Captive of Fate

by Lindsay McKenna

  Alanna blinked, realizing the effect his plans might have on her life. She had taken it for granted that Matt would always be near. Of course, it was absurd to expect him to stay in D.C. when he disliked politics so strongly. He was watching her, his gray eyes narrowed and unreadable. “No,” she stumbled lamely, searching desperately for an excuse for her shock. “It’s so hard for me to get rid of the Marine image, that’s all.”

  “It’s only an image,” he insisted.

  She shook her head. “You’ll never leave the military behind completely. The squaring of your shoulders and your confident stride will show no matter what you do, Matt.” She forced a smile she did not feel. “There’s a sense of authority about you….”

  “All civil engineers have that aura of power,” he explained with a drawl. “You see, we like to build, mold and shape things out of the natural fabric of the earth and call them our own. I find building infinitely more positive than carrying around a rifle and hand grenades, don’t you?”

  “Absolutely. I just can’t get over the difference between Matt Breckenridge the Marine colonel and Matt Breckenridge the man who is worshiped by children and loves nature so much.”

  “All human beings have many facets,” he interjected softly, pulling her close and resting his cheek against her hair. “Like you. You love children, too, if I’m not mistaken.”

  “There’s been a part of me that’s wanted children,” she confessed quietly. “I wanted to give at least one baby a chance to be loved by a mother and a father. I may not have known my parents, but I can give the love I missed to someone else.”

  He brushed her hair with a kiss. “You’d make a wonderful mother.”

  She felt a new surge of elation coursing through her as she lingered over the thought of carrying his child. How much love would be showered upon their baby!

  They remained in each other’s arms for another half-hour. The magic of the autumn meadow spun a sense of euphoria about them. Gently, Matt nudged her out of the spell, and she raised her head from his broad shoulder.

  “If we want to eat, we’d better get back to fishing,” he whispered, pulling her upward.

  Alanna fell gracefully back into his arms, swaying against him, relishing the hardness and strength of his male body. Sliding her hands around his neck, she raised her lips to his, initiating the kiss. A groan vibrated deep from within his chest as her lips met his descending, predatory mouth. The world tilted crazily beneath her feet as she drank deeply of his mouth, dizzied by his tantalizing male scent. Her heart sang with so much joy that she wondered fleetingly if it were possible to explode with happiness. His hand moved insistently down the length of her arched spine, capturing her hips, pulling her roughly against him, and making her acutely aware of his arousal. She gazed up in wonder at his fiery, silver eyes, the impact of his passion and desire for her leaving her stunned.

  They rested against each other for a moment, overwhelmed at the emotional storm created by their brief contact. Alanna did not have the necessary strength to stand on her own two feet. Finally Matt whispered. “I’m starved, but it’s for you.”

  She nodded faintly, her lashes sweeping downward like thick crescent fans against her ivory skin. “I know,” she answered breathlessly.

  “You aren’t going to be safe in the cabin tonight, lady,” he growled in warning. He released her, and they slowly began to walk back toward the river, meandering through the secluded meadow, leaning against one another.

  Alanna tried to take the fishing seriously, but Matt’s nearness distracted her. After an hour, Matt had hooked a flounder, which he proudly displayed to her. The fish was odd-looking, with both its eyes located on one side of its flat head. Alanna wrinkled her nose.

  “I never realized just how ugly flounder is,” she confided, catching the laughter in his eyes.

  “Don’t knock it,” he said. “That’s our dinner.”

  She made no attempt to follow him as he took the catch back to the cabin to clean. His parting words were, “You stay here and enjoy the view.”

  He ambled back sometime later and propped himself up against the tree, gently pulling her back into his arms. Alanna closed her eyes, content. He leaned over, brushing her hair with a kiss.

  “Nice to hear the sounds of nature instead of D.C. rush hour traffic, isn’t it?” he whispered.

  “Mmm, no traffic, honking horns, fumes, or people giving each other nasty hand signals.”

  “Think you might survive somewhere other than a city environment? Or are you a hothouse flower who would wilt?”

