Borrowed plumes

by Elizabeth Ashton

  'Of course you are. I believe no one is immune at any age, and adult love is stronger and more stable than youthful infatuations.' She spoke with a quaint air of wisdom that caused Alex to smile. Looking at him questioningly, she went on: "Do you mean that you've really fallen in love with Rena? That would be ... splendid.'

  Her voice faltered. If he had it would do much to ensure Renata's future happiness, but her own heart was protesting that while she had faced a marriage of convenience with equanimity, Alex's rhapsodies about his bride-to-be would be hard to bear and she feared he was about to confide in her. He said:

  'You've never believed I was, have you?'

  'Well, not exactly,' she prevaricated, for she could not apply the word love to the lust, desire, whatever Alex had shown towards her cousin. Love was giving of more than material things, which cost Alex nothing. Lovers should be humble, but Alex was incapable of humility. He had made his admission in a spirit of defiant resentment, despising his own weakness.

  'Your feelings have changed?' She raised her eyes, very blue and serious, to his face.

  'Yes ... no... Oh, Jan!' He moved swiftly towards her and sitting down beside her again, seized her hand. Now it's coming, she thought, for his eyes were glowing and his face was alive with emotion, a description of Renata's perfections which she knew by heart, an outpouring of his newly developed devotion. There were limits to what she could bear and she tried to draw her hand away, faintly protesting: 'Please, Alex, don't!'

  He did not relinquish it and, disturbed by something she could not define in his expression, she went on hurriedly, saying whatever came into her head.

  'I've always felt you and Rena were made for each other. You make such an impressive pair, as if you were destined to come together...' She faltered, for his eyes had started to smoulder and his hand tightened upon hers in a painful grip. 'In this part of the world everyone believes in fate,' she continued desperately, 'so of course you had to come to love her in the end.'

  Her voice faded as she became aware of the tenseness of his attitude, as if he were restraining himself with great difficulty. Her fatuous remarks had been a blunder and he was annoyed by them.

  'I... I suppose I was talking drivel,' she murmured.

  'You were.'

  'I'm sorry.' Her hand was growing numb in his grip. 'It's only that I'm so pleased about you and Rena. And I feel honoured to receive your confidence. You do think of me as a friend, don't you?'

  'Nothing of the sort,' he said harshly, and threw away her hand. She rubbed it against her skirt to restore the circulation, and he made no apology for his brutality.

  'The last thing I want is to be your friend!' He almost spat out the offending word

  'Oh!' She felt wounded by this rejection of her overture. 'You don't care for women friends?'

  'There's only one possible relationship with a woman,' he told her cynically.

  'I ... I understand.' But she did not, when he had claimed her as a cousin he had been gentle, almost tender, now he seemed to be repudiating her. A possible explanation of his antagonism occurred to her. Naturally now he realised he cared for Renata he wanted to forget any previous backslidings.

  'Perhaps because you ... flirted with me,' she began awkwardly, 'you think I may want to make trouble between you and Rena. I'd never dream of doing such a thing. I know it was only because you were bored and lonely and she had offended you...'

  He gave a startled exclamation, but she went on steadily:

  'It was so, wasn't it? But we were neither of us in the least serious, it was what the French say, pour passer les temps. As I said before, a bit of... fun.'

  Alex caught her by the shoulders and stared down into her face with an enigmatical expression.

  'Do you honesty mean to tell me that that is all it was to you?'

  Jan summoned all her pride to her aid and met his gaze unflinchingly.

  'Of course it was.' She forced a smile. 'I was just gaining a little ... experience, and you know what my opinion of you has always been, but I'm very glad to discover that with regard to Rena you're capable of ordinary human feelings.'

  He pushed her away from him as if stung.

  'You regard me as a sort of inhuman monster?'

  'Oh, no, no!' she cried, distressed he should so interpret her words. 'You're only a little ... callous at times, but I don't understand why, if you're in love with Rena, you aren't engaged.'

  'Because there's another woman whom I like and admire besides desiring her, who won't bore me to death after six months.'

