by Mia Carson
“No,” I said, surprising myself as much as I surprised him. “No. I don't want you to go.”
He leaned in and kissed me, hard. I barely managed to keep myself upright, bracing on one elbow while my hand slipped into his hair to keep him close. He sucked on my lip, his nose brushing against mine, our teeth clacking. I bunched my blankets up beneath my fist with the hand that wasn't holding Mason. He moved his body closer, bouncing the bed until he was almost completely on top of me, one of his legs nudging between mine. My thighs fell open automatically. All we were doing was kissing. How much could a bit of heavy petting hurt? But it quickly became clear that Mason was interested in more than a bit of making out. I gasped when I felt his hand on my chest and turned my head to the side to break our kiss and breathe.
“What is it?” Mason asked. “What's wrong? Are you okay?”
“I've never had sex before,” I blurted out, my face and chest reddening with the admission. Mason immediately pulled his hand away and touched my face. I looked everywhere except his face until he said my name softly. He was smiling, his eyes soft.
“We don't have to do anything,” he said. “I'm sorry. I just...”
“I want to,” I said softly. “Just because I never have doesn't mean I don't want to.”
“No, I know,” Mason said. “I just don't want to force you, that's all.”
I swallowed hard. “Well, we only have so long before my family gets back. Shouldn't we take advantage of it?”
Mason licked his lips. His eyes were still gentle, but his pupils were dilated. “Are you sure?” he said. “You're not drunk, are you?”
I slowly shook my head. “No, I'm not drunk. Have—” I took a deep breath. “Have you ever...done this before?”
“A couple times,” Mason nodded. “It's been a while.” He sounded as nervous as I felt. “But why don't we just...” He moved in a bit and kissed me softly. “Why don't we just see where things go? Okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered against his lips. “Okay.” I nodded, reaffirming it to myself, and kissed him back softly. I could feel the scar on his lips again, the gentle dip that had marked him for almost as long as I had known him. With one hand, he moved my laptop, placing it gently on the floor, and slid up the bed until he stretched out next to me, his body half on top of mine and his hand safely on my cheek.
My stomach was in knots. I'd heard plenty about sex from my friends, but they all had different stories to tell. Some were good and some were more eh. None of them had told me they'd felt more than a bit of discomfort the first time, which was more from unfamiliarity than anything else, but what if it did hurt? What if I bled everywhere? What if I told Mason to stop and he didn't?
I pulled out of the kiss and buried my face in his neck. His skin smelled faintly of sweat but mostly just like him, soft and musky.
“It's okay,” he said again. “You tell me to stop, and I'll stop. You tell me to leave, and I will. You tell me never to talk about this again, and I'll forget it ever happened, I promise. Okay?”
I nodded, but still I sat there for a minute, breathing him in. I felt him shift, getting comfortable on my narrow bed. There was just enough space for the two of us to lay side-by-side, but it was a bit squished. I tugged on Mason's shoulder, gently, and let him roll on top of me. He braced his arms on the bed, brushed his nose against mine, and kissed the tip of it.
I initiated the next kiss, letting my hands rest on his shoulders where I could easily push him away if I needed to. There was nothing about his kiss that was forceful. He was soft and slow, and even though my heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest, my fear slowly faded. Mason would never hurt me. He had looked out for me just as much as Tyler did for my entire life. He was the last person on earth who would do anything I didn't like or want.
He shifted his weight to lean on one arm and let a hand skate up my side. He stopped below my breast and stayed there, stroking over my shirt, fingers massaging the bumps of my ribs. My sort-of ex from college had touched me like this, though he hadn't been quite so gentle. We had been drunk then, and I was anything but that now.
“Is this okay?” Mason asked.
I nodded. “Yes, it's nice.”
“Good.” He smiled and kissed me again softly. “Good.”
