He knew she loved him as a friend, as a person, and possibly as more than that now. She certainly was acting exactly like a dejected lover would. And he now knew how much Niall had messed with her head; the bloody bastard had flaunted the ways he’d been gas-lighting Maura all summer long, listing them to Aidan with deranged pride. It wasn’t all her fault that she hadn’t managed him well; she didn’t think the way a sociopath did.
If only Aidan had known, he could have helped her. He felt like a failure on that front… and again, knew it was his battered ego and bruised pride and heart talking.
Why shouldn’t she have tried to solve the problem on her own? Just because she always called him her “white knight” didn’t mean she always needed to be rescued. She’d wanted to fend for herself, and of course she did—she had a spine of steel under the soft tissue, it was one of the many things he loved about her. He would’ve understood; why hadn’t she known that? It was a major communication failure that had scared him and made him fly off the handle. If she’s not talking to me now, telling me when she needs help or support, what’s our marriage going to be like? That was where his mind had gone on the drive from Niall’s place to hers.
But they’d never truly argued before. Not like a couple, like lovers did. Once romantic hearts were involved, things sure were different. They’d been afraid to tell each other the whole truth, afraid to upset the other… because now, there was so much more to lose. There was so much at stake, and both knew it. He recognized that.
Yet he hadn’t been able to talk to her. The first day, it’d been just throbbing, aching pain and his bruised ego in control. By now, he had a handle on it, but he was still punishing her, wasn’t he. This wasn’t like him. His father did this, acted this way when he was hurt and angry. Aidan had always resented that. He loved his da, but it wasn’t the kind of man he was, or ever wanted to be. He had to rein it in now.
“Maura,” he said softly as the plane took off down the runway.
She shook her head no and wouldn’t turn back to him. He spent liftoff staring woefully at her long, rose-gold hair, pulled back into a loose pony tail, streaming down her back. Her back that shuddered softly as she cried, because of him. He cringed and finally turned away to stare out the window.
When the plane was safely in the air and the bell pealed to signal it was safe to move around the cabin, she almost sprang to her feet, rushing towards the restroom. She didn’t return for almost half an hour.
“I was startin’ to think you fell in.” He tried to joke.
She wouldn’t look at him. As she buckled her seatbelt again, she said, “I tried to find a way for another passenger to switch seats with me. The crew couldn’t do it.”
Irritation burned through him. “You did what?”
“Sorry. You’re stuck next to me.” She reached down for the carry-on bag she’d stuffed underneath her seat. “Gonna be a long flight.”
“I—you’re being bloody childish now, aren’t ya?” he said.
“Possibly. But here’s a news flash, Aidan—you’re not the only one hurting. You’re not the only one who needs some time and space right now, and it’s a luxury neither of us have for the next seven hours.” She put earbuds in her ears, closed her eyes, crossed her arms over her chest, and sat back, effectively shutting him out.
He swore under his breath and stared out the window as his insides throbbed. What a bloody wonderful dream trip this was turning out to be.
*
When the plane broke through the clouds, revealing New York beneath, it was just after noon, local time. Aidan stared down at the view with a bittersweet pang. He’d dreamed of going to New York with Maura for years. Here they finally were… and they were barely speaking. His eyes roamed over her freckled face, her closed eyes, and long, pale lashes. She was asleep. He drank in the peaceful look on her features, one he hadn’t seen in days. A new pang hit him and he realized he missed her. Jaysus, she was sitting right there, had been for hours, and he missed her. How pathetic.
He hesitated before waking her, but was overcome with new excitement. “Em,” he said, tapping her forearm gently. She woke with a start, eyes snapping open to fasten on him.
“Look,” he said, gesturing out the window.
He leaned back to give her a better view, more access. She pulled out her earbuds and peered out, past him. He caught the way her pale blue eyes widened with delight.
“Wow.” She breathed in, with a hint of a smile.
“Welcome to New York,” he said quietly. “We finally made it.”
