*
Maura was at her desk at work when Aidan texted her in the morning, assuring her he’d handle Niall and could he come by for dinner in the evening. His tone was protective, sweet, and affectionate. She texted back yes and then tried to call him, but it went to voice mail. Her appetite vanished. She tried to keep busy at work, even though for once it was a slow workflow, but the worry consumed her.
On her lunch hour, she went to the nearest Garda station to file a report against Niall. She didn’t think it’d take so long, but she was there for almost three hours. By the time she left, she didn’t feel any better. They’d started a file, and asked a million questions, but they couldn’t do much. Niall had been “a creeper” as one of the detectives said plainly, but since he hadn’t presented a real threat, there wasn’t really anything they could do.
Maura filed a restraining order, but wasn’t overly confident it would actually keep him away from Chloe. And she hadn’t heard from Aidan at all, which made her even more anxious. The whole day left her drained, and she took the rest of the day off from work. All she wanted was to go home, lie down, and close her eyes for a week. She went and pulled Chloe out of day care early, wanting her daughter safely near her, and got home by four o’clock.
She and Chloe snuggled on the sofa, watching Frozen for the hundredth time. Maura checked her phone every few minutes; she’d texted Aidan a hello, but he hadn’t answered. Where the hell was he? How had his meeting with Niall gone? Why wasn’t he answering her? That couldn’t be good.
She tried to distract herself with thoughts of the big trip. She and Aidan were leaving for New York on Friday. She’d been so excited for the past few weeks, making sure her passport was up to date, making lists, and getting her things together slowly, intending to get the majority of packing done on Wednesday night. The trip would be wonderful—the reverse of what Aidan had originally suggested, but just as great. Gavin and Toni’s beach ceremony was to be on Sunday afternoon, so they were going to Long Island first, for three days on the beach, and New York City after that, for four. He’d spared no expense on hotels, and they’d planned out all they could fit into four days, from guided tours to museums to a Broadway show. She was finally going to see New York, and with her best friend. It was a dream come true.
They’d spend their first night in Manhattan, however, at his brother Sean’s bar somewhere in Midtown. Sean and his wife, Cassandra, had a baby girl, Rose; Aidan hadn’t yet met his newest niece. He and Sean weren’t particularly close, but he’d been looking forward to seeing him and checking out his pub all the same. Maura was excited to finally meet the only one of Aidan’s seven older siblings that she hadn’t. The whole trip was going to be amazing… if she could stop worrying that while they were an ocean away, her mental ex would do something stupid or bold about Chloe. Her mother was on guard, her two older sisters would be around, the restraining order was on file… she had to let go and allow herself to enjoy the trip. She hugged her daughter a little tighter and kissed the top of her head. Chloe snuggled closer into her.
The doorbell rang and Maura jolted. Her nerves were on edge, jangling live-wires. A quick look at her phone showed it was half past five as she rose from the sofa. She opened the door to Aidan and instinct slammed her like a sledgehammer to her gut. He looked as if he was holding back tremendous wrath, already at a low boil. His eyes glittered with fury and the spots of high color on his cheeks were a big red flag.
“We need to talk,” he bit out. He moved past her into the house, but stopped when he saw Chloe on the sofa. “Hello, princess.”
“Hi, Uncle Ay!” She smiled up at him. “We’re watching Frozen.”
“Are ya now.” He ran his hands through his hair. Maura could see the coiled tension in his movements, and it made her blood rush a little faster through her veins. “Chloe, your mum and I need to have a long, important talk. Grown-up stuff. We’re going to go outside; we’ll be just out the front door. You keep watching Frozen, okay?”
“Okay,” Chloe said, turning her big, blue eyes back to the television without another word.
He strode past Maura and out the door, obviously expecting her to follow.
Irritation sparked, but dread and a sick curiosity flamed higher. She followed him outside, made sure the door wasn’t locked, and closed it behind her. He stood there waiting, his arms crossed over his broad chest. The evening sun slanted down on him, bringing out shimmers of gold in his hair. His jaw was set so tightly, a muscle jumped.