His next kiss was firmer, his tongue gently prodding my lips and seeking entry into my mouth. I opened my mouth to let his tongue touch mine. Mason's fingers twisted around the bottom of my shirt and lifted it up, his fingers brushing my bare flesh. It was so different from that day when we played soccer at the park, when his hands had been flat against my heaving sides. He thumbed my ribs and rubbed his cheek against mine. There was no stubble this time, only smooth, warm skin. I turned his face back to mine and kissed him firmly, scraping my teeth across his lower lip. He made a low sound in the back of his throat, and I felt him smile and return the bite, a gentle tug on my lip before lifting his head to grin down at me.
“Should we be doing this?” I asked.
“There's nothing wrong with it,” Mason replied. “It's...awkward, but it's not illegal or anything.”
“What are we going to say to Tyler?”
“Try not to worry about that right now,” Mason said and kissed me again. I sighed into his kiss and pulled him closer to me, my knees pressing into his hips.
Don't worry, I told myself. Don't think. Just feel. Just stay in the moment.
I moved my hands from Mason's shoulders to grab the bottom of my shirt and lift it. Mason propped himself up to give me space. I felt unusually shy as I dropped my shirt on the floor. Mason seeing me in my bra wasn't really any different from him seeing me in my bathing suit, but it felt different. It was hard not to cover myself, but I managed. He smiled down at me, his eyes soft and sweet. I grabbed his shoulders again to keep from crossing my arms over my chest. He leaned down, bracing himself on his forearms, and pressed a gentle kiss to my sternum. I was certain he could feel the hard pounding of my heart.
"Do, um.. Do you have...?" I said, blushing, and the words I needed failed me. Sex ed in school hadn't exactly been the best, but they had been very clear about having safe sex. Besides, I wasn't exactly at a point in my life where I really wanted to risk getting pregnant.
Mason cocked his head to the side, looking like a confused puppy for a few seconds before he realized what I was asking. "Oh. Oh, yeah. Uh—hold on." The bed creaked as he sat up on his knees and climbed off. He half walked, half jogged out of the room. I waited in bed, nervous and awkward, for him to come back. When he did, he was shirtless and had a small packet in his hand. He waved it at me as he crossed the room and placed the packet on my nightstand.
"There," he said, "in case we need it."
"Someone could come in," I said.
Mason stretched out next to me on my tiny bed and put a hand on my stomach. "Door's closed, and everyone's out," he said. "They've probably forgotten we stayed behind."
I nodded and let out a quiet, terse sigh. "Okay."
Mason kissed my cheek, and for a moment, did nothing but hold me, his arm around my waist and his face pressed against the side of my head. When I felt like I was as ready as I was ever going to get, I pulled on his waist to get him back on top of me and kissed him solidly, letting my hands smooth up his back and shoulders and into his hair. With his hips, he nudged my thighs apart and pressed his groin against mine, but he didn't do anything else, letting me make all the first moves for those areas of our bodies. His hands, however, were an entirely different matter. They roamed over my stomach and up my sides, his thumbs pressing against my ribs and higher. They brushed over my nipples, and even with the fabric of my bra between them and his touch, they hardened instantly. I felt more than heard myself groan quietly against his lips.
"You're really beautiful," Mason whispered. "You know that? Probably the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
I blushed and kissed him hard, arching my back so my chest pressed against his.
Thankfully, he got the hint without me having to say anything, because I wasn't sure I would be able to get out what I wanted to say. His fingers fumbled at my bra clasp, and it made me feel better that it took him a couple tries to get it open, like he was almost as new at this as I was.
I did feel a bump between my legs, one that made me realize exactly what we were about to do. Mason was my brother's best friend, he was practically family, and I was about to have sex with him. I wanted to have sex with him. I didn't just want a good make out session and some arguably innocent groping. I wanted to know what it felt like to have him inside me.
The dirtiness of my own thoughts made me blush even more, and I tried to hide my embarrassment and arousal with kisses, concentrating on the way Mason's scar felt against my lips.
