Let it Be Me

by Jody Holford

  Realizing he’d been staring, Adam turned to Charlie as she said hello and walked a few steps away.

  “How about a movie?” he asked.

  Charlie’s chocolate eyes lit up. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. You put on your pajamas, and we’ll pick one.”

  Charlie spooned up the last of his ice cream. “Can we have popcorn?”

  Adam laughed. “Didn’t you just throw up yesterday?”

  His son shrugged. “I feel better now.”

  Glancing at Megan, whose back was to them, he lowered his voice. “Let’s keep it that way. Pajamas first. We’ll see about the popcorn.”

  Charlie grabbed his bowl and took it to the sink, and Adam wondered if he should take a shower.

  “Okay. I don’t know how to thank you. Thank you,” Megan said, her voice rising to a strange pitch.

  She ruffled Charlie’s hair when he stepped in front of her. He waved and ran off down the hall as Megan said goodbye and hung up. Adam focused on her again, curious who she’d been speaking to. She looked…shell-shocked. But she’d thanked the person, so she was obviously okay. He knew she had family, but if someone were in trouble, she would be hurriedly grabbing her stuff, wouldn’t she? Yet she continued to just stand there in his kitchen, her phone in one hand, her other flat on the countertop.

  “Everything all right?”

  He stood up, thinking to close the gap between them, but rethought the idea and picked up one of the unfolded towels.

  “They want me.”

  His eyes shot to hers. “Excuse me?”

  She held up her phone, looked at it. “They hired me. I thought for sure they wouldn’t. I mean, I was super late and probably babbled like a moron, but they want me.”

  Adam’s fingers clutched the cotton, scrunching it in a fist. “You went to the interview?”

  A mix of emotions settled in his chest, surrounding his quickly beating heart. Had she taken Charlie? Had she left him? What the hell?

  And also…she was leaving?

  Megan nodded, standing still, like moving in any direction would change something. “Yes. No. Well, sort of. When I called and explained the family emergency, they asked if I was able to do a Skype interview, and I said yes. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but I guess they didn’t think so.”

  Adam’s mouth dropped open, even as his brain turned her words over and over. Family emergency. As usual, she’d stepped up and done whatever Charlie needed. Whatever Adam needed. And it had worked out for her. He hadn’t wrecked her opportunity to be a teacher.

  Adam’s stomach cramped painfully. She was going to be a teacher. She was going to leave them. It had always been the plan, but it was a someday plan. Until today. Today, it was real.

  “Congratulations, Megan. You’ve worked hard toward this achievement.” And he’d known it was coming.

  She’d been staring beyond him, dazed. Her eyes met his now, like she just realized she wasn’t talking to herself. “They want me.”

  He tossed the towel down and walked closer. “It can’t be that much of a surprise. I am sorry about having to leave like that. Truly. But I’m so happy they were smart enough to work around it. To hire you. You get to be a teacher.”

  She laughed. “I guess I do.”

  She put her phone in the back pocket of her jeans and started gathering her things again, her actions jerky, like energy was coursing through her limbs. His thoughts raced. She wouldn’t leave until the end of the summer. They’d discussed this when she’d graduated the teaching program. Nothing was happening right this minute. He could damn well give her tonight to enjoy her success.

  Megan looked up, and their eyes locked. Nerves pummeled like his body was a punching bag. He didn’t know how to be without her, and that thought froze the air in his lungs. We’ll be fine. He’d promised himself he would never let the absence of a woman hurt them again. After Reece, Adam had put a closed sign on his heart and vowed that he and Charlie only needed each other. But how would his son react to Megan leaving? He’d been too young to really be impacted by the loss of his mother. Visiting her a couple of times a year was all he remembered. All he knew. But Megan. She was part of his daily life. Part of his…everything.

  “Adam?” Megan’s voice was soft, and the room felt smaller.

  Adam pulled at the neck of his shirt. It wasn’t even buttoned, but it was choking him. “You’ll stay until the end of the summer.”

