by Cerise Noble
And then I did. Blonde, short hair, thick muscles, and a voice more familiar to my dreams than my reality.
Tobin had his arms around her, his lips on her throat, his buttocks flexing as he filled her. I bit my knuckles, stifling my scream.
Why had I ever thought I was something special? Why would I have ever thought that I—I—could outshine her? She was beauty and sweetness and perfection.
I adored her, and I wasn't angry. She could no more help loving everyone than they could help loving her.
But the pain cut deeply, flaying my soul until I thought that death would be welcome, if only so it would stop the pain.
That was when I realized how much I wanted it. Needed it. And I smiled.
Tobin had given me the pain I would need to get through the night.
Chapter Three
I lay in Jessica's bed until they were finished, drinking in the sounds of her pleasure. It smoothed the harshest of the cuts on my heart, knowing that she was happy, that she was safe and cared for.
When it was over, she came to me. Not knowing I heard her, she wrapped herself around me, her lips on my shoulder.
"I love you, Stephanie."
I would always forgive her anything at all.
***
Gerard's voice roused me, and she and I were awake in an instant.
"It's time. They're on their way."
Simon's voice. "Grab your things. Follow me."
We slid into the darkness, silent. Following the soldiers, Tobin's two brothers, I felt a creeping dread. No one noticed us. I daresay two soldiers roaming the streets at night with two women was an all too common occurrence, lending credence to the danger I was in. I glanced around for Tobin and Roy, but they were too far away.
We got to the gate. Simon called to the men there, exchanging rude jokes and complaints common to soldiers the world over. All the while, Gerard was edging us towards the gate.
It wasn't until he started to open it that the men became suspicious.
"Hey, now, where do you think you're going?"
"Just a romp in the bushes, man. Don't need her husband to see me, eh?"
Gerard mimed a rude gesture, and Jessica giggled. I slipped an arm around her waist and pretended not to be afraid. She kissed me, a lingering tease of tongue and lip. The soldiers guffawed, slapping Simon on the back and making crude suggestions. Jessica giggled again, this time her smile lingering on Simon's, her lips parting for his tongue. Gerard opened the gate, ushering us out with a foppish bow.
Simon released her and drew closer to the other men, describing in lewd detail how he planned to take advantage of his good fortune, distracting them while two big shadows slipped through the gate after us. I scented Tobin near me, and my heart calmed.
Leaving the other soldiers in fits of laughter, Simon sauntered towards the gate. Gerard was already urging us faster into the forest, away from the village wall. I couldn't see the light from their fire anymore, but I heard the shouts.
"Hey! Hold it right there! Those women belong to the governor! Get back here! Get them! Stop him!"
And I heard the report of a gun. Even without seeing it, I knew. I felt it in my bones, and I turned. Tobin swept me up, throwing me over his shoulder, just as Roy did the same to Jessica. They ran.
For a long time all I could see were the flashes of the trees, scarcely visible in the darkness. I could hear the shouts and another shot or two, but no more. They wouldn't want to waste precious and rare ammunition.
There was a small boat pulled up on the shore of the stream. The men put us in it and shoved off. I counted, looking at their closed faces, knowing I was right. Gerard. Tobin. Roy. No Simon.
***
We woke up when the boat bumped land. Again, the men urged us forward, dragging the boat into the brush and hiding it from view, grabbing our hands and running.
It had been a very long time since I'd run in the forest. My feet sank and slid in the mud, the roots tripped me up, and vines twisted around my ankles, the fetid smell of swamp clogging my nose. Through it all, I remembered the deep cut of pain, Tobin's scent on Jessica's skin, using it as a shield for the horror of the night, for losing Simon.
It was dawn before we stopped, my body shaking with fatigue. My legs burned and my feet ached, one ankle wrenched and swollen. Jessica looked little better, covered in mud, her knees bloody from when she'd tripped. Our men were exhausted—they'd carried us, rowed the boat, and then run through the night.