He dropped my bra off the bed, and the sensation of his bare chest against mine made my skin tingle and burn. He whispered something that sounded like a curse into our kiss and covered my breasts with his hands, kneading gently. I moaned and pressed my body into his touch. He was gentle and attentive, putting absolutely no pressure on me to take things any further than I felt comfortable doing. I knew that if I told him to stop and go, he would, and he wouldn't ask any questions.
I relaxed—marginally, but I did—and let myself get lost in his touch, his kiss, and the sweet smell of him. His hips rolled in, though I had the distinct feeling it was an accident rather than purposeful. It was just a gentle push, almost like he was trying to get even closer to me than he already was. The bump was still there. I pressed my knees into his sides.
"Take off your pants," I whispered.
He hesitated, waiting to see if I would change my mind, then pulled away to do so. When he turned back around, I had divested myself of my shorts and panties and was waiting with my thighs pressed together. Mason inhaled sharply, his gaze practically devouring me, and dropped his boxers quickly and climbed back on the bed. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. I ran my hands down his chest, his stomach, almost to his groin, then grabbed his waist and leaned up to kiss him deeply. He returned it, his tongue brushing against mine and his teeth scraping gently against my lower lip.
He settled between my hips again. Feeling him directly against me was...odd, but not unpleasant. I ached and could feel wetness gathering at my entrance. I wondered if we would need lube or if his touch would be enough.
"Can I touch you?" he asked softly.
I swallowed hard and nodded, pressing my cheek to his. Mason's exhale was shaky as he dipped one hand to run up my thigh and barely brush his fingers across my clit. I couldn't stop the moan that fell from my lips. Mason's touch was light, almost hesitant, like he wasn't entirely sure what he was supposed to do. I wondered how long it had been since he’d had sex with a girl and how similar it had been to what we were doing now.
His thumb rubbed firm, slow circles, and he swallowed my sighs and whimpers with his kisses. I could feel him hard against the inside of my leg, and despite his touches, I giggled. He smiled and chuckled softly, nudging my nose with his.
"Yeah, it's pretty silly," he said. "Girls are so much better."
"I might be inclined to agree," I said, surprised by my breathlessness. "At least a little bit."
His grin widened and he kissed me through it, inching his hips up just a bit closer. "I can just keep doing this," he said, his fingers trailing down towards my entrance, teasing and circling back up. "Only this. We don't have to do anything else."
I bit my lip so hard I was worried it might bleed. "I want to," I said, and fumbled for the condom packet.
Mason brushed my hand aside and picked it up. I heard it tear and pushed away my anxiety by kissing him hard. He arched over me to reach down to himself but didn't break the kiss, not even to look down. When he was done, he settled between my legs again, giving my thighs gentle nudges to get them to open enough for him to fit his hips against my groin.
He broke the kiss to look down at me, his eyes dark but his look very serious. "If it hurts you at all, you tell me, okay?" he said
I nodded and gripped his shoulders hard, digging my nails into his skin. He kissed my brow and teased my clit for a few seconds longer, his fingers exploring to see how wet I was before he shifted his weight and I felt the tip of him push against me. I held my breath.
"It's okay," Mason whispered and kissed my forehead again. "I'll go slow." I nodded again and pulled him in so I could bury my face in the crook of his neck. He shushed me softly. "Say stop and I'll stop," he reminded me.
I managed another nod. Mason entered me slowly, bit by bit. It was so different from touching myself. He was wider than my fingers and could get a better angle. I was so wet, it would have been easy for him to thrust straight in, but his pace was gentle. When it started to pinch and I gasped, he immediately stopped.
"That's it," I said.
"Okay," he replied instantly. "Do you want me to just...stay here for a bit?" His voice was slightly strained. I breathed in deeply and shifted carefully under him.
"Just for a bit," I answered.
"Okay," he replied, and lowered himself onto his forearms so he could curl the upper half of his body around mine. I moved my hips—not much, just enough that it was almost like him thrusting. My body loosened and the pressure at the pit of my stomach lessened as I grew used to the feeling. I hugged him tight and mumbled into his shoulder that I was okay. He kissed my jaw, my cheek, my mouth, and pulled out slowly, practically all the way, then thrust slowly back in. The noise I made sounded embarrassing to my own ears, but he must have liked it because he groaned and kissed me harder.
