Love's Illusion

by Priya Grey

  Chapter 48

  I stand in the hallway, anxiously waiting for Juliette’s cue.

  “Lady and Gentleman,” I hear her say. “It is my great honor to present to you, Madame Florence Hill.”

  I step into the living room and glance nervously at Nash and Selena, who are sitting on the couch. I’m wearing a flared dress, and my hair has been blow dried and curled.

  “Oh my gosh, Flo. You look beautiful,” exclaims Selena.

  “Doesn’t she,” Juliette concurs.

  “Thanks. Juliette did my hair and make-up,” I reply, feeling slightly embarrassed by the attention.

  “I just brought out your inner goddess, nothing more,” says Juliette.

  “Well, I’m stunned,” says Selena. “You look gorgeous. And I love the dress.”

  I glance down at my outfit.

  “We got it at Ross, ninety percent off. Who knew?” I shrug and spin around to show off the flare.

  Juliette turns to Nash and asks, “What do you think, Nash? Doesn’t she look amazing?”

  Nash stares at me, with a curious look.

  “You’re a knockout,” he says softly.

  My face breaks into a smile.

  “Thanks.” I blush.

  “Well, we have to get going,” says Juliette. “It’s time Flo finally meet her virtual lover!”

  I say goodbye to Nash and Selena and follow Juliette out of the house, toward her car. We drive to Culver City.

  “Thanks for driving,” I tell Juliette on the way there. “I’ll take an Uber home.”

  “Or maybe… Chad will take you back to his place,” she replies with a mischievous grin.

  “Maybe. I’m so nervous,” I confess.

  “Remember: He’s there to impress you, not the other way around.”

  “Right,” I say with a nod. “But, I’m still really nervous.” I begin to twiddle my thumbs.

  “Breathe. It’s just a first date,” Juliette reminds me.

  “I know. I just haven’t had much practice at this,” I reveal.

  “Trust me, looking the way you do, he’d be a fool not to fall in love with you.”

  “Thanks,” I reply, although Juliette’s compliment has done nothing to settle the nervous energy rushing through me.

  A few minutes later, Juliette pulls her car to the curb.

  I stare at the entrance to the restaurant. “Okay. Here we go,” I mutter.

  I open my door and step out of the car.

  “Good luck,” shouts Juliette with a smile.

  I nod and close the car door. Juliette drives off. Taking a deep breath, I walk toward the restaurant and step inside. I scan the crowded dining room. Then I spot Chad (aka Beowulf845) sitting at a table. I take a deep breath as I approach him.

  “Hi.”

  Not sure who I am, Chad looks at me confused.

  “Hi.”

  My mind goes blank. I don’t know what to say next.

  “Can I help you?” Chad asks.

  “Beowulf845?” I say, with an awkward smile.

  Chad nods slowly.

  “I’m SexyMinx243,” I admit with a nervous laugh.

  I extend my hand. It’s shaking.

  “Nice to finally meet you in person,” I tell him.

  Totally confused, Chad slowly gets up. He shakes my hand.

  “You don’t look like…” he begins.

  “That was my roommate. It’s a long story.”

  Chad still looks puzzled. “Okay. Um. You want to sit down?”

  “Sure.”

  I take a seat, and Chad sits back down. The waiter walks over and takes our drink order.

  “Iced-tea,” says Chad.

  “I’ll have the same.”

  After the waiter leaves, Chad just sits there, staring at me. He’s still not sure what is going on.

  “Surprise,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.

  “Right,” says Chad, awkwardly.

  “Not what you were expecting?” I venture.

  “I’m just really confused,” he admits.

  With a slow nod, I try to explain. “I thought… I thought you might be turned off by what I looked like in person. So I had my roommate pretend she was me.”

  Chad takes a moment and then finally says, “I see…”

  After saying those two words, Chad is at a loss for more. We sit in silence, and I notice he looks really uncomfortable.

  The waiter comes by with our drinks. He asks if we’re ready to order.

  “We’ll need a minute,” Chad responds.

  “Okay, I’ll come back.”

  I take a nervous sip from my iced-tea. Chad is staring at the table, unable to make eye contact with me.