Jessica embraced Roy, standing on her tiptoes. "Thank you, sir." A soft kiss on his lips, her benediction. An embrace for Tobin. "Thank you, Tobin." A soft kiss for him. I waited for pain, but I was too tired, and it did not come. "Thank you Gerard." A soft kiss for him, as well. And then she turned, facing the way we'd come. "Thank you, Simon. For everything."
She blew a last kiss into the air, and Gerard's jaw tightened to hold back the trembling. Tobin turned away, hiding the tears that slid down his face.
I straightened up. "We have to rest."
Roy shook his head. "They'll find us if we just stop here."
Tobin's voice was savage. "Let them."
Gerard wrapped his arms around him, his voice hoarse and growly. "Damn it, Tobin, don't make me lose you, too."
Tobin wrenched away from him.
Jessica went to them, touching them both. "My loves."
They turned to her, and then she was between them, absorbing their grief and radiating love.
Roy touched my face, smoothing his thumb over my cheekbone. "Come."
I followed him away to the side, where the brush was thicker and concealed our footprints. He wound his way through it, checking often for their location. Eventually, he found an ancient tree, its twin trunks broader than his outstretched arms, and he tested it for rot. Surprisingly, it held.
"Here."
I nodded, set my pack down and followed him back the way we'd come. The three we'd left had not moved from the spot, the men's' arms wound around the woman in the middle; but when Roy spoke, they roused themselves.
"Come. We found a place."
They followed, and when we reached the old tree, he boosted us up into the branches. We spread out, each seeking a sturdy crook or net of branches that would hold our weight. He handed us our packs, and then climbed up himself.
Tobin crawled to the crook I'd found for myself, and quietly removed a length of rope from the pack. "Here." He tied it carefully around my hips, creating a harness in case I slipped, and then anchored me to the branches. A tender kiss on my lips—our first. "Sleep."
Worn to a thread, I did.
***
I woke in pain. My bottom hurt from his spanking. My hips hurt because somehow during the day I'd shifted, putting pressure on the ropes. My head hurt; I was dizzy with lack of water and food. My legs hurt from our trek. My arms hurt from the rough bark.
I smiled. Gradually, I managed to untie each knot, pain lending clarity to my thoughts, and then I climbed down. Roy was up, but no one else. It was dark already, but he had a tiny fire going.
I crouched beside it, shifting uncomfortably as I tried to work the ache from my limbs. "You're sure they won't see it?"
He nodded. "There was a scout that passed where we left the path not long ago. They'll be back this way, but not soon. They don't know which direction we were running, so they had to send people multiple directions." He poked the fire and placed a pot on it, filled with dried meat and vegetables, covered with water to the brim. "If we can evade them for the first three days, they'll stop. It's not worth the effort for Ken to continue longer than that.
Tobin came down and crouched nearby. He didn't look like he'd slept at all, and I reached for his shoulder. He let me touch him, then covered my hand with his own.
Slowly, quietly, Jessica and Gerard joined us. Roy ladled the food into bowls Jessica removed from the pack, and doused the fire. We ate.
Gerard spoke first. "We can't continue on the path, not if the scouts have gone ahea
d. We'll run into them sooner or later, and we're a larger party. The advantage of surprise would be with them."
Roy nodded. "We'll go through the forest. I want to follow the river down. If we can find a place to settle on the river, it would be ideal."
Tobin's voice was still rough on the edges. "And then what?"
Jessica raised her eyes to his. "And then we settle there. We make a home. A place where those we love are safe."
"Safe? There is no such thing as safe."
She nodded, conceding the point. "Safer than elsewhere. Safer than Ken's Corner." I shivered inside at the mention of the recently renamed village we'd escaped. "Somewhere the men are honorable, are good, proud, strong men like you. Somewhere were women can go and know that they are valuable, that they are protected."
Roy shook his head. "Jessica, it's too difficult to hold a settlement. It would be worth nothing if a warlord got wind of it, or even if Ken sent a small force. A dozen men would massacre us."
She shifted around, kneeling in front of him, her face turned up to his. The limitless faith in her eyes would have broken a lesser man.