“You look spittin’ angry,” she remarked.
“You have no idea.” He seethed.
“Safe to assume that’s why we’re out here?” she asked. “So Chloe wouldn’t hear whatever we’re about to discuss?”
“Aye.” His eyes stunned her, the raw fury she saw there. “I don’t want her to hear me rage at her mother for the first time in my life.” He scrubbed his hands over his face, then raked them through his already tousled hair before he spat, “Jaysus, Maura, I’m so bloody pissed off at you, I can barely think straight.”
She blinked, taken aback. Aidan had a temper, same as any proper Irishman, but it’d never been aimed at her. Never. “Why?”
His eyes flashed as they speared her. “You’ve been lying to me. About everything regarding Niall. I’m still… I just…” He shook his head and swore under his breath. When he looked at her again, his bright blue eyes were filled with miserable disbelief. “Ya said ya weren’t keeping anything from me. You lied, Em. You feckin’ lied to me. My head’s reeling from it!”
Her heart started to pound in her chest, thick, heavy thumps. “What do you think I’ve lied about?” she asked, but she knew. She just wanted to hear exactly what he’d learned, so she’d know what she had to fill in.
“I went to see Niall today, as I told you I would,” Aidan began. Tension radiated off him. “Ya have any idea what a blow it was, being enlightened about your fiancée from the man she’s claimed to have nothin’ to do with?”
Her words died in her mouth. He wasn’t wrong. She’d screwed this up royally.
“He said he’s been texting ya, calling ya, for months. That you never told me because you liked his attention, and you were playing us against each other. I told him he was clearly off his nut, ’cause not only didn’t you want any attention from him, you would’ve told me if you were in regular contact, of any kind. He started laughing.” Aidan’s mouth twisted in a scowl, and a shadow crossed his face. “He took out his phone and played me the voice mail ya left him just last night.”
Maura cringed and wrapped her arms around her middle.
“He taunted me, which I wouldn’t have cared about, but the things he said about you… I just…” He looked down balefully at his hands, and she did, too.
Only then did she realize the knuckles on his right hand were red and swollen.
“Jaysus, Aidan,” she whispered. “What did you do? Are you all right?”
She reached out to examine his hand and he backed away. “Don’t,” he ground out. “Don’t touch me right now, okay?”
She felt as if he’d slapped her. “Okay,” she whispered raggedly.
“I made it very clear what I thought of him, and what he’s been doing,” Aidan said in a low, raspy tone. “We talked first, but that got us nowhere, so… I had to get it through in the only way an unhinged bully like that understands.” He frowned as he continued to look at his hand and slowly flexed his fingers. “I believe we came to an understanding. I don’t think he’ll be lurking around Chloe, or you, again.”
She glanced again at his roughed up hand. “Is Niall in hospital?” she wondered aloud.
“Don’t know. But I made it clear that if he presses charges against me for assault, I’ll press charges against him for harassing you and Chloe. Harassment of a grown man to a wee girl isn’t something the Garda will take lightly.” Aidan huffed out a sigh. “I’m not proud of myself, mind ya. Violence is never the answer. But ya know what, maybe, on occasion, with someone
like him, it is.” He stood straight, even as the conflict of what he’d done showed on his face. “I protect my family, no matter what. And you and Chloe are my family now. Doesn’t matter that we’re not married yet, you’re my family.” He looked at her balefully before turning his back to her and bowing his head.
“I love you for that. So much.” Maura’s throat thickened even as her breath hitched and tears pricked her eyes. “I wanted to handle him myself,” she managed. “I thought I could make him go away, and I didn’t want you to worry about me.”
“What a crock of shite.” Aidan seethed, whirling on her. “Before we were engaged, just friends, you told me everything. Every little damn thing. Now, you’re not. Why? Why in bloody hell wouldn’t you? I don’t get it. It’s self-sabotage or somethin’, I swear. Because it makes no sense.” He stared her down. “The other problem is, you can’t make me understand your lies if you’re lying to yourself, too.”