  “You’re disappointed,” I finally say.

  “You’re just not what I was expecting,” he reveals, finally meeting my gaze.

  There’s a long pause.

  Chad then leans in and lowers his voice.

  “I was just under the assumption you looked like your roommate and…”

  I finish the sentence for him. “You were excited. And now that you see me, you’re not so excited.”

  “I don’t mean it like that,” Chad says, shaking his head.

  “But you sort of do.”

  Chad looks at me and shrugs his shoulders. “I’m sorry.” Then he admits, “You’re just not my type.”

  I take a deep breath and try to hold on to my composure. “I understand.”

  The waiter comes back for our order.

  “Have you two decided?” he asks.

  I look at the waiter and say, “I think we’ve changed our minds, right Chad?”

  “Yeah,” Chad replies, staring at the tablecloth.

  “We won’t be having lunch,” I tell the waiter.

  I get up from the table and leave the restaurant.

  I don’t call Juliette. Instead, I take the bus home. As always, that homeless woman is on the bus. She stares at me as I take the seat across from her. I’m starting to wonder if this homeless woman – whose name I don’t even know – is sort of like a fucked-up version of my guardian angel. No matter what bus I take in the entire city of Los Angeles, she is always there, hovering nearby.

  “He wasn’t the right one,” the homeless woman says, nodding her head.

  I ignore her. I’m in no mood to talk.

  After the bus drops me off, I take off my heels. I walk barefoot up the hill, back to the house.

  When I step inside, Selena and Juliette rush to see me. I notice Nash standing in the background. They can all tell, by the look on my face, that it didn’t go well.

  “Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry,” says Juliette.

  Juliette and Selena hug me. I cry on their shoulders. Then I blurt, “I need to be alone for a bit.”

  I rush to my room and close the door. I stare at the poster of Prince.

  “I just want to feel like one of your songs, Prince. Or do I not deserve that?”

  I lay on my bed and close my eyes. I begin to sob. Am I destined to be alone? Am I always going to be the fat friend, and not the girlfriend? Am I always going to feel like I don’t fit in? Don’t I deserve to feel special, or even loved? Then there’s a knock at my door.

  “I just need some time, girls,” I mutter.

  But it’s not Juliette or Selena. “It’s Nash. Let me in.”

  I sit up and wipe my eyes. I get up from my mattress and answer the door. Nash stares at me with a tenderness I’ve never seen before. He steps inside my room and motions for me to take a seat on the mattress. I sit down and he sits next to me.

  “I’m sorry I wasted your time,” I tell him, wiping away my tears. “You trained me for free, and it led to nothing.”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” Nash replies softly, looking down at the floor.

  “I can’t believe I was such an idiot,” I moan. “Of course a good looking guy, like Chad, isn’t going to go for me.”

  “Stop talking like that.”

  “Why?” I say, turning to him. �
�It’s the truth. Guys just don’t find me attractive. I can’t help it. I hate the way I look. I hate my – ”

  Nash silences me with a kiss.

  When he finally pulls his lips away from mine, I look at him in shock. “You just kissed me.”

  Nash doesn’t respond. He leans in and kisses me again.

  “You just kissed me again,” I repeat.

  Nash then kisses me a third time, and we collapse onto the bed. He grabs my face in his hands and continues kissing me passionately. His warm tongue dips into my mouth. I savor his taste, like honey, and inhale his masculine scent. Nash’s firm hands run underneath my dress and up my legs. He grips my thighs, with a groan of desire.

  “You’re a fuckin’ knockout,” he whispers into my ear. “Never let anyone make you feel otherwise.”

  He kisses me again. I wrap my arms around his neck.

  Is this really happening? Am I making out with drop-dead sexy, Nash Davis?

  But it soon becomes evident that Nash doesn’t just want to make out.

  He looks into my eyes and says, “I want to make love to you, Flo. I want to pleasure every part of your body. Will you let me?”

  “Are you fucking kidding me!” I exclaim. I vigorously nod my head. “But I got to warn you,” I tell him. “This is my first time. I might really suck at it.”