"You will find a way."
Roy was not a lesser man; it inspired him, made him stronger.
He caressed her face. "We'll find a way."
His lips brushed hers, and she smiled, her joy and certainty infecting us all.
Tobin squeezed my fingers. I closed my eyes briefly, sinking into the sensations of pain in my body, the pain in my heart. The moment passed, and then we were gathering our things, cleaning the pot and bowls in the stream and getting ready to continue.
***
Night blended into night. We were soon far past the scouts, and we shifted to traveling during the day, setting up snares or nets to catch small animals and fish while we slept. Jessica and I took to carrying open packs high on our shoulders, cutting handfuls of edible greens, digging up tubers, or picking berries as we saw them. Once we came across an apple tree, and we crammed not-yet-ripe apples into every empty nook in our packs.
The men spoke often, hashing out the basics of how such a settlement could function, how it could be built. We spread out, one man taking point and one taking rear guard, one in the middle with Jessica and me, coming together each night for food and sleep. Gradually our feet toughened and our limbs strengthened. The day-to-day pains of our trek fulfilled my need for hurt, and some days I forgot my ceramic blade, still hidden in the bottom of my pocket. My cuts healed.
***
One day Jessica and I found a patch of thorny berry bushes, and picked pots full. I gorged myself as we worked, the hot sweetness bursting in my mouth, the burning lines scored on my skin only sharpening the pleasure. I plunged my hands in, deeper and deeper, earning bigger and bigger berries. Upon tasting his share, Gerard smiled for the first time since the night we'd left. Roy came behind us, finding us before we were finished, and he was also pleased. We hurried forward, eager to catch up to Tobin and make camp for the night.
He had already started collecting wood for the fire. I hurried forward, offering a smile and a pot of berries. His eyes found my arms first, and his body stilled.
I froze, looking down to see. My arms were badly scratched from the thorns, little lines of blood and berry juice dark on my skin. He took the pot out of my hand and set it aside carefully.
I backed away, some instinct warning me of his intent.
"No. No. Tobin. No."
Jessica came behind me, her breathless laugh fading as he stalked forward, and I backed up.
She reached for him. "Tobin?"
He brushed her hand away, catching mine in his so he could examine the cuts in more detail. I tugged, but he held me fast. Gerard came into the clearing also.
"They're from the thorns, Tobin."
His voice was quiet, controlled. "Were they on purpose?"
I shut my mouth. Were they? I remembered my joy at the burn, the sting, as sweat followed the lines. I shook my head, a welling fear and desire rising in my belly.
"N-no."
"I don't believe you."
"Please, Tobin."
He tugged me forward, then tucked my hands behind my back, pressing my front against his chest. For the first time, I felt his hard length against myself, and the fear started to edge out over the desire. I remembered how much my first spanking had hurt. I craned my neck back, trying to read his face.
"It's time for you to learn how to behave, Stephanie."
"I didn't do anything wrong."
Was it bad that my tone was more defiant than submissive?
"You cut yourself on purpose."
"So? I need it."
"You needed this? Why did you need this?"
His fingers tightened on my wrists, and I squirmed, stopping abruptly when I realized how lewdly I was rubbing against his chest.
"I don't know, Tobin! I didn't mean to! It just felt good. When I was collecting the berries."
Jessica's pale hand on his arm. "Tobin, she wasn't deliberately cutting herself."
I colored under the weight of his green eyes, and he snorted.
"Yes, she was."
Jessica's eyes widened and she looked at me, but let go, stepping back. "Roy?"
He looked up from where he was setting the net in the stream. "Cut a switch, Tobin."
I sucked in breath. A switch? The thing that made Jessica—Jessica, who'd been spanked so frequently all her life—scream? I jerked against his hold.
"No! Tobin, no!"
He held me in one hand, and passed a knife to Jessica. "You know what to look for. Cut one."
She blanched, but Roy nodded, so she obeyed.
I struggled. "Tobin. Please."