His angry words sliced her like a dagger straight to the heart. And what was worst of all? He wasn’t wrong. Her head swam with it all, and she shifted into a defensive stance. “That’s pretty harsh.”
“Because it’s true.”
“You know, you held something pretty bloody important back from me for ten years,” she said desperately. “I did it to you for ten weeks, and you’re going to stand there and judge me, even when I’m trying to explain why I did what I did?”
His eyes flew wide and he froze where he stood. “I can’t believe you just said that. You… you’re throwing it back in my face that I swallowed how I felt about you, how I…” He scrubbed his hands over his face as if trying to wake himself from a nightmare. “You’re unbelievable.”
Her stomach lurched viciously. This was going so, so wrong. “I was afraid!” she cried.
“So was I!” He roared.
Her heart was racing so hard and fast, she thought it might actually burst from her chest. “Then why aren’t you letting me explain and being a little more understanding?”
“Understanding? Of what? Your lying to me and keeping secrets from me?” He glared at her. “At least I didn’t lie straight to your face.”
“Sure you did,” she said. “Every day, for a decade.”
He paled. The color seeped from his face and the light left his eyes. “I can’t do this. I won’t.” His voice was raw, and the way he looked at her… oh, dear God, what had she done? “I can’t even look at you right now. It hurts too much.” He turned and started to walk away.
Don’t let him leave like this! “Aidan, wait, please—”
He kept walking, right to his car. She ran after him, grasped at his arm, but he gently but firmly shook her off.
“I was wrong not to tell you Niall kept after me,” she said, desperate to make him hear her, to not leave. “I’m sorry! I did it all wrong. I wanted to handle him myself, to show you—and I guess myself—that I’m still an independent woman. And I—”
“You can have all the independence you want,” he said, his tone flat. His eyes glittered with pain. “I’m not breaking up our plan, because I made a promise to Chloe and I’ll never desert her. But if I could break up with you right now, I would.” He opened the door to his car. “I’m sick to my stomach. Just lay off, leave me be.” He got in, slammed the door, and took off.
Maura watched his car speed down the street and disappear around a corner. Birds sang on the perches of nearby trees, the muffled sound of children’s voices floated on the evening air, her neighbor came out of her house to take her dog for a walk… Maura stood there, tears streaming silently down her face. The defeated yet enraged look on Aidan’s face sliced her inside. She’d done that. She’d broken his trust, said awful things in the heat of the moment when she felt put on the spot, and hurt him profoundly. As she stood there frozen, crying, aching inside, she wondered how she’d be able to make things right between them. Or if she even could.
Chapter Seventeen
‡
Maura got through the next few days in a haze of misery that wouldn’t let up. She gave Aidan space at first, not knowing what else to do but respect his request to leave him be. And whatever he’d said or done to Niall must have worked, because she didn’t hear a peep from him. But that victory was hollow. She’d hurt her best friend, her fiancée… the man she’d fallen in love with. She’d been unable to admit that to him, or herself, until it was apparently too late.
What had she gained by not telling him how her feelings had changed, and how deeply she’d fallen in love with him? Why on earth had she thought holding out on that was somehow protecting herself? Why hadn’t she asked him for help with Niall, instead of being so stubborn and secretive? Maybe she’d been more damaged than she’d realized. But she wasn’t going to let Aidan walk out of her life, not without a fight. She’d fix it… no matter what it took. He’d done so much for her, and she wanted to make things right. He meant the world to her.
She cried her tears in private, late every night in her room, a gut-wrenching penance. The silence from Aidan spoke volumes. By Thursday morning, it was deafening. And since they were supposed to leave for their big romantic trip the next day, she had no choice but to try to reach him.
Before she left to take Chloe to daycare and go to work, she texted him. “We’re supposed to leave tomorrow for New York. I haven’t heard from you at all. Do you want me to cancel? I will, without hesitation, if you want me to. Just let me know.”
By the time she’d gotten to her car, he’d answered. “No, don’t cancel. Everyone’s expecting you there with me.”