  Nash smirks and presses his forehead against mine.

  “I doubt that. You’re an imaginative girl.”

  I smile and we kiss again. I feel Nash’s hands curl over my panties. He slides them down my legs. Then he moves his hands toward my chest. Gently, he slips the straps of my dress over my shoulders, exposing my breasts.

  As Nash kisses my breasts and then my neck, I glance at the poster of Prince. Quietly, I mouth the words, “Thank you.”

  Nash shifts his focus to another part of my body. He pulls the hem of my dress over my hips, so my sex is exposed. He stares at me with lust in his eyes. I can’t believe I actually turn him on. He moves his head between my legs. I feel his warm tongue glide over my sex. The sensation ricochets through my body. I grip the back of his head, urging him on. It feels fuckin’ amazing. Better than anything I could have imagined.

  Then Nash raises his head and looks at me.

  “I want to get inside you,” he groans.

  I nod, happily. I’ve been waiting for this moment my entire life, and I can’t believe it’s going to happen with him. I feel like the luckiest woman alive.

  Nash rips off his t-shirt, and I marvel at his physique. He unbuttons his jeans and slides them off. Wearing only white boxers, Nash moves in and kisses my mouth again. I glide my hand down his muscular chest and over his flat stomach. Then I caress the fabric of his boxers. My hand finds his impressive shaft. I slip my hand underneath his boxers and grip his bulging cock.

  Nash lets out an appreciative groan.

  Before I know it, his cock is rock hard. Nash quickly throws on a condom and moves in closer. I stare into his eyes, as I feel the tip of his cock tease my entrance.

  “I’ve wanted this for a while,” he says softly kissing me again.

  “Me too,” I reply. “I just thought it would only happen in my dreams.”

  Then Nash gently eases himself inside me, filling me with his manhood.

  As he grinds his hips, I wrap my arms around his body, welcoming every inch of him. One thing’s for sure: This beats any virtual sex I’ve ever had!

  As he rocks me back and forth, a wave of pleasure builds inside me. With our eyes locked, I feel Nash’s warm breath against my face.

  “You feel amazing,” he moans.

  “You feel better,” I exhale with a smile.

  He kisses me again.

  And then I feel it coming – the bliss I never thought I’d experience with a man. As his cock slides in and out of me, I gasp, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

  Nash tugs on my lips, and I feel the wave finally crash. A rush of joy overwhelms me.

  Later that night, I fall asleep in his arms. But when I wake up, Nash is gone.

  Chapter 49

  “I knew you two would end up together. Right, Selena?”

  “It crossed my mind,” Selena admits.

  “Whatever,” I mumble. “I’m sure what happened last night didn’t mean that much to him. Nash just slept with me to make me feel better.”

  We’re sitting on the living room couch. I came out here earlier this morning when I realized Nash was no longer by my side. Juliette and Selena joined me after they woke up.

  I show them the note Nash left by my bedside.

  Have to catch a flight to Portland. Will be back in 2 days. Didn’t want to wake you. You looked peaceful sleeping. - Nash.

  “I see nothing wrong with this note,” insists Juliette.

  “I just think if he really had feelings for me, he would have woken me up and told me had a flight to catch,” I mumble. “I bet he regrets sleeping with me.”

  “Why do you always act like you’re a supporting actor when you’re the star of the film?” Juliette asks.

  “Because Nash is the star quarterback in high school,” I tell her. “And I’m like the ugly fat chick working in yearbook.”

  “I don’t understand those references,” says Juliette, shaking her head.

  “She means it’s not supposed to be,” says Selena. Then she glances at her phone. “Shit. I have to go.”

  “Where?” asks Juliette.

  “Matt came by the club after you guys left. He promised if I go to one of his seminars, he’ll stop bothering me. He’s doing a talk this morning at a local YMCA. Do you guys want to come?”

  I shake my head. “I just want to stay home and be miserable,” I confess.

  “Flo, he’s coming back,” insists Selena, trying to comfort me. “In the beginning, we all thought Nash was a dick. But he’s proved us all wrong. He wouldn’t have slept with you if he didn’t like you. Why are you having such a hard time accepting that? I know he left a pretty basic note, but that doesn’t mean he has no feelings for you. He’s a guy. Guys suck at communicating their emotions.”