He ignored me, ignored my uncharacteristic begging, my struggles, my rising fear that even I could smell. She handed a long branch to him, cut and smoothed, her eyes downcast. She touched my hip, her fingers brushing gently. It was as much of an apology as I was going to get.
Tobin released me, and I stumbled away from him.
"Touch your toes."
"No!" I scrambled backward.
He turned to Jessica. "Touch your toes."
She bent over, her legs spread wide for stability, her fingers curling around the worn toes of her boots, offering her bottom for whatever her men wished of her.
I threw myself in front of him, shielding her with my body. "Don't spank her! She didn't do anything wrong. She didn't know. It was just me."
Tobin stared at me for a long minute, and I realized what he was waiting for. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I turned, taking a few steps away from her, then bent over. Doing my best to imitate her stance, I leaned down and touched my toes. He lifted my skirt over my back.
A line of fire caught the back of my left thigh, and I squealed, jerking my left foot up and rubbing my thigh.
"Wider."
I shifted my legs wider, and bent down again. The waiting was horrible. Then a line of fire caught my right thigh, and I jerked, my knee bending as I twisted in on myself, trying to protect my skin.
"No!"
"Yes."
His hand on my hip was hot, and then the fire scored a half a dozen lines across my bottom before I could think, before I could react.
I screamed and collapsed into a ball on the ground, my hands clasped hard over my smarting bottom. Roy came close to Tobin.
"This is taking too long. You can teach her to submit to discipline later. Today, you need to spank her and get it over with."
I cringed when his hands found my waist. Roy lifted me up, placing my feet on the ground even wider than I had before, then tucked my upper body down and forward, between his legs. His hands held my hips still, making my ass a perfect target, and the toes of his boots carefully settled over mine, keeping my feet where they were. "Put your hands on my ankles." Whimpering, I wrapped my hands around the backs of his ankles. "Don't let go. If you do, I'll give you a spanking after Tobin is done. Don't jerk your body up, or I'll cut a second switch
to use after Tobin is finished with you. Do you understand me, brat?"
I nodded, humiliated, my face hot and my breathing shallow. Tobin lifted my skirt again, baring me to the world. Really it was only Jessica, Gerard, himself and Roy—but, to me, that was the world.
The line of fire across the highest part of my buttocks was excruciating. The stinging echoed and buzzed along my skin, the pain welling and blotting out rational thought. I cried out, and the next one fell. The next one was a shade lower, and then he increased the speed. Striping my bottom from top to bottom couldn't have taken more than a few minutes. But to me, held down by Roy's hands on my hips, my fingers digging into Roy's boots in a desperate effort to limit the pain I would be subjected to, it felt like forever. Each line, each sharp sting, radiated pain. The itch and burn of it spread out as the switch fell over and over, sometimes crossing earlier welts, sometimes finding new skin to light on fire. I wrapped my right arm around Roy's boot, jamming my face against it, screaming and sobbing.
Tobin didn't stop. He continued the switching, down the backs of my thighs, concentrating on one and then the other, until I was incoherent. My arms ached with the effort of holding myself in position, my thighs ached with the wide stance, my throat ached with my cries. But above all, my skin burned, raw and welted from the top of my crack to the backs of my knees.
I didn't realize quite when he stopped. Roy continued to hold me in position, but the switch was no longer falling.
When I could clear enough tears out of my eyes to finally see again, I saw Gerard's boots next to Tobin's, could hear Tobin crying in his brother's arms.
Something loosened in my chest. His grief had been held so tightly, he hadn't been able to mourn. Jessica came to me, wiggling on the ground on her side so her face was close to mine. Roy's hands softened on my hips, stroking and soothing along the sides without touching the inflamed skin. Jessica wiped my face, letting me blow my nose so I could breathe. I sucked in deep lungfuls, trying to calm the shaking, but my breath hitched on each sob.
My body was his. I tasted that thought, curled my mind around it like a curious cat. My body was his, an outlet for his pain, and inlet for his pleasure. My body was Tobin's. And Roy's. And maybe even Gerard's.