She smiled, but then it faded, as if she’d suddenly remembered they weren’t really together now, but on opposite sides of a huge, gaping canyon. She leaned back in her seat again, put her earbuds back in, and rummaged through her bag, shutting herself away. He sighed and went back to watching their slow descent out the window.
Aidan’s sister, Anna, had returned to New York the day before. She’d arranged for a town car to pick Aidan and Maura up at JFK Airport and take them to their hotel in Long Beach, about a half hour drive. He found the driver holding a “McKinnon” sign without a problem, and within minutes they were in the back seat of a car, making their way through the streets of Queens, then Long Island.
They were grateful for the air conditioning in the car. It was a hot, hazy day to kick off September, hovering near ninety degrees Fahrenheit, the kind of heat and humidity they weren’t accustomed to. They sat with her big, green carry-on bag between them, each on their own sides of the back seat, fascinated and delighted by the new sights that whirred by their windows.
“It’s more crowded than I’d realized it’d be,” she murmured. “So many stores, houses, everything all so close together, even though we’re not in New York City.”
It took him a few seconds to register that she’d spoken to him.
He cleared his throat and said, “Aye, ’tis that. But sections of Dublin are just as crowded, no? And some suburbs?”
“I suppose.” She didn’t turn to look at him, but at least they were making small talk. That was something.
“Greener than I thought, too.”
“Along these parkways, ya mean?” he said. “Aye, lush and green in spring and summer, Anna said Long Island is like that. How they have everything here, from city-like areas to green to the beach. It’s why she likes it so much.”
Maura just nodded. She’d been up since six AM, the flight had been tense and long, and she was tired. Holding back her emotions had exhausted her; all she wanted to do was collapse into his arms, and he obviously wanted nothing to do with her now. She’d never seen him this upset with her for this long. She thought—hoped—he’d get past it, but he hadn’t, not even a little bit. So that meant she’d blown everything. They were still going to be married, try to be a family, and she’d made him not want her anymore. It was beyond devastating.
“Are ya hungry?” Aidan asked.
“Starving,” she admitted. “And tired.”
“Me, too,” he said. “Both counts. When we get to the hotel, there’s two restaurants in it. One big, one small. We’ll find something to eat, all right? We’ve no plans tonight… we were just going to go explore the beach and the hotel, right? That was the original plan? So…”
She finally turned to look at him. He was gazing at her civilly, and if she wasn’t mistaken, with a hint of longing. “All right.” She went back to staring out the window.
The car went through what looked like a lively beach town, filled with small shops, restaurants, and pubs—no, Americans called them bars. The sidewalks bustled with people of all ages, taking advantage of the great summer weather.
“If you look out to the right,” the driver said in a thick New York accent, “between the blocks, you can see the beach and the ocean.”
“Aye, I can! Thanks for that,” Aidan said. “I thought there was a big boardwalk in Long Beach?”
“Sure there is,” the driver said, “but we’re not in that part of town yet. This is
the West End.”
“This is where my sister spends her summers, then,” Aidan said, both to the driver and to Maura. “She rents a house here somewhere with a few friends, right on the beach.”
“Yeah, that’s pretty common down here,” the driver said. “Where your hotel is? That’s on the boardwalk, in the main part of town. We’ll be there in less than ten minutes. Just a lot of traffic because it’s the holiday weekend and all.”
“My brother is having a wedding of sorts on the beach,” Aidan said, slipping easily into chatter with the driver. “On Sunday afternoon, down here somewhere. So should we take a taxi, then? What do you suggest?”
“Should be fine to do that,” the driver said with a nod. “Give yourself a half hour, just in case. Only one lane each way down here, as you see. Can get pretty clogged up. Give yourself some extra time, ya know?”
“Thanks, we’ll do that.” Aidan sat back and offered Maura an amiable grin. She returned it apprehensively, but she returned it.
