Borrowed plumes

by Elizabeth Ashton

  'Because, my prickly pear, we must preserve the fiction that I engaged you to act as secretary to my mother ... for Jeremy's sake. He, as you know, would be upset if he learned the truth. Fortunately he's so vague he won't realise how improbable our story is.'

  His tone was entirely matter-of-fact, without a hint of shame or regret for his part in the attempted elopement with Renata. He had not shown any compunction for the outraged father's feelings if he had succeeded. Jan wondered how he had intended to placate him.

  'But what'll your mother think?' she enquired.

  'Oh, she'll play along with us when I've explained the situation,' he said easily, and Jan conjectured unhappily what that explanation would be. She recalled having been told that Mrs. Leandris was English, though she never associated Alex with his British blood, he always seemed so foreign, but it was reassuring to realise that her hostess would be a countrywoman.

  'She is English?' she asked, desiring confirmation.

  'Yes. In fact I'm a bit of a mongrel,' he told her. 'My Turkish grandmother gave up her country and her family to save my Greek father from the Turkish army who were looting Izmir—Smyrna it was called then. They escaped together in a small boat and reached Lesbos, where they were married. That is what I call true love, to sacrifice everything for a man. She didn't bother about her feminine rights. She gave herself entirely into his hands.'

  'Well, since she was a Turk, she'd expect to do that,' Jan commented. 'But it's a romantic story,' she went on hurriedly as she saw him frown, 'though I'm surprised you appreciate it. Were they happy?'

  She asked the question eagerly, for the sequel to this mating of enemies seemed important to her. Greek and Turk had been at each other's throats and each had a different culture. If they could compromise so could ... others.

  'Ideally. My father was an only son. There were several girls, all of whom married Greeks. Zillah Hanim was, I'm told, always completely subservient to her husband. It made for a harmonious married life.'

  'Indeed?' Jan's blue eyes sparkled irefully. 'Of course you would approve of that. Like the unfortunate Victorian wives, she was practically her husband's slave.'

  'Don't you believe it, spitfire. A clever woman can always get her own way if she's subtle enough. Victorian women weren't fools and a lot of them ruled their households and their, husbands without appearing to do so.'

  'You won't find Rena is acquiescent,' Jan declared. 'She won't descend to diplomacy to get her way. She'll expect to be given it.'

  Alex threw her a quizzical look.

  'You're assuming that I intend to marry your cousin?' he enquired silkily.

  'You must be, since you've arranged for her to come here.' She eyed him doubtfully, his smooth olive face was blank, but there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. 'I hope this time you're going to act honourably, Mr. Leandris.'

  'Isn't that rather a lot to expect of a chauvinist pig and—let me see, what were the other things you called me?'

  Jan flushed, she had hoped he had forgotten them.

  'I know you better now,' she said steadily. 'And I don't believe you're as bad as you try to make out.'

  'Then don't rush to the other extreme and whitewash me,' he warned her. 'I keep telling you, I'm not a paragon. As for Renata, I thought you said she was terrified of me and that's why she sent you with her message.'

  'She must have got over her fear if she's ready to come here and meet you again,' Jan pointed out, for she too had found Renata's actions inconsistent, but she had found her own explanation. 'She panicked because she suddenly realised the irregularity of her position if she went with you. She would have been entirely at your discretion, and the thought frightened her.' Jan's blue eyes hardened. 'I'll never forgive you for leading her astray.'

  'But nothing came of it, and if I repair my error and offer her marriage, you'll forgive me?'

  'I suppose so, I don't bear grudges.' She turned her head away, for although now it seemed inevitable, the thought of Alex's union with Renata was painful to her, and not on her cousin's account. It was absurd it should be so, for she was not in the running at all, nor did she wish to be, she assured herself angrily. Alex was not and never could be the sort of man she would want to marry.

  Alex was studying her averted profile with a curious expression, as he asked:

  'You're certain she'll accept me?'

  'Of course. It's what she wants, to be your wife. That Greek woman said you needed one.'