Her heart sank. Only because it would look wrong to his family did he not want her to cancel? That wasn’t all right. “Doesn’t sound like you want me there, Aidan. I understand. Maybe you need space, and when you come back from New York, we can get together and talk.”
“Don’t cancel.” His short reply came. “I’ll see you at the airport at ten, as planned. Try not to let me down again, okay?”
Hot tears sprang to her eyes at his rebuke. God, he was still so angry with her. It hurt her heart. She texted back. “Okay.” Then she tossed her phone into her bag, sniffed hard, smiled at Chloe in the rearview mirror, and left to start the day.
*
Maura buckled herself into her seat on the plane. Beside her, Aidan did the same. It was worse than sitting with a stranger, sitting next to a man who was so obviously angry and disappointed. The waves of it rolled off him. When she’d met him at the airport, at the ticket kiosk like they’d planned, for a split second his eyes had relayed something hot, wanting, yearning as he looked at her… but then he’d slid up an invisible but impenetrable wall, right before her eyes. He spoke to her in flat, clipped tones when speaking was necessary, but lapsed into petulant, cold silence as they slowly moved through the queues at security. It was horrible. She couldn’t stand it. How were they going to be together like this, away for a whole week? Sharing a bed, no less?
Finally, as the plane was about to take off, she turned to him. He was leaning back in his seat, eyes closed.
She cleared her throat before asking softly, “If this is how you’re planning to act towards me, it’ll be the longest, most miserable week of our lives.”
He opened his eyes to look at her, but didn’t answer.
“I should have cancelled,” she muttered. “You hate me now. Why am I here?”
“I don’t hate you,” he said.
“Could’ve fooled me. Sure feels like it.”
He regarded her for a long beat before saying, “I’m still really hurt, Maura. I’m sorry about the timing of the trip, but I’m not going to pretend. I couldn’t if I tried.”
“I know. You’re too honest. As opposed to me, the horrid liar, right?” She huffed out a breath of frustration. “So why make me come along?”
Again, he hesitated. “I wanted you with me, regardless.”
“Regardless of what?”
“How you hurt me so bad. I’m not over it yet.” His voice was a low, rough
murmur, his eyes sad as he gazed at her. “I’m trying. I’ll get there.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry,” she whispered roughly. “You have no idea how sorry I am. I messed up and I know it, but you don’t want to hear me. I’ve been thinking about nothing else.” She sniffled. “What I said to you when we were arguing was awful, and I know it. I acted like a git, a damn fool. And now, I don’t know…” Her voice broke and she swallowed a sob. “I don’t know how to fix it. I’m just so sorry I hurt you. I wish you knew that.”
He looked back at her and his throat worked as he swallowed hard, but he didn’t say anything, only nodded.
Unable to bear it, she turned away. They needed space, more time to cool off before they tried to work things out… this trip couldn’t have happened at a worse time. She couldn’t get away from him, there was nowhere to go. They were trapped next to each other on a plane for the next seven hours. And she couldn’t tell him how she loved him now; it would only seem contrived, manipulative. Crying as quietly as she could, she twisted in her seat to turn her back to him as much as possible. She covered her face with one hand so it would appear as if she had a headache to other travelers, not crying her eyes out from heartache over the man sitting next to her.
*
Aidan leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. He tried to appear calm and cool on the outside, but her pain didn’t appease or satisfy him in any way, it was heart-wrenching. His insides felt twisted in knots and his skin got clammy. She’d tried to reach out, after a long morning of cold silence, and he hadn’t given her an inch. When she said it’d be a long miserable week ahead, she’d been right.
His fault. He had to let go of his anger, of his disillusionment. Because she’d tried to explain and apologize for her actions, and he hadn’t let her. The things she’d said were in bad taste and hard to excuse, but they were so cutting because they were true. He had kept things from her, for years, and out of a similar fear. Now, he’d been so hurt he’d frozen her out, and what did that accomplish? Nothing. They were both miserable.
Marrying His Best Friend Page 16