*
The Allegria Hotel was modern, trendy, a vision of white that sat right on the Long Beach boardwalk. Maura looked around in delight as they entered the spacious lobby, all marble and chrome, white and aqua, silver and glass. Aidan checked in, then asked the concierge to hold their bags while they had lunch in the smaller, more quiet restaurant. The tension between him and Maura hadn’t lessened much, but it wasn’t as outright frosty as it had been when they’d first met at the airport earlier that morning.
As she perused the menu, he said, “Remember, this trip was also a belated birthday present to you. Don’t think about money; order whatever you want, at every meal. Ya hear me?”
Her eyes lifted to meet his. Her birthday had been 3rd of July, and he’d treated her like a queen. He’d taken her out to lunch at her favorite sushi place, then to an exhibit at an art museum he thought she might like, then to an outdoor concert in a park that afternoon, then out to dinner at a fancy restaurant in City Centre… then they’d gone back to his flat and made love for hours. It had been a perfect day. He’d put so much thought and effort into making her thirtieth birthday memorable. The chasm between them now… that wonderful day seemed so long ago now, and made her insides squeeze with a bittersweet sadness. “My birthday’s come and gone,” she said quietly. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to,” he said.
She couldn’t help but say, “Even now? Sure about that?”
His lips pressed into a thin line, but his gaze didn’t waver. “Aye. I’m sure.” He looked as if he wanted to say more, but he didn’t.
Their eyes held for a long beat, then she nodded and looked back down to the menu.
After a delicious but tensely quiet seafood lunch, they retrieved their bags from the concierge and made their way upstairs to their room. Aidan slipped the keycard in and moved aside for her to enter first. Her breath caught at the luxurious surroundings. All white and taupe, the room was beautiful, featuring a king-sized bed and gauzy white curtains along the far wall that were luminescent from the sun outside.
Aidan strode across the room to sweep them aside, revealing panoramic windows that gave magnificent views of the Atlantic Ocean. “Spectacular,” he said with a smile.
“It really is,” she said, but yawned. She glanced over at the bed. It looked so inviting… but sharing a bed with him when they were so uptight… damn.
“You look ready to fall down,” he said kindly. “You should take a nap.”
“I want to.” She conceded. “But… maybe we should get a different room?”
His brows furrowed as he frowned. “Why? Don’t you like this?”
“I love it,” she replied. “But I’m sure ya don’t want to be sharing a bed with me just now. Maybe they have a room with separate—”
“Stop,” he said curtly. “This is fine. We’ll… we’ll be fine.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Will we, Aidan?”
“Aye.” He nodded and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I know we will.”
“That makes one of us right now.” She sighed and turned away. “I’m too tired to argue, or even to talk. You’re right, I might fall down. I need a nap desperately.”
He waved an open arm towards the bed. “Please. All yours.”
She didn’t hesitate. She kicked off her sandals and went straight to it, sinking onto the mattress with a sigh of pleasure. “Ohhh, my God, that feels so good.”
He watched her as she curled onto the edge, facing the opposite wall, not the windows or him. “You’re so close to the edge, you’re gonna roll right off,” he said to her back. “You can have more real estate there.”
“I’m fine,” she said.
He stood by the windows, leaning against the wall and staring out. There was a grand pool at ground level, eight floors below, and the majestic ocean beyond it. Hazy blue skies faded into the deeper blue of the sea. He watched waves roll out and crash in… two minutes later, he glanced over his shoulder. Maura was still. He went around the bed to peek; sure enough, she was out cold.
He lay down on the other side of the bed, careful not to wake her. The space between them felt meters wide. An overwhelming rush of need seared him; he wanted to roll to the middle and pull her into his arms. That was progress. His anger was fading fast, now that they were here. He was missing her, wanting her again.
Both needed a nap, he decided. When they woke, he’d talk to her, try to work things out, discuss in detail whatever needed discussing… ask her to forgive him for being quick-tempered, stubborn, hotheaded, and also ask her to explain herself more clearly to him. They’d work it out… his eyes slipped closed and he fell asleep feeling hopeful, even optimistic.