  'Yes, I'll need to come to it in the end.' He smiled ruefully. 'And I think I've found the right woman.'

  It was too much to expect that he would admit to being in love. Jan was doubtful if he were capable of love as she understood it, but she knew her standards were high. Renata would be content with Up service if her material needs were satisfied.

  'Yes, you've done that,' she agreed. 'Rena is so beautiful, and she is virtuous, though you doubted it. Of course she has no dowry, which I believe is expected in your country, but you're rich enough not to consider that, and you know she attracts you.'

  'Does she?'

  Jan made an impatient movement. 'Don't pretend. You wouldn't have courted her so assiduously if she didn't.'

  'Perhaps I wished to ascertain her ... limitations.'

  Jan looked at him severely. 'You're being perverse. If, as you say, you've found the right woman, it must be she. You haven't looked at anyone else for weeks.'

  'Conclusive evidence,' he smiled sardonically. 'It's the first time I've heard a woman plead another woman's cause.'

  'Which goes to show what a selfish lot you mix with. Rena is very dear to me and I'd do a lot to make her happy.'

  'What makes you so sure that marriage with me would make her happy?' Alex asked gently.

  Jan looked uncomfortable, for if she were honest, she must admit that Renata was strongly influenced by what Alex could give her. That she was coming to Istanbul would indicate that she was anxious to resume relations with him, and she had recovered from her momentary panic. To Jan's innocent mind that could only mean that her cousin had discovered that she could not do without him, or so she sought to convince herself.

  'Rena isn't independent like I am,' she said, avoiding a direct reply to his question. 'She needs a strong man to ...' she checked herself, about to say, 'keep her in order,' and changed it to, 'direct her. You and she will make an ideal couple.'

  And in looks they certainly would.

  'You think so?' Alex was bland.

  'Anyone can see that,' Jan declared. 'And your having sent for her and her father proves you must have had a change of heart. Uncle Jeremy would never countenance a ... a liaison, and Istanbul's your home town. You'll be taking her to see your mother, won't you, and after that... I suppose your engagement will be announced.'

  'Your interpretation of my motives is masterly,' Alex told her, and she-was too intent upon her theme to notice the irony in his voice. 'Renata would be a bride of whom any man might be proud. She would look magnificent at the head of my table, decked out in the jewels she'll expect me to give her.' Jan glanced at him quickly, but he was smiling urbanely with a sensual glow in his cat's eyes, which encouraged her. He was envisioning Renata in all her splendour and the image pleased him.

  'But you?' he went on in a changed voice. 'What'll you be doing when I and Renata are canoodling in nuptial bliss by the Bosphorus?'

  'I'll go back to England, what else should I do?' Suddenly the prospect seemed utterly bleak. 'I intend to get a full-time job, with I hope a good salary, and be independent of everybody.'

  'You make a god of independence. You'd consider it ignominious to be supported by a husband?'

  'Not at all. A good marriage is a partnership, I'd do my share looking after the house and children.' Jan moved uneasily under his penetrating gaze. 'But I'm unlikely to get married, so I must make my own life.'

  'I'm glad you don't despise matrimony.'

  'Of course I don't,' she declared a little impatiently. 'But we were talking abou
t Rena. I don't count.'

  He gave her a veiled look, seemed about to say something, and changed his mind. Jan watched him anxiously, he seemed to be moving in the right direction but she was still unsure of his intentions.

  'What a loyal little champion you are,' he remarked, 'your cousin should be grateful to you, but I doubt if she will be. She won't appreciate our sojourn together.'

  'She's not so petty,' Jan declared heatedly. 'She'll know it couldn't be helped.'

  'I hope you can convince her of that.' He regarded her keenly. 'Just how well do you know Renata?'

  'A lot better than you do. We were brought up together like sisters and we'll always stand by each other.'

  'All right. Granted Renata is an angel of light and I'm ... the opposite, but knowing all you do of me I'm surprised you're so ready to trust your precious cousin to me.'