  He hadn’t meant it as a command, but his throat felt tight, making his voice clipped. She was standing too close, and he caught the hint of vanilla from her hair or her skin. He realized it was a familiar scent, and his heart clenched tightly. For his son. He was only worried about Charlie.

  “Of course I will.”

  He’d never heard that low, husky tone in her voice. It made the muscles in his stomach tighten.

  The end of summer was forever away. It would be an adjustment, but he and Charlie would be fine. Charlie. Charlie will be fine. This doesn’t impact you. So why did it feel similar to when Reece had left? Adam clenched his teeth together and worked to focus his thoughts. She was a nanny. What the hell was she supposed to do? Stay forever?

  Megan continued to watch him with her electric-blue eyes. They were so round and bright—so sweetly innocent. Adam had never had time in his life to be innocent.

  Jaw still tight, he grasped at something to fill the silence. “You’ll help me find your replacement?”

  She blinked. “I’d be happy to.”

  There. Settled. It would be a slight transition, but he and Charlie had been through worse.

  “Good. Thank you. That’ll be extremely helpful.”

  Megan tilted her head, scrunching her brows together. Adam shoved his hands in his pockets. He’d never had trouble keeping them to himself in her presence, and it nettled under his skin that he wanted to hug her. He wasn’t a hugger.

  “I’d like to make this as easy as possible for Charlie,” he said.

  She stiffened. “I know. I’ve talked to him a bit about it. I’d very much like to stay in his life, if you’re okay with that. I…love him. I want him to know that my moving doesn’t mean goodbye.”

  He heard the hint of tears in her voice, and his own emotions went numb. Moving always meant goodbye. Leaving meant goodbye. He hadn’t been able to shield his son from Reece leaving, but this wasn’t that.

  “We’ll have to see how things go. You’re doing what you’d always planned to, so once you go, you may feel differently. You have your own life to start,” he said, his tone harder than he’d intended.

  Megan flinched slightly. He was standing close enough to have noticed, which meant he really needed to put some fucking space between them.

  “Right. I do. But that doesn’t mean this part of my life is just over and gone.”

  He almost sneered at her but restrained himself. She belonged in a damn storybook if she thought that was true. “People move on all the time, Megan. Best to realize that now.”

  The excited shine in her eyes dimmed, and Adam’s guilt slapped him hard.

  Before she could say anything, he held up a hand. He wanted a few hours with his son before having to explain that, once again, his world would be changing. “Go enjoy your evening. We can chat tomorrow or the next day about my criteria for your replacement.”

  Adam stepped back, making it clear the conversation was over.

  “Right. I’ll…uh, go.”

  “Congratulations again,” he said, moving past her to go see if Charlie was ready for a movie. And to give himself some space from the sadness that had clouded her eyes.

  He thought he heard her whisper thank you before she left, but as he’d been determined not to watch her go, he couldn’t be sure.

  Chapter Three

  When Megan opened her eyes the next morning, two things immediately registered: she hated sleeping on couches, and it had been far too long since she’d seen a set of deliciously sculpted abs and perfectly toned arms like the ones in f
ront of her.

  She rolled onto her back and groaned. Garret, her brother’s boyfriend, sat on the edge of the couch, a cup of coffee tempting her out of her foggy state.

  “Rough night, Princess?”

  Garrett had been at work when she’d shown up at Parker’s apartment. He must have come home after she’d fallen asleep.

  The memory of Adam’s ice-cold tone surfaced. “Not really. Is that coffee for me?”

  “Of course,” he said.

  It was a toss-up as to whether the coffee or the man smelled better. She looked at him through blurry eyes. “Why couldn’t you have fallen in love with me instead of my brother?”

  His smile twinkled nearly as much as his dark brown eyes. He set the coffee on a coaster on the table in front of the couch.

  Tapping her on the nose, much like another big brother, he laughed. “Gorgeous as you are, you’re not quite my type.”

  She pouted her lips and rolled onto her side, her knees curling into his back. “That’s what they all say.”

  Though, really, no one had said, or done, anything in a long time. Good or bad. Between school and the crazy hours she worked caring for Charlie, there wasn’t a whole lot of opportunity for anything else.