When he opened his eyes, he was disoriented, not remembering for a few seconds where he was. Then he did, and he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. The sunlight had changed, deepening and shifting its shadows across the room. The sky was a different shade of blue, crisper without high sun. His watch showed he’d been asleep for almost two hours. He stretched some as he looked around. The bed was empty. The room was empty.
“Maura?” he said aloud. There was no response. He sat up. “Maura?” he repeated, louder this time. Nothing.
Jesus Christ, had she left? Maybe gotten her own room, even? A wave of unease crashed over him as rose from the bed. He went to the closet; her suitcase was still there. Finally he noticed a sheet of hotel stationery taped to the bathroom mirror with her handwriting on it.
Went for a walk on the beach. Be back later.
He gave a long exhale. At least she hadn’t left him.
Damn, that wasn’t fair to her. She wouldn’t leave him. He’d been a bloody stubborn git, and not given her much reason to want to stay at this point, but he knew she cared for him as deeply as he did for her. She was hurting as much as he was, he knew that. Raking his hands through his hair, then scrubbing them over his scruffy jaw, he opted for a shower. He’d think about what he wanted to say to her when she returned. It was time to fix this. They couldn’t go on this way. She’d tried to approach him and he’d rebuffed her, a few times already. This time, it had to come from him.
After he showered, feeling much more human, he dressed in a fresh T-shirt and shorts, then lay on the bed with his phone, texting people, checking email, waiting for Maura… but she didn’t come back.
After an hour, he was annoyed. After an hour and a half, he was anxious. After two hours, he was borderline frantic.
He supposed it served him right. He hadn’t exactly made her feel welcome or wanted, had he? But, good lord, where was she? It was almost seven-thirty, and he didn’t actually know when she’d left. Shouldn’t she have been back by now? What if something had happened to her, and he had no clue?
Finally, he decided to crash her alone time. He texted her. “Where are you???”
The three minutes it took for her to respond felt like hours. “Outside. Went exploring. Sitting on the beach now, right by the hotel. Was going to c
ome back upstairs in a few minutes.”
Something powerful gripped and took hold of him. Something like relief, or gratitude, or angst, or mad love. Maybe a mixture of all of them put together. All he knew was he couldn’t bear to stay away from her for another minute. The anger was gone, replaced by want and adoration and need. He needed his best friend back at his side, where she belonged. “Stay there.” He texted. “Tell me where you are. I’m coming down to you.”
Chapter Eighteen
‡
Following the concierge’s directions, Aidan made his way out from the back entrance of the hotel onto the boardwalk. It was still light out, but the sunshine wasn’t strong like it’d been at midday, when they’d gotten off the plane. In fact, it was dusky now. The evening skies were a deeper blue, and the smear of clouds were tinged with a hint of the colors the sunset would soon bring. Warm breezes blew off the ocean, whipping his hair around. He walked along the boardwalk until he found the closest ramp that would bring him down to the sand.
The beach here was so different than the coastlines of Ireland. Gavin had told him about that, how when he went to Long Island, how surprised he’d been to feel soft golden sand beneath his feet instead of the rockier terrain they were familiar with back home. Aidan slipped off his flip-flops and dug his toes into the sand. It was warm from the sun beating down on it all day, and he savored the feel of it.
Carrying his flip-flops on a hooked fingertip, he looked around for the bench where Maura had told him she’d camped out. To the right, a few feet away, there she was. Wearing a long sundress of swirling pale blues, she’d pulled her legs up beneath her and sat with her arms and dress wrapped around them, her chin resting on her knees. Her toes stuck out adorably and her sandals were on the sand. Her rose-gold hair was in a ponytail and her sunglasses were now perched on her head, but the wind had pulled out a few strands, which flew wildly around her head. His heart squeezed at the sight of her, he swallowed hard, and approached.
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