  'I believe you could make her happy if you tried,' Jan said simply. 'You've been very good to me after ... after the beginning, and then of course you were terribly frustrated.' Alex grinned at this naive excuse. 'I'm sorry for all the nasty things I've said to you. You don't deserve them.'

  'Coals of fire,' he drawled, 'or is this feminine guile to push me in the direction you want me to go?'

  'You know very well nobody could ever push you around,' Jan retorted tartly. Her voice became appealing. 'You do want Rena, don't you?'

  'How could I not do so, so beautiful and desirable!' Again the ironic note, and this time Jan noticed it

  'You won't let her down?'

  'I always fulfill expectations where your sex is concerned,' he returned blandly. 'Except upon one memorable occasion when they were more fearful than pleasurable.'

  Jan blushed and hung her head, and he stood up.

  'But that's enough of your delightful cousin for tonight. She isn't due until tomorrow and you'll make me ill with anticipation if you go on about her.' Irony had given place to mockery, the cat's eyes were taunting. 'Come up on deck and see the city lights, they're quite a spectacle.'

  They stood together at the stern in what seemed to be a fairy world. Lights glittered everywhere, from the buildings along the Golden Horn to Uskudor across the straits, reflected in the dark water. The walls of Topkapi Palace and several of the mosques were floodlit. Ferry boats illuminated from stem to stern moved over the dark depths like gilded comets. Cruise ships dressed all over with coloured lights lay at anchor along the quays and above them were the great white stars which seemed bigger and brighter than in Western skies.

  Entranced, Jan gazed at it all, until she became aware that Alex had moved. He stood in front of her, a hand on either side of her imprisoning her against the rails.

  'Am I still to be denied that kiss, my prickly pear?'

  Her heart began to thump. He was a head taller than she, and she dared not raise her eyes above the level of his white shirt 'Rena ...' she stammered.

  'Is still far away. The crew are all down below. There's no one but you and I alone amid light and

  stars. No, they can't see us' as she glanced to wards the passing ships, the traffic-laden bridge, 'they're too far off. Tomorrow you'll be well chaperoned in my mother's house, and you said, perhaps mistakenly, that I had been good to you.'

  His voice was low and coaxing and though he had her there, helpless before him, he made no move to take her. He wanted her to give, and it was not much he was asking. Every callow youth expected a kiss after an evening's entertainment, and Alex had given her much more than that. The only surprise was that he should want her to kiss him. She supposed vaguely that it was because she had so often criticised and provoked him. He wanted to assert his mastery over her, but if it would give him any satisfaction, she would not continue to deny him. He had called her ungenerous and that Jan was not; moreover, she felt no repugnance, her senses were clamouring for his reciprocation. It was because of that that she was hesitating. She feared she might betray too much of the emotion he awoke in her. With an effort, she raised her arms and clasped his neck and standing on tiptoe, brushed his cheek with her lips.

  Alex laughed. 'Oh, come, Jan, you can do better than that.'

  'I need ... some help,' she faltered.

  'What a confession!'

  His arms closed round her, drawing her away from the rail. He held her gently but firmly, looking down into her shadowed face with an inscrutable expression. Jan felt a flood of feeling surge through her. With a half sob she pressed herself against him. His arms tightened with sudden crushing force, and his lips came down on hers, fierce and demanding.

  Jan lost all sense of place, time and even of identity. She clung to him, giving him back kiss for kiss, her whole body aflame with the intensity of her passion. She seemed to have no bones, her slight form moulded into his lean strength. This was ecstasy and pain, but the pain was part of the rapture. She longed to be made part of him, their union complete. When she had reached a point when she could bear no more without the relief of consummation, though she was unaware of the true nature of her need, his hold slackened and he withdrew his face from hers. He supported her to a low bench set by the entrance to the companionway and let her sink down upon it. She was trembling and she covered her face with her hands with a low moan of frustration.

  'Very nice, Jan.' His voice was faintly mocking. 'But you've had all that's good for you, unless ...'

  'Unless ... what?' she murmured, hardly knowing what she was saying, longing for a repetition of his kisses.

  'We continue the session in your cabin.'