  “So far so good, don’t you think?” she asked, opening her eyes and meeting his laughter-filled gaze.

  “At least you don’t run screaming if a bee buzzes too close or a little dirt gets scuffed on your shoes.”

  She gave him a playful jab in the ribs. “Matt Breckenridge, after I survived Costa Rica, I don’t know how you have the gall to infer I can’t survive Maine!”

  He laughed deeply, gently depositing her against the fragrant quilt of pine needles. His eyes danced with a sensual invitation as he leaned across her, his face inches from her own. “I’ll give you credit, you’re one hell of a woman,” he breathed, caressing her parted, waiting lips. He traced the outline of her lips, teasing her until she moaned. She instinctively arched against his sun-warmed body in response. Molding his hard, male mouth against hers, Matt deepened the exploratory kiss, his tongue moving into the moist sweetness of her mouth. Her breathing became shallow and rapid beneath his trailing hand as he followed the natural curve of her breast, lazily circling the hardening peak. Slowly, ever so slowly, he lifted his mouth from her, passion written in his eyes.

  “Do you know how many times I’ve dreamed of holding you in my arms and making love to you through the night?” His voice was low and disturbing to her senses. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as you, Alanna,” he breathed huskily. He touched the stray strands of her hair, pushing them off her brow, studying her with an intensity that created storms of longing within her. “You’re the kind of woman I want to see tangled up in my sheets the morning after. You have that kind of power over me. You’re in my blood, lady, and I can’t think two coherent thoughts without thinking of you.” He caressed her flushed cheek. “We were made for one another. There’s an indomitable strength in you, honey. I saw it in Costa Rica, and I see it in your eyes now. You’re so alive, and you have so much love and affection to give.”

  She basked in the warmth of his adoring gaze, unused to such love and honesty coming from a man. It moved Alanna deeply, and she tentatively reached upward, resting her hand against his rough cheek. “I love you so much,” she whispered tremulously, “and I love the idea of sleeping with you in a tangle of sheets.”

  Chapter Twelve

  The flames in the fireplace licked and crackled pleasantly in the background as they finished their evening meal. Alanna sat on the rug, leaning lazily against the couch, a soft smile playing over her lips. The flounder, dipped in cornmeal and fried until a golden brown, had been delicious. She had eaten with a ravenous appetite, but inwardly another hunger was perfectly sated.

  Matt had loved her with infinite tenderness, and even now, hours later, her body remained bathed in that warming glow. When she had whispered, “I love you,” she had seen his gray eyes widen with surprise and then tenderness. Never had she taken so much pleasure in lovemaking. She sighed softly, resting her head against his shoulder.

  “Good?” he murmured against her ear.

  “The lovemaking or your marvelous cooking?” she asked.

  “Both. Cooking is just another form of love.”

  Alanna touched her stomach. “I feel like I’ve eaten at the very best seafood restaurant,” she admitted. “I never knew how delicious fresh fish could taste with potatoes and pan bread. You’re an extraordinary cook.”

  He leaned forward, moving their plates to one side and then joining her, resting against the couch. “My Dad taught us how to make something ou
t of nothing. I can remember as a kid digging a hole out in the back yard, making a small fire, and throwing a potato, some butter and milk into a tin can to make potato soup.”

  She stole a look up at his face. “Was it edible?”

  “Naturally.”

  “And how did your mother react when she found out you had dug a hole in the backyard? I imagine she skinned you boys alive.”

  “No, she didn’t. All she asked us to do was fill it in after we were done and to go out beyond the lawn the next time. She was a pretty savvy woman in most respects,” he murmured fondly, smiling.

  “You were lucky,” Alanna agreed. She felt his mouth brush against her cheek, and she raised her chin, offering her lips. He kissed her slowly. When he finally broke contact, his face was scant inches from her own.

  “And what about the lovemaking?” he asked, his voice husky and suggestive. “Did that pass muster too?”