He did nothing unless I told him to, waiting until I gave him a sign before going faster or deeper or harder. I wasn't sure what I wanted, but my body definitely did. I wasn't in control of my hips as they bucked up and ground against Mason, trying to find a rhythm they were satisfied with. When it finally did, the last piece of a puzzle fell into place. Mason pressed his cheek against mine, his breath warm on my ear, his little grunts helping the warmth in my core grow hotter and hotter. I grabbed his arms, feeling his muscles strain as he held himself up so I could breathe beneath him. I wrapped my legs around his waist to get him just a tiny bit closer and keep him there.
He shifted his weight to lean on one arm and dragged a hand down my body to slip it between where we were joined. When he touched my clit again, I jerked against him and muffled my moan into his neck. The head of my bed knocked softly and steadily against the wall, the legs creaking just loud enough that I could hear them over the rush of my own breathing.
"You feel really good," Mason panted into my ear. "I don't—I usually last longer than this… I'm—"
"Me, too," I said. "I mean—" I giggled again and felt Mason smile. "I mean, I'm close, not that I—"
"I know." Mason lifted his head and covered my mouth with his. "It's like my first time all over again…" He pulled back just enough to look at me. His face was red, his brow shiny with sweat, his hair flopping down over his eyes. I ran my hands through it, pushing it back from his face. "I think…I think I love you, Ali."
My chest clenched and expanded, swelling with joy. I hugged him tighter with my legs. "I think I love you, too," I replied. He grinned and groaned as he thrust in and dropped his head onto my shoulder, breathing hard into my skin.
We came at the same time, or close to it. I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said it was the best orgasm I had ever had in my life, and I knew my body better than anyone else did. I could get myself off easily and well. But it was nothing like this, nothing like having Mason naked on top of me, inside me, one with me. His whole body tightened on top of mine, and he let out a strangled groan and thrust once, hard, burying himself properly in me. His hips jerked, knocking into mine as they did the same. He slumped on top of me, panting and sweaty. I sucked in as much air as I could with my heart pounding and his weight on my chest, but eventually, I had to push on his shoulder until he pulled out of me and rolled to the side,
throwing his arm over my stomach. I slung one of my arms across my eyes, breathing through my mouth until my heart slowed enough that I didn't need to.
"Wow," Mason said, and burst into laughter. I joined him and curled into his chest, feeling tired and hot and utterly sated. "I gotta say, I didn't really think that would ever happen."
"I didn't either," I replied.
Mason put a hand against the small of my back and tugged me closer. It was too hot to cuddle, especially since both our bodies were warm from lovemaking, but I didn't want to let him go. I would have to open my window, though, or spray perfume or air freshener or something after he left so my room didn't so obviously smell like sex. That would definitely raise questions I didn't want to answer, at least from Tyler if not from my parents.
Mason moved around so he could check his watch and grunted. “They should still be gone for a while. I didn't hear anyone come in, did you?”
"I was a bit too preoccupied to listen for the door," I mumbled sleepily.
"Yeah, I guess you were," Mason replied. I could hear the smirk in his voice but lacked the energy to do anything about it. I just sighed.
"I guess that means you have to leave, don't you?" I said.
“Yeah, I'm sorry, babe.” Mason said. “I don't think either of us want to scramble at the last minute.”
"I agree." I sighed again and pulled away reluctantly.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Mason said and pulled me back in.
I opened my mouth to ask him what, but he kissed me before I could make a peep, let alone form an actual word. I melted into his arms and returned his embrace eagerly. It went on for a long time, probably a minute or two. We lay there, kissing until Mason finally pulled back and nuzzled my nose with his.
"What was that for?" I asked.
"Because I wanted to," Mason replied. "And now I should get dressed. We should, I mean."