  That reached her with the impact of an icy shower.

  'No!' she gasped.

  'I feared that was too much to expect,' he drawled.

  'You said you didn't rape virgins.'

  'Unwilling ones,' he corrected her, 'and it wouldn't be rape.'

  For a moment she was tempted. To he all night in Alex's arms... but no... he would only be contemptuous of her surrender. Another woman who was unable to resist him. Besides, he was pledged to her beautiful cousin and when Renata appeared on the morrow he would abandon her to claim the more glamorous girl. She surmised, and was probably correct, that it was the hunt that excited him and once the prey was in his clutches he lost interest. He had taken this opportunity to subdue her and if she surrendered he would not give her another thought, nor would he bestow any more of his attentions upon her once Renata had arrived, but she would have preserved her integrity. With an immense effort she controlled her unruly emotions and managed to say calmly:

  'You've no cause to call me ungenerous now, Mr. Leandris, but as you said, we've gone far enough. I hope you're satisfied.'

  'Satisfied!' It was almost a groan.

  'Oh, Alex,' she cried piteously, 'don't make me hate myself!'

  He said in a changed voice:

  'I would loathe to do that. Forgive my importunity, Jan. As you're always telling me, I'm a selfish beast. You'd better go below now and get some rest, you've had a long day.' He added as she hesitated: 'You're quite safe from me.'

  'Yes, I know that,' she returned almost mechanically. The danger was not from him but from within herself. 'Goodnight, Alex—and thanks for everything.'

  'You've nothing to thank me for,' he said roughly. 'I only please myself.'

  She rose a little unsteadily to her feet, and drew the front of her dress together where his impatient fingers had torn it.

  'Not always,' she told him gravely. 'Just now ... you forbore.'

  Both knew that if he had persisted she would have given in to him.

  But now he had become his usual derisive self.

  'Still determined to fit me with a halo?' he jeered. 'Perhaps the temptation was not great enough.'

  Perverse being, consistently denying his better self. He meant to wound her, but oddly enough, self-deprecating as she was, she was not hurt. Instinct more accurate than reason assured her his desire had been genuine and he had conquered it out of deference to her wishes.

  'Goodnight, Alex,' she repeated gently.


  He did not respond, but as she went down the companionway he stood at the top of it watching her descent with an expression that was neither derisive nor contemptuous, it was almost tender. But Jan did not look back.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Jan lay awake for most of the night. Through the windows of her cabin, for it was hot and she had opened them wide, the noise of the traffic was a background for her troubled thoughts. Lights flashed across them from passing craft and the occasional blare of a siren mingled with the general cacophony.

  She had to face the realisation that she was in love with Alexandres Leandris, and the knowledge offended both her pride and her fastidiousness. She was recalling with vivid clarity his words before he left her on that unforgettable night, that it would be poetic justice if she came to desire what she had rejected. It had appealed to his perverse humour to seek to bring that about. Their dinner on Lesbos, their conversations with their erotic undercurrent had all been aimed at that object. Sure of his invincibility, he had deliberately sought to rouse her... and he had succeeded. For him it had been an amusing diversion to relieve the tedium of the voyage, for her disaster, for she could never take love lightly as he did, though in his case it was not love at all.

  Jan vowed to herself that she must never, never allow him to learn how he had triumphed; that would be too humiliating, for she knew he had only been playing a game with her, and had no genuine regard for her at all. If she were hurt, he would consider it was her just deserts for taking Renata's place.

  The incident on deck that night had caused her to betray herself, but she could minimise that by pretending she had been playing along with him for kicks ... the 'fun' so many girls indulged in, in their search for sensation. She smiled wryly. She had certainly gained some new sensations, but she was ashamed of them, for even if they had been prompted by love, they were not reciprocated, and she must not let Alex suspect how deep the experience had gone with her. She could not bear the thought that he might tell Renata and they would laugh together about poor lovelorn Jan's pitiable condition.

  Heartless though he might be, she did not believe he would have come to her bed on the eve of his reconciliation with Renata.