  Parker wandered into the living room mid-yawn, scratching at his also bare chest.

  She sat up, dislodging Garrett from his seat. “Jesus. Do you two not own shirts?”

  “Stupid to cover up something that looks this good,” Parker said in his gravelly morning voice.

  Garrett laughed and went to kiss her brother good morning. Megan picked up her coffee cup, the blankets snuggled around her, and took a sip. It was perfect. Unlike so many other things. Adam had completely shut down last night. It was as if he’d pulled a blackout shade down to block the sun. Her happiness had dwindled along with her mood when he’d left it up in the air as to whether she’d stay in Charlie’s life.

  His tone and expression had taken on that inhuman, unaffected tone she heard only now and again. Usually when he spoke about his ex-wife. Megan didn’t want to think about never seeing Charlie again. Tears burned her eyes and she tried to blink them away. Parker dropped onto the cushion next to her, jostling both her and her cup. Fortunately, it didn’t spill or she’d have to be mad at another man.

  “You sleep okay?” She felt his eyes on her but hadn’t been able to blink away all the tears, so she kept her gaze fixed on her coffee cup.

  “I’m going to make breakfast. You staying?” Garrett asked.

  “Sure. Thanks,” she said.

  She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She couldn’t control the erratic pace of her pulse any more than she could the nausea invading her stomach.

  “You going to look at me?”

  When she did, the concern in Parker’s eyes nearly unraveled her. She whispered around the lump in her throat. “I’m going to miss Charlie so much. I promised him I’ll still see him, but now I don’t know if that’ll happen. I figured if I were still part of his life, it wouldn’t be so hard on him. But Adam’s not really the kind of person to make room in Charlie’s life or his own schedule for an ex-nanny.”

  Parker patted her leg and, reaching for her coffee, took a sip of it. “Mr. Roboto will realize Charlie is better off having you around than cutting you out completely. He’s probably just worried about finding a replacement. You’re kind of unique.”

  Megan laughed on a sniffle. “I don’t know if he sees it that way.”

  Setting the cup down, Parker grinned at her, his eyes more fully awake. “You’re good for Charlie. Adam knows that. Despite the emotionless exterior, you say he wants what’s best for his son, right?”

  She bit her lip, but still it trembled. “He does. He’s a really good dad. But obviously Adam has his own issues with people leaving, and I don’t want Charlie to think I’m just someone else walking out of his life.”

  “Like his mom? Come on, kid. This is different. Charlie’s smart. He’ll know that. Adam shouldn’t be raising that kid to shut people out or write them off. You’re not leaving the country or going into hiding.”

  “He’s a good dad, Parks.”

  “When he’s there.”

  She couldn’t deny that, but she and Parker were used to parents whose presence mattered more than their paychecks, and even though she didn’t know a lot about Adam-the-man versus Adam-the-boss, she knew that wasn’t true for him.

  Parker clapped his hands on his pajama-covered thighs and stood up. “We should be celebrating. You’re a teacher. For real. You did it! My baby sister got hired to teach the world’s youth.”

  Happiness washed over her, brightening her mood from the inside out. “I really did. Well, Brockton Point’s youth.”

  “No work for you today. First breakfast, then shopping, we’ll go for lunch, and maybe see a movie.”

  Her older brother never failed to pull her out of a funk. She was glad it was the weekend and she’d have some time to settle her feelings. Parker pulled her up, and they went into the kitchen together. The scent of bacon and toast filled the air, and Megan’s stomach growled audibly.

  Garrett, who had apparently grabbed a shirt on the way, laughed. “They don’t feed you on the other side of the Point?”

  Only the true locals called Brockton Point, Maine, the Point. Garrett had grown up in the coastal town and, when he’d met Parker in culinary school, had persuaded her brother it was the ideal place to live. Megan had come for Parks and fallen for the town. And many of the people in it. Garrett, of course, Stella, Charlie, Adam. No. Not Adam. Just his son.

