such a stretch to hope in time, her feelings could turn into more, the way his had? The way she’d melted into his arms during that kiss… anything was possible.
He took a deep breath and ventured on. “It’s good to hear I mean so much to you. So now, please recall you mean the same to me. You and Chloe are like family to me already, which is why I want to do this. I want to help you both.” He stared into her eyes, still glassy and wide. “So. Decide, now. Once and for all.” He took a step back. “We can’t keep doing this back and forth. Either we’re doing this, and we have to start planning, or we’re not, and that’s that. It’s your call. Call it.”
Marrying His Best Friend Page 6