  'Oh, you're impossible!' Jan exclaimed, shocked and disappointed by this revelation. 'I don't believe such a woman exists.'

  'She does, and until I'm convinced she's unattainable, I'm not going to accept second best. It is necessary that I should wed, and if my love continues to reject me, Renata will have to do.'

  Jan stared at him wide-eyed, overwhelmed with renewed consternation. She had never suspected a prior attachment, Alex's attentions to Renata had contradicted such a possibility. His duplicity shocked her, though if he were smarting from rejected love it might account for his contempt for more susceptible women. But there was something here which seemed off key. Alex in the role of unsuccessful lover was uncharacteristic. She glanced at his dark arrogant face, the forceful jut of his chin. He was not a man who would admit defeat in love or anything else. He had brought Renata running after him in spite of her momentary panic, she herself was at his feet, though mercifully he did not know it. Yet why cook up such an unlikely story for no apparent reason? But she could no longer suppose that he loved Renata, and that he should callously use her as a second string when whatever intrigue he was involved in failed roused her to a pitch of angry indignation in her cousin's defence.

  'You double-faced cur!' she blazed, her eyes flashing blue fire. 'How dare you play with poor Rena when your affections are engaged elsewhere! But who is this lady-love of yours ... didn't she mind your long absence in Kusadasi? Doesn't she resent your pursuit of Rena?'

  Alex smiled sardonically: 'I tried to make her jealous.'

  'Oh, you're an unscrupulous heel!' Jan cried vehemently. 'And to cap it all you've the effrontery to tell me that you're in love, not with Rena, but someone else. Did you expect me to sympathise with you? You're a beast, a pig, a sadist, all the things I called you, and I thought...' She checked herself, on the verge of tears. First impressions were often right; she had been deceiving herself to imagine Alex had a softer side.

  'You thought... what?' he asked, as if it were important to him.

  'Oh, nothing, but this other woman must have some sense, she knows what you are. I hope she continues to spurn you, gives you hell. When I think how you've misled Rena I... I could kill you!'

  She raised her clenched fists as if she were about to strike him, and he caught her wrists in a firm grip.

  'Calm down, spitfire. Hasn't Renata disillusioned you yet? Was she grateful to you for the heroic voyage you took upon her behalf?'

  There was derision in his eyes and Jan wilted, recalling Renata's spiteful attack which he had foretold. The fire went out of her. It seemed she was doomed to bestow her love upon unworthy objects. Both Renata and Alex had shown up in a poor light. She gave a long sigh.

  'Let me go, Alex. I'm sorry I abused you. You can't help being what you are, you've always warned me not to expect too much of you.'

  Yet for all his faults and however despicably he behaved, she knew she could never wholly eradicate his image from her heart. He had captured her imagination, got under her skin, and even now, deploring his morals, hating him for Renata's sake, she was fighting an intense desire to throw herself into his arms.

  He did not free her, though his clasp of her wrists loosened. The touch of his long, beautiful hands disturbed her against her will, and she drooped in his hold like a broken flower.

  'Do you want me to marry Renata, though you know my heart is bestowed elsewhere?' he asked slowly.

  'Having led her on, you
certainly should,' she said firmly. 'And I don't think your heart would trouble you long. It seems to be a fairly adjustable organ.'

  Alex blinked.

  'What an indictment! And you, you have no qualms, no regrets?'

  Jan frowned in puzzled bewilderment.

  'No, of course not. I care nothing for you, but I pray you won't let Rena down.'

  Alex dropped her wrists and stood up.

  'If you change your mind, you've only yourself to blame,' he said cryptically, and walked away from her into the house without a backward look.

  Jan watched him go with troubled eyes, not sure that he intended to stick to Renata, and in what way could it concern her? He seemed to be trying to make her responsible for a decision that was his alone. She speculated upon the mysterious woman whom he said he loved. H she did exist, and she was still doubtful about that, she must be some proud Athenian beauty, who disdained him for his mixed blood and business connections. She shrewdly suspected her attraction was because she was unattainable and quite possibly if she relented, Alex would lose interest in her. But why had he confided in her? Perhaps because her importunities with regard to her cousin had annoyed him, and her mistake about the object of his love had irritated him. He had meant to shock her and had succeeded.