  She caught the glimmer of mirth deep within his eyes. Her breath caught in her chest as she lost herself within the flame of his ardent gaze. Finally she whispered, “I’ve never been loved so thoroughly…so…” A lump prevented her from saying anything else.

  He maneuvered her around until she was lying across his lap, her head cushioned against his shoulder. His one hand rested against her thigh as he pressed her against his body. Alanna closed her eyes, dropping little kisses against his neck and jaw, incredibly happy and at peace with herself.

  “I love you,” he whispered. As if to reinforce the words, his protective embrace tightened momentarily. “And I want to marry you, Alanna McIntire….”

  Her heart contracted in joy. She saw so much there…his love for her, a shadow of fear still lingering from his past, physical desire.

  “I made up my mind that I was going to marry you after the first night you spent at the base camp. I had gone over to the chow hall to get you something to eat, and when I came back, you had fallen asleep. I knew you hadn’t heard me coming into the room, so I just stood there watching you. I saw for the first time the vulnerability in your face, honey. You looked so damn lost and beautiful in that moment that I knew I loved you beyond any shadow of a doubt.” He smiled wryly. “And after you had eaten and we sat there in the darkness talking…my God, Alanna, do you realize I’d never spoken to anyone about those emotions before? I was stunned by what I told you of my feelings about war and killing. And you sat there with understanding and sympathy written so clearly in your eyes…At that moment all I wanted to do was take you into my arms and hold you. I wanted to lose myself in you and know, for the first time since all of it happened, that I was going to be all right. You gave me a strength and offered a solace that no one else had been capable of giving me. And I knew that if I were hurting, you would support me emotionally until I could get on my feet again.”

  Tears glittered in her eyes. The power of his admission shook her very soul.

  “And then I went through a stage where I feared losing you as I had Rachel. I seesawed back and forth as to whether or not to let you know how I felt. I wondered if it was better to let you go and never run the risk of losing the person I loved most in the world. I knew I couldn’t take it again emotionally. It took me seven years to come to grips with Rachel’s death, and it damn near tore me apart. I—” He faltered, his voice growing hoarse. “I never thought I could love again, Alanna. Not until you walked into my life. I had a choice to make: to deal with my fear and admit to wanting you as my wife, or,” he murmured quietly, “to give you up because I was too weak and cowardly to go after what I wanted and needed.”

  A small cry broke from her lips as she reached up, sliding her arms around his neck and drawing him against her. “Oh, Matt,” she cried softly, “I love you so much. I can’t stand the thought of ever leaving you.”

  Matt buried his face in her silken cascading hair. “Say you’ll be my wife, honey. Now and forever!” he groaned, his arms tightening around her.

  “Yes…oh, yes,” she whispered.

  * * *

  The temperature had dropped again during the night, covering the trees, grass and brush with a glistening coat of frost. Alanna stood at the kitchen sink, a cup of coffee in her hand and a wistful expression on her face. The sound of Matt moving around the cabin gave her a renewed sense of joy. She turned slowly, a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth as she allowed her gaze to move to the open bedroom door. A tangle of sheets, she thought, blushing slightly. The bed sheets were rumpled and twisted, the blankets pushed carelessly to the end of the bed. She closed her eyes momentarily, caught up in the memory of his body, his touch, the whispered words of honesty and love shared between them last night.

  Alanna heard Matt approaching and opened her eyes. He was clean-shaven, his dark hair still damp and shining from the shower. She inhaled his masculine scent as he stooped to draw her into his arms. He leaned down, kissing her nose, cheeks, and finally, her parted, waiting lips.

  “Mmmm,” he purred close to her ear, “you taste like sweet clover honey to me.”

  “And you are my Sir Galahad,” she murmured, merriment written in her eyes.

  “Without a horse, of course,” he teased, grinning. He cocked his head, studying her. “Do you know how incredibly beautiful you look this morning to me? Good loving brings out an inner radiance.” He traced her arched eyebrow. “Your eyes are like emeralds with a hint of gold in their depths. I think I might lose myself in them forever.” His fingers trailed down the velvet expanse of her cheek, and he outlined her parted lips, sending a shiver of pleasure through her. “And your mouth…” He groaned softly. “So soft and inviting, so sweet to taste.” He sighed. “I’d better stop, or I’ll convince both of us to go back to bed in a moment.”