  “Oui. It’s true,” says Juliette. “Especially, American men. They’re very closed off. They think feelings aren’t sexy.”

  “We’ll see what happens when he comes back,” I mutter. I’m finding it hard to believe that Nash and I could be something more than just a one-night thing. I guess I’ve been so used to not feeling special, that it’s hard to believe I won’t be disappointed somehow.

  “Well, I really have to go,” says Selena. “Take care of her, Juliette. She’s overreacting.”

  “I’ll keep her company,” Juliette replies, giving me a hug. “I agree. She’s much too pessimistic right now.”

  “You’re just full of positivity because you and Selena’s uncle are in love,” I remind Juliette.

  Selena shoots me a stern look. “Please don’t mention that in my presence again.” Then she takes a deep breath. “I’ll see you two later.” She walks out of the living room.

  Chapter 50

  Selena drives her car to a YMCA near Hancock Park. She enters the building and sees a picture of Matt, along with an advertisement for his seminar. She takes a seat among the crowd gathered. There’s an older woman sitting next to her.

  “Have you been to one of his seminars before?” she asks.

  “No,” admits Selena.

  “He’s very good. Very inspiring. And handsome,” states the older woman. “Like a really hot Tony Robbins.”

  There’s a younger guy sitting to Selena’s left. “This dude helped me kick drinking,” he confesses.

  “Really?” Selena responds, surprised.

  “Yeah, he spoke at a shelter I was staying in downtown,” continues the young man.

  “He helped me recover from the loss of my daughter,” reveals the older woman, a look of sadness sweeping over her face. “His talks really helped me through that pain. Through him, I found the hope I need to carry on.”

  Selena is astounded by
Matt’s impact on these strangers’ lives. Has she been so hung up on their differences, that she’s ignored how special he is? Has she discounted how much good Matt is doing with his life’s work?

  Then a woman sitting in front of Selena turns around. She’s been overhearing their conversation. “I saw him speak in Portland over a year ago,” she tells Selena and the others in a hushed tone. “Before that, I was going to countless therapists and on endless meds for depression. I was suicidal. But after hearing him speak in Portland, something just clicked in my head. It’s like I’m happy for the first time, and I’m fifty-six years old. He has a real way of connecting with you. I can’t explain it.”

  “He’s got the gift,” adds the young man in agreement. “Some people just have it.”

  Selena sits there gob smacked. Matt dedicates his life to helping other people. Meanwhile, she’s been pushing him away because he doesn’t fit her ideal description of a life partner. What does that say about her?

  Selena shakes her head, still stunned by her own blindness. She’s been hanging onto an illusion – picturing the type of a man she should be with, instead of acknowledging the good man she had in her life and then pushed away.

  The crowd erupts with applause, as Matt walks into the room. He steps toward the microphone. A smile breaks across Selena’s face at the sight of him. He may look like he’s straight out of a J. Crew catalogue – and not have any tattoos – but without question, Matt’s the only man of real substance Selena has ever been with.

  “Thank you all for coming out this evening,” Matt speaks into the microphone. “I see a lot of familiar faces in the audience and some new ones as well.”

  Matt stops when his eyes fall on Selena. He smiles and then clears his throat.

  “For those of you who have been to my seminars before, today is going to be a little different,” he continues. “I’m going to talk about me. Now, I know I’ve talked about my accident years ago. When I was shot, and I had to learn to speak again. And how that process, that journey, lead me to motivational speaking. But what I don’t think I’ve ever shared with you, is this: Even though my life has been irrevocably changed for the better, I still carry an emptiness inside me. Even now.” Matt takes a moment and looks at the audience, then at Selena. “Now, I know that might surprise some of you, since I’m always talking about human potential and self-belief. And I do believe all those things. I’m living proof that self-belief and positive thinking can bring you back from the lowest of lows. But still, I carry that emptiness inside me. Many of you, I’m sure, carry a similar feeling inside you as well.”