  But had she done right by pressing Renata's claims? Could her cousin be happy with such a man? On the other hand, Renata's pride would suffer if Alex repudiated her now, so much so that she might become soured and embittered. Better an unloving husband than such a wound to her ego, and ... Jan smiled wryly ... she would be compensated by his gifts and jewels.

  As for herself, Jan sighed again, she had wanted to believe the best of Alex. The Stephanos incident had raised him in her opinion, but where women were concerned he was untrustworthy. He must have forgotten the episode on deck in Istanbul harbour. He had not remembered his inamorata when he kissed her then, nor had he shrunk from the prospect of bedding her. It seemed his love was divorced from fidelity, and would such straying distress Renata? Should she warn her? But she knew Renata would not accept warnings from her and she would insist that any advances from Alex towards herself existed only in her imagination. There was nothing further she could do now. Her initial attempt to save Renata from Alex had resulted in leaving her with a sore heart, and from henceforth their destinies were outside her ken. Once back in England, she would do her best to forget all that happened in the Middle East.

  At dinner that night, Mrs. Leandris told her that arrangements had been made for her departure on the morrow. She was to meet Jeremy and Renata at the airport, whence they would fly back to England.

  'Rena too?' Jan asked doubtfully, wondering what had happened

  'But of course, why should she stay here?' Lydia gave her guest a keen look. 'Alex will be following shortly,' she said. 'He has business in London.'

  Jan gave a sigh of relief; the business was of course her cousin. She made a resolution that before he turned up in her uncle's house, she would be out of it. She was wearing her red dress, which fitted where it touched, with her hair drawn severely back. She had no colour in her cheeks and she looked like a pale ghost of the girl she had been on the night of her arrival. Lydia was studying her with disapproval.

  'What has become of the pretty green dress?' she asked.

  'Oh, I gave it to Rena,' Jan said offhandedly. 'She's a green chiffon girl, which I'm not, it was more suited to her.'

  'But Alex gave it to you.'

  'He lent it to me. I can't accept clothes from a man who is practically a stranger.'

  Lydia seemed about to protest, but checked herself. She continued to eye Jan with disfavour. Presently she said:

  'Your departure is a little sudden, but apparently Miss Reynolds is anxious to get home. You had a long talk with my son this morning. Did he mention it?'

  Jan shook her head. She was fairly certain no arrangements had been made that morning. Alex must have decided he had had enough of her, and possibly their conversation had goaded him into action. Renata wanted to be married in London and would be eager to start preparations. Since Lydia had been absent, Alex must have told her about their 'long talk.'

  'Mr. Leandris seemed to be at a loose end this morning,' she said, to account for it.

  'I hoped you would reach a ... er ... better understanding.'

  Jan flushed uneasily. What was her hostess getting at?

  'Believe me, Mrs. Leandris, I understand your son very well,' she said coolly.

  'Do you?' Lydia's gaze was searching. 'Alex is much more sensitive than many give him credit for. He had an unfortunate experience when he was much younger with a girl who turned out to be a mercenary coquette without a heart. It embittered him—we take disillusionment hard when we're young. Since then he's been a bit wild, motivated unconsciously by a desire to revenge himself on womankind, but now, at last, he's prepared to take a wife, and though you may not believe it, he'll make a good husband. He's had enough of light loving and what he wants, and needs, is a peaceful domestic life and, of course, children.'

  'You should know,' Jan told her, feeling a knife in her wound. She did not think Renata wanted a peaceful, domestic life, and she had stipulated one child. She herself would have given him such homely pleasures, but she had never been in the running. She wondered if Lydia really knew her son as well as she thought she did, or if she was only voicing what she wanted for him. Alex himself might have very different ideas.

  'I do know, and I thought he'd chosen wisely, but...'