  Alanna trembled deliciously within his embrace. “It doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” she agreed.

  “The selfish part of me would love it. But I’d like to spend the morning doing some hiking around here with you, honey. I’m anxious to show my home ground to you, to share my growing-up years. Or does that sound boring to you?”

  Alanna shook her head. “It sounds wonderful. After the mud and tropical storms of Costa Rica, I’m up to anything.”

  “That’s my lady. Come on, let’s pack two knapsacks, and we’ll be off.”

  They walked through groves of stately pine and climbed the gently sloped earth above the river, the dry leaves of maple and oak crunching beneath their feet. Stepping out into the sun-drenched meadow, Alanna felt her heart soar. She impulsively skipped a few steps and turned, a smile on her lips.

  “I feel like running for the sheer happiness of it!” she exclaimed.

  He released her hand, sharing her smile. “Go ahead,” he coaxed huskily.

  “Thanks,” she whispered, and then turned, throwing herself into the arms of the long, gently rolling meadow. Her hair streamed across her shoulders like dark silk, and she flew through the tall grass. She was a butterfly, a yellow and black monarch floating on the invisible currents.

  Finally, as the meadow narrowed and then ended in another group of oak and evergreens, Alanna slowed reluctantly to a stop. Perspiration dotted her brow, giving her face a glistening sheen. Her cheeks were flushed from the exertion of the ecstatic run, and her breath came in short, shallow gulps as she leaned down, resting her hands against her knees in an effort to catch her breath. Her dark hair framed her features in tangled disarray.

  Matt found her, grinning broadly as he sauntered over the small rise above where she stood. Alanna straightened up, lifting her chin and meeting his smiling eyes. She laughed, impulsively running up the small incline to throw herself into his arms. He lifted her off her feet and swung her around, their laughter melting together into a beautiful song that echoed across the meadow.

  Alanna gasped for breath, giggling as he returned her to the ground. Matt reached out, taming her hair.

  “I told you, you’re a wood nymph,” he teased, his gray eyes dancing with pleasure as he watched her.

  She
tried to catch her breath. “I’ve never done this before! But it feels so good!” she exclaimed. “Matt, I’ve never felt so alive, so happy! This must be love. It just must be,” she said, her voice dropping to a reverent whisper as she leaned close and hugged him fiercely.

  He tried to remain serious, but that irrepressible smile lurked in his eyes as he led her into the shade of a pine tree. He deposited her on the carpet of pine needles and then joined her, opening up the knapsacks and sharing the lunch.

  “I told you before,” he said after a few minutes, “that there were other sides of you that were there but had never been allowed to surface. We were just privileged to witness one of them,” he murmured, “the earth child, Alanna McIntire.”

  She blushed beautifully. “I love it! I feel so clean and free inside, Matt. I can’t explain it.”

  “That’s why a lot of people like to jog, because it releases inner inhibitions and frees up their emotions.”

  “And that’s why you run every morning when you’re at home?”

  He nodded, passing her another peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “Yes, although I prefer to release my stored-up tension in a much more creative way with you,” he drawled.

  Alanna gave him an impish smile, ignoring his comment. “Your job probably produces as much tension as mine,” she noted. “I wish I had discovered jogging earlier, it might have helped me take the office pressure in stride, so to speak.”

  She saw a troubled shadow cross Matt’s eyes, and she tilted her head inquiringly.

  “Have you given any real thought to what Thornton might do when he finds out you’ve agreed to become my wife, Alanna?”

  The words acted like a bucket of icy water on her ebullient mood. “No—I…I haven’t,” she admitted, then flashed him a tender smile of love. “You’ve occupied my thoughts day and night, Matt,” she confessed. And then she shrugged, suddenly losing the rest of her appetite. Alanna felt his sun-warmed fingers on her arm as if to give her physical reassurance.