  “There’s food on that side. It just doesn’t taste like yours,” Parker said, interrupting Megan’s train of thought.

  His brother kissed Garrett on his broad, muscular shoulder. The look Garrett sent him made Megan’s stomach tighten with happiness for her brother and want for herself. It was what her parents had. What she yearned for—the connection and fulfillment of being loved by someone unconditionally.

  “You two set the table,” Garrett instructed.

  Putting her wants and her worries out of her head, Megan went to the cupboard and forced herself to think about only the moment she was in.

  It was a pretty damn good one.

  …

  “It’s too expensive,” Megan argued, even as she all but drooled over the Kate Spade handbag.

  “It’s not,” Garrett said firmly.

  “Even if it was, you’re well worth it. The only thing you need to decide is which color,” Parker said, holding the exact same bag, only in pale blue. Megan held the yellow one, and there was a gorgeous gray one sitting on the glass shelf.

  “We could just get all three for her,” Garrett suggested, looking over Meg’s head at her brother.

  She swatted him on the stomach. He would, too. Before her brother could reply, she spoke. “Gray. Definitely the gray.”

  “Subtle and sexy. Like you,” Garrett said, nodding.

  “He means classy,” Parker said, exchanging the blue for the gray and carrying it to the checkout.

  Garrett threw an arm around her shoulder after she’d put the yellow one back and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I meant sexy. He just doesn’t like to think that because you’re his baby sister.”

  Megan looked up at him. “Again. Why’d you have to choose him?”

  He laughed and nudged her forward.

  The morning had been nothing short of perfect. A delicious breakfast with two of her favorite men, then her parents had called and said they were thinking of driving to see her later in the summer. Both retired teachers, they were enjoying the opportunity to put miles on their brand new RV. The house where Parker and Megan had grown up in Vermont had become more of a base than a home in the last year. A rest stop. She missed her parents, but it was nice to have her brother so close.

  Once they paid, the three of them stood on the cobblestone path between the outdoor mall stores debating where to grab a late lunch. Megan’s phone rang, and she steppe
d to the side as she pulled it from her pocket.

  Adam. It wasn’t the first time he’d interrupted a day off. “Hello?”

  “Megan. I realize today is your day off, but I need to head out early in the morning for another overnight trip,” he said.

  No “How are you?” or “How’s your day?” Not that she should expect that. He was her boss, not her boyfriend. Megan swallowed wrong at the same time the thought popped into her head, and she started to cough.

  “Are you all right?” he asked, papers shuffling in the background. Adam never did one thing at a time.

  “Fine,” she said between coughs. “I’m fine. I’ll be home later this evening. I can stay in the main house so you can leave early.”

  Parker and Garrett gave her twin scowls. She held up one finger to say she wouldn’t be long and then turned so she didn’t have to face them.

  “Actually, I was hoping you’d be able to come home now. To my house, I mean. Not your apartment. I’d like to speak to you about finding a replacement.”

  She sighed. All good things must come to a grinding halt with Adam at the helm. He’d seemed genuinely sorry for making her miss the interview, but that appeared to be a distant memory now.

  “It’s my day off.”

  “I understand that. But I’d really like to get this ironed out. I know you aren’t leaving for a while, but I have some…requirements that I’d like to discuss with you. I’d feel better if we could do this today. Now, if possible. I can pay you overtime.”

  Her fingers tightened on the phone. She nearly growled into it. “Not everything is about money.”

  She thought she heard him sigh but couldn’t picture it. A sigh was the sound of a dreamer or a thinker. Adam was a doer, a number cruncher, a let’s-get-it-done guy.

  “No. You’re right. This time, it’s about Charlie. I only want what’s best for him, and I know you do as well. So I’d rather not leave things in the air if possible. Could you please find time?”

  Her heart may have actually stopped at the sound of “please” coming out of Adam’s mouth. She could picture his lips with startling clarity, forming the word. Her stomach tilted upside down as she imagined him saying it in a whisper. Thoughts of a different kind, a not-appropriate-for-a-boss kind, jolted her heart.