  She broke off and fiddled with her cutlery, seeming at a loss how to go on. Jan felt a little uncomfortable; Renata was not the sort of wife Lydia was envisioning, and it seemed she was having doubts. Apparently she knew nothing about the other woman, after whom Alex was still dangling.

  'I'm sure Mr. Leandris knows what he's doing,' she said vaguely.

  'But do you?'

  'Me?' Jan's eyes widened in surprise. 'What's it got to do with me?' Lydia gave an impatient exclamation, and she went on earnestly:

  'I wish your son every happiness, Mrs. Leandris, but I'll have little to do with him in future, as I'll be leaving home. Our ways lie far apart, as we decided this morning.'

  'So I was told,' Lydia sighed. 'But you'll make him welcome when he arrives in London?'

  'I'm sure we'll all do that,' Jan replied, 'but is it quite definite that he's coming?'

  For if he were, it meant he would have relinquished all hope of winning that mysterious Athenian lady, who she was still inclined to believe was a myth, and Renata's prospects would be safe.

  'Such is his intention. Alex is very persistent,' Lydia said significantly, thereby perplexing Jan all the more. Alex would be determined in pursuit, but by his own admission Renata was not the object of his desires, and since she was already won, why the need for persistence? Her resolution to be absent when he came strengthened.

  To her relief Lydia dropped the subject of Alex, and began to discuss the details of her journey.

  They parted next morning with polite thanks on the guest's part, and good wishes from the hostess.

  'Perhaps we'll be seeing you back in Istanbul before long,' Mrs. Leandris concluded.

  'It's a fascinating city,' Jan said noncommittally. 'I hope I do see it again some time.'

  She knew it was most unlikely and her hope was insincere. It would be redolent with memories of Alex and him she must forget. She climbed into the waiting taxi, waved to her hostess and was borne away from the house by the Bosphorus.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Jan had feared that Renata would be disappointed that she had not obtained her engagement ring, for she was not wearing one, and would vent some of her spleen on her, but her cousin seemed to belatedly realise that she had been less than fair to Jan, and set herself out to be charming. She talked gaily about Alex's arrival in London, so that Jan decided they must have a secret understanding, and she implied that he would purchase the ring then.

  He did not come to the airport to s
ee them off; he was engaged upon some important deal and could not spare the time, Renata told her, and she did not seem at all put out by this neglect. Her complacent attitude allayed Jan's doubts about die marriage. It was obvious Renata was not in love with Alex and would settle happily into what would be a marriage of convenience for the sake of the wealth and position it would give her.

  As for Alex, he too seemed to have accepted the situation and was resigned to marrying Renata. He could accept defeat when expedient, though it was possible he had not given up hope of winning his inamorata, though he could no longer offer her a legal alliance, but for all she knew the woman might be already married.

  She was troubled by the question he had asked her, whether he was lovable. It seemed to betray a secret doubt and a yearning. Though it was too coy a word to apply to her conception of the man, proud, dominant and arrogant, it did suggest that he needed love, real undemanding love, as she knew she herself could have given him if her feelings had a chance to develop, but Renata was incapable of such an emotion. Nor would he expect it of her, and Jan supposed she would suit him very well. Alex, like many another, sighed for the unattainable, but if he won it he would cease to desire it. Jan was advancing quickly in worldly wisdom; Alex had been an education.

  Arrived home, Mrs. Reynolds detached herself from her manifold clubs and guilds sufficiently to give them a welcome. Remarking that Renata was blooming and Jan looked washed out, she absently embraced her husband and retired to her writing desk. She too was proud of her daughter's beauty, but they had never been close. Ruth Reynolds was a reserved woman and neither Renata nor Jan had ever penetrated her absorption in her good works. Perhaps she had some excuse to seek an antidote, for Jeremy had soon after the honeymoon betrayed that he found heathen goddesses much more exciting than mere wives. His present to her of another effigy of the 'Diana of the Ephesians', similar but bigger and better than the one Alex had given Renata, was given only